Who: Lisa and Dean What: Truth bugs plot When: Friday night Where: Lisa's apartment Rating: PG-13 Status: Closed; Completed gdoc.
It had been over three months since Dean had come to stay with Lisa and Ben. Despite knowing something was clearly off about Dean, Lisa hadn’t pushed for answers. From her memories, she knew how Dean acted, especially when dealing with bad things that happened in his life. Getting him to talk about any of it was difficult at best and Lisa had never pushed him. Eventually, Dean usually told her something, but this time, he’d remained stubbornly silent on anything that had happened during his time back home.
Still, Lisa didn’t prod him for answers, but she knew he wasn’t completely happy in Madison Valley either. It was far removed from his life of hunting monsters and she could tell normalcy didn’t sit well with him even if Madison Valley was sometimes as far from normal as you could get. Lisa wanted to help him feel more at home here, but she just didn’t know how. She was doing the best she could, but Dean never made it easy. She couldn’t blame him for that; his life had been a war of good and evil for practically his entire life. You couldn’t let things break you apart when you had to save the world everyday you breathed.
Though, there were moments when he was happy and she could tell his mood had improved since his father showed up. However, that changed, and Lisa obviously had no clue what caused it. She had a few guesses, but no solid leads. She tried to be content with waiting, but late Wednesday, that all changed.
He was moody still, clearly bothered by something, and Lisa, like normally, decided to ask if he was okay. She figured she wouldn’t get a truthful answer since he usually moved to reassure her everything was fine.
Cornering him in the kitchen, Lisa folded her arms upon her chest and leaned against the stove.
“Are you ever going to tell me what’s bothering you? You’ve been upset for the past few days.”
Dean had expected to be staying with Lisa for maybe a week or two. Not three months going on four. But, he was happy being there with her and Ben. It was the one point in his life he could remember back on fondly. Aside from his obsession with bringing his brother back, it had been the most normal period of his life. But, he was still young then and actually hopeful that it could work out. Now, he was completely jaded and so used to fighting monsters that trying to be normal was a struggle.
Things had changed when his father showed up, and for a brief moment in time he found himself happier. The possibility of them being a family again was something he had wanted for so long and he had been excited to think maybe it would happen. Then, just like that, Balthazar had managed to fuck it up with his stupid bullshit apology. He was sorry that he stole Castiel? Like, what the fuck was that even about? If Dean had wanted to be with Cas, he would have made it happen. Still, the fact that it bothered him in the first place seemed to only bother him even more, and apparently it was evident. Which was not surprising.
He opened his mouth to once again tell her his usual bullshit about being fine, but that wasn’t what ended up coming out of his mouth. “Yeah, ‘cause of fucking Balthazar.” Dean muttered under his breath, his jaw clenched as he spoke. “He decided to apologize because he tried to kill me on multiple occasions, and because he stole Cas from me.” He moved to grab a beer from the fridge, not caring what time it was, and twisted off the cap to take a long drink from the bottle.
“Why does everyone think I’m in love with Cas? I don’t get it. I mean, he confessed his love for me and I didn’t say it- He died for me, Lisa. I was his happiness and he died to save me and I-” he looked back at her sadly and took a moment before continuing. “So, I kissed him when I found out he was alive here. Big fucking deal, right?” Oh, son of a bitch. Why was all of this coming out now? “You know what, something is wrong right now and we should not talk any further. Okay?”
Well, Lisa had certainly not been expecting any of that to come out of Dean’s mouth when she asked him that question. She honestly didn’t know what to say and was quiet for a moment. Yes, something strange had to be happening if Dean just told her the truth about what was actually bothering him. That was weird enough, but then what he said was on a whole other level that Lisa wasn’t exactly sure how to process.
Dean and Lisa were not “together” here or not officially anyway. Obviously, Lisa didn’t push on the subject. Dean had been through a lot and relationships were not his strong point. How could they be when he always had to leave to save the world? She couldn’t blame him for that. It was what he was born to do, destined to do. It just happened to be murder on relationships.
The whole thing with Cas threw her slightly. She knew they were close, but she hadn’t come to the conclusion that Cas was in love with Dean like that. He died for Dean which was the absolute worst thing you could ever do for Dean. He carried the guilt of what felt like a thousand people dying for him on his shoulders. He would look at it as a failure to Castiel, especially when Castiel told Dean he loved him in his final moments and Dean didn’t say it back. Then he kissed Castiel here though. Lisa suddenly felt like maybe she needed a beer too.
