Who: MJ/Liz/Peter (with a brief Alyssa appearance) What: figuring out their relationship Where: insect house When: April 3 Warnings: Just some teenage drama Status: closed/g-doc
MJ got through school, but her mind couldn’t focus as well as usual. She still knew she’d get A’s, but she just didn’t care about anything the teachers said today. Her head hurt. Peter finally woke up and she didn’t know how she felt, especially with the Liz situation.
She went to Mia’s first to grab a snack and change. Nick nodded and said, “hey” on his way out the door to go to work or something.
As MJ got to the door, she breathed in deeply and knocked. Alyssa had just set a plant in the room, next to the couch, so it could relay the conversation to her later. It really helped that plants could understand people and not just Alyssa. She had to know how this went.
She opened the door. “Hey MJ.” Alyssa yelled into the house, “Peter! MJ’s here.”
Peter jolted upright from where he was sitting at his desk catching up on a month's worth of homework and bounded down the stairs with preternatural speed. Before he came in view of the front door, he took a breath and tried his best to relax.
He doesn't.
"Thanks, Alyssa," he said as he approached the door. When he caught sight of MJ he shot her a nervous smile. He wanted to hug her (he didn't ever think he'd have the chance to do that again), but he wasn't sure if it was right. He wasn't sure what was right anymore.
"Come in," he said instead, gesturing for MJ to follow him up to his room. "Liz let me know she was running a few minutes late, so we can talk if you want."
Alyssa gave Peter a quick hug and whispered “You got this.” She disappeared into the kitchen, glad she had a few ant friends stationed around to eves drop.
MJ watched the exchange and smiled slightly. As they approached his room, all of MJ’s emotions were barely held back, but she tapped his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. She loved Peter’s hugs. “I missed you too.” Because it seemed unfair not to tell him the truth. That it had been a punch to the gut to show up and find out her boyfriend had found someone else. And then the confusion and fear of everything with Ned.
But she pulled away and sat on his desk chair. She definitely felt bad with how far behind he must feel with life and school.
Peter sat down on the edge of the bed and knitted his fingers together. "So," he said, letting the syllable hang in the air for a moment while he mentally scrambled for the syllable that would come after it.
"I'm sorry you had to find out the way that you did," he said, finally. "I'm sorry that you had to deal with Ned and everything all by yourself. I wish I had been here to help. But now I'm here and I'm not really sure what to do at all."
She pulled her knees up to her chin. “I’m sorry for whatever happened at home. And that Ned doesn’t remember you.” Because, she knew he’d be in a better place with his best friend.
“I don’t know either. For you, it was months, I assume. For me, we were in a happy relationship and boom! I end up here where…”
Oh good. She blinked back the threatening tears. “I don’t know the right solution. But, l like Liz and she obviously cares about you too. And if you’re happy, then it’s okay with me.” MJ thought that sounded better than ‘choose me. Be with me. Love me.’ She had too much self-confidence to say those things, even if she thought them.
Peter took another deep breath.
"Both of you make me happy," he said, looking down at his hands. "That's the thing. And I just came back -- and everything that happened back there, it's all still fresh in my mind." Peter wet his lips. He's not sure if any of this is making any sense, but he has to try to make himself understood.
"I love both of you." That was what it came down to. He loved MJ and Ned enough not to disrupt it after they had both forgotten about him. But she remembered him here and those feelings he was sure he had suppressed for her after weeks upon weeks of being on his own were bubbling to the surface. He had not been over MJ as much as he thought he was. He just convinced himself he was.
"And I have no idea where I'd be right now if you hadn't been there for me after --" Peter's voice cracked slightly and he unknitted his fingers to gesture vaguely. "-- after everything. And you have no idea how much I love you for that."
MJ didn’t know what to do with the things he said. What he said made sense. And oh God she wanted their relationship back.
She looked at him for a minute. She said nothing. Just took in everything about this person she loved. The way his hair fell in his eyes. The kindness and love in his eyes. And God she wanted to reassure him.
But she wanted to be true to herself too. “I spent all my time here worrying about you, about Ned, about this new place. And I love you. God, I love you. But you have a life here, Peter. One you had before I came along with someone who loves you too.”
She did lean over and brush his lips. “I am happy I could be there for you. And I always will be.” MJ sat back in her chair and brought her knees up again, to rest her chin there. “You need a better desk chair.”
Peter let out a chuckle. "Yeah, I know. It's at the top of my list of my shopping list next paycheck." Not that Peter knew exactly when he'd return to work. He had a lot of schoolwork to catch up on first before he could even think of that.
