Who: Lisa and Dean Where: Shopping and then his place When: Shortly after his return What: Helping him deal with things that happened and at home and then shopping therapy. Status: Closed; Complete: Gdoc Warnings: None
It felt like an eternity had passed before Dean finally stopped crying and picked up his phone to call Sam back. He stood from the cement floor and moved to exit the room, listening to the phone ring. Suddenly, the line went dead, and he was no longer in the bunker. “Son of a bitch,” he grumbled to himself and chucked the useless cell phone at the side of a nearby building. “Great, just fucking great. Exactly what I need, to be back here.” He ran both hands over his face and drew in a deep breath.
He moved slowly down the street when he suddenly thought that maybe, Castiel was still in Madison Valley and if he stayed here forever, he would never have to be without the angel. With the thought in mind, he picked up the pace and began to sprint back home, nearly knocking someone over in the process. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I wasn’t-” it didn’t take him too long to realize who it was, and once again, he found himself conflicted.
“Lis, sorry, I’m just in a hurry to get home. Are you okay?” ___
Lisa was still dealing with the fallout from being a teenager again. That was certainly an experience she had not wanted to live through again, but Madison Valley apparently didn’t give too many people that choice. Thankfully she hadn’t done anything too crazy, but she knew there were plenty of people that had and knew their regret was far worse than hers concerning that time.
So, she’d done something normal...like go grocery shopping. She was on her way to Wal-Mart when she turned a corner and nearly collided with someone. Somehow, he managed to stop before plowing her over completely and Lisa took a step back, considering blowing up on him until she noticed who it was...and how distraught he looked.
“Dean, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m fine.” Lisa touched his shoulder. “Are you okay? You look like someone just died-” Lisa broke off because she knew now how realistic that was in their world.
“What happened, Dean?”’ ___
“Nothing, I’m fine, it’s fine, everything is fine.” Even as he spoke the words, he found himself starting to cry. Dean stood there for a moment and then stepped forward to throw his arms around her in a fierce embrace. “Is Cas here, do you know? He didn’t leave when I did, right? He’s still here, with-” he couldn’t even bring himself to say the other angel’s name. He drew in a deep breath and buried his face against her neck, finding comfort in just being there with her. ___
“Dean-” He reached out and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. Lisa paused before wrapping her arms around him in return. “It’s okay,” she whispered, rubbing his back gently. “Cas is still here. He didn’t go back as far as I know.” As far as she knew. She was aware it wasn’t comforting, but she didn’t know what else to say. What else could she say? She felt his breath on her neck and she was reminded of how much she had held him just like this when he lost Sam. It had been so difficult to see him in pain then and it was certainly hard to see him in it now.
___
So, there was still hope, it was possible that Cas was alive and well, being his usual stupid self in Madison Valley. Still, he clung to Lisa like his life depended on it, and allowed himself to grieve for a minute. He wanted to stay there forever, holding her in his arms, but he knew that he couldn't. Dean cleared his throat and pulled away from her slowly, his eyes a little red and glassy from the tears that had spilled.
"Can I use your phone, please? I want to call my mom and see if he's still here." ___ Lisa held him until he pulled away from her. He needed her and she wasn’t about to leave him until she knew he was okay at the very least. Of course, if something happened to Cas, there was a good chance him being okay might never happen. Losing his brother had broken Dean and she didn’t see how losing the angel would affect him any differently. They had been through so much after all.
“Of course.” Lisa dug in her purse and pulled out her phone, holding it out to him. “I hope he’s still here.”
___
"Yeah, me too." He agreed with a nod and dialed his mom's number. "Hey, mom, I'm- yeah, I just got back, I'm fine. Is Cas home? He didn't- oh, no, nothing, it's fine, everything is fine, mom. I'll see you later." His voice was a thin whisper and he hit the button to hang up, handing the phone back to Lisa.
"No, he's not here. He left when I did." Again, he felt a surge of emotions and he felt like he was going to vomit all over. "I don't want to be alone, Lis. I don't think I can handle it." ___
Though Lisa was not big on religion by far, she found herself hoping, praying, that Cas was still in Madison Valley. That this place hadn’t sent him back, not when it was clear Dean needed him. Lisa watched his expression critically as he dialed up his mom and asked if Cas was there. It was clear from his voice and expression that it was not the answer he wanted even before she picked up on enough of the conversation to know it for sure.
He hung up and handed the phone back to Lisa. She tucked it away in her purse, attempting to keep her hands from shaking in the process. Dean was always the strong one, but he needed her to be strong for him now.