“Dean, I’m sorry about Cas. Back home, I mean.” Because she meant that with every fiber of her being. She knew how close they were, how much they meant to each other even if she hadn’t seen how much it actually was until now. “And about Balthazar upsetting you like that. It sounds like he kind of ripped the band-aid off of a wound that hasn’t healed yet for you or for Cas.”
Lisa swallowed. “I know you care about Castiel a lot. It doesn’t mean you love him like he loves you, but you still care about him. But if you do, you do. I know, love isn’t that simple, but it kind of is too. I think maybe you kissed him because you were glad he was alive and you felt you owed him for not being able to say you loved him back when he was sacrificing himself for you.” “And I know something is going on, but I’m glad you told me. I am.” She reached out and touched his arm gently. “And honestly? Maybe this is the best time to talk because it looks like you can’t bullshit me. Or yourself.”
Honestly, it was all still incredibly confusing to him, but he had been holding that in for months now and it actually felt kind of good to let it out. Carrying around secrets was exhausting, and when it came to Lisa, there was plenty she didn't know.
"I didn't want to tell you, Lis, but it's like I don't have a fucking choice." Dean sighed heavily and finished off the rest of his beer. "I mean, not that you're forcing me, it's not you. I'm just- it's like when Jack made it so the world couldn't lie, and holy fuck that was such a disaster. You have no idea how crazy that was. Only, you don't remember any of it because God fixed it and it was like it never happened. Then there was the time when you told me exactly how you felt, and you didn't sugarcoat it." That had been a conversation he had tried hard to forget, but her words occasionally came to mind.
She touched his arm and he reached for her hand to pull her close. "I care about you too, Lisa." He said softly and set the empty beer bottle down so he could free up his other hand. "I don't want to be with anyone else. I'm just afraid of you getting hurt again, and I-" he cut himself short and shook his head repeatedly. "Okay, you know what? This is getting really awkward," Dean laughed, in spite of the situation and looked down at her. “I want to be with you, Lis.”
“I know you don’t have a choice. Something is going on...probably exactly like that situation you just explained. Something is making it so we tell the truth.” Lisa didn’t remember much, if anything, from her demonic possession, but she knew it had nearly killed her and left Ben an orphan. Lisa didn’t blame Dean for being scared of putting her and Ben in harm’s way again. How could he not be when it was what happened when he got close to anyone in this world. She couldn’t blame him for remembering what she said either. That moment might as well be a form of truth spell too.
“I’m sorry for that.” Perhaps there had been some truth to it, perhaps some of those feelings were valid and real, but Lisa felt badly about how something like that had come out. It should have been talked about, explained, not thrown around through accusations and insults.
When he took her hand, Lisa squeezed the fingers. “I know you are. I get it. You don’t want to put Ben and I in danger.” she replied quickly with a small smile. “You know I want to be with you too.”
Lisa looked down a moment. She wasn’t sure how to go about not saying it and part of her didn’t want to avoid it. If he asked now, she’d have to tell him the truth. It would be an impossibility not to, especially if he wanted to be with her, like that.
Lisa took a deep breath and looked back at Dean, taking his other hand in her own.
“Dean, you need to know something. Something about Ben.”
Lisa had always been patient with him, and he didn’t even think he deserved another shot with her. But, if it was what she wanted, he didn’t want to fight her on it. “No, babe, don’t apologize. You never have to apologize for telling me the truth.” He shook his head vigorously, not wanting her to feel guilty over something she had no control over. “You didn’t have a choice, and you could have said so much worse. Honestly, you really went easy on me.”
She had been upset with him for keeping everything in and he worried that would once again become a problem for them. Sharing feelings and emotions wasn’t exactly his strong suit and he much preferred to shove it all down. “I’ll try harder this time, I promise. I don’t have to worry about Sammy anymore, and I think you’re much safer here than you would ever be at home.” He was a little confused when she looked away from him, and his stomach dropped, worried she was going to say something that could potentially upset him.
His shoulders relaxed and he let out a sigh of relief when she mentioned Ben. Ben, who would soon know the truth of everything. “What about Ben?”
