Who: Alyssa and Damien What: the L word gets dropped Where: walking after a night Pandemonium When: Sat. night (April 1st) Warnings: low ThemeBentMatchbox 20 Status: g-doc
Alyssa knew she’d been a bit distracted while out with Damien. Not that she hadn’t focused her attention on him, but she’d felt her mind slip a few times. With her new role as owner of the art store, her responsibilities changed. While she didn’t have to worry about the day-to-day responsibilities, Alyssa did need to focus on keeping the art store relevant, which classes made the most sense to offer, and the general goals.
Plus, while she hadn’t told Damien yet, she’d gone on autopilot a few days ago and made a mosaic, complete with her blood, of her and Damien. It showed him in a role generally reserved for Morpheus and now the Red Queen knew ignoring her feelings for the vampire wouldn’t work for either of them much longer. Not really. Not when she had a piece of art that spoke volumes about her feelings.
As the song to which they’d been dancing ended, Alyssa stood on her tiptoes to kiss Damien. “I think I’m ready to get out of here for the night.” She’d dressed slightly more conservatively than usual, although obviously she still looked dynamite. When this conversation ended, she’d more than likely be heading home by herself.
Damien noticed Alyssa was distracted tonight. She still focused on him for the most part, but the vampire was observant enough to notice when her mind wandered elsewhere. With her new responsibilities at the art store, the vampire could not blame her for becoming a little lost in thought. It would be an adjustment for Alyssa and for their…whatever this was. Damien was not one for labels. He felt them far too confining and since he’d never been in a situation with a woman that called for one, he never had to worry about them. Until now.
Alyssa shifting in his arms and pressing a kiss to his lips pulled Damien from his thoughts. The fairy girl had dressed fashionably, but conservatively tonight. It was a signal that Alyssa planned on going home tonight and not back to Damien’s apartment. Plus, the tone in which she said she was ready to leave told Damien fucking Alyssa wasn’t in his near future. It bothered him slightly, but again, with her new responsibilities, he was trying to be more understanding. More empathetic.
“As you wish, petite fée,” Damien replied. Her hand in his, Damied led her off the dancefloor and back to their table. After slipping into his own jacket, Damien helped Alyssa on with hers and then tossed some money on the table. It was more than enough to cover their drinks and whatever Alyssa ate tonight. Then, he offered his arm for her to take.
“Shall we?”
Alyssa didn’t quite know how to put her thoughts into words, but her arm linked through Damien’s. Maybe she should go home with him, but Alyssa didn’t want to yell out the L word in the middle of an orgasm. No thank you. At least not the first time.
“Merci, beau vampire.” When they emerged outside, Alyssa looked up at Damien’s profile, taking in his dark hair and how beautiful she found his profile. Maybe he’d reject her, but the Netherling preferred to know now.
“I apologize for being distracted, Damien. Remember that time you told me we only deal in truths here? I need to tell you a story.” Because Alyssa hadn’t shared a lot of her past with Damien, but, since this didn’t necessarily involve Morpheus, she felt more comfortable sharing this with Damien. She paused, allowing him time to digest what she said.
As they stepped out into the night and started walking, Damien sensed Alyssa’s gaze upon him. He did not know why, but he sensed something was different about tonight. There was something in the air and the viable tension between them. He wanted to know what was going on, but before he could speak, Alyssa was apologizing.
His blue eyes shifted to her pretty face, illuminated by the streetlamp they passed beneath. A story? Damien was suddenly curious to know exactly where this conversation was leading. The path felt very unfamiliar to the vampire and he didn’t like it.
“Do not apologize,” he replied. “Tell me the story. I want to know.” He felt he needed to know now. There was no going back from whatever was going to come from her lips.
Alyssa took a deep breath and her hand cupped Damien’s cheek. She started to speak.
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She made friends with a moth who brought her to Wonderland and started to train her to rule the world. At the age of five, he ran away and her hands became scarred trying to protect him while her mother got locked into an asylum. Slowly she forgot about this other world until her sixteenth year, because of course it was 16.”