“Dean, hey. It’s okay. He could come back. You came back. He could too, okay?” Lisa reached out and touched his face, cupping it in both hands.
“You don’t have to be alone, okay? I’m here. You’re not alone, Dean.”
___
"Yeah, he could come back, of course, you’re right.” Dean nodded slowly, unable to rid himself of the self defeating emotions. “You’ll stay with me?” He whispered with a faint smile and lifted his hand to cover one of her own against his face. His eyes closed and he focused on the way her hands felt against his face. It was a comfort he had greatly missed. “Or, I can go back to your place? Unless, of course, you were busy going somewhere. I don’t want to disturb your day or anything like that.”
After all he had done, it was hard to believe she hadn’t told him to fuck off, but he was grateful for the small blessing. “I can go with you, if you were. Like, if you were going to the store or whatever.” ___
Someone else who had lived through the events Lisa had might not have been so generous with Dean. They might have walked away, leaving him to face the potential loss of his best friend alone, but Lisa was not that person...she had never been that person. When he’d shown up at her door after losing Sam, she’d let him in, no questions asked, and let him stay with her and Ben. She gave him a family, a place with them, when he felt he had no other place left to go.
The situation wasn’t so different as when he lost Sam and Lisa couldn’t leave him to booze and who knew what other self-destructive behavior he could end up in. No, she was going to stay with him.
“Yes, I will stay with you, Dean. You’re not disrupting my day. I want to help,” Lisa replied, giving him a reassuring smile. She dropped one of her hands and took up his free one, squeezing the fingers gently. “I was going to the store, but if you want, we can go back to my place. Unless you think shopping might help distract you?”
___
He didn’t deserve her, that was for sure. She was always there to catch him when he came to her in need, and she never asked too many questions or pried. Why did he continue to fuck it up with her? “Yeah, sure, I’ll go to the store with you.” Dean agreed with a nod and squeezed her hand in return. His eyes closed and he focused on the sounds around him, trying to drown out the voices in his head. The ones that told him he wasn’t worthy of her in any form.
“What store are we shopping at today? Do I get to carry your bags around, or are we just talking grocery shopping?” ___
Lisa gave him a faint smile. “Lucky you, it’s just grocery shopping. I’m picking up some things for Thanksgiving.”
He’d invited her over to his place to cook and Lisa wanted to make it worth everyone’s time. She was no “Master Chef” by any means, but she liked to think she could put together a halfway decent Thanksgiving meal. Particularly, Lisa liked to think her stuffing had the potential to be pretty top notch for sure.
Not wanting to be too overly bearing, Lisa released his hand and opted to touch his shoulder briefly before continuing on, him right beside her.
“It’s not a lot of things. I’m going to wait till the day before to pick up the turkey. Did you still want me to cook for you and your mom?” Lisa asked as they entered Wal-Mart and she headed for the vegetables. Though it was easier to make mash potatoes from the box, Lisa wanted to make it from scratch.
___
Grocery shopping, he could handle that, right? “I forgot all about that,” he replied with a heavy sigh and followed her to the store. “You were going to carry groceries all the way home? It’s a good thing I ran into you, I guess.” Both hands reached up to rub briskly at his face so he could wipe any remaining tears away.
“No, I don’t want you to cook. I just want you to meet my mom, that’s all. I can cook, it’s not a problem. I have grown significantly better than since I was with you and Ben.” His gaze wandered around the store curiously, Wal-Mart not being a place he visited too often. “Nobody has even said anything about the holiday and I keep forgetting. I mostly don’t even care anymore.” ___
“I was probably going to splurge on an Uber,” Lisa replied, putting a small bag of potatoes in a bag. “I don’t have a car yet. I have been mostly shopping a little at a time to help with carrying things.” It was a bit of a hassle, but she got plenty of fresh air because of it and some exercise too. Luckily for her, the weather had been pretty mild as well.
Lisa paused and turned to look at him. “Dean, I’m not going to come to your house and not help out for Thanksgiving. If you want, you can prove yourself with the turkey and some other things, but I at least want to help. I feel bad just taking up space and not doing something.”
Lisa felt like that now. She felt helpless. It was another one of those moments where she could only comfort Dean, not give him help. It bothered her...significantly, but maybe at least distracting him with shopping would help. Hopefully, Cas would come back.
Lisa moved to load the cart with her stuffing ingredients. “I get it. I do. If Ben left, I wouldn’t want to celebrate either. I’d just be worried and missing him.”
