nimrod_9 (nimrod_9) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2010-04-05 16:02:00 |
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Title: Cardamom, Nigella Seeds and Love
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,515
Disclaimer: I'm still a brunette from
Warnings: unbeta’d. Fluff!!! If you’re still on your Easter candy buzz this could send you into a sugar coma!! Soppy ending, I don't read warnings so I'm not sure why I write them!!
They were still panting, Remus cradling Severus to him when those three words popped out of his mouth. They hung heavily in the air between them. Three little words, I love you. Severus had stiffened and Remus closed his eyes slowly as he rolled to the side. Leaving with a sleepy and cranky Teddy would be awkward; certainly Conall would be awakened as well. After several deep breaths Severus relaxed slightly and feigned sleep. Remus didn’t press, just tried to remain still, hoping sleep would claim him quickly.
Hours later, Remus heard the boys stirring, and slipped out of bed and into his dressing gown. Actually, it was Severus' old dressing gown that Remus used on weekends here. He changed Teddy’s nappy and made all of them breakfast. Conall had insisted that Sunday morning always called for pancakes, his imperious tone mimicking his adoptive father’s exactly. Funny how some traits were learned not inherited. Remus surreptitiously watched Conall. Remus was fascinated by those eyes; they were much like his own, but more whiskey than honey amber. The inner wolf would make itself known, if one was perceptive enough.
Severus swooped into the kitchen, and made a beeline for his chair and the teapot, and mumbling a gruff 'good morning'.
"Papa, Remus let me put lemon and brown sugar on one pancake and the other I wrapped around a sausage."
"Quite grown up you are then." As his gaze passed over Teddy who was wearing jam and -pancake all over his face and glanced down avoiding Remus altogether.
Conall beamed and nodded vigorously. "May I be excused?"
"Yes, you may. Why don't you take Teddy out to the garden and check on the peas and radishes."
Teddy started chanting "Pee, pee, pee." Remus cleaned Teddy up before letting Conall take his hand. The boys ages two and seven, tripped and stomped their way outside.
"Casting a silencing charm would have been more subtle."
"I believe subtly is lost on them."
"I assume this is about last night?" Before Severus answered Remus continued, his eyes boring directly into Severus'. "I won't apologize for saying it because I'm not sorry. I will apologize for making you uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable. It's just not possible." Severus drew himself up rigidly.
"I might grant you it might be unlikely, but it is quite possible." Remus straightened his posture.
"It is not possible, wolf."
Light dawned in Remus' eyes. "Not possible because I'm a werewolf?"
"Not possible, period."
Anger emanated from his every pore as Remus spoke. "Avoiding the question, Severus? Do you really consider a werewolf unable to feel? "Remus got louder. "You don't think your son feels? You don't think he feels when he wraps his arms around you and calls you Papa? You don't think he feels when you mend his cuts after the full? You didn't think he felt anything as he beamed up at you this morning?” He lowered his voice and clenched his jaw. "I was a human being and a wizard before a werewolf marked me, the same as your son. For his sake, please remember and accept that." Remus turned on his heel and bolted up the stairs to the bedroom.
With a wave of his wand Remus was dressed. He hated to do it that way, but he had to get out of here! He grabbed Teddy's things and was back in the kitchen within a few moments. Severus stood mute rooted to the same spot. Remus thought he saw the man take a shuddering breath, but he couldn't be certain. "Thank you for supper and breakfast." Remus walked out the garden door to get his son.
A minute later Conall entered the kitchen with a handful of radishes still bearing clumps of dirt. His father was sitting at the kitchen table with his head down. The boy dropped the radishes on the table, and put one filthy hand on the long dark hair and stroked it gently.
*******
The full moon would be rising in about two hours. Remus stood in front of Severus' door and knocked. The door flung open. "A bit late to come for Wolfsbane, don't you think?"
"Good to see you too, Severus. I've already had mine, though. Since you wouldn't return my letters or floo-calls, I thought I would come, and see if you needed any help with Conall."
"I know about werewolves."
"You apparently don't know everything," Remus whispered tightly.
A pair of arms wrapped firmly around his waist. "Remus! I was so scared I'd have to change by myself. I've never done that before. Did you know?"
"No, I didn't know mate."
