Dean Winchester (agentplant) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2022-09-30 17:00:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, dean winchester (agentplant), sam winchester (agentpage), ~2022 september |
Who: Dean & DJ (NPC) Winchester
Where: Dean's House
When: during the fair
Warnings: low - mostly language
DJ wasn’t sure why he had given Uncle Dean the finger. His uncle was fun and funny, he never lied to him and DJ always had the best time when they were together, and best and most importantly of all, he didn’t have the devil hiding inside of him. He adored his uncle. It was just when Uncle Dean had told him what his dad had said, that he was shocked that he meant that he was going to be punished there, too. The finger had just been a snap reaction. One he almost instantly regretted. Dean was almost in shock over what had just happened and his initial reaction was to snap, but then realized that maybe he didn't really know what it meant. He was only in first grade and could have easily seen someone else do it and just thought it was funny. Kids were impressionable that way, and he found it hard to believe that his nephew would intentionally do something like that. "DJ, do you even know what that means? How disrespectful it is? Where did you learn that from?" “It means -,” DJ sighed a little and said the next part a little quicker. “It means shut up.” DJ was pretty sure that Dean knew what it meant, but he was doing that thing grown-ups did where they asked you if you knew what something you just said meant, his dad did it all the time. “I know it’s wrong but -,” What could he say to excuse it? He used the motion so often lately it almost came like second nature to him. “Colby does it behind his mom's back all the time.” He shrugged and sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen and started taking books out of his bag hoping that his uncle was done with this. “I have math homework. Can you help me?” Dean sat there in awe, not even knowing how to proceed at this point. Was he supposed to pretend it didn't happen and just let Sam handle it later, or did he take action now? The way that DJ shrugged it off with such nonchalance really got under his skin, and then when he tried to brush it aside, that really pissed him off. "No," he replied curtly, reaching out to grab the books away from DJ, so that nothing could be used as a distraction. Dean even went so far as to move his nephew's chair so that they were looking straight at each other. "Giving someone the middle finger is a sign of blatant disrespect and that is not acceptable. You especially should never do that to me, your Aunt Lisa, your father, or any adult for that matter. I don't care what Colby does, but just because he behaves that way doesn't mean it's okay for you to do it." He kept a close eye on the young boy and the second he noticed his gaze wandering off to the side, Dean snapped his fingers and whistled sharply to get his attention. He hated that he needed to do this, and that he couldn't just be the cool uncle, but his nephew needed to understand. "You look at me when I'm talking to you. Do you understand?" His voice was firm, demanding attention, but he did his best not to raise his voice, not wanting to scare him. Dean stared at the kid for what felt like an eternity, nothing but silence between them. He knew that Sam had been underplaying the severity of the situation, but he had no idea it was this bad. "DJ, you know how much I love you, right? I would do anything to keep you safe. Do you really think I would let you stay with your father if he was Lucifer?" Dean's voice softened considerably and he reached out to pick DJ up and sat him down on his lap. "I'm not sure if you know this, but I have a friend who happens to be an angel. His name is Castiel, and Lucifer is his older brother. Now, if your father was Lucifer, Cas would know, and he would tell me." Fuck. It felt like he was all over the place and he didn't want to confuse DJ anymore than he already was. "Have you told anyone about what happened when you were with Lucifer? The things he might have said or did?" DJ had never been disciplined by his uncle before. It was different than when his dad did it, Dean’s voice was firmer, sterner. It wasn’t like when Sam sat him down to talk to him. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it when his books were taken away either. They were just school stuff, he wasn’t a fan of the books either - they were hard - but he thought that school stuff would be the thing that changed what had happened, but instead he gave a sigh and tried to look away. Uncle Dean was mad, and that was enough to bring tears to his eyes, his attempt at looking away only led to his uncle being more firm with him, snapping and whistling, and, eyes filled with unshed tears he looked Dean in the eye and nodded. He was afraid to open his mouth to speak, this was kind of familiar to him, Lucifer had done this. Talked to him about the way his own father had treated him like he was his golden boy and then had turned on him and thrown him away and turned everybody against him. Grabbed DJ’s face and forced him to look at him. He hadn’t hit him or anything, but he was scary. DJ stiffened when Dean pulled him into his lap, looking away from him again, and then snapped his head back to look at Dean’s face. “I don’t know. It - my dad -,” DJ’s voice was small, a little shaky. He took