Who: Adam V and Savannah What: talking Where: Adam’s house When: after he finds out about her date with Q Warnings: low Status: closed/g-doc
Savannah very much enjoyed her date with Q. She’d spent the evening laughing and joking and when he surprised her with a soft, but brief kiss at the end, she may have walked into the house smiling a lot. And she liked the feeling, enough that she’d been pretty blunt about wanting another date.
And of course she planned on telling Adam. But conversations with Adam lately didn’t feel ‘normal’. Like, she couldn’t tell what Adam she’d get and honestly? It just exhausted her. Like, she wanted to share her happiness with her best friend, but everything with him felt complicated. And maybe part of it was her fault and maybe she should have waited for Adam. Savannah hadn’t set out to date anyone, but then Q kind of happened and he was so damn sweet and adorable.
Now, though, she headed to Adam’s because he wanted to talk. Savannah didn’t get dressed up, opting for a hoodie and yoga pants. When she got to Adam’s she knocked on the door and waited, a ball of anxiety sitting in her stomach. Why did this feel like visiting the principal's office?
After his conversation with Paige, Adam spent a couple of days freaking out and trying to decide what he wanted to do. There was no question that he loved Savannah and of course he wanted to be with her, but at the same time, things were different here than at home and he was nearly twice her age now instead of only a decade older thanks to Madison Valley time fuckery. He knew that he was screwing up things with her and it was all because he couldn’t get out of his own head.
And now she was dating. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel a spark of jealousy at that information. His first instinct was to go over there and stake his claim, something he managed to tamp down in favor of thinking it through rationally. When he finally decided on a plan of action, he texted Savannah and asked her to come over to his place to talk.
When she arrived, he had Mexican takeout on the dining room table along with a six pack of Dos Equis and a bottle of tequila. Alcohol might not be the best idea, but it also might be necessary, depending on this went.
“Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said when he opened the door, wiping his palms on his jeans and then leaning in to give her a quick hug. He’s also kept it casual, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, his feet bare. “I got Mexican. You hungry?”
When Savannah decided she wanted a date with Quentin, Adam didn’t enter the picture at all. Which, at least meant she’d gone into it with good intentions. Q made her feel how Michael had, like maybe a relationship could be easy and sweet.
Savannah returned the hug. After all, Adam remained one of her best friends. “Damn Vasic. It’s like you knew I’d be hungry.” And the sight of alcohol at least meant whatever happened, she could get drunk if needed. She took a deep breath.
“Look, I should tell you, I had a date the other night.” There. Done. Not that she though he wouldn’t have questions. “Anyway, what’s up?” Savannah grabbed a plate and put some food on her plate, before she grabbed one of the beers. She could count on Adam to know exactly what food and booze she’d want.
Well, her bringing it up and putting it out there made things a little easier for Adam, who had been stressing about how he should approach the whole topic. “Yeah, I know,” he said as he filled his own plate and grabbed a beer for himself. “Table or couch?” he asked, letting her decide where she wanted to sit to eat.
Once they were settled, he sucked in a breath and let out it sharply. “I’ve been screwing up everything with you since you got here,” he began. “And I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair to you and you deserve better than that.”
She stopped and looked at him. God dammit who told him before she could. “Paige told you.” Normally she’d guess Nick, but he was very much not Nick at the moment. Did she blame Paige? No. But did she wish she’d gotten the chance first? Yes.
“Table.” The couch might be after dinner, but Mexican food was not a good mix with a couch.
After opening a beer, she looked at him, a bit wearily. “How do you mean?” Savannah considered her next words. “I do.” Savannah definitely deserved better and she saw no point in pretending otherwise.
“I’m probably overthinking things,” Adam admitted. “And I did the same thing at home before we got together. I know the age difference doesn’t bother you, but people look at me a certain way when they find out how long we’ve known each other.” Honestly, he couldn’t blame them, because he’d definitely question a dude his age in a similar situation.
He sighed. “I got so in my own head that I didn’t listen to you or take your feelings into consideration.”
Savannah chewed a bite of food in her mouth, possibly longer than necessary, to buy herself a few seconds. The timing did not go unnoticed and whatever floating feelings she still had popped.
She didn’t say anything and took a gulp of beer. “Okay.” Savannah couldn’t tell which direction this conversation headed, and took another gulp of beer. Her okay didn’t contain the usual warmth for Adam, but wasn’t rude. Mostly she felt confused.
Adam caught her tone and wondered if he was already too late to salvage this. It would suck if he had to watch her be with someone else, but he’d support her and be there for her no matter what. He hated that his time in Madison Valley made the age gap between them so much larger than it already had been. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do about that.
