azure_rosa (azure_rosa) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2012-09-30 23:02:00 |
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Entry tags: | challenge, challenge: remix |
Remix Challenge: Mirror Redux
Title: Mirror Redux
Challenge: stasia's Remix Challenge
Summary: Remix of geri_chan's lovely story Mirror, Mirror. Sometime later Severus decides to visit Remus. Things don't go quite according to plan, but maybe that is a good thing.
Timeline: I'm placing this as late fall or early winter of year four.
Pairings: Snape/Lupin
Disclaimer: If you think any of these characters are mine please tell me what world you live in so I can move there posthaste! Based on geri_chan's story, Mirror, Mirror. I highly recommend you read that story first so you know what everyone is going on about. :)
Rating: Rish for brief, fly-by sex scene.
Author: azure_rosa
Beta: phantaz_magoria all remaining mistakes are entirely my fault.
AN: I really liked geri_chan's Mirror, Mirror story and she mentioned it was one of the only stories she didn't give a happy ending to. Now it has one! I hope you love it hun! *hugs*
Sometimes Remus found it tempting to listen to those around him. How liberating would it be to allow himself to believe he was a victim in this mess, that the fault could be lain at the feet of fate and Severus, absolving him of all wrongdoing. Sometimes Remus wished it was all so simple.
To blame Severus or even fate would be both dishonest and childish. He was his own person and he had made bad decisions, so many that he’d lost count. He knew he was no innocent in all of this. Despite what his well-meaning friends thought Severus wasn’t merely bitter about losing his chance to be honored by the Ministry, nor was his failure to catch Sirius the only factor.
Those issues were part of it of course, but nothing Severus does is ever driven by just one thing. It wasn’t the straw that broke his back, it was the haystack. Remus had tried so hard, but when all was said and done he’d ruined everything yet again. All his efforts to regain Severus’ trust and maybe Severus’ heart didn’t matter in the end because he made the same damn mistake as last time.
When it came right down to it Remus knew he had failed once again to trust Severus even when he knew he had to if he wanted even the tiniest chance that this time things would be different. Instead he panicked, just like last time, and instead of reaching out and trusting Severus to trust him back he’d dodged the issues and lied, both by omission and directly. He knew from experience Severus viewed both as equally egregious.
Remus remembered being so happy that Severus had given him a chance when they were in school, there were so many valid reasons he shouldn’t have and yet Severus had decided to trust him. Despite what Severus thought Remus loved him, both then and now.
He’d hoped that Severus might give him another chance when he was teaching alongside him, but it never happened and now it never would. Instead of proving himself trustworthy Remus had compounded his error of so many years ago. Severus might have eventually forgiven him for the first lie, but the second... Well, Slytherins weren’t well known for forgetting trespasses, especially repeated ones.
Remus had apologised profusely multiple times for both lies of course. The problem was apologizing for not trusting the person to whom you were apologizing didn’t go over well at the best of times and when Severus was the person in question things go even worse.
Remus sighed and wiped at his eyes, the days leading up to the full moon always made him restless and maudlin. He hadn’t even seen Severus since he left Hogwarts nearly six months ago now. Severus was still making the Wolfsbane potion for him, but it was delivered without fail by house elf since it was too volatile to be subjected to owl post.
“Why are you sniveling, wolf?” Remus startled, wand in hand and pointing at the intruder before both the voice and words fully registered. At Severus’ complete lack of fear over having a wand practically shoved up his nostril Remus relaxed; no one ever took having a wand pointed at him quite like Severus.
“Why-” Remus was thrown off balance by the question, “do you care?” Severus’ query, while snarky as always, didn’t go straight to mocking, instead it had almost sounded like a peace offering.
“I asked didn’t I?” Severus snapped in reply. As stroppy as he was trying to make himself seem, Remus could see his left little finger. It always curled just that tiny, almost unperceivable bit more than his other fingers when Severus was nervous. It was curled.
“Tell me why you are here first.”
“You are due for your potion, don’t tell me you forgot.” Remus flinched in response. “I didn’t mean -” Severus started awkwardly, as close to apologetic as he ever got as he handed the goblet to Remus, “it is just a turn of phrase.”
“Why did you come though, you haven’t since...” Remus trailed off, afraid reminding Severus of what happened would make him storm off, never to speak to him again.
“I had something to prove to myself.”
“Then you’re here for the library.” Remus turned away to take his potion, resigned that Severus hadn’t come to see him as he had so briefly hopped. Foolish of him, Severus had no reason to want to see him anymore, he hadn’t wanted to see him for years.
“You never answered my question.”
Unwilling to expose himself to ridicule for mourning a relationship that hadn’t even existed between them for nearly two decades Remus turned back to Severus and sidestepped the issue again. “And you haven’t answered mine either.”
“Fine,” Severus grumbled, turning away from Remus. “I came here to prove the Headmaster wrong.”
“Not an endeavour I would usually advocate.” At the inquisitive look Severus flashed at him Remus elaborated, “Albus has an annoying propensity towards being right.” Severus smirked at the fond exasperation in Remus’ tone.
“With any luck this is no exception.” Severus’ finger curled again and Remus could only just catch the uncertainty in his voice.
“Oh?”
“I am, apparently, as much of an emotional fool as he claims.” Severus sounded both embarrassed and more than a little annoyed with himself as he admitted that.
“Severus?” Remus couldn’t quite keep the newly rekindled hope out of his voice or face. “What did he say?”
“Aside from telling me I was a fool and acting like a child?” Severus mock grumbled.