a deep breath when Dean menion Castiel. Angel’s were scary, and he was sure a brother of Lucifer’s was just as scary as he was. Why was Dean his friend? He didn’t know a lot about what had happened before he was born, but his dad had told him that they fought the scary things. “Angel’s are bad, they wear people like clothes and what - the thing under the people clothes is scary. Lucifer is wearing my dad, and I know it. He told me he was gonna and my dad has been different. He screams sometimes at night and sometimes he talks to his self. He’s scary sometimes too.” Dj didn’t know how to explain everything exactly, but he knew how different Sam was and he knew Dean would never see it. “I just told you. He told me not to tell, but I just told you.” “Hey, buddy, it’s okay.” He realized maybe he had gone too far and scared his nephew, which was definitely not something he wanted. Dean kissed the top of his head and started rubbing over his back in slow circles, his voice softening further. “I’m sorry that I upset you, but this is really important. I don’t like that you’re scared and I want to help you.” At the mention of Sam talking to himself and screaming at night, Dean felt angry with his brother. They were supposed to be in this together and he wasn’t even being honest with him. “Not all angels are bad, though. Yes, a lot of them are not very nice, but Cas is different. When your father and I were younger, Cas was the only angel who wanted to help us. If I ever got hurt, he always healed him and he was…” His voice trailed off a bit, remembering some of the times that they had spent together and he almost started to tear up. “He saved me multiple times and if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” Dean wasn’t sure how accurate that was exactly, considering the fact that people seemed to arrive at different points in their lives, but it wasn’t something he needed to get into with DJ. “Your dad changed because he went through something bad and-” he didn’t want to undermine his brother on any level, but he wasn’t going to let his nephew fall into the same trap. “That’s what happens when you don’t talk about things that upset you. It-” he felt like a complete hypocrite, but it was his fault that Sam was the way he was. Dean had taught him to shove it all down and pretend it didn’t happen, but he wouldn’t make the same mistake with DJ. He let out a heavy sigh and moved to set the boy on the table in front of him, both hands rubbing briskly over his face. “He screams in the middle of the night because he’s having a bad dream, and talking to himself isn’t that bad. I do it sometimes, and a lot of adults do it, too. It’s like thinking out loud, you know? I might be standing in front of the refrigerator and I’ll ask myself if I want to eat leftovers, or make a sandwich. As for him being scary at times, I don’t doubt that at all, but it’s not your fault, and it’s not Lucifer. It’s just your dad feeling overwhelmed and snapping.” Dean leaned back in the chair and slumped down a bit, trying to find the right words to say without scaring his nephew or making things worse. “Lucifer is a liar, okay? All of the stuff he said to you? He said that because he knew it would scare you, and because he wanted to hurt your dad. That’s what we call manipulation, which I know is a very big word, but basically it means that someone will do anything to get what they want, even if it means hurting someone else. They only care about themselves, and that’s bad. If you continue to be afraid of your dad, that means Lucifer wins, and you don’t want that to happen, right?” DJ was a little embarrassed when Dean had caught on to his fear and what he was really trying his best to hide away from him, and when Dean started to rub his back DJ broke and with a tiny squeak he leaned over and rested his head against his uncle's shoulder and his tears started to spill. He inhaled and released a shaking breath slowly, trying to calm himself like their teacher had shown them. He had been trying not to cry, to be a strong boy like everybody was always saying he was, but he felt small and weak right now because someone was actually listening to him, and it felt safe to talk. It frustrated him that he couldn’t find the words to tell Uncle Dean everything though because he wanted to. He wasn’t sure he would believe him or be able to do anything, he had a family of his own Sam had said, DJ couldn’t bother him all the time anymore, but Dean was asking him and telling him things, so it was probably okay now. Maybe Uncle Dean’s angel friend was okay, or maybe he was just okay when Lucifer wasn’t around, but he had saved his uncle and his dad a lot, Dean had just said so, and Dean wouldn’t lie to him, not on purpose, not if he knew. And he knew the angel for a long time, and he said his dad knew him too. If he was good why didn’t his dad go to him for help? Let him heal him? Because Lucifer was in him, and he didn’t want to be caught in there. That’s why. Sam had tried to convince him a billion times that he wasn’t, wouldn’t he, in all those times, have told him about a helpful angel? But he listened to his uncle, sitting up straighter and looking back at him again, tear steaks on his cheeks and red rimmed eyes that were almost blue right now. “I’m talking about it to you, and I don’t think you believe me. I don’t - how will that help? Telling you and stuff is the same when you send me home. You don’t