Alyssa looked at Damien and continued. Obviously she assumed he realized she meant herself.
“When she fell down the rabbit hole, the girl thought fixing all of Alice’s mistakes would save her from a family curse, but instead, she suddenly found herself with a crown and a great-great-great grandmother who tried to inhabit and control her body. When the girl returned to the human realm, she didn’t want to think about Wonderland.”
“But Wonderland demands attention and requires both queens to survive. And this girl came to realize her mosaics were premonitions of Wonderland made with her own blood.”
The Netherling added, “Good and bad.”
Her hand came to rest upon his pale cheek, warmth radiating from her fingertips, and penetrated his cold flesh. Blue eyes locked on her own, watching her intently if not perhaps curiously as she began her story. They only dealt in truths between them and Damien was interested in hearing what truth she felt compelled to reveal now. He knew he needed to hear them.
So he listened as she spoke, clearly referring to herself as the young girl thrust into the dangers and excitement of Wonderland, and of the young woman who would be crowned Queen of it all. Of how she didn’t want to think about it once she was in the human realm once more. He could understand. There were moments when, as head of house, Damien longed for the freedom his brother possessed. To not be held to such a high standard. To not be trapped on a pedestal. To be able to live his life without the lives of others forever intertwined with his.
But like the young woman, like Alyssa, he came to realize quickly that it could not be so. For like Wonderland demanded attention, so did the high vampire society. Damien was torn apart, desired by all, and never to fully belong to himself. To never fully belong to anyone. Of course Alyssa’s story was different. Damien’s attention shifted to the sentiment regarding the mosaics.
His free hand shifted to cover Alyssa’s own still resting on his cold cheek. “Are you creating premonitions again, petite fée? Premonitions about us?”
Alyssa hadn’t found a way to forgive her mother or Morpheus in her first year back in the human realm. She just wanted to be Jeb’s girlfriend, an almost completely human who could ignore her responsibilities. If she couldn’t see the world then it didn’t exist. At all. Which obviously turned out to be the worst thing given she’d almost lost her mother, Ivory, Finley, Chessie, Rabid, the two men who’d held her heart and Wonderland itself. For the briefest second she missed Jeb and his sacrifice of his muse to keep human children safe.
She nodded. “I am.” The blonde didn’t move except to breathe, his hand on hers steadying her. “More than one.” Alyssa didn’t require Chessie’s magic to decipher what they meant. The mosaics showed where her heart lay, and aspects of their future she dare not speak aloud.
This time the Red Queen’s other hand raised to Damien’s face, scarred fingers tracing the features of the face she’d come to adore. Alyssa leaned up to kiss Damien, softly, before she pulled back, eyes meeting his.
“I love you.” She only managed to not apologize.
It was clear this was difficult for her. No doubt complicated too. Damien felt the first bit of anxiety and fear rising in the pit of his stomach. However, he kept his expression neutral and the emotion from his blue eyes. “It is okay, Alyssa,” he assured her quietly. Damien knew not all truths would be good. Some could be terrible, but that did not mean he wanted to know any less. If they were going to move forward, he had to know exactly what Alyssa was thinking at that moment.
Her other hand came to rest on his face, stroking the skin with scarred fingers, and the touch caused his blue eyes to flash briefly. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was a soft kiss and too soon she was pulling back. However, their gazes remained locked on one another. The entire gesture threw Damien off. It felt like a good-bye and yet, she was still standing here, hands on his face, and her kiss lingering on his lips.
Before he could say anything, Alyssa was speaking once more and the words she uttered threw Damien off more than the kiss. ”I love you.” It echoed in his head. A haunting, powerful melody and Damien couldn’t hear, could not think of anything else. He didn’t respond because he didn’t know how to respond. He suddenly wished he had a cigarette. Instead, he gave her hand a soft squeeze and then released it, stepping back. Damien needed time. A moment to process what she’d said. What the implications of such a statement were on them and on himself.
“Alyssa,” he said finally, his voice low. “I cannot return it. Not right now.” It was his turn to be honest with her. “I need time.”
