Ficlet: Werewolf Lore, Myths, and Legends, Fact from Fiction
Title: Werewolf Lore, Myths, and Legends, Fact from Fiction Author: sweetmelodykiss Pairing: Remus/Severus Rating: R Timeline: Post-war, established relationship Genre: Humor Word Count: 2419 Summary: AR: Someone is hunting Severus' lover. Severus is not pleased. Warnings: None Disclaimer: I do not own the characters herein, except for one OMC. All others are owned by JKR. No copyright infringements are intended. Beta: The very talented angela_snape Written for: lupin_snape's Snupin Showers
Severus threw open the door of their little cottage at the werewolf's approach. He scowled as his lover padded into the entryway and dropped an arrow at his feet.
"What have you brought me this time, fur ball?" Severus asked as he picked up the arrow and examined it closely.
"Hmm, Wolfsbane," Severus muttered when he detected the potion's unique scent. "How odd. Why would you have a Wolfsbane tipped arrow?"
The werewolf only grinned lopsidedly at Severus and made a beeline for their bed. He jumped up on the soft duvet, stretched out on his back with his feet in the air, and promptly went to sleep.
Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd have to fumigate their bed for fleas--yet again.
In the morning, Remus awoke to black eyes staring at him.
"Why did you bring home an arrow?" Severus asked.
"Oh, that, well, someone shot it at me."
"Someone shot it at you?" Severus asked incredulously.
"Uh huh," Remus said shrugging. "I don't know why. I was at the forest edge, just minding my own business when I heard a whistling sound. It missed me by quite a bit though."
"I see. That is very strange. I think maybe you should stay in during the full moon from now on."
"Severus, it will be fine. Don't worry. It was probably just a fluke. Now, how about a kiss, love?"
"Not until you've had your flea bath." Severus said smirking. ~~~~~~
Moony ran full speed through the dimly lit alleyway. His pursuer was relentless, but he was no match for Moony's superior strength and speed. Caught off guard, Moony stumbled as the shot rang out, the bullet striking him just below the left shoulder blade. Moony howled in pain but kept on going. He'd be free as soon as he cleared the last few hurdles. Moony jumped an obstacle course of abandoned boxes, cut sharply to the right, and careened down a deserted dock. In one smooth motion, Moony flew off the end of the pier, causing a loud splash as his body hit the water. He was halfway across the river by the time the dark shape that had been following him materialized at the end of the pier.
"Next time, werewolf," the angry man growled. "I'll get you next time." ~~~~~~
Remus groaned. A throbbing pain in his shoulder made his eyes water. Gentle hands gingerly lifted his head off the pillow and poured several potions down his throat, followed by a long, cool drink of water. Remus sighed gratefully as his pain-wracked body began to relax.
"What happened?" Remus asked hoarsely.
"You're grounded!" Severus snarled. "No more wandering in wolf form. Obviously, someone is trying to kill you. First the Wolfsbane tipped arrow, and now this." Severus said as he held up a silver bullet.
"Is that real silver?" Remus asked.
"Indeed, it is pure silver. What an idiot."
"I can't believe someone actually shot me with a silver bullet."
"Believe it, Lupin. I've come to the conclusion that your stalker is an amateur. Everyone knows that silver is the stuff of over imaginative Muggle screenwriters and novelists. It has no basis in actual werewolf folklore."
"Well, he knew about the Wolfsbane."
"Yes, unless you assume that he was trying to kill you with it. Granted, werewolves are not fond of Wolfsbane, but it is certainly not fatal. It's more of a repellent than anything else."
"Well, I agree with your assessment. I don't think we're dealing with a trained werewolf hunter. He's too sloppy and erratic. So, what do you think we should do? I can't hide forever. You know how much Moony likes to run."
"We, my roving fleabag, are going to set a trap for the elusive Van Helsing wannabe."
Remus smiled. He so adored his lover's devious mind. ~~~~~~
Grumbling to himself, the man went over his notes for the third time. "I must have been misinformed," the man said aloud. "I didn't think that werewolves could cross running water, and that blasted silver bullet never even slowed him down. Huh, maybe I have to hit him in the heart with it. I'll make sure my aim is better on our next encounter."
The man gathered his notes and put them neatly into a pile before stripping out of his clothes and heading for the shower. ~~~~~~
Meanwhile back at the den, Remus rolled on top of his lover and dove down for a kiss.
