Who: Sherlock Holmes Gnomes and Jessica Jones What: A Garden Gnome visits Jessica. When: Day one of AU plot. Where: Jessica and Sherlock's house. Warnings: Nah. Status: Completed via Gdoc.
There was definitely some crazy shit happening around the Dome again. Last month there had been an influx of people for a week. Now, it was happening again except not really? Jessica had a sense of what was going on because it had happened before. Former refugees were becoming different versions of themselves? The P.I. wasn’t exactly sure how to put it, even to herself, but at least this time around, she wasn't involved.
The last time, she’d been some chick obsessed with pink. The thought made her cringe even now.
Unlocking the door to the place she shared with Sherlock, Jessica stepped inside and kicked off her combat boots. She wanted a glass of whiskey and to avoid the network for the foreseeable future. It was just full of posts from people who obviously didn’t belong here because they were taking the place of someone else. Madison Valley made no fucking sense ever.
Heading into the kitchen, Jessica headed straight for their liquor cabinet and pulled out her whiskey. Not even bothering with a glass at this point, she took a swig before sending Sherlock a text to let him know she was home. No doubt he would be just as annoyed with what was happening in town as she was. Maybe they could just hunker down at home for the rest of the fucking week.
Sherlock was still… kind of himself? Except he referred to himself as Sherlock Gnomes instead of Sherlock Holmes, and he was a garden gnome. So… he was smaller than usual, and he wasn’t as ornery as his human counterpart.
He was able to find the home his human counterpart shared with Jessica Jones, though he hesitated in allowing himself inside. Garden gnomes were supposed to stay outside. In the garden. Hence the name garden gnome. But he did have this strange contraption of a phone, and Jessica had texted him asking him where he was.
Or, he assumed it was meant for him.
“I hear there is a case for Sherlock Gnomes,” he said, as he walked confidently into the house.
Maybe it really should have occurred to Jessica that whatever was going on might actually affect her boyfriend. However, for some reason, it hadn’t and Jessica just assumed they were both unaffected by the latest crazy antics of the Dome. Or maybe she was really changing and possessed that foreign concept of hope everyone else was so familiar with. In any case, she at least went to the kitchen to get a glass and pour herself more whiskey.
Hearing the door open, Jessica glanced towards the direction of the front door, expecting her boyfriend to appear any moment. Was his voice a little weird? And when did the fuck did he announce himself? The P.I. raised her glass to her lips and took a sip; whatever was going on, she knew she was going to need to be adequately inebriated.
And then he came in and Jessica choked on her whiskey. What the hell? She ran to the sink and splashed water into her mouth to stop the coughing. Her boyfriend was a…garden gnome? A fucking garden gnome.
Yes, Jessica. Your boyfriend is a garden gnome. Not just any garden gnome, though. Sherlock Gnomes, gnome detective. A detective to none other than Gnomeo and Juliet. But Gnomeo and Juliet were not here, none of the gnomes he knew were here. Just some human woman and… was that a dog?
It better not be a dog.
“Hello, my lady,” he said, offering her a small smile. “I hear you called?”
Finally, Jessica managed to stop coughing , but before she responded, she reached for her glass of whiskey and downed the entire thing. What did she say about being inebriated before he came in? Yes, that was entirely going to be necessary to deal with the fact that her boyfriend was now a gnome for who knew how long. Plus, the dog was looking at him like a new chew toy. Great.
“It’s just Jessica. And yes, I texted my boyfriend.” Jessica responded before grabbing Watson’s collar and dragging him towards the backdoor. The dog started whining and trying to pull away, but he was no match for Jessica’s strength and she soon had him on the other side of the patio door. One fucking problem adverted.
“Which you are clearly not. Who the hell are you again?” Jessica reached for her glass and almost put it to her lips before realizing it was empty. To which she quickly refilled it and then took that much needed drink.
