Fic: What's a Few Decades Between Old Crushes? (hard R/NC-17) Title: What's a Few Decades Between Old Crushes? Author: Omni (aka: rip_von_christ) Rating: Hard R/NC-17 Warnings: Some sexual situations. No beta (per usual). Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, just the situations in which I am placing them. Summary: Some long-overdue cleaning of the Potions classroom yields unexpected results. The question now is what exactly Severus plans to do with the knowledge obtained from such a surprising discovery. Notes: This is for the Letters to Lupin thing, in dedication of Lupin's birthday, yet there is no birthday-related anything in here. There are, however, letters. Plenty of letters. Oh! Also, this takes place in a world where Deathly Hallows never happened. It's post-Voldemort, with the lovely cliche of Remus returning to Hogwarts as DADA prof. You'll probably see a few other cliches about. Hah. Also, this is much...ah...nicer? fluffier?...than I usually write. _______________________
If I told you the truth, I wonder what you’d say. I very much doubt you’d believe me. Or perhaps you would. Perhaps you’d laugh and run off to tell everyone about the depraved Gryffindor boy and his fetish for—ah—stirring rods.
The note had fallen out of an old battered copy of Pleasingly Palatable Potions with Particularly Prosperous Properties, which hadn’t been a required text since Severus had been a sixth year. He was in the process of cleaning out the storage closet in order to make room for more ingredients, when he had happened upon the piles of used books that were just sitting there collecting dust. That particular book had been stuffed with scraps of parchment that seemed to serve as bookmarks, and one of them had fluttered softly to the floor when he lifted the old thing in order to toss it in the bin.
For some reason, he had felt compelled to read the bit of paper, and then he forgot about cleaning. The promise of mystery and intrigue was far too tempting, so he made himself comfortable on the dusty floor and opened the book to find more clues. If that book had been decommissioned when he was in school, there was a great possibility that this had belonged to a classmate. Considering who the Gryffindor boys had been in his year, he was very eager indeed to find some scrumptiously slanderous dirt on them, even though most were dead or working for the Dark Lord. Yes, he supposed he could be a bit childish at times with his grudges…
Must you toss your hair aside like that? Maybe I’ll buy you a hair band, so you can just secure it back while you brew. It would probably be far less…distracting.
Hm. Perhaps this was just Potter’s ramblings concerning Lily. Certainly it fit, considering Potter had gifted her with hair ribbons on more than one occasion—which she had very reluctantly accepted. Severus was somewhat surprised to feel a smile tugging at his lips, as he recalled the way his dear friend would tease him with them, insisting that she tie his hair back and make him look like a proper gentleman.
I change my mind. Leave your hair down. Your neck is far more distracting.
Severus laughed softly through his nose as he read that. Whoever it was, he certainly had a naughty mind. Then again, it was probably written by someone in his teens, when all his hormones were raging and sex was almost always on one’s mind.
Ignore them. Please. They’re idiots. And please, I beg you, don’t look at me with such contempt. I did nothing. I could never… I’m so sorry.
Most likely Potter writing little cowardly notes to Lily that he had no intention of ever sending, yes. She would always be so mad at him! It was delicious. Pity she eventually changed her mind.
You seem so sad nowadays. Ever since the OWLS. It can’t be your scores, because I’m sure you did wonderfully. You always do wonderfully. Was it…was it because of what happened at the lake? I should have done something… I wish I had the power to turn back time.
The smile had died as Severus recalled his blasted slip of the tongue, and the resulting demise of what was once a beautiful friendship. Though, he had to admit that he was a bit shocked by the contrite tone of these notes. He’d never imagined Potter as someone who was terribly apologetic for his wrongdoings. Then again, he was probably just regretting that he hadn’t roughed Severus up more that day, for what he’d said to Lily. The bastard.
This book again? I hate this book. I’d rather spend the extra money to buy a new one than use this one again. Slughorn is an idiot. I think you’d be a far better teacher.
Lily would have been, yes. She was nearly as good with potions as Severus was. Before their falling out, they’d swap ideas and theories. Such a brilliant mind…such a shame…
If Sirius or James says one more bad thing about you, I swear I’m going to snap. They don’t even KNOW you! How could they even presume…! And PETER! He just agrees, then tries to outdo them in his insults. Please, please don’t overhear it. You’ll think I’m part of it, I know you will.
Suddenly the room felt very, very cold. Or perhaps that was just the stunned realization that was sliding icily down Severus’ spine. Lupin. Lupin had been the one to write the notes… But, what did that mean? Had Lupin also been in love with Lily? Wait, maybe it wasn’t Lily. He’d been wrong about the author, so he could very well have been equally wrong about object of desire. Besides, the boys certainly wouldn’t have been trading barbs about Lily.