MJ just spent a lot of time talking about him, but Peter knew she would say something like this long before she actually said it. What he wanted to know was the stuff she actually left unsaid.
"I want to know. What do you want, MJ?"
MJ smiled. “At least you know.” She already felt uncomfortable in it and she’d been sitting in it for about three minutes. How could Peter sit in it at all? She knew Alyssa had been bringing home Peter’s assignments and lecture notes, since they shared classes and lived in the same house, so he was probably trying to get caught up.
She looked down at the question, rubbing her legs in a gesture of physical and emotional comfort. Because she knew what she desired probably wasn’t much different from what Liz wanted.
“I want what I wanted back home. You. Us. But I know it’s selfish and I don’t want to cause hurt for anyone.” But she looked at him and added, “My feelings didn’t change.”
For what felt like the thousandth time since this conversation began, Peter took in another breath.
"Mine didn't either." Even after he said goodbye to MJ and Ned in that donut shop back home, his feelings for the both of them hadn't changed. He still loved both of them. He still wanted to be with MJ. If the two of them went back home, she'd go back to not remembering him all over again. Was it selfish of him to want more of what he sacrificed while he could still have it in a place where Mysterio never ruined his reputation, where his friends weren't constantly at risk?
Peter supposed it was selfish. He felt bad about it. But he wasn't going to deny the way he felt, either.
MJ felt the breath she didn’t know she held release. And her shoulders unclenched. She wished she could say her lower back did too, but until she moved out of this chair? Probably not. Hopefully running at lacrosse would help.
She wanted as much time with Peter as she could get. And she didn’t think it was selfish. Hurting Liz felt selfish, but MJ and Ned were happy back home. Okay, as happy as MJ ever really was.
And, truthfully, she worried about whatever happened to Ned happening to her too. And it might mean their time together at home was limited. Why shouldn’t she want to be with him in this place?
“I guess where does that leave us? And Liz.” In any other circumstance she thought she and Liz would be friends, which also annoyed MJ, because she didn’t make friends easily.
"I don't know," Peter admitted. There wasn't any knowing how things were going to pan out. "I guess that's going to depend on what everyone wants to do."
There are options... but Peter isn't sure that everyone is going to be onboard with them.
Liz was nervous. She couldn’t help feeling the tightness in her chest and it only seemed to tighten the more she drew closer to Peter’s home. She had been thinking a lot about it. She tried not to, but it was hard. The fact that she had this experience with Tess in the past really made her feel like she had already lost. At least MJ wasn’t a murderer. Maybe it’d be easier to be rejected because MJ was a nice person.
By the time she got to the door Liz had worked herself up enough she had to pause and calm herself down so she wasn’t on the verge of tears when she knocked. Under no circumstances did she want to guilt Peter into a choice and she didn’t want to make MJ feel bad. Only when she felt like she had herself under control again did she ring the doorbell.
Alyssa walked to answer the door. Up until a day or two ago, Alyssa had been firmly in Liz’s corner. And it wasn’t that she wanted Liz hurt, but Alyssa thought of Peter as a brother now, and she wanted him to be okay most of all.
She opened the door. “Hey Liz.” A smile formed on her face when she saw her friend. Up the stairs she called out “Liz is here.” Alyssa closed the door behind Liz and hurried back to the kitchen as a timer sounded.
MJ didn’t know either. She loved Peter. And she didn’t want to be without him. At Alyssa’s announcement, MJ felt her insides twist and she somehow forced herself to not shrink more into the chair, least of all so she could actually walk back to the house after this.
Peter stood when he heard Liz's rap at the door. "Come in," he said, but when the door opened, she just hovered awkwardly in the doorway.
"Sorry, I kind of ran out of chairs," he said, sitting back down on the bed and giving the empty space on it next to him a pat.
She had seen MJ a handful of times and had spoken to her just as many and yet seeing her so close to Peter was entirely different. She looked from Peter to MJ and back to MJ before seeing where he was suggesting she sat and she turned a little red. While she might be used to sitting on that bed in the past, it seemed very different to do that now.
“It’s okay. I’ll, um. I’m okay with standing.” Standing near the door somehow felt safe like she could escape at any moment. There had been a weaker part of her that had said not to come. To just run away from all this, but she knew much like having grown up in Roswell that Madison was a small place and they’d run into each other unless Liz decided to hide in the TARDIS her whole life.
“I - I’ve thought a lot about this and I’m - I’m not natural -” She knew how that sounded and it had sounded better in her head so she barrelled on lest she lose her nerve and just beg Peter to pick her instead. Despite trying to save face, she ended up looking at a spot in the ground between the three of them instead of either of them. “I’m not from your world so Peter would never have met me if it wasn’t for the Dome so it’s not fair - not fair for me to get in the way of what would happen back home.” Don’t cry. Just don’t cry. You can cry later when you’re alone.
