Who: Clary Fairchild and Emma Carstairs What: Catching up Where: Hinkles When: Wednesday night Status: Closed; Completed Gdoc Rating: Low
Emma had agreed to meet Clary for dinner at Hinkles. After speaking with Julian over the network, Clary understood now what he was talking about. There was something different about Emma. It was almost like she was...emotionless. Even over the network, Clary could sense she was not the same person she had come to know and care for. Emma would have been affected more, but what she said on the network? No, that didn’t sound like Emma at all. It worried Clary, but she wasn’t going to let on to her feelings. Not until she had more to go on than just a feeling.
Arriving at Hinkles, Clary picked out a table and settled into a seat to wait for Emma to show. She hoped Emma wouldn’t cancel on her, but Clary didn’t think the blond would. Clary took idly scrolled through her phone as she waited, hoping she didn’t appear nervous. She took a deep breath and looked up, keeping an eye out for her best friend.
***
Emma was glad Clary had assured her this wasn’t a meeting to tell her something was wrong with her. Despite what Julian believed, Emma didn’t think there was anything wrong with her. In fact, she was probably doing better than she ever had. Her head felt clearer; she was able to pick things up more quickly. Even her schoolwork had gotten better. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to be worried about. But that was Julian: he worried.
When she arrived at Hinkle’s, she easily spotted Clary’s bright red hair in the crowd, and she headed over.
“Hey,” she said as she slid into the booth. “Have you been waiting long?”
*** Clary spotted the blond just as the other young woman made her way over to her. On the outside, Emma looked normal to Clary. There was no sign of anything being different about the other Shadowhunter at all. Was Julian just overreacting? Was it enough to affect Clary’s judgement of her best friend? The blond greeted her and slid into the booth opposite her. Clary gave her a smile and quickly shook her head.
“No, no not at all,” Clary reassured her quickly. “You want to go order some food?”
***
Up close, however, it was clear something was different. There was no spark in her eyes; her gaze was flat. Even when she spoke, it was with cool politeness rather than the warmth she usually used around her pseudo-big sister.
“Yeah.” Emma took a cursory look at the menu and, seeing that nothing had changed since the last time she’d been at Hinkle’s, set it aside. She would take her usual.
“Bacon cheeseburger with fries and a coke,” she informed the server when he came to take their orders.
Once he’d taken Clary’s order, Emma turned back to the redhead. “How’s everything going?”
*** Once they moved to the counter to order their food, Clary could physically see the difference in the Emma she had come to know and love and the rather sullen young woman beside her. She ordered her normal food, a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a coke, but it lacked the enthusiasm Emma showed everything in her life. There was a definite coolness about her, even in the way in which she addressed Clary, a person she’d come to see as family and a big sister of sorts. Something was off about Emma and while Clary had said she was not going to point anything out about the difference, she could not help what she saw and felt.
“A turkey burger with sweet potato fries,” Clary added her order to Emma’s. “With a Dr. Pepper.” Once that was finished, Clary turned her attention back to Emma and her question. Again, it lacked any sense of interest and in those normal, bright eyes, Clary saw a dullness that scared her. Still, she moved on to answer her.
“Good. Jace and I attended the Thanksgiving at the Farm. It was fun,” Clary replied with a smile. “What about you? I know you lost a few people this past week. How are you doing?”
***
“I’m fine.” Emma shrugged. It wasn’t a sullen motion; just matter-of-fact. “Violet’s gone back home where she has her parents and her siblings, and she’d talked a few times about how she missed them. So it’s probably for the best.”
She just didn’t understand why people kept worrying about her when she was just being practical.
“How’d Jace do with all the Downworlders?”
*** Clary nodded. Well, then it sounded like Violet going home was not a bad thing. She was with her family and that didn’t sound bad at all. Still, she couldn’t believe Emma was so “matter-of-fact” about it. Normally, Emma was more emotionally about things, especially when it came to her friends, many of which she considered family. It was a bit strange even if Clary could explain it away with Emma just being used to losing people or that was simply how the Dome worked. “Well, it sounds like at least she went back to a good place,” Clary commented.
Jace had handled everything pretty well and Clary was proud of him for that. He could have outright refused to go to any of the celebrations, but he didn’t. “He did pretty well with all of it. I’m proud of him for that,” Clary replied with a smile. She couldn’t help, but smile every time she talked about Jace. “What did you do for the holiday?”
***
“I trained, mostly,” Emma replied. She thought back, trying to remember. “No cheerleading practice; everyone else was celebrating with their family. So I did some homework, and helped Alec and Julian with pie.” She shrugged. “Pretty low-key.”
Although Shadowhunters didn’t traditionally celebrate Thanksgiving, Emma normally would have suggested a Shadowhunter dinner. Having lost her parents when she was so young, family was important to her. But when Thanksgiving had rolled around, Emma had considered doing a Shadowhunter dinner - and then dismissed it as too much work. She’d been a lot more productive by training rather than helping set up the dinner.
*** “Well, that is still something at least,” Clary replied. It was better than sitting home alone on a holiday. Part of Clary was like Emma and considered doing some kind of dinner for all of them, but in the end, she figured everyone had probably made plans already and it wasn’t worth trying to set something up. There could be time next year though. It was something to look forward to.