The Netherling watched her vampire’s Damien’s reaction. She didn’t know whether this would be a goodbye or not, but Alyssa didn’t intend for it to be one. Not exactly.
She’d loved two men in her life. Jeb had been the perfect husband for her human side. When he died she’d needed time to mourn before returning to Wonderland. A Wonderland that existed because of his devotion to her and a desire to see the world brought back to life.
The other…well Morpheus was supposed to be her forever. The boy who waited for her for decades while she lived her human life with Jeb.
And now she’d found room for one more, and truthfully, these feelings scared Alyssa. Not least of all because it meant completely new territory for Damien.
Alyssa had braced herself for this reaction. Her expression didn’t change, as she dug out a cigarette and lighter, passing both to Damien, knowing exactly what he needed in this moment. She bore her soul and now came the consequences. The Netherling tried to not focus on how the absence of Damien felt.
“I know. It’s why I’m going to give you all of the time and space you need, Damien. I will go to my home and you to yours. When you feel ready to talk, you know where to find me. In the meantime, I need space while you figure out what you want.” Blonde hair pushed out of her face and Alyssa found her voice one last time . “I can’t go back to what we were. Friends, sure, but I realize now I want your heart too, and it can’t be only sexual monogamy. So when you’re ready, I will be there to listen, whatever you decide.” Alyssa offered a typical smile, knowing as soon as she got home she’d burst into tears with her siblings. For now the Red Queen breathed evenly and kept her gaze trained on Damien, ever the proud queen, even while the smallest part of her wanted to run. Grab E and lose herself in wonderful oblivion.
They dealt in truths and Damien could not lie to her. He could not pretend it was okay when it clearly was not. The vampire accepted the lighter and pack of cigarettes. It wasn’t surprising Alyssa knew he needed a hit of nicotine right now. They knew each other well at this point. Something else that slightly scared him. He immediately pursed one between his lips and lit up. He would possibly finish the pack before he reached his apartment.
As he listened to her speak, the words resonating in his head and in his heart, he knew there was no going back. The options were simple: friendship or an actual relationship. Something beyond just this nameless entity they’d created over the last few months. Could Damien give her that? Right now, he wasn’t sure. It tore at his unbeaten heart to see her push that typical smile into her place on her pretty face. Even as he knew her heart was breaking and it was taking everything she had not to cry. The brave, beautiful face of a queen.
“Then we shall take the time we need,” Damien replied quietly. “I am sorry I can not give you the answer you need right now, Alyssa.” Normally, Damien would not apologize, but Alyssa was different, she always was and he felt he owed her that. It would not make things better, but she had to know that he did wish he could give her that answer, but he needed time. He would give her space while he processed everything.
He stepped closer and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I will give you an answer. You have my word. I will give you space and stay away.” He stepped back and replaced the cigarette in his lips. Even if it would kill him, he would give her that space because she was giving it to him in return.
Alyssa nodded. They spent so much time together, even if she hadn’t possessed feelings for the vampire, she’d hand him a pack. She always kept an emergency stash for him. The Red Queen needed to leave before everything came pouring out of her.
“I knew you probably couldn’t, so I prepared for it.” A shrug. The apology meant a lot to her, though. “Thank you for allowing me space as well as being honest with what you needed too.” She felt the soft kiss on her forehead, forcing herself to keep her eyes open before she fell further without anyone to catch her.
“I’ll see you around, Damien.” Without waiting for a response, Alyssa turned around and launched herself into the sky towards her house, where she could fall apart.
“We deal in truths.” No matter how painful it could be. Damien believed in honesty and loyalty above all else. He knew, deep down, that he had all of that with Alyssa. Unfortunately, love was far more complicated and the vampire needed a moment to digest what had just occurred between the two of them.
Before he could respond, Alyssa lifted herself into the sky and took off, beautiful wings stark against the night sky. He owed her an answer and she would have it. Just…not tonight. The vampire took a final drag of his cigarette, tucked the pack into his jacket pocket with the lighter, and spared one last glance at the night sky.
“I’ll see you around, fairy girl,” he whispered to no one. Then he turned and, in a blur, took off down the street.