Who: Dream and Doctor What: Doctor’s return When: Saturday Dec 18 Where: Forest/Dream's place Warning: Spoilers from end of Season 12 of Doctor Who Rating: low
Memories were already a complicated thing for the Doctor. She had lived for so long already that her memories weren’t always there, not to mention the memories she had to suppress or erase for a variety of reasons. But to know her whole sense of being was a lie. That she was something else without a name and she had lived countless lives before the ones she remembered did a number on her - she had so many questions and no one to ask them of. What was worse was she went from learning the truth to suddenly finding herself in the middle of Madison, Indiana’s forest and a flood of other memories came back to her.
It all, in fact, overwhelmed her enough that she fell to the snow on the forest floor, looking up at the dimming sky. She took a breath and lay there for a few moments. She should have reached into her pocket and called someone or get up and walk to the TARDIS. Instead, she didn’t fight her body’s desire to pass out. She let it happen. The only thing she managed to whisper before darkness overcame her was one word, “Dream.”
–
Since the Doctor had left town, Dream had been a bit moody. The only thing that kept him from being completely upset was that the Doctor's things were still here. Which meant that there was a high chance of her returning. He'd been in Madison Valley long enough to know that people usually returned after a few days or more, he'd just have to wait.
He was in the Dreaming, browsing through the many dreams of Madison Valley's residents. The Doctor's dreams were 'offline', so to speak, since she left. But then it suddenly flickered until it became more solid and that's when Dream knew she was back.
He located her and immediately appeared where she was, just in time to see her collapse and pass out. "Doctor?" He was beside her in a second, managing to catch her just in time. "Doctor?" he repeated, shaking her and hoping she'll awake.
–
It was rare that she passed out. Well, not really, but she liked to think it was. She passed out more than she’d like to admit, actually. The nice thing about being a Time Lord - or whatever she was - that she could start to recover more quickly than a human could. It helps that she was very aware of someone who felt warm to her. It was the voice which ultimately pulled her back out of it. Her head ached, but that wasn’t anything new to her either. She blinked and her vision came back to her. At least she hadn’t needed to regenerate.
Maybe Dream didn’t exactly have the features some people would say would be a sight for sore eyes, but the relief that she felt when she saw him was unmistakable. She smiled and reached out to hug him before saying anything. Somehow him being here made things simpler even if her life was even more complicated than before. She also couldn’t quite seem to let go of the hug, which she hoped he didn’t mind. “I’m glad you’re still here.”
–
Dream didn't mind the hug at all and in fact, he was relieved that she had woken up. So relieved that he kissed the top of her head gently and returned the hug. He allowed her to hug him for as long as she wanted. When she did stop, he glanced over at her quickly to see if she was hurt - at least, physically.
"Are you alright?" he asked. He also realized they were in the middle of the forest and it was best to get someplace warm. "We should probably get inside. Shall I take you to the TARDIS or my place?"
–
She should have wanted to go to the TARDIS, but the truth was that the thought of returning to the TARDIS so quickly was a little unsettling. It would come with questions she wasn’t ready to talk to her friends about. Perhaps surprisingly, she smiled faintly and replied, “You’re place?” It wasn’t that she thought her companions would not accept her or even not understand, she just needed to figure out what it meant for her first, was all.
This was the second time she had left Madison and returned and it didn’t get any better. She’d like there not to be a repeat of a third time, if she could help it. Then she remembered - “The Dinosaurs?” She was pretty sure they had gotten them all away, but the last part was fuzzy.
–
While he didn't know yet what the Doctor had gone through during her trip home, Dream could guess that it wasn't exactly ideal. But he could understand not wanting to be around people, even close friends, for a while. So he simply nodded. "Of course," he smiled, barely there but she'd have seen it.
"They're gone," he told her. "The portal has been closed and there were a few injuries, but nothing major." So the people of Madison Valley were quite lucky to escape with just that.
He took her hand and teleported them to his apartment. Which, of course, looked a bit different than the others. He led her to the sofa. "Do you need anything? Something to drink perhaps?"
–
She took a seat and looked grateful to be out from the cold and somewhere that wasn’t the TARDIS. Not yet, anyway. “Tea would be nice… if you have any?” She knew Dream didn’t necessarily need the same sort of comforts as others, but he was also Dream. The Doctor let out a soft breath. “I’m glad everyone is safe.” It made things better - it wasn’t all for naught.
Settling into the sofa, she closed her eyes for one more moment before opening them again. “I went home to find Gallifrey destroyed, everyone gone, and… learned more about myself that’s only added more questions.”
–
"Of course," Dream nodded. He had anything and everything. All he had to do was simply conjure up whatever beverage she wanted - which he did, as two cups of tea appeared on a tray in his hands, one just exactly how she liked it and the other for him. He set the tray on the coffee table and handed her cup to her.
"Gallifrey was destroyed? I'm sorry to hear that." He could sort of understand. The Dreaming had once decayed a bit but he obviously managed to restore it. He sat down and grabbed his cup, taking a sip. "What sort of things have you learned about yourself?" he asked. He was curious, but he also wouldn't pry if she wasn't up for talking about it.