She pressed her lips together and forced her gaze up. “I don’t want to be the other woman.” Again her tone somehow seemed to imply without any context.
Liz could feel the familiar burning electrical energy start to threaten to coalesce at her hands so she took a deep breath and rubbed her hands on her hips which helped keep her unpredictable powers at bay.
By the time Liz started speaking, MJ had moved herself to the floor. It seemed clean enough and would probably hurt her back less. If nothing else, she probably wouldn’t need Peter and Alyssa to help her stand like if she stayed in the chair.
In typical MJ fashion, she stated “The Dome can bite me.” But, obviously that wasn’t helpful for the situation. She didn’t want to be helpful. Fuck. For the briefest moment she wished she didn’t remember Peter to avoid the possible heartache. But she shook away the feeling.
This was uncomfortable.
Really uncomfortable.
Peter wished Ned had remembered him so he could talk to him in advance of having this conversation. But Ned didn't, and so Peter was navigating this solo, knowing that he couldn't even talk to Ned about it afterward.
"I don't want either one of you to be 'the other woman'." Peter was sure of that. "But has anyone thought about --" Peter swallowed hard, hoping that the embarrassment wasn't rising to his face. "-- polyamory?"
Liz's face blushed at the term. She had heard it recent thanks to Michael, but otherwise it was a completely new concept for her. "Michael mentioned it to be a few weeks ago, but I've never heard about it before then…" Being from 2000 sometimes made things difficult. "... Does that mean we're supposed to just be in a love triangle and be okay with it?"
MJ stared at Peter. Then looked at Liz. Then returned to staring at Peter. Polyamory seemed like a logical take, but given MJ had no experience with it or knew anyone who did, this didn’t seem nearly as easy as Peter made it sound. And part of her wanted to tell Peter he sucked and then leave. He could date Liz. But, she kept her composure as much as she could.
“Have you thought through how this would work? I don’t want to resent you or Liz.” And MJ didn’t want to start doubting herself or her relationship with Peter.
"I thought we could decide if it were something we'd even consider, then figure out from there if it's something we'd want to try." Peter wasn't sure he had the emotional wherewithal to do all the research solo only to find out no one was willing to entertain it. Especially with everything he had going on in his life right now.
She nodded. The fact Michael brought it up told her that it was at least a thing that was real. Other than that, she had little idea. "I'd… have to think about it. Learn what it is and everything." The truth was Liz like Peter too much just to say no so if there was a chance, then maybe. But she also was worried about what MJ said about resentment and she looked at the other girl as if trying to read her mind.
MJ breathed in slowly , counted to seven, and let out the breath slowly. She repeated this a couple times.
“You’re asking a lot of us.” She could feel Liz looking at her and MJ didn’t know what else to say. MJ thought for a moment. “I don’t know what happens back home. I know I love you, but I also know my feelings aren’t the same as when I got here and found out about Liz and how hurt I felt. Things here work differently and that’s okay.” She turned to Liz. “I don’t want you to think I’m angry at you.”
She stood up and her body made audible cracks. Great. “I think…I could say I need more time. I could say I might feel differently. But at the end of the day, you moved on and I think I should too. Hopefully we can be friends in the future, but I need space.” Really, maybe Peter should be single for now. Not that she planned on saying so to his face.
Peter recalled a conversation he had awhile back about this. He had agonized over asking Liz out, worrying that it would be a betrayal to MJ back home. He had been assured that MJ would want him to be happy; there were no guarantees that MJ would ever wind up at Madison. Now, it didn't really feel like the smartest move.
"Okay," he said to MJ, because he didn't know what else to say. 'Okay' by itself didn't feel right, either. Something needed to be added to the end of it, but he just didn't know what.
A few moments passed -- not long enough for it to become awkward, but just long enough for the silence to be palpable. Peter swallowed. "I'm sorry, MJ."
Liz now felt like she was taking up space in a private moment and it was awkward. Was she happy she could have Peter? Yes? But that didn't mean she didn't feel terrible and she felt guilty too. She liked MJ. Was she Tess now? She brought her hands up to her chest, clasped together. "Should I.. I'll step out so you can talk." She looked at MJ with an expression that was a complicated mix of apologies and regret and several other emotions Liz wasn't sure she could name. She knew apologizing at this moment would come off differently than intended so instead she just gave the other young woman a small nod with a little frown before she backed out of the room.