Him wanting to try again solidified the deal for Lisa. There was no way she couldn’t tell Dean the truth about Ben now. It wasn’t even because she was compelled by whatever this was either. It was just time.
Lisa took both his hands in hers and squeezed them gently. “Dean, I think part of you has always known, but I should have told you. I guess part of me just didn’t want you to feel that added pressure on top of saving the world…”
Lisa took a deep breath and silently prayed Dean wouldn’t hate her for what she was about to say. “Dean, Ben is yours. He is your son.”
“I- you-” Dean laughed in disbelief, not sure how to feel about what she had just told him. He couldn’t be angry with her, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t upset with the situation. “Right, makes sense, I guess.” He nodded in agreement, trying to process it all. His hands dropped from hers and he took a few steps back to pace the floor. His head bowed slightly and he moved to place both hands at the back of his neck. “I’m not angry, Lis. This is just-” he paused a moment to take a deep breath, tears in his eyes. “I don’t know what to think, really. Part of me feels like a failure because Ben deserved to have me there the entire time, but another part of me knows that I wouldn’t have been able to give it up.” Even if she had told him years ago, he doubted that he would have stayed with her. If anyone had found out Ben was his son, it wouldn’t have turned out well for him.
“It was for the best, I know that I understand.” Still, he found himself wanting to shove his fist through a wall, angry with himself for being so unreliable that Lisa didn’t want to tell him sooner. “He’s such a good kid, Lisa, and you did that on your own and I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been there to help you.” Dean continued to pace the floor and inhaled deeply, pausing to look over at her. “I’ll make it right this time, I promise. We can be the family I always wanted...if that’s what you want, too.”
“Dean…” Lisa trailed off as his hands slipped from hers. What could she say? Part of her knew that keeping it from him had been wrong, but at the time, she believed it was for the best for everyone involved. Dean had been preoccupied with saving the world with Sam and knowing Ben was his son would have left him distracted and possibly put a target on Ben’s back. Obviously, it didn’t matter as Crowley had still come after them, but Lisa had thought at the time it would be best.
At his words, she shook her head. “You’re not a failure, Dean. You know Ben loved you without knowing that. You taught him so much.” Lisa knew that didn’t help, but it was true. Ben had adored Dean from the moment the two of them met. Still, she could tell Dean was angry and for that, she couldn’t blame him. He was upset with himself.
“Dean, it’s okay. He is a good kid because he’s your son.” Lisa gave him a small smile though there were tears visible in her eyes.
“I would. Of course I would.” She reached out and touched his arm.
"He's a good kid because of you, Lisa. I had absolutely nothing to do with it." He replied firmly and reached up to wipe at his eyes. "Does he know?” Dean was leaning towards Ben being completely unaware, but he didn’t know for sure. It felt like his world had been flipped upside down and he was still reeling from the fact that he was a father. Though, he wasn’t sure he could really call himself that. As much as he hated Madison Valley for being so boring, this was definitely a silver lining.
Both hands came up to brush over his face and he pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. “So, uh- what do we do now?” Now that he knew, things would be different. He would work hard to provide for both Ben and Lisa, and he wanted to take care of them as best as possible. “Should I officially move in with you two?” He’d have to talk to his mother about it, but she would be fine at the house with Castiel and Balthazar. Or, maybe he would get lucky and his parents would decide to move in together.
Lisa shook her head. “I never told Ben who his father was. I’m pretty sure he always wished it was you so there is that. But we can sit down, as a family, and tell him.” Lisa knew Ben might take it badly; he was a teenager after all, but Lisa was ready for him to know the truth...about everything.
Lisa folded a piece of hair behind her ear. “That’s up to you. I was working towards getting Ben and I out of this apartment anyway. If you want to be a part of that, of course I want you with us, but if you would rather be there for your mom, I get it.” Lisa wasn’t going to ask for that kind of commitment; he had just found out Ben was his son. He needed time to process that.
“It’s really up to you. We’d love to have you stuck here with us until I can find a place too.”
Dean nodded and reached out to take her by the hand, a faint smile on his face. “Yes, I would love to be stuck here with you and Ben, and we can look for a new place together.” He pulled her closer and wrapped both arms around her to hold her close. “I promise this time will be different.” He said softly, dropping his head to press a kiss on the top of her head. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you and Ben this time.” He was terrified and excited at the same time, but he would get through it all thanks to Lisa and her patience.