“Sherlock Gnomes,” he offered, in response to the woman’s question. The woman, Jessica. Who thought she was dating the owner of the phone Sherlock had in his possession. If this was weird and strange for Jessica, it was almost as weird and strange for the garden gnome. …except, possibly, for the fact that Jessica wasn’t expecting him to be a garden gnome.
“Why do I have your boyfriend’s phone seems to be the most important question here,” he observed. Ignoring the fact that she was probably wondering why he was a gnome and considering that to be the most important question.
“Do you have any suggestions?” he asked.
At the response, Jessica almost choked on her whiskey again. Sherlock Gnomes. Seriously? If it hadn’t been her “boyfriend,” Jessica might have found the entire thing hilarious. However, it was her boyfriend and the situation was anything, but hilarious. At least right now. When Sherlock came back, she was going to definitely poke a little fun at him.
“Well, Sherlock Gnomes, you have his phone because you are him. Or were him,” Jessica replied bluntly. “And now you’re not. You’re…a fucking garden gnome and a potential chew toy if Watson comes back in the house.” Not that Jessica planned on letting the dog back into the house right now. It was bad enough just trying to digest the situation herself without bringing the dog into the mix right now.
Of course, that didn’t stop him from whining and barking at the patio door.
“Watson?” he repeated, eyeing the dog scratching at barking at the patio door. “Watson is the dog?” Of course this version of Sherlock knew of a John Watson, but he certainly wasn’t a dog. It was a bit strange that the version of Sherlock this woman knew had a dog named Watson.
“I am – was – your boyfriend?” He considered this for a second, his head tilting slightly. This was a lot for a garden gnome to take in. It was a lot for anyone to take in. He wasn’t sure anyone would have taken it well.
“Who are you, then?” he asked.
“Yeah, he’s the dog,” Jessica replied, nodding towards the whining Winston at the patio door. “Let me guess. You were expecting him to be a garden gnome like you?” Thank god he wasn’t. If the dog turned into a garden gnome too, Jessica would have had to break something. It was bad enough to be staring at the gnome version of her boyfriend.
Jessica took another sip from her glass of whiskey. “Yep. You technically are, but not really. Because you’re not him. You’re a version of him.” Or some fucked up shit like that. God, she hated this place sometimes. She was having a conversation with a garden gnome. A garden gnome! She needed way more whiskey. She downed what remained in her glass and quickly refilled it.
“I’m Jessica Jones,” Jessica replied bluntly. “And no, there isn’t a garden gnome version of me popping up any time soon. So don’t get your hopes up.” What if there was? Jessica took another long sip from her glass.
Sherlock Gnomes took all of this into consideration. His head tilted slightly as he thought about what Jessica was saying. A version of Sherlock had been this woman’s boyfriend. A version. That was unsettling. And the fact that Watson was a dog and not a gnome, that was unsettling as well.
He decided he didn’t like this in the slightest. He knew he was supposed to be a gnome, he knew he wasn’t dating a human. That would just be strange.
But Jessica thought that she was dating someone named Sherlock, so that was… odd.
“And you’re positive about all this?” he asked.
Jessica took another sip from her glass. “Unfortunately,” she replied bluntly. No, it wasn’t unfortunate that she was dating the actual Sherlock; it was more so this entire situation. Oh and Watson whining and barking incessantly outside. That damn dog. Jessica walked over to the patio door and shut the blinds so that she couldn’t see Watson anymore. Maybe if he couldn’t see the gnome he would stop barking. It was a big fucking maybe.
“Now that problem is averted-”Jessica turned her attention back to the gnome. “Let’s set some ground rules. You’ll be sleeping on the couch while in gnome form or if you really want, you can spend the night outside. If that feels…more normal for you.” He was a garden gnome after all.
Sherlock eyed Jessica for a moment, as she started to set the ground rules. They were more than reasonable, really, as Sherlock Gnomes had no desire to sleep in a bed with a human. No matter if this woman was dating the human version of himself. It was a little strange to think of all this.