“Yes, aside from that,” Remus teased gently, he hadn’t expected to be given what was tantamount to permission to tease Severus, that gave him more hope that he was forgiven than anything thus far had.
“He said you didn’t hate me.” Severus’ answer was so quiet Remus was glad Grimmauld Place was silent for once, otherwise he might have missed it entirely.
“I don’t,” Remus quickly reassured him, “I never could.” He paused, gathering his thoughts before continuing, “I wasn’t happy that you outed me, but I couldn’t fault your logic. I was-” Remus paused and corrected himself, “I am a danger, despite my wishes to the contrary.”
“I didn’t handle that as well as I would prefer, concussed people aren’t known for their precise thought processes for a reason, but it was necessary.”
“I am inclined to agree.”
“That I didn’t handle it well or that your removal was necessary to keep the students safe?” Remus swore Severus was teasing him again, albeit gently, as if he was still not sure if he was allowed.
“Choose one.” Remus smirked, he had missed bantering with Severus, it was one of the few good things that had continued even after they broke with each other. Doing so had been rare when they were teaching together, but it had given Remus hope that he wasn’t completely irredeemable in Severus’ eyes. “Is it too much to hope that the same is true of you?”
“What is?”
“That you don’t hate me either.”
“I - no. I convinced myself that I did for a time, I was livid with you for quite a while, but I don’t hate you.”
“Thank you Severus, you have no idea how good it is to hear that.”
“I might have an inkling.” Severus smirked at him, it wasn’t all Remus wanted, but it was more than he’d ever dared to expect. Severus collected the goblet, turned and made his way towards the floo.
“Was that the only thing that brought you here?” Severus froze, his hand still reaching for the floo powder. Remus hadn’t actually expected to verbalize that thought, yet there it was, raw and vulnerable between them.
“You never told me why you were crying.” Severus turned to face Remus again, as tense as he had been when he first arrived, his eyes searching Remus’ face for clues and his finger curling in response to his nerves.
“Because I was feeling maudlin.”
“And magic works according to our understanding of magical principles. If we are done stating the obvious now?”
“What do you want me to say, Severus? You don’t want to know the truth, so why not make something up? I trust you’ll come up with something suitably entertaining.”
“What if I do want the truth?”
“You really don’t, you wouldn’t like the answer.”
“Damn it Lupin, a bit of honesty won’t kill you!”
“No it wouldn’t,” Remus conceded, “but as telling you would only make things worse I think I’ll opt out.”
“FINE! If you won’t answer my question then I will answer yours!” Severus paused, visibly gathering his composure before continuing. “I didn’t come here just to establish whether or not you hate me, though it was an important part of what I wished to learn.”
“What was that Severus,” Remus prompted when it seemed like Severus would not continue.
“Do you ever think back to our school days and wonder...” Severus trailed off, unsure or perhaps unable to complete his question.
“If we could have made a go of it if only things were just a bit different? I do wonder about it, yes, it makes me maudlin.” Remus shot Severus a look then, the one Severus knew from experience meant Remus was saying more than one might assume.
Remus swore he could see Severus putting the pieces together in his head. He knew the exact instant Severus worked it out because he heard his breath catch and saw his shoulders stiffen in surprise. Remus took that as his cue to pull Severus into his arms for their first kiss in far too long.
It took Severus a beat to realize what had just happened, but as soon as he did it would have been hard to say who was more eager. Remus’ kisses and touches were too long restrained to be gentle, yet judging by the sounds he was wringing from Severus and the way his once lover responded he felt safe in assuming that neither of them minded.
Things quickly got heated and it wasn’t long before they were tangled on the nearby sofa together, necking like the randy teenagers they used to be. Neither could stand to let go of the other long enough to strip and they were far too excited to slow down, let alone stop or prepare properly.
Hands wandered eagerly and clothing was shoved out of the way. Severus somehow managed to wrap a hand around both of them while Remus pulled Severus’ hips to grind against his own. They were horribly out of sync for a few seconds and then, as if their bodies remembered exactly how they used to move together, they caught a rhythm. There was still no finesse, but neither cared. They were both exactly where they wanted to be.
Some time later they finally came up for air. They were thoroughly sated and happily entwined, neither made any effort to put any real space between them. Remus idly toyed with Severus’ hair, smiling and truly, completely happy for the first time in longer than he cared to think about. Most tellingly of all Severus not only put up with the casual affection, he seemed to revel in it like a contented feline.
“I have missed you, love. Obviously I still have the same faults I had when we first tried this, but maybe now that we both know we can work through them?” Remus looked at Severus, heart in his throat as he waited for a reply.
“I did not break with you over what you are Remus. I broke with you for what you did. I will not be lied to by the one person I should be able to trust.”
“Nor should you be. I wish I could swear that I’d never lie to you again, but if I did I wouldn’t believe me in your shoes.”
“Your track record is against you.” Severus agreed, his voice oddly void of any condemnation, instead he spoke it as merely a fact, dangerous enough without his help.
“I know. I don’t suppose promising to do better would suffice?”
“Not really, no.” Despite his words if anything Severus was holding Remus to himself more tightly than before, as if daring him to try to leave.
“What can I do then Severus? I want you to be able to trust me.”
“You have been reliably dishonest with me in the past Remus, there isn’t anything you can say. You will have to prove yourself to me.”
Remus’ lips quirked against Severus’ shoulder, “Good thing Gryffindors are known for not backing down from a challenge then, isn’t it?”
Severus smirked, pulling Remus into another kiss before replying, “Yes, yes it is.”