She closed her eyes as she entered the hall and took several steps before she felt like she was far enough not to eavesdrop. Back to the wall, she slid into the floor, eyes closed again as she tried to process everything.
MJ’s emotions felt huge and overwhelming. And, truthfully, she couldn’t be sure if her choice would be the same if Peter hadn’t been gone when she arrived. But he had. And she knew the fault didn’t lie with him, but she couldn’t help thinking how absolutely shitty this had been for her.
When she finally managed to look at Peter, MJ felt some tears spill onto her face, but she wiped them away angrily, as though they betrayed her.
“Yeah. I know. You’re sorry. I’m sorry. If I had to wager, Liz is sorry too.” Her voice sounded exhausted. She hated it here suddenly. How the hell would she avoid the two of them? At least she had Ned, but even that felt fleeting, like as soon as Ned regained his memories, she’d lose him too.
“If you still want help with Ned, I will. He deserves to have his memories and his best friend.” MJ thought about their time together back home briefly and found the memories bitter at the moment. She didn’t have the wherewithal to hide the emotions from her face.
“I should go anyway. Mia said she’d run with me and I need better endurance for lacrosse.” Her endurance had gotten better, but still lagged a bit.
MJ didn't cry a lot. She probably cried less than he did. No, she definitely cried less than he did. And so when Peter saw the tears spilling over her cheeks, it took everything in him not to pull her into his arms. He knew she probably didn't want that. He knew it would probably make things worse. And so he didn't.
"Okay," he said, knitting his fingers back together to give his hands something to do. He wanted to rationalize it to himself that this was for the best, that a relationship with MJ here would just remind him of everything he lost back home -- but he didn't find any comfort in any of it. All there was was a weight on his chest and guilt pressing just as heavily on his shoulders.
"When you're ready to talk --" Peter hoped there would be a when. "-- I'll be here."
MJ saw Peter’s expression. And for the briefest moment her feelings for Peter felt too much. She wanted to yell ‘This isn’t how it’s supposed to go! We’re supposed to be together!’ And she really did intend for her feet to carry her outside the door and down the stairs, so she could run and then drown her sorrows in some ice cream.
But that’s not what her body did. Her body betrayed her. And suddenly she found herself kissing Peter fiercely, arms tight around him. And when her brain caught up, she pulled away. Should she apologize? Shit. She should apologize. Why wasn’t she apologizing?
Peter didn't pull away, even though he knew he should. He pushed away all the thoughts reminding him that this might be the last time he ever gets to kiss her and allowed himself to be sucked into the moment. He wrapped his arms around MJ's smaller frame and kissed her back, savoring the moment for as long as he could allow it.
But reality came crashing in and before he could be pulled in any more than he had already, he finally pulled away. MJ had made her choice, hadn't she? She'd decided she didn't want any part of this. It sounded like she wasn't even sure she wanted to be friends with him.
This -- this didn't feel like that.
Peter wanted to ask if MJ was sure she knew what she wanted, but he doubted she would want him second-guessing the choice she had made. Instead, he took her hands into his own and gave them a tight squeeze.
"I love you, MJ," he said. "I just wanted to make sure that you remember that. No matter what happens from here."
And MJ’s heart melted when he returned the kiss. She made her choice. But for the first time all day, she rather considered it might be the wrong choice.
She took one hand and removed the hair from Peter’s eyes and cupped his cheek. “I love you too. I’m just…I’m scared.” There. The words she’d felt too terrified to speak. “I don’t want to get hurt. I definitely don’t want to hurt Liz, because I really like her. And I don’t want to hurt you or us.” She swallowed the words she wanted to say, the ones where she could run, but not the ones she felt.
“And, so, if Liz is willing to try, I will too.” God, by the end of the day, Liz would hate MJ and could she blame her?
"Then let's take our time and figure out things slowly," he said. "If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out." He gave MJ's hands one more squeeze.
"It's gonna be okay." Peter would do everything he could to make sure that it would be. Even if things didn't work out after all.
She nodded, a small smile on her face. “I think that sounds good.” MJ wanted it to work out, but she realized in order for this to work, they all needed time and a lot of communication. And MJ and Liz needed time to get to know each other.
“I’ll go. I think you and Liz probably need to talk. I love you.” She kissed his cheek and gathered her bag. “Also, you went too fast on question five.”
Peter’s eyes darted to his homework, scanning it for some sign of an error. Instead of being worried about his relationship with Liz and with MJ, now he was wrought with anxiety over something far more mundane.
After he doesn’t immediately catch the error, he looks over at MJ, his brows furrowed.
“What’d I miss?”
