Who: Veronica Mars and Leo D'Amato What: A much needed conversation Where: Veronica's apartment When: Sunday night, after this Warnings: crude language, references to alcoholism, mild violence Status: complete gdoc
After Piper had gone home Leo had made himself available to Veronica. Ok, he had forced his availability on her because the last time she’d been left alone she’d gotten drunk then arrested. He hadn’t really given her a choice, but surprisingly, she hadn’t fought him on it. Being available to her that night had become Being Available. Enjoyably so, but Leo had the idea that she regretted it. Or something. Not entirely unexpected, but they needed to talk about it so they could move on. Whatever direction that meant.
While he was at the store he bought them a little something to help lighten things up and take the edge off of the uncomfortable subject matter. She was ordering Chinese. And while he did have a key to her apartment, he gave her the courtesy of knocking when he got there.
***
Veronica had no regrets about her night with Leo. She wanted some physical comfort and he was willing to provide it. As far as she was concerned, that was all it was and there was nothing they needed to talk about, so she was not looking forward to this conversation. Hopefully he wasn’t going to be all mushy and crap, expecting a relationship. That was the last thing she wanted right now.
Unlike last time, she looked a bit more put together when she opened the door, wearing a pair of yoga shorts and a t-shirt, her hair actually brushed and her apartment clean and uncluttered. She was feeling a little better about things.
“Food isn’t here yet,” she said when she let him in. “Should be within ten minutes though.”
***
He was glad to see she was looking better. It put a real smile on his face as he came inside with the small plastic bag in his hand. Judging by the condensation the contents were frozen. “I brought something to tide us over until it gets here,” he said as he lifted the bag then made for the kitchen.
“You got scissors or do we have to use our teeth?” He pulled out the little box of liquored up otter pops.
***
“I think there’s a pair in the drawer next to the microwave,” she said. Boozy popsicles were an odd choice and somehow, very Leo, which amused Veronica greatly. Maybe this conversation wouldn’t be so bad after all. He’d always seemed to understand her better than most people and never took it personally when she was… less than kind.
She relaxed a little and perched on the arm of the chair, not wanting to get too comfortable until their food arrived.
***
They were also filled with sugar which would help with the mood. Leo came off as a bit vapid, but he really, really wasn’t. The FBI taught him how to use that to his advantage. Not that this was what he was doing with Veronica. Not entirely. And he would never….EVER...manipulate her. Above and beyond sugary frozen alcoholic drinks to keep her in a somewhat good mood.
He cut open a couple of ice pops then brought them to her for her to choose which she wanted. “Pink lemonade or Limon?” And he still somehow made them sound like a typical conversation.
***
If he knew her at all, he would not be surprised that Veronica reached for the pink one. She may not be traditionally feminine in a lot of ways, but she did love pink. “Thanks,” she said.
She knew him well enough to know that the slightly oblivious charming act he put on was just that, an act, and that he was a lot more observant than most people gave him credit for. He was keeping it casual and light for the moment and she appreciated that. Hopefully this conversation he wanted to have wouldn’t get too awkward.
“I got us an order of eggrolls to split,” she said.
***
“Did you remember duck sauce?” Leo immediately bit into the Limon flavored liquor pop. “You know I like my duck sauce.” Soy sauce was bad for you. High sodium. And the low sodium stuff tasted like ass, in his opinion.
He kept looking at her, dead at her. His expression gave nothing away of what he was really thinking. The light banter and good guy smile hid a lot of things. Leo knew that she was aware of this, and wondered if it was driving her crazy yet.
And yes, he was dragging this out until there was food. If she was occupied with liquor pops and food she was less likely to take a swing at him.
***
“Of course I remembered,” Veronica said. This was hardly the first time the two of them had shared Chinese food. Sure, pizza was more their ‘thing’, but they’d worked together enough times over the years that take out was common.
She was fine with waiting until the food arrived for him to bring up whatever he wanted to talk about. And she certainly wasn’t going to ask. This was his deal, so it was on him to start the conversation.
For the moment, she was going to enjoy her boozy popsicle. If she happened to lick and suck it in a more deliberate manner than she otherwise might, well, surely that was an accident and not an attempt to throw him off. “These are good.”