believe me. But you not there all the time.” DJ shook his head to confirm that no, he absolutely did not want Lucifer to win, he was a bad man. But his life had been different since he came along and unless Sam gave him away, he didn’t see any of that changing. “Okay,” DJ said, a little defeated. With his limited knowledge and range of words, he knew that this wasn’t going to go anywhere. He had given Dean the finger without thinking, that was what was making them have this conversation, and he should just take it back to that and not make his uncle feel bad. “I’ll be nicer to daddy, and I’m sorry I gave you the finger. I didn't mean to. Dad used to say shut up to people sometimes and they would laugh, but he said it’s a bad thing to say. And you should ground me more.” He sniffled and hopped down from Dean’s lap, hanging his head as he stood in front of him. “I’ll be better.” “DJ, I do believe you. I believe that you’re afraid of your dad because you think he’s Lucifer. That ever since everything happened with Lucifer, your dad is different, and it scares you.” Dean couldn’t help but wonder if he should have fought harder to keep DJ with him initially. It was difficult now at this point to figure out if allowing his nephew to stay with him for a while would be beneficial, or if it would only further solidify the belief that Sam was Lucifer. If Lisa wasn’t pregnant, he would have suggested spending time over at Sam’s apartment instead, to show him that it was okay. “You wanna know how I’m so confident that Lucifer isn’t wearing your father? Because, I had an angel inside of me once, too.” Fuck, that sounded so wrong, but DJ was too young to even realize that. At least, he hoped so anyway. “His name was Michael, and he wasn’t a very good angel, either.” Dean reached out to wipe the tears away that spilled down his nephew’s face and he felt absolutely gutted. His fingers moved along the curve of the young boy’s face and he tilted his chin back to lift his head. “DJ, would you say, fuck you, to your father? That’s what you’re saying when you give someone the finger.” His arms moved to wrap around his nephew and he held him tight. “When I said about you talking about things, I meant talking about what happened with Lucifer. When you were with Chloe and stuck in the house. Speaking of Chloe, she seems pretty smart, and she’s really brave, too. If Lucifer was wearing your father right now, do you think she would be out on a date with him?” DJ had to really think about what he would say to Sam. A few months ago it would have been different, it would have been an immediate no when Dean asked him if he would say that to his dad, but now, since it was probably Lucifer he was talking to, he might. And it wasn’t that he didn’t trust Dean or think that he would knowingly put him in a bad situation, it was that he knew Lucifer to be a very good liar and a very good pretender, and he was sure that he could fool everyone easily. He wanted to love his dad and sink into one of his tight hugs, feel completely safe for the first time in months, but he knew the second he let his guard down that Lucifer would be there. He told him that, and he wasn’t about to let that happen. “Where is Michael now?” DJ asked. “Why wasn’t he with Lucifer? How did you get him out?” He had a lot of questions now, he had never known that his uncle had been worn by an angel. And who was Castiel wearing? He had to have a person that he was inside of, too, didn’t he? Why was no one worried about that? “I like Chloe,” he said, and shrugged, backing away from Dean and wiping his face with each of his hands in turn. Dean was another one who turned out not to really care what he thought. At least it felt like that. He was going to prove DJ wrong no matter what DJ thought, so he was just going to pretend to be okay like with every other adult. ”But Lucifer was her boyfriend. I don’t think she would care. You’re right though. She’d know. I just… don't want to talk about it with her. Or with anybody. It will be okay. I won’t give the finger again.” His voice was small and he shut down. “I have homework to do, Uncle Dean. Can I please have my books back now?” While he might have gotten the message across to DJ, he knew that the situation was far from over. When his nephew asked for the books he just sighed in response and nodded his head. “Yeah, sure. You can have your books back to do homework.” Dean reached out to shift the books back to DJ, playing back the conversation in his head. He had fucked up and now maybe his nephew was even scared of him, which was definitely not what he wanted. “Michael is…” how could he even explain that situation? He couldn’t, really. Not without making DJ more fearful of the angels. “He’s gone now, and he never really liked Lucifer to begin with. In fact, none of the angels like Lucifer and most are scared of him.” He reached out to brush his fingers through the young boy’s hair and wiped away his tears. “The Lucifer that Chloe knew isn’t the same Lucifer that kidnapped you. I know it’s hard to believe, but he didn’t hurt anyone.” At least, not while he was in Madison. Dean stood from the chair and moved it back closer to the table so that his nephew could sit down. He walked over to the cabinets and grabbed a box of mini-donuts, which he placed on the table in case the kid wanted a snack before dinner. That and he felt guilty for upsetting him. “I can help if you want me to.” |