"You're not up for this, werewolf. I just dug a silver bullet out of your shoulder."
"I feel fine, Love. The wound is completely healed. So, if you will be silent, I'll show you just how good I feel."
Severus snorted, "Insatiable beast."
Remus grinned wolfishly.
Delicate kisses to Severus' throat effectively quieted the man's protests. Remus licked the shell of his ear and ran his fingertips over Severus' hardening nipples. He ground his throbbing erection into his lover's own answering hardness, teasing him with short, quick thrusts.
Severus moaned and tossed his head back, bucking his hips upward as he sought more friction.
"Damn it, wolf, stop playing and fuck me. Take me hard and fast," Severus purred.
Remus growled low in his belly and pulled the robe off his lover's body. Fortunately, Remus was already naked, which made for quick preparation. Remus grabbed his wand off the nightstand and rapidly cast a stretching and lubrication spell. With one long, smooth stroke, Remus penetrated his lover's tight arse, plunging in balls deep.
Severus gasped, moaning a string of obscenities as Remus began to pound into him. Severus wrapped his legs around Remus' waist, pulling him in even deeper. Remus grabbed Severus around his waist and lifted him into a sitting position until they were nose to nose and Severus was riding astride Remus' cock with wild abandon.
Remus clasped the back of Severus' neck, drawing his face to him for a long passionate kiss. Mouths mashed together and tongues intertwined as Severus bounced on Remus' cock. Severus raked blunt nails across Remus' chest as he rode the thick shaft buried deep inside him. Hot, so hot, they moaned and panted, sweat mingling together as their climax reached a crescendo. Severus came first as Remus pulled him off roughly. Remus followed moments later as Severus' arse muscles tightened around his cock like a vice.
They collapsed gasping for air, legs wrapped around each other, still connected until Remus cock softened and slipped naturally from Severus' body. Remus snuggled closer, whispering a hearty, "that was brilliant," in Severus' ear.
Severus chuckled. "Thank the gods for werewolf stamina."
They both fell asleep with contented smiles on their faces. ~~~~~~
Remus was staring out the window, ears perked and scenting the wind when Severus joined him.
"What's the matter?" Severus asked.
"Someone is coming." Remus answered.
"Are you sure? Our wards haven’t been tripped."
"He's still far off, but I can smell him and hear his approach."
"Is it him?"
"Yes," Remus said, turning to look at his lover. "It is the same scent. It appears the werewolf hunter has found our home."
"Well then, I think we should give him a little surprise."
"The moon will be full again soon, Severus. He won't reach the wards until after I've turned."
"Mores the better," Severus smirked. "We're going to give him a show that will make him think twice about ever hunting you again. Come on, we must get ready to greet our guest."
This should be fun, Remus thought. ~~~~~~
The man tramped through the woods, chopping and hacking away at low hanging branches with his machete. He was following an overgrown deer path that wound through the forest and hopefully came out somewhere near the residence of the wayward werewolf. He'd tracked him for months; following the wolf's every move until he finally calculated what he thought to be the beast's home base.
With crossbow firmly strapped to his back, pistol in its holster, and necklace of Wolfsbane hanging around his neck, the man moved quickly through the underbrush. The path converged upon a small clearing in the trees. He looked around anxiously, but could not find any threat. Just as he moved out into the open, the full moon rose above the treetops and shined down on him like a spotlight. A tingling sensation washed over his entire body and sent him stumbling backwards into the nearest tree.
The man swore under his breath as he tried to regain his balance. Just then, an eerie howl pierced the quiet of the night forest and a whoosh of air blew past him. The man's head whipped up and he grabbed on to the tree for support. As he finally righted himself, a crack of something near his hand startled him and as he tried to move away, his feet were suddenly yanked out from under him. In a fraction of a second, the man found himself securely entangled in a large net and swaying precariously from a tree branch.
"Well, well, what do we have here?" The silky voice drawled.
The man gasped and shrank back from the black clad form and huge werewolf standing beneath him.
"Bloody hell, I didn't know the werewolf ran with a vampire." The wide-eyed man sputtered.
"I'm not a vampire, you twit! I am a wizard, a very powerful wizard, and you shall rue the day that you ever tried to harm my lover."
"Your lover!" the man cried. "Holy crap!"