–
"The Master always felt haunted by them. I guess I just never thought he'd end up actually making them all burn." Even an incarceration of The Master who was okay being a Nazi. She took a breath with her eyes closed and exhaled with a shake of her head before opening her eyes again.
She took a sip of her own tea while she tried to figure out how to explain. "It turns out I was found on Gallifrey, not born there. I was a kid who a scientist took a liking to and took me in. There was an accident and I fell and died, only to regenerate. Turns out that's the first time the Time Lord's ever saw something like that. So I was studied and experimented on." The Doctor would have been more upset had the rest of her world was still whirrling. She was also used to people wanting to study her so that in and of itself was not new.
"They learned how to regenerate from me and every 10 to 12 lifetimes, they would reset my memory… so I'm not even exactly sure who I am, really. How old I really am or the memories I'd have from before." Much, much older that was for sure. "They called me the timeless child…" She sighed again, then I paused and chose to extend her hand to him. "... Would you like to see?" It would probably be a little disjointed considering she had been sort of tortured when The Master had shown her everything.
–
He set his cup down, listening as she explained what she had learned during her trip home. "Experimented on?" he repeated, unable to stop from sounding upset at the thought. Even if she was used to it, Dream hated the idea of the Doctor being experimented on. Sure, he preferred to know everything - and he did - but not quite enough to do that to another being. Actually, until recently, he never really interacted much with others at all, especially mortals. His younger siblings liked to mess with them, especially Desire, but Dream himself left them alone for the most part.
He nodded and took her hand. And he saw it all. When he came back to the present, he still hadn't let go of her hand. In fact, he squeezed her hand instead. "That certainly raises a lot of questions," he mused slightly more to himself. "It is unfortunate not knowing who you are." He was lucky to know exactly who he was. "I do hope you find out one day. I would ask Destiny but even if my brother were here, he wouldn't tell."
–
She appreciated that he was upset about it. It wasn’t like she was particularly happy about the situation herself, even if she couldn’t remember it. For her, it was more the lies that she had been fed. The Time Lords had had their faults, she knew, but this opened it up to worse than just faults. That she had a bunch of lifetimes she couldn’t remember bothered her and even the fact that one person had took it upon themselves to limit regeneration for everyone - though admittedly that might have been a good idea considering what the Time Lords were capable of. It also explained why she had effortlessly regenerated a thirteenth time.
The Doctor didn’t let go of Dream’s hand either. “I imagine that’ll be the next thing I try to do when I return.” Once she got over the little pity party she had been throwing herself, which happened from time to time. “But the only people I’d like to have answers from are my ancestors. I would never ask someone like your brother to simply give me that - spoilers are a thing.” The Doctor briefly wondered what River would think of all this.
“Selfishly… I’m glad I’m back here… even if I’m not sure if or how to tell the others about home.”
–
"I think he'd think the same regarding spoilers," Dream said with a small smile. "Though we aren't really allowed to tell anyone, especially mortals, about the future. Not even our father who is Time itself." Destiny couldn't tell anyone what their fate was nor could Death tell anyone when they were going to die. It wasn't a hard set rule but they wouldn't tell what lies ahead.
"Why's that?" he asked. "Are you afraid to tell them?"
–
The Doctor could respect that, even if she was infinitely curious. Right now she wanted to know more about her past than the future anyway.
"I'm not sure." She meant that. She wasn't quite sure the apprehension she felt. "Maybe I don't want to worry them or maybe I don't want to say anything until I know more." The Doctor paused, the sighed. "I'm used to being the one who does all the saving and discovering."
–
"You know they'll worry regardless. But only because they care." They all certainly were worried when they found she had disappeared. Dream had been too, until he found that her things were still here. Then he realized she'd return, he'd just have to wait.
"I'm used to knowing everything and being in control," he continued. "But if this place has taught me anything, it's that I can't always control everything. And you can't always do the saving and discovering." Though it was easier said than done. Even now, he still didn't like that the dome kept him here. But he didn't mind it here as much.
"I do hope you'll tell them soon. In the meantime, you're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like."
–
"Thank you for that." It meant a lot to her. There weren't a lot of places besides the TARDIS that felt like home to her or felt safe. Somehow a place where Dream called home - even only temporarily since he spent a lot of time in the dreaming - made it feel safer.
She was silent for a long moment, before she looked to Dream. "Can I ask you an entirely selfish and mortal question?" There was the faintest of smiles at the way she phrased it, but it was pretty truthful and she had no idea what Dream felt about things like physical affection. They hadn't spoken a lot about it. "Would you be willing to be the big spoon if we cuddle for a bit?" Yes, the Doctor just asked Dream to cuddle. There was really no hidden agenda other than feeling physical comfort from him, should be be comfortable doing such.
--
"Of course," he squeezed her hand. He certainly spent a lot of time in the Dreaming, but he had to make sure the lines between dreams and reality didn't blur, among other responsibilites. But he had been going out into reality more often since meeting the Doctor.
Dream nodded and gestured for her to continue. He thought the question would be serious. And who could blame him? Especially after their conversation just now. But then she asked if he'd be the big spoon and at first, he was surprised. That wasn't quite what he was expecting but then he nodded.
"I'd be happy to." He put his arm around her and pulled her close, shifting so that they were comfortable.