Severus knelt down. "You were afraid? You didn't say anything when I asked."
"You've been sad; I thought it might make you sadder."
Severus grasped Conall's shoulders and then pulled him into a tight hug. "When you don't talk to me I will most definitely more sad." After a moment Conall tried to wriggle out of the embrace.
"Where's Teddy?"
"With his Grandmother."
Severus stood and straightened his trousers. "You didn't trust me?"
"I didn't think I would be staying. I'm certain she's having a time of it. He decided to toilet train himself the day after we were here last. He said he could 'use a woo". Now the challenge is to keep him from watering the house plants like a werewolf."
"Ick" Conall shivered.
"Ick, indeed."
Conall raced back to the kitchen.
"Am I staying?" Remus prodded.
The silence stretched and stretched.
"Don't put yourself out Severus. I'll be back about a half hour before moonrise. If you want me to leave then I'll still have time to go somewhere else." Remus strode out the front door and there was a loud crack as he Appartated.
Precisely an hour and a half later, Remus Appparated back to Severus' front garden, Conall was waiting for him.
"Papa said you would be back." He grabbed Remus' hand and began to drag him inside. "We can use the laundry room like always."
"Where is your father?"
"Brewing. He said he would be done in ten minutes."
"Are you ready for stretching?"
Conall giggled. "You look like a dork when you do it."
"And if I say you look like a dork."
"I don't, papa says I'm flexable". Conall grinned.
When they got to the room, Remus put the shoes up in the cupboard. The cupboards and the machines were the only things in the room, not much for the wolves to get into. They wouldn't stay in anyway on a nice night like this. One door opened to the back garden, Severus would open in after transformation was complete. Remus began to strip, dressed only in his pants he began to stretch.
"Come on. Clothes off and on the washer. You're growing fast enough without ripping your clothes on purpose."
"Next week I get new shoes, papa says he can't magic mine any bigger." He said as he handed Remus his clothes.
Remus added his pants to his own pile of clothing and closed the cupboard door.
Suddenly Conall whispered. "I can feel it."
They stared at each other for a moment before dropping on all fours. There was less chance of them hurting themselves down here. A few minutes later the transformation was over and Severus was there to open the door. Remus carefully avoided him, while Conall stopped to have his head scratched and his ears fondled.
Later, they returned to the laundry room and transformed back. Remus tried to tuck himself into a position so that he didn't feel any more exposed than he had to. Naked in front of his former lover Remus felt particularly vulnerable. Severus pushed the door open and picked up Conall.
"You're sticky."
"Remus showed me some gooseberries."
"You need a bath."
Conall snuggled closer. "Too tired."
Severus scourgified him and took him to bed.
Remus stood slowly and reached for his clothes in the cupboard. His wand fell out and landed on the floor. He sighed. Even more slowly he bent to retrieve it. The door swung open again. Remus kept his face averted as he slipped on his pants.
Remus, too tired to Apparate, asked, "May I use your floo?"
"You might want to dress first." Severus took a deep breath. "Do you need a pain potion?"
"No, thank you I have one ready a home. May I use your floo?"
Severus stepped aside. "Of course."
Remus stuck his wand in his shoe and picked up the bundle of clothes and held them close to his chest.
Two weeks later Remus' cottage fairly sparkled. The garden was tamed, and Remus was not behind in a single chore or his writing. His slight bout with depression produced a pile of short stories and a couple of good ideas for a novel. He hadn't heard from Severus since he'd left his house the day after the full, not that he really expected to.
"Remus.." a tiny voice called.
"Conall. Are you supposed to be using the floo?"
"Um, well.. ahh…"
"Does your father know?"
"No."
"Step back, I'll come through if the connection will let me."
Remus stood in Severus' lounge. "Where is he?"
"He's in the cellar, brewing."
"All right. First, you don't floo-call anyone without his permission unless it's an emergency. Two, you can write send me a note with an owl if you need to. Now that that's done. Why did you call?"
"I'm worried about papa."
"Has he been ill?"
"No, but he looks all skinny and he doesn't eat. He just pushes the food around his plate."
"Grown ups sometimes have problems that make them do that. I know you're worried, but your papa is very smart he'll be fine."
"Why don't you and Teddy come anymore? Is it because of the pancakes, you don't have to make them all the time. I like other stuff for breakfast, too."
