I'm feeling all kinds of things after my break up with Stiles. Sad. Angry. Embarrassed. Even relieved. I want to place everything on him, but I know I can't. I have a habit of sabotaging everything good in my life. Like I can't be happy for any length of time because it'll always end. So if that's true, I might as well do it myself. Have control over it. Stiles was the nicest boyfriend I'd ever had. Since the one prior to him had been a mass murdering pirate vampire who tricked me into drinking his blood so he could turn me without my permission, the bar was set pretty low. Does that mean I destroyed my relationship with Stiles? I honestly don't know. It had felt like it had run its course, and I didn't know how to deal with that without being angry. Kinda my Go To emotion. I'm diagnosed Bipolar Disorder. I know it. Not many people do...until now. I hate it. It embarrasses me. I'm broken, and there's no fix for it. I like to blame the mistakes I make and my bad reactions on that. Sometimes I wonder if I do that too often. Use it as an excuse. Did I do that with the break up? I don't know. Maybe not at first, but definitely with the no gift thing. It just felt so damn good to be angry! IDK