___
“Fine, you can make whatever you want, but you’re not obligated to do anything. That’s all I’m saying.” Lisa was going to do what she wanted, and he was fine with that. He just didn’t want her to feel like she needed to impress or anything. “You know, I have a car, you could always ask me to take you shopping, or who knows, maybe your car from back home will show up.” He suggested with a shrug and placed one hand on the cart, walking next to her down the aisle.
“You never take up space, you know? You brighten things up, make it better, and that’s no small feat.” His fingers gripped the cart a little tightly at the mention of her not wanting to celebrate if Ben had been the one to go. “I just don’t celebrate, Lis, that’s all. You think Sam and I took time to make a turkey dinner every year?” Dean scoffed and shook his head, grabbing a container of fried onions into the cart. ___
Lisa paused and turned to Dean, touching his shoulder briefly. “I know Dean and I appreciate that so much, but I don’t mind helping out a little.” Besides cooking Thanksgiving dinner was something familiar and with everything that had happened within the last week, she could use something familiar to focus on.
“I know. I just also don’t want to monopolize all your time with silly errands.” Lisa gave him a small smile before continuing down the aisle. “I know that even if there is peace here, you still have a lot to deal with. If I can avoid adding to the stress, I will do my best.”
At his comment, her smile brightened. Despite the stress he had been under in giving her back her memories, she at least seemed to still help him in some way. That meant a lot to Lisa because she did want to help...in any way she could. “I try.”
No, Lisa knew Sam and Dean didn’t have time nor a desire to celebrate a holiday centered around family. She couldn’t blame them for feeling that way; they had suffered tremendous loss. It was hard to want to celebrate family when you had almost none left. “I know you guys don’t, but maybe just think of it as another meal then. You have time for it now, why not make the most of it?”
As he tossed the can of fried onions into the cart, Lisa laughed. “I knew you were going to grab those.”
___
No matter what, he could always count on Lisa to make him feel better. “Seriously, I don’t mind, Lis, I’ll run around town with you. But, we should definitely go back to my place after this so I can get my car and drive us around.” He moved towards her and reached out to place his arm around her waist, followed by a quick kiss to her cheek. About thirty seconds later he pulled back and took a step away from her. “Sorry, sort of forgot where I was for a moment…” he mumbled in apology, his mind having slipped back to a time when they were shopping together many years ago.
“Of course, I was going to grab those. They go on top of the green beans and that reminds me, we need a few cans of that mushroom soup.” He had only done a proper Thanksgiving once, with Lisa, and that was one of the few things he enjoyed and always remembered. “We need turkey, green beans, cranberry sauce, potatoes, stuff for gravy, stuffing, maybe broccoli and cheese...I guess we can buy some store made pies. I think there’s a dude who has a pie place, we should stop there.” ___
Lisa smiled. “We can totally do that.”
When he briefly placed an arm around her waist and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, Lisa was surprised. She hadn’t expected the gesture since the two had agreed to be friends, which she was fine with. Given the circumstances, it was for the best that they remained as such until things were a bit more stable...like Cas was back. It was a new development, but still, Lisa knew Dean wouldn’t be okay until the angel was back within Madison Valley. She couldn’t blame him; Lisa would feel the same if Ben was sent home.
“It’s okay, Dean.” She touched his face briefly before continuing on. She was glad to see he was starting to focus more on dinner and less on Cas. At the moment there wasn’t much that could be done except hope the angel came back.
Lisa laughed again, shaking her head. “We can get all of that and then we can go get your car and find this dude with the pie place, okay?”
___
All he wanted was to fall into her arms and just lay there, but the opportunity to spend time with her was more than enough. “Sure, that sounds good,” he nodded in agreement and as they made their way through the store shopping, Dean remained close to her, staying quiet while he tossed a few items into the cart every now and then. He helped unload the cart and bagged all the groceries as they came down, offering to pay when everything was rung up. They didn’t have too many bags and Dean carried them out of the store, moving towards his house. “Maybe we can do the pie tomorrow or something? I’m just...exhausted, Lis, I’m exhausted.”
He admitted tiredly, his gaze drifting off ahead of him. He was tired, and he wanted a drink, or ten. ___
They finished shopping sooner than Lisa expected. It definitely helped having Dean tossing necessary items into the cart. They checked out and bags loaded in their arms, headed towards Dean’s home. It wasn’t that long of a walk, but Dean was visibly tired. Lisa couldn’t blame him; he had been through so much in a single day.
“Of course it can wait,” Lisa replied gently. “We’ll put this stuff away and you can get some rest.”
They were almost to his home. “I can stay if you want for a bit or go. It’s up to you, of course.” ___