***
There were no accidents with Veronica. She thought every action through to the Nth degree. The teasing was noted, because he was a guy, but Leo chose not to comment on it. “They are, aren’t they. There’s two other flavors, and I crammed the box in your freezer.”
Silence fell for a moment. Before it could get weird the expected knock came. Leo finished consuming the liquor pop while Veronica took care of the delivery guy and then he still only made idle chit chat until they were well into their eggrolls and crab rangoon. Then…
“You’re going cold, Mars.”
***
Veronica looked up from her dish of cashew chicken, a look of utter confusion on her face. “What are you talking about?” she asked.
Apparently this was what he wanted to talk about and she ended up setting her fork down to give him her full attention because she had no idea where he was going with this.
***
Leo didn’t hesitate. He followed his statement and her question right up. It was almost an interrogation technique. It had to be. If you gave Veronica half a moment to think her way around something you’d lose. Every. Single. Time.
“I said you’re going cold.” His fork was pointed at her. “And you’re pushing people away. You have every right to feel hurt, lost and scared, but the answer is not to push away the people who still care about you.” He took a bite then spoke around a mouthful. “The people you care about, because regardless of what you tell yourself you do still care about people.”
***
Her lips pursed as she listened to him. Sure, she still cared about a few people in town and was having a little trouble showing it, but she was working on it. It just took some time.
“Pretty sure fucking you was the opposite of pushing you away,” she said, choosing her words carefully to provoke a reaction.
***
“No, that was stress release and psychotherapy,” he countered. He knew it had been a big show of trust on her part, but he was trying to shock her past anger and into the real stuff. “And you can’t tell me that saying you wouldn’t be against a repeat of it wasn’t out of character for you. That’s lackadaisical at best.”
He shrugged dramatically. “Any cock will do.”
Oh, this was going to get loud, he just knew it.
***
“Were you expecting declarations of love? Flowers? Poetry? You know me better than that,” Veronica said. Yeah, this was definitely going to get loud. “Especially after losing Logan and Steve at basically the same time.”
She was not in any mind frame to think about embarking on another relationship. In some ways, she’d been relieved that Steve was no longer in town when she returned because she wasn’t sure how she would have been able to be happy with him after what happened with Logan. And she felt a lot of guilt for feeling that way. Especially because she was also grateful that Keith was gone. Yes, she’d loved her son and she wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to him, but she could not handle a baby right now.
“But, hey, I can just go to the bar next time. Never had a problem not going home alone.”
***
“Don’t be so dramatic,” he said in a dismissive tone that made him cringe inside. He wasn’t anywhere near this callous, but he was aiming for something here. If she did hit him he knew he’d take it. He had it coming with this, but he hoped it would go in the direction he was trying for.
“I’m not looking for anything I know you can’t give right now.” He skewered her with his best FBI look. “Right now. Because I know you, Veronica Mars.” He looked down at his eggroll and stabbed it with his fork. “I know you care.”
***
She was going to ignore that ‘right now’ because of course she cared, they had history and she would always have a soft spot for him, something that had been so obvious even Logan picked up on it, but she could not allow herself to even let her mind wander a single step in that direction.
“So what the hell do you want from me, Leo?” she asked, putting her plate down on the coffee table. She’d lost her appetite and all she really wanted right now was a double shot of whiskey.
***
This was the part that was going to get him in serious trouble. This was going to hurt. It just depended on which one of them got hurt more.
“Stop trying to become your mom.” Turning to alcohol as a crutch. Pushing everyone away regardless of who it hurt. Doing everything she could to not let anyone into her heart. It wasn’t exactly what Veronica’s mom had done, but the path was the same.
***
His words made her freeze and she stared at him. Was she turning into Lianne? Fuck.
There was a very long silence because Veronica was honestly at a loss for words. She wanted to scream at him that she was nothing like her mother, that this was different, that her losses were the Grand Canyon compared to the pothole that sent Lianne spiralling. But was it true? And did it matter? She didn’t know.
Another part of her was tempted to slap him, but she resisted. Instead, she stood up and walked out of the room, towards the kitchen, where she ended up punching the wall in frustration.
***
Leo flinched openly when she punched the wall. That should have been him. He let out with a quiet sigh as he pushed a hand through his hair then got up from the table to walk to the kitchen. There was no hesitation. He came up behind her then took that punchy hand to see how much damage she’d done to it. Drywall gave way easily, but so did human skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said in something almost a whisper. He wasn’t sorry he said it. He was sorry he had to say it.