Remus knelt down. "It isn't about you or pancakes. It's grown up stuff."
"The same grown up stuff that makes him not eat?"
"I honestly don't know, Conall."
"Conall, who are you talking to?" Severus called. They could hear his boots on the stairs.
Remus stood up. "It's me, Severus."
Severus was in the room in a thrice.
"Conall used the floo to call me. I came through to make sure things were all right."
Severus looked at Conall, who looked at the floor.
"Sorry, papa. I know I'm not s'posed to use the floo except for 'mergencies."
Severus knelt down. "You didn't have an emergency then?"
"No, sir." Conall mumbled.
"Why did you call Remus?"
Conall shifted from one foot to the other and looked from one thing to another in the lounge, avoiding his father's face.
Severus reached a hand up and touched Conall's cheek. "It's all right. You can tell me. I'm certain you had a good reason even if it wasn't an emergency."
Conall let out a small sigh before he spoke, "Iwasworriedbecauseyouaretooskinnyanddon't
Remus could see Severus was startled.
"Sometimes adults have problems and they don't handle them very well."
In a small voice Conall asked, "Is it me?"
Severus sighed. "You are most definitely not this problem."
"Remus said it was a grown up problem, like him and Teddy not coming over anymore."
"Lupin?"
"I assured Conall that he wasn't the reason we didn't visit, and that sometimes grown ups had other difficulties."
Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It's confusing, and I'm not certain you'll understand."
Conall hugged Severus tightly. "s'ok."
"I seem to be a fifth wheel here. Write if you would like, Conall." Remus stepped toward the front door. "Good-bye, Severus, Conall."
Three nights later Remus stood holding Teddy about to knock on Severus' door. They'd been invited for dinner. Remus was of two minds over the invitation, and had considered declining it. Obviously, Severus had something to say, and Remus was unable to resist finding out what it was. He knocked.
The door flung open a few moments later, Severus looked flushed and a little harried. Upon seeing Severus, Teddy grinned from ear to ear and changed his hair from wavy and brown to straight and black. Remus sniffed the air. The smell wafting over him was very slightly spicy and Indian; he could smell the cardamom and the nigella seeds.
Severus was gracious and quiet. Dinner was Indian: Mughlai chicken, rice and Muttar paneer. Teddy had demanded everything, but for the most part ate the rice and squished the cheese before eating it. Both Conall and Remus attacked their meal with gusto. The conversation waned and Severus, who had barely spoken, pushed his food artfully around his plate. With dinner cleared away, the boys went to play in the back garden. The wards were up preventing them from going too far. Severus indicated they should join them outside. They sat just outside the back door on a tiny stone patio. Severus remained mute.
Curiosity was apparently going to kill the werewolf. Remus finally spoke. "What is this about, Severus? Obviously you have something on your mind."
Severus momentarily closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I…you couldn't…we didn't.." Severus clamped his mouth shut.
Remus reached a hand out and touched Severus' forearm. "It's all right, you know. What ever it is you've got to say."
Severus stiffened but didn't move away. He started again. "I believed this," he ran a hand over his face. "Was as the saying goes: a face only a mother could love. And she does love me despite everything." He paused. "A few weeks ago you make a declaration of your feelings. I was stunned. I had never imagined a lover, a man saying that to me. I didn't handle it very well. Then a couple weeks later my son calls you for advice because he's concerned about me. As it happens, I am apparently loveable from both of your points of view.” He paused. “Some alcohol might be just the thing at this moment."
"A bit of Dutch courage, Severus?"
Severus shrugged. "I could probably use more than just a bit."
"You don't have to say anything else. I believe you just told me you do accept that lycanthropes have emotions, too."
"In all honesty the thought that they did not have any had never crossed my mind. It was both of you together that made me finally understand that these emotions could possibly be directed toward me."
"And you needed a drink be able to say that?"
"No, this next part." Severus carefully looked off to the children running in his garden and took a deep breath. "I would like to make a family. We have all the components parents, children." Severus looked around almost wildly trying not to look at Remus.
Remus slipped his hand down Severus' arm and grasped his hand. "And love, Severus. We can make a family with love."
Severus squeezed the hand that held his. Remus thought there had been enough talk and leaned in for a kiss.