“I’ll take outside,” he said. “As long as Watson the dog doesn’t try to eat me while I’m sleeping.”
He wasn’t sure if Watson would or not, but… it was better safe than sorry.
Jessica really didn’t expect any push back on his not sleeping in the bed. No doubt he couldn’t even imagine sleeping in a bed with a human anyway. The P.I. looked over at the door and at Watson who was still staring at the garden gnome with longing in his eyes. Oh boy. This was going to be a fun however the long fuck this experience was. Jessica took another drink from her glass. She saw a lot more whiskey bottles in her near future.
“Deal. While you sleep, he’ll be inside with me. When he’s not outside, you can be out there since you’re probably more comfortable or something.”
“I think I can handle that,” he decided. He supposed he would have to. He really had no other options. Not that he wanted to sleep inside, in the bed with Jessica. Humans were strange and unusual and kept dogs as pets. And named their dogs after a good friend of Sherlock’s. This was all so very strange.
“How am I supposed to get out there without that… that… Watson not trying to eat me?” He supposed he could figure something out. He just really didn’t want to get eaten was all.
“That’s easy. I’ll hold on to him while you go out. He won’t be out there with you.” Jessica didn’t want Gnomes to get eaten either. If something happened to him, she worried her version of Sherlock might never come back. Jessica didn’t know how she would handle it. She’d lost a lot of people in her life, some here, and losing another guy she believed she could actually be in love with? It hurt too much.
“I can’t promise he won’t howl and whine at the door though.” Jessica polished off her drink. “But at least, he won’t eat you.” Hey, it was the best she could do right now. “Do you, um, want anything to eat or drink?”
Did Gnomes even eat or drink?
“As long as you can promise that he won’t eat me, I think I can handle that.” He had an ingrained fear of animals like Watson. It was likely because dogs weren’t too terribly fond of garden gnomes, except to perhaps chew on them. As long as he could trust this human named Jessica, he wouldn’t meet his demise tonight.
“I do not, thank you, though,” he said, in response to her offer. He didn’t necessarily eat or drink. He did appreciate the offer, though.
“I suppose I’ll go outside now, though. Leave you alone until your boyfriend comes back.”
Jessica rolled her eyes, but nodded. “I promise he won’t eat you. If I let anything happen to you, my Sherlock might not come back.” My. The concept should have been foreign to Jessica, but she found she was becoming oddly comfortable with it. With the idea of him being with her and them being each other’s.
“I’ll bring Watson in, but when he has to go out, you’re going to have to come back in anyway. We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other probably.” Jessica went to the door and slid it open, immediately grabbing hold of Watson’s collar and holding on tight. Being she was super strong, the dog didn’t stand a chance, but he did try very hard. The brunette nodded towards the open door.
“Go on. Just be careful not to step in any dog crap on your way to the garden.”
Sherlock, had he been himself, would have noticed the use of the word my when Jessica was speaking. Sherlock Holmes loved Jessica Jones, and wanted to be with her. Wanted to be hers. He definitely liked that idea.
Gnomes, though, arched an eyebrow at Jessica’s comment. “As long as you promise that Watson won’t eat me, I suppose I can allow this arrangement.” He didn’t think he had much of a choice, honestly.
He nodded slightly, and started toward outside. He wanted to investigate this place more, but at the moment, he would take what he had.
“He won’t.” Jessica watched as the gnome stepped outside. No doubt he wanted to investigate being a version of Sherlock, but he would have to wait. Perhaps Jessica would take him with her on a case or something. If she was feeling charitable.
However, for the moment, she shut the door, but left it unlocked. Once he was safely outside, Jessica released Watson who went back to staring outside longingly. Jessica watched the gnome version of her boyfriend disappear into their small backyard and immediately poured herself another glass of whiskey. This was going to be a long week.