***
Her knuckles were bloody and her hand hurt like hell, but she didn’t think she broke anything. Veronica didn’t fight it when he took her hand, let him do whatever he wanted to do. She was sorry too and as angry as she was at him for saying it, she knew she needed to hear it. That didn’t mean she liked it and she wasn’t going to say that it was okay.
***
This time Leo’s sigh was more audible when he saw the condition of her hand. He didn’t say anything, just led her to a chair so she could sit down. He knew she had a first aid kit in the bathroom so once she was seated he went to retrieve it and two clean washcloths.
“This is gonna hurt,” he said as he crouched down in front of her. That statement might have been something he should have said earlier, but oh well. He used one washcloth with clean water to wipe off the blood so he could get a better look at the damage. It welled right back up again, but all she’d done was split the skin. “I think you can skip stitches,” he said. Then he began with the stuff that stung like hell.
This time, he wasn’t going to force her to say anything. He just hoped she would.
***
Veronica gritted her teeth, wincing as he cleaned up her hand. Maybe she should have just punched his face instead of the wall. But then she’d probably feel a lot more guilty, so she would just deal with the pain.
“I should make you leave,” she said, her voice quiet, an obvious anger simmering still.
***
He would leave if she asked him. He had hit her right in a soft spot she’d forgotten she had. “So why don’t you?” Leo didn’t look up from cleaning and bandaging her hand. He had a bit of an idea why she wasn’t, but he wanted to hear her say it.
***
“Because if you leave, I’ll finish that bottle,” she said, swallowing hard to try and quell the tears that were threatening.
***
Now he looked up at her. That was what he wanted to hear. Not the details specifically, but the admittance that she needed help. Her hand was pretty much finished so he held it with both of his before he lightly kissed her knuckles.
“I’m here for whatever you need, Mars.” Even if it was hitting her in the feels with the bat of reality.
***
The gentle gesture was enough to push her over the edge and the tears started to stream down her cheeks. She’d been repressing a lot for a long time and no one else in Madison Valley knew her well enough to call her out like Leo did.
“I’m still mad at you,” she said through the tears.
***
“I know,” he said just before he pulled her into a hug there on the floor. “I can take it.” And better him than anyone else. Nobody knew her here like he did now. No one would know what it meant when she lashed out. No one would recognize it as the cry for help, and she would spiral even further.
***
Again, Veronica didn’t resist, sliding off the chair and onto his lap in the middle of her kitchen floor so she could bury her face against his chest and let the crying consume her. It was long overdue, she’d been pushing away the pain, trying to keep it at bay with booze, work, and an occasional one night stand. None of it was healthy, but no one had ever accused her of having great coping mechanisms.
She was only glad that her father wasn’t here to see her like this. He would be disappointed and she couldn’t bear that.
***
Leo would tell her that wasn’t true. He knew her dad as well as he knew her, and Keith would be hurting for her. He’d be right here with her and Leo.
He let her cry, holding her, stroking her hair with her hand and rocking ever so slightly. She didn’t need to hear anything more he had to say. There wasn’t anything more TO say, really. She was where she needed to be, and until she got herself together he wasn’t going anywhere.
***
Veronica had no idea how long they sat there like that, but when her sobbing finally subsided, she got up and stumbled over to the sink to splash her face with cold water. She was a hot mess.
“I’d apologize, but you asked for this,” she said, turning back around to give him a rueful half-smile.
***
Leo stood up when she did, but stayed where he was. He could tell by her body posture and the confidence in her steps that she was doing better. Mission accomplished. Whatever happened from here, she’d be alright. Leo was glad.
So when she turned around he was standing there with his hands in his pockets and that puppydog smile on his face. At her threat he just shrugged. “I’m not going to argue with that.”
***
“Stay tonight?” she asked. “Not like that, just… I don’t want to be alone.”
Veronica was feeling very raw and vulnerable. It was tempting to try and drag him off to bed and lose herself in sex, but that wasn’t much healthier than booze. Though if he didn’t stop with the puppy dog smile, she might do it anyway.
***
Asking Leo to stop the puppydog look and smile was like asking the sun not to rise in the east. It was what it was. Good luck, Veronica.
He nodded. “Whatever you need, Mars.” He’d be there for her.