Trying to recall all the other girls from his year, Severus flipped through the pages to find another scrap of parchment.
You hate me. I know this. If I ever had any doubts about your loathing, they’ve been erased. So, it would be foolish of me to try anything. I’m more than aware of this. I mean, it was always foolish of me to even dare to want—to dream. I just…I can’t fully give up, though. For some reason, I can’t just abandon all hope. Which probably just makes me seem more like a fool, I know. So… Here’s my attempt to confess. It’s cowardly and probably won’t even work, but…
Every time I write to you, I use a charm. It makes the ink invisible to all but the one to whom I’m addressing the words. If anyone else happens across these scraps, they’ll see only blank parchment. You, on the other hand, will see my confessions. You’ll know the truth. It’s cowardly because…well…why would you ever look into my book, anyway? And also…you’d never really have proof to show anyone, should you wish to use it as a way to alienate me amongst the others. Speaking of…they don’t know. I’ve told no one, save for you, here, in this format.
It had been the largest scrap of paper, and the one tucked into the very back of the book. Severus reread the words several times, unwilling to believe any of it. Shaking his head, he assured himself that it was probably just a case of the charm wearing off, so that now anyone and everyone could read the missives. Gathering the scraps he’d read (for there were still several still tucked away in the book, untouched), he got to his feet and went in search of a test subject.
He found Filius near the Great Hall, and felt he was the best subject for such an experiment. Who better to test charmed parchment on than a charms expert?
“Do you see anything?” Severus asked, passing Filius the scrap about Slughorn, since he felt that was the safest one.
Raising a white eyebrow, the short professor turned the bit over and over in his fingers, then passed it back. “I see parchment. What, is there a hidden image?”
“Words, actually,” corrected Severus, frowning at the paper in his hand, and seeing the ink quite clearly.
“You want me to see if I can remove the charm?”
Shaking his head quickly, he turned and started walking away. “No… No, that won’t be necessary.” Severus returned to his classroom and retrieved the book—Lupin’s book. It had to be a trick. A prank. Yes, just some old prank that was started but never finished. That had to be it. Of course.
Completely abandoning his cleaning mission, Severus returned to his chambers and sat with the book at his writing desk. He opened it to a random page containing one of the scraps. It was the procedure for brewing a cherry flavored headache reliever. Ah yes, he remembered that one well. It tasted horrid. Reading the notes in the margins, it seemed Lupin was inclined to agree. Little phrases like “tastes like rotten cherries sat on by a troll” and “I think the smell will make me sick up into the cauldron…wonder what affect that will have on it” were littering the page.
There was one line which was quite obviously written by someone else, which had been hastily scratched out in the same ink tone of Lupin’s quill, and it read “Lies! It doesn’t taste like Circe Chesterton at all!” Such vulgarity could only be the work of Black. Sneering at the mere thought of his old rival, Severus picked up the scrap that was being used as a bookmark.
I’d rather this potion taste of you. Which…sounds odd, sorry. I know I’ve never actually had a taste. I’ve caught your scent, though. Taste is mostly scent. I’m sure you know that, though. Hah…I seem to fail at seduction, even when I’ve no real audience. God, I’m going to die a virgin. I just know it.
The paintings in Severus’ chambers were suddenly startled by a very unfamiliar sound, and all eyes turned to the desk where the dark professor sat. Painted mouths whispered into painted ears, everyone trying to determine if something was wrong, and should someone be sent to find help. It was the image of a young pageboy who first figured out what was happening, but the others were hesitant to believe them. Surely Professor Severus Snape wasn’t really…laughing?
But he was! As he tried to settle his laughter down to chuckles, he flipped through the book in search of another scrap.
I’ve a devious mind, you know. I’m not nearly as straight-laced as everyone would have you believe. I have…thoughts. Devious thoughts. Like, I’ve often thought about figuring out how to make polyjuice potion, just so I can turn into someone you’d actually fancy. Not that I’ve any idea if there IS someone you actually fancy. Still. The dastardly plan remains lurking in the back of my mind. I especially dwell on it whenever you glare at me.
“Quite dastardly, yes. Idiot.”
Crinkling sounds and soft faps filled the otherwise silent room as he flipped through the pages some more.
If I kill Sirius, would you thank me with a kiss, I wonder? I think you just might. Well, no. Perhaps BEFORE he pulled this little…prank…you might have. Not now, though. At most, now I could only hope for a less potent glare and an acknowledging nod.
Severus chuckled again and continued searching. “I’d probably have done more than kiss you if you killed Black for me.”
I had nothing to do with it! Why won’t you believe me? Why won’t you LISTEN?! Used to be I couldn’t go anywhere without you there in my shadow, watching, but now… Now you won’t even LOOK at me. You only followed me to find out some dirt on me so I’d be expelled, is that it? Of course it was. There’d be no other reason for it.
