Fic and Art created for the Love/ Not Love Challenge; G Title: Love Unspoken Author/Artist:shadowycat Rating: G Word Count: 650 Medium: pencil on paper Summary: Severus wishes things were different.
Severus steeled himself for the ordeal of another Order meeting at the Black family mausoleum. It took almost as much preparation and nerve to attend these interminable gatherings as it did to face a room full of Death Eaters. In either place he faced overwhelming hostility, but at least at the Dark Lord’s gatherings most of it wasn’t aimed directly at him.
He opened the door and slipped into the gloomy hallway. Distantly, he could hear the cheerful rumble of many voices tumbling over each other in their quest to be heard. Most everyone must already be down in that barn of a kitchen where they insisted on meeting. The tension in his shoulders eased some. With a bit of luck he could slip into the back of the room and remain unnoticed, at least for a time.
As he passed the library, he was surprised to see someone inside, and his heart leapt in his chest when he realized who it was. Remus Lupin stood by the wall with his nose in a book. As Severus paused to watch, one strong, gentle hand turned a page and Remus’s lips curved softly upward in response to whatever he was reading.
As he looked at Remus, Severus felt a stab of the longing he always experienced when he encountered the man unexpectedly. For a brief, silent moment, he simply allowed himself the pleasure of looking. His eyes drank in all the tantalizing details - the light brown, greying hair, the broad shoulders, the exposed strip of bare skin above the worn collar where Severus longed to press his lips - that made up the man he knew and secretly coveted.
Suddenly, awareness that he was no longer alone seemed to penetrate through Remus’s enjoyment of his book. He lifted his head and turned toward the doorway, and Severus quickly slipped a long familiar and comfortable expression of contempt across his face to mask the truth that had lingered there a moment before. He lifted a brow and looked down his nose at the other man.
“Late again, Lupin?” he jeered, completely ignoring the fact that he was hardly early himself, attacking first and strongly was always the best defence.
A warm smile lightened the careworn lines of Remus’s face. “Oh, hello, Severus. Is it 6:30 all ready? The time got away from me again, I suppose.”
“Might I suggest a watch? It’s an amazingly handy little device for keeping track of time so you aren’t perpetually late for everything.” Severus’s voice dripped sarcasm even though he hated the necessity, but his sharp tone didn’t seem to daunt Remus.
That infectious smile simply broadened, adding a sparkle to those warm, kind eyes, and Severus found himself clamping down hard on the sudden urge to reciprocate. “You’re right; a watch is an excellent idea. Mine died recently, and I haven’t had the chance to replace it yet.”
“Or the funds?” The words slipped out automatically, knowing they were expected.
“That, too.” Remus nodded as he slid the book in his hand back into its place on the shelf. “Well, shall we join the others?”
Severus inclined his head and stepped back from the doorway, and Remus moved past him with another quick smile and proceeded down the hall. As he followed along behind, Severus let himself wonder what it might be like to give in to the feelings he’d kept hidden for so long, to actually hold those hands, to run his fingers through that hair, or press a kiss to the nape of that ever tempting neck. It was a long held fantasy he could never allow himself to indulge, yet couldn’t ever really part with.
Perhaps someday, when the war was finally over, and he was able to truly live for the first time since his youth, things might be different, but even if they weren't, no one could stop him from dreaming.