"Holy crap, indeed," Severus said with an evil grin. "Petrificus Totalus!" ~~~~~~
The sun rose and bathed the interior of the cottage in brilliant golden light. Remus stretched and climbed out of bed. He laughed at the sight of the magically bound and gagged man slouched in the corner of the kitchen.
Remus yelled back over his shoulder. "Did you leave him like that all night, Severus?"
"I did." Severus replied with no remorse. "It served him right."
Remus grinned.
Severus levitated the bound man over to a chair and plunked him down none too gently while Remus put on the teakettle. Severus turned his back on the rogue werewolf hunter and retrieved some leftover scones from the previous day.
The man stared at the unlikely pair with large, frightened eyes. He was really in trouble now. He figured his death would come soon. That is why he was so shocked when the werewolf smiled serenely at him and removed the gag.
"Hello. My name is Remus and this is my bond mate Severus." The werewolf said as he put a glass of water to the man's lips. "Drink this. You must be very parched. What's your name?" Remus asked.
After drinking the full glass of water, the man hesitantly answered. "Er…um, my name is Billy Dingle."
Severus choked and spit out a mouthful of tea. Finally recovering, he narrowed his eyes. "What's your real name, moron? I do not appreciate deception."
"But…that is my real name. You can check my driver's license."
"What kind of name is Billy Dingle for a werewolf hunter?" Severus asked, still dubious about the whole thing.
Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "It certainly doesn't inspire fear. How old are you, Billy?"
"I just turned twenty."
"A mere child posing as a werewolf hunter," Severus scoffed. "Do you have a death wish?"
"No. I'm just trying to gain information for the paper I'm writing on legendary creatures."
"A paper--you were willing to get yourself killed for a paper?" Severus asked in disbelief.
"Well, yes, it's an important part of my final grade for this semester and I wanted it to be accurate. Although, from what I've seen, most everything written about werewolves appears to be incorrect."
"Indeed, I assure you, it is all incorrect."
"If you knew that I was a werewolf, then why didn't you just ask me? I've would've been happy to tell you anything you wanted to know."
"Huh?" the man asked with confusion.
"I'm really quite amiable." Remus grinned.
"He really is." Severus agreed with disgust.
"I didn't think that you would talk to me and I wanted to test out a few theories."
"How did you know about the magical world anyway?" Severus asked.
"Oh, I have a distant cousin who's a wizard. He let it slip one day when he was visiting. I wasn't really sure though that he was telling the truth until years later."
"I see," Severus huffed.
"I'm going to eventually turn my paper and notes into a full length novel."
"Really?" Remus asked. "I write novels too."
"Wow! Are you published?"
"Of course. I've been writing for quite a while now."
"A werewolf author, that's amazing."
"I do all right." Remus said grinning.
"I'm sure you must have some wonderful stories. I hope my novel does well. I have the perfect title for it too."
"What are you going to call it?" Remus asked with genuine interest.
"Interview with a Gay Werewolf," Billy answered.
Remus started laughing hysterically as Severus rolled his eyes.
"You don't like the title? Billy asked.
Remus wiped tears from his eyes. "Um…I think that title is sort of taken, but I'm sure it will be an interesting read. I wish you luck with your endeavour." Remus said still chuckling.
"This is all very well and good," Severus interjected, "but if you ever try to harm my lover again, Remus will be writing his latest novel titled, The Final Death Throes of a Would-be Werewolf Hunter. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Dingle?"
"Perfectly, Sir. I promise no more werewolf hunting for me."
"Excellent," Remus said, slapping the young man on the back after removing Billy's magical bonds. "Now, have some tea and scones while I tell you my life story.
Severus threw his head back and groaned. "This is going to be a bloody long day."
"Hush now, Love. Don't you want our story in print for the sake of posterity?"
"Indeed," Severus drawled. "Don't forget to tell him the part about how you managed to survive a second Avada Kedavra at the hands of your wizard lover."
"Ah, ha, ha, ha," Remus laughed. "I love you too, Darling."
"Wow," Billy said, smiling broadly, "this is going to be a bestseller. I just know it." ~~~~~~
Seven years later, Interview with a Gay Werewolf and His Snarky Wizard Lover, hit the bookstores. It was a runaway bestseller from the minute it hit the bookseller's shelves. Apparently, many people wanted to know the truth about werewolf lore, myths and legends. Of course, the hot man sex didn't hurt sales either.