All laughing died, and Severus set that scrap aside. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling while memories replayed before his eyes. What was he doing? Why was he even sitting there reading this? Hadn’t he already convinced himself it was just a prank?
After sitting there for a long time without moving or making a single sound other than breathing, which frightened the paintings only marginally less than the laughter, Severus came to a decision. He stood and swept everything together and into the bin beside his desk. Removing his wand, he hesitated over whether or not to cast incendio. A frown tugged at the corners of his lips, and he tucked his wand away. On his way out, he tried not to think on why he’d spared the book and parchment
-----
That evening was the last one before the arrival of the students, and the Great Hall seemed so empty and hollow with only the teachers dining at the main table. Severus took his usual seat, the one designated for the Potions Professor. The one directly beside the DADA Professor. Directly beside Remus J. Lupin. Not that Severus would allow that to shake him any. A seasoned war vet and former spy like him would never be so easily quelled, no.
Though he did intend to try some…experimenting.
For starters, he greeted Lupin with civility, as opposed to his usual dismissive sniff. Throughout the meal, he was polite and courteous to Lupin, even engaging him in some conversation concerning kappa and their peculiar fondness for cucumbers. Lupin seemed a bit surprised by the change in demeanor, and everyone else kept darting them curious glances. Severus, of course, pretended not to notice any of it.
As the meal progressed, his experimenting grew bolder. At one point, he acted as though his hair was bothering him with how it fell into his face, so he tossed it back with a flick of his head. The result was that his neck was bared on the side facing Lupin, who kept staring at the area with what he erroneously assumed to be surreptitious glances. During after dinner coffee, Severus stirred the cream in his very, very slowly, letting his fingers ever so subtly caress the handle of the spoon. Lupin forgot that he had his own mug in front of him, and seemed far too interested in Severus’.
Fighting ever so hard to suppress a smirk, Severus was careful to catalogue every reaction to his testing. Perhaps, he thought with yet a modicum of caution, it hadn’t been a prank, after all. It would certainly help explain how Lupin had been able to continuously resist the romantic overtures of an attractive young witch such as Tonks.
As he watched Lupin lick the foam of his cappuccino from his lips, Severus started to devise a plan.
Because, what Lupin didn’t know—what he hadn’t realized back when they were children, nor had ever come to learn—was that Severus hadn’t been following the boy back then just to find ways of getting him expelled. Oh, no. His preoccupation with Lupin had an entirely different motivation. Over the years, he’d displayed a carefully-constructed front of disdain, and it had served him well. The war was over, however, and there were no longer any potential threats lurking on the sidelines, waiting to snatch up anything Severus might ever dare to want for himself. Really, it was time Severus started living a little. He more than deserved it.
Casting Lupin a devious leer, Severus sipped his coffee to hide his smirk.
-----
Your eyes caught the light today while you laughed. I always found it enthralling to watch the play of gold and green when the light strikes them just so.
Remus stared at the bit of parchment on his desk, quite unsure what to make of it. He’d found it in his teacher’s guide of Wood-sprite Lore: Wibbling Warbles in the Willows, bookmarking a random page in the bean-sidhe section.
“Odd,” he murmured to himself, his voice sounding lonely in the empty classroom. With a shrug, he put the scrap into a drawer, then headed off towards his office. Perhaps a student had mistaken the teacher’s guide for his or her own book, and thus tucked the little note in to keep the page. Ah well.
The next day, when he found yet another scrap, he was starting to wonder if it hadn’t just been a strange mistake.
How long has it been for you, I wonder, since you last felt another’s embrace? It’s a sin to neglect such a body for too long. That scar that peeks out from the collar of your robes taunts me. I want so very much to tear the fabric aside and follow that pale stripe with my tongue.
Clearing his throat, Remus shifted subtly in his seat. It was certainly not the time to get aroused, considering there was still a very full class of sixth years in front of him. Luckily, there was only a few minutes left on the clock. He slipped that scrap in with its mate, and cleared his throat again.
“Ah, you know, why don’t we call it an early day today, yeah?”
His students all looked up at him from their examinations of formerly-cursed trinkets. They had been assigned to catalogue and compare the physical damage incurred by breaking the different types of curses, as well as making note of any traces of magical signatures. The class had been very eagerly murmuring together in their groups, and seemed quite at a loss as to why they should put this intriguing inspection aside.
Somehow he managed a smile, even while part of his mind was running through any and all possible trace spells to try on the parchment. “You all have been working so hard, that I think you deserve the extra bit of free time.”
Slowly the class started to pack up their things and shuffle out, a few of them casting curious glances the professor’s way. Eventually, he was blissfully alone, and he pulled the papers back out to examine.
Spell after spell yielded no results, and he was starting to grow a little concerned. Yes, he was concerned as to how the