Their food arrived and Clary waited until Emma had gathered up her tray before moving back to their table. She settled back into her seat and took a sip from her soda. “Maybe we should do something for Christmas all of us. Would you like that?”
***
“Yeah, sure.” It wasn’t that Emma was anti-social, or felt like family gatherings were a waste of time. She just see the need to initiate something herself if no one else wanted it. That would be a waste of time. “Just tell me when you want it and what help you need, and I’ll be there. School’s over for the holidays soon anyway.”
Their drinks arrived, and Emma took a sip of her coke. “Where do you train these days?”
*** She was hoping Emma would show more enthusiasm towards the idea. Again, it was a sign that something was off about the other young woman. Maybe Clary should throw the holiday party if only to have Emma involved. Maybe it would bring out more of the spirit Clary knew Emma had within her. The spirit Clary had always loved and admired.
“I’ll let you know. I’m sure I’ll need the help,” Clary replied with a smile. “I definitely don’t have party planning skills.” Not that being a Shadowhunter allowed her much of a chance to hone such skills anyway. As for training, Clary made it a point to train with Jace as much as she could. He was her original teacher and one of the best Shadowhunters that existed. Outside of training with him, she made it a priority to try and hit the gym when she left work. “I train with Jace mostly,” Clary replied, picking up a fry and dipping it into her ketchup. “And then at the gym whenever I get a chance. Usually after work. What about you?”
***
“On my own, mostly. Julian’s inconsistent as a practice partner.” She spoke without resentment or rancour; she spoke without any emotion at all. It was a simple statement of fact, as if having one’s parabatai blowing hot and cold on you was normal.
“I do need a challenge,” Emma continued. “So if you have time, we should train together too.”
Clary was not Jace, but she was also no slouch. She was one of the best fighters Emma knew, and training with her could only improve Emma’s game.
*** It was spoken without venom or resentment, but just that...spoken. Like fact. Clary didn’t like the way Emma said it at all. It was not like the other woman to talk that way about someone without a hint of emotion slipping into her voice. Without some kind of feeling. That worried Clary very much and she tried to keep back a frown as she took another sip from her soda. What was going on with Emma? What had they done when they cast that spell?
“We can always train together. I don’t mind at all,” Clary replied with what she hoped was a believable smile. “But Julian is your parabatai and the two of you would always benefit more from training together since he is the one that is your partner.” In more ways than just being a parabatai, but Emma wasn’t acknowledging that either. Something else that Clary worried about. In their quest to be able to be together, what had it ended up costing her her best friend?
“I know you’re annoyed with people asking, but I like to think we’ve known each other long enough and built up a bond of trust so that you will talk to me if you need anything.” Clary swallowed, hoping she didn’t end up causing Emma to shutdown on her. “Julian told me about you guys trying to break the bond. On the network. I just...I’m worried about you and Julian. I wish you would have included me in on it, but I get why you didn’t. It’s just...I want to make sure you’re okay.” Clary held her breath as she finished. Emma might just brush it off like nothing happened, but Clary couldn’t just not say anything. Emma was like a sister to her.
***
Emma frowned. “Why would you be worried? We’re completely okay.” There was no agonizing pain now, over not being with her parabatai. Those feelings of loss and longing were so far removed from her memory that she couldn’t believe she’d spent so many sleepless nights over it.
Their food arrived, and Emma went to unwrap her burger with no further thought to Clary’s concerns. “I’ll keep training with Julian; I didn’t say I wouldn’t. But it’ll be good to do extra training with you and Jace too.”
***
Clary frowned in return. “Are you sure about that?” From his post on the network, Julian didn’t seem to think they were okay. “Because you’re acting...different. I mean, you are like you, but just...something is off.” Clary looked down at her unwrapped burger. She didn’t know how else to say it. “I just...I’m worried.”
Emma went back to training and Clary wasn’t sure if she should push the subject. “Of course. You can train with both of us. It’s no problem.”
***
Emma sighed. Clary had promised not to make this about how worried she was about Emma, but it seemed like she couldn’t help herself. Emma just didn’t understand why everyone was just so concerned all of a sudden. She was fine. Better than fine, really. This was the most clear-headed and focused she’d been in a long time.
“Everyone says they’re worried about me, and they don’t believe me when I say everything is fine. What’s it going to take to let this thing go?”
*** Maybe finding a way to fix or reverse what happened to you? Clary chided to herself. Emma was different and she could deny it all she wanted to, but Clary knew her best friend and this was not the Emma she had come to know and care for. There were parts of her that were the same, but they were more empty, maybe even more colder than before and Clary knew that was not how Emma acted. It was clear that Emma didn’t want to talk about it though and was convinced there was absolutely nothing wrong with her. Maybe Julian could be the one to convince her otherwise. He might be the only one capable of reaching her at this point.
“We don’t have to talk about it anymore,” Clary replied gently. “Let’s just eat and we can talk about scheduling some training sessions for the two of us and Jace.” Clary hoped steering the conversation back to a more welcoming topic would relax Emma some. She didn’t want to push Emma away with her worry even if Clary believed it was completely legitimate.
***
Emma wasn’t foolish enough to think this was the end of it, but since Clary was letting it go for now and Emma didn’t feel like making a bigger deal of it than it needed to be, she just nodded.