MJ looked at him for a solid three seconds. “Look at question 4. Then look back at question 5.” The set of questions had almost messed her up as well, and she didn’t have a month’s worth of homework.
“If you need help catching up, let me know. I know you share classes with Alyssa, but I’m still happy to help.” Not as though they didn’t study together back home. And, she knew Peter would figure it all out, but it still felt daunting, she could tell.
“I’m gonna go, but if you still need help, text me tonight and I’ll go over that assignment with you or anything else.” She started to walk out and entered the hall before she called back into the room “And tell Alyssa she should get into furniture making instead because your chair is terrible.”
She stopped and hugged Liz briefly. “I’ll see you around.”
When Liz saw MJ emerge, she climbed to her feet, a little embarrassed she had been ‘caught’ on the floor. She was surprised by the hug, but returned it if not belatedly. “O-okay. Bye.” She paused for a moment to watch MJ go and then slowly made her way back toward Peter’s room. Why did she feel nervous.
She peaked in, her expression pensive. “Can… I come in?”
"Yeah." Peter offered Liz a weary smile. "You okay?"
She took a step into the room and gave a nod even though it was probably less than convincing than she thought it was. Liz then amended her nod but giving a small shrug. “I’m not really sure. I feel a lot of things and it’s kind of confusing…. Are you okay? What happened with MJ?” Liz had not, true to her word, eavesdropped. She wasn’t that sort of person.
"I don't know," Peter said, rubbing the side of his nose. "I think okay. It sounds like she's willing to give all of it some thought." That had honestly surprised Peter given her initial first response.
"What about you?"
Liz looked surprised for a moment. MJ had said she was out, but Liz guessed she had changed her mind. She wet her lips. "Like I said, I've never really heard about it before a few weeks ago, so I'd need to learn about it. I'm not… I don't know if I can like girls, um, like that." Liz had no idea if you were supposed to be romantically involved with everyone or what. Part of her was definitely just picturing threesomes which made her want to burn up in a fiery blush. She didn’t let her think about that otherwise she go down a rabbit hole she wasn’t quite ready for.
She looked at him with a small frown. “I’m sorry I complicated everything. I didn’t - I really didn’t want to make things this hard. You don’t - I mean. I don’t want you to feel obligated or something. If you feel differently.”
Peter shook his head. "You didn't complicate anything." If anything, he had been the one to complicate things; he knew that this was always a possibility when he chose to get involved with Liz.
"I don't know if it helps to know, but... not everyone involved in a poly relationship has to be with everyone else." Peter had had conversations with folks at Madison about polyamory before all this happened, but he would have been lying if he didn't say he did his own research in between finishing up his seemingly eternally-accruing homework. "So if you don't think you're interested in MJ, that'd be fine."
She nodded, hovering awkwardly still near his door. She clasped her hands together in front of her. "I promise to look into it more and understand it. I.. I want to make it work." She was pretty sure she did anyway.
Liz searched Peter's face silently for a moment. There were so many things she wanted to do, questions to wanted to ask, things she wanted to hear from him to know this wasn't just something to save face and she had already lost him. Her gave dropped to his lips briefly then she looked down at her hands where she picked at invisible dirt under her fingernails. "I should, um, I should go." She looked back up at him.
"You're… really okay?" Yes, even now, Liz was more concerned with how Peter was doing than herself, but that was how Liz was. She shook her head as if to say 'never mind, forget I asked.' Would he call her? Was this actually good bye?
"I should go." She had said that already.
"Yeah," Peter said, nodding. "I'm fine." Fine might not have been accurate, but right now, he didn't really want to get into it; just existing felt like too much right now.
Maybe he should say get up and hug her. Peter wasn't sure. But like with MJ, he was worried that whatever he did might somehow make things worse. Liz wouldn't be keeping her distance if she didn't want to maintain it, right? A hug would probably be unwelcome.
"I'll text you tonight after I finish this homework," he said instead. There was still way too much of it. "Let me know if you want to do something this week." He'd make time for it.
Liz was thinking the opposite. She couldn’t help wondering why he wasn’t getting up and crossing the room. She wanted desperately for him to take her in his arms and reassure her that everything was actually going to be okay. That this wasn’t slipping away like it felt like it was. Like this wasn’t Max all over again.
She didn’t say anything that. Instead she nodded. “Okay…. Good luck.” On his homework, she meant. “... See you.” She thought that sounded better than ‘goodbye’ even if her heart was telling her this felt like a lot like goodbye.
Liz gave a weak smile, then turned and managed to keep herself composed until she was out of the house. Thankfully she lived in a place with infinite space where she could lose herself in the depths of - the TARDIS was where she needed to be right now.