“So, this is me,” he said, scooping up a forkful of rice. “Asking what you want.” He popped the food in his mouth and waited anxiously for her response.
Savannah could think of many things to say. She tried to use her indoor face, but even she knew a flash of resentment crossed it as she took another sip of her beer, trying to not lose it on Adam.
“What I want? Adam are you for fucking real?” All of her feelings came tumbling out and Savannah couldn’t stop herself. Maybe it made her look immature, but right now she didn’t care. At all.
“I wanted you. I wanted us to try. And you just kept saying you wanted space and time, for me, so I did those things. I went to the fucking orgy you threw to see if I could get you out of my system, because it felt exhausting. The orgy almost worked, but then Q happened. And after I meet someone who I like, you want to know what I want? Why? Because nobody else can date me while you get your head out of your proverbial ass?”
She might be frustrated, annoyed, and a bit angry, but Savanna still thought of her questions as valid.
The questions were absolutely valid and Adam knew damn well he deserved every bit of vitriol she was throwing his way. It was his own fault that it had come to this because he didn’t trust her to know her own mind. Which was ridiculous because if there was one thing people knew about Savannah Levine, it was that she did what she wanted, how she wanted, and heaven help anyone who tried to stand in her way.
He waited until he was certain she was done and then sighed. “I thought I was doing the right thing by encouraging you not to jump into a relationship with me. I was wrong.” It was as simple as that, though there was nothing simple about any of this.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. At the end of the day, all I wanted is for you to be happy and if that means you date someone else, that’s something I’ll have to live with,” he added. “Especially because there’s still a small part of me that wonders if you could truly be happy with me being nearly twice your age.”
Savannah didn’t speak for a moment to busy shoveling a forkful of food into her mouth. Of course her questions were valid. Savannah knew exactly what she wanted. Sometimes to the detriment of others. And in this moment she wanted to leave. But, instead, she paused.
She opened her mouth to respond and then Adam continued. When he finished, she considered her words, and in a more calm manner answered.
“Adam, I like Quentin. He’s sweet and fun and I just can’t do this with you. Not if you’re always going to be worrying about the age difference. How is that fair? And.” Savannah stopped abruptly. “Relationships require work, but they shouldn’t be this fucking difficult before we’re even in one.” She stopped herself from saying this conversation felt unfair to Q too, but even without him in the picture, Savannah wasn’t ready to just jump into things with Adam.
“You’re right. It’s not fair.” Adam wasn’t going to lie and say it wouldn’t be an issue because it had been for him at home and when they were together in Madison Valley previously. He was just able to keep it hidden better in those situations because it wasn’t quite as glaringly obvious as it was right now.
He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them and looked at her. “Like I said, I love you and all I want is for you to be happy, even if that’s with Quentin.”
Savannah swallowed her food. A small part of her wanted to say ‘I love you too’, but did she? Savannah didn’t know. “I’m sorry Adam. I wish I could say what you’re offering is enough, but I don’t want to lie. Not to you.” She might be angry, but Adam was still her friend.
And constantly reassuring someone an age difference didn’t matter when it did to the other person? No thank you.
Adam nodded, appreciating her honesty even if it stung. “No matter what, I’m always here for you,” he said. “And I hope that I haven’t completely screwed up our friendship.” That was more important to him than anything else. He genuinely cared about Savannah and wanted what was best for her. It wasn’t her fault he didn’t entirely believe that was him.
Savannah didn’t know what the fuck to say to Adam. “No, you haven’t screwed up our friendship.” She could at least offer him those words. Adam might be a dumbass, but she couldn’t imagine a situation where they stopped being friends.
“I’m here too.” She considered a hug, but instead she ate the last of the food on her plate. “Do you want me to head out now or do you want me to stay and hangout?” Savannah wanted to leave, but Adam was her best friend, so she gave him a choice. Either way she planned on eventually going home, texting Allison and Sean, and having a few more drinks.
At some point, Adam knew he’d be cracking open that bottle of tequila.
“I’d like it if you hung out, but I’ll let you decide,” he said. This whole situation started because he tried to make decisions for her and he wasn’t dumb enough to do that again. He offered her a smile. While he had no idea what might happen between them going forward, he was at least glad that they had this conversation since it was long overdue.
“Let’s break out the tequila and talk about things other than us.” Savannah needed a few hours with her friend.
She appreciated the choice and smiled at Adam, even if she still felt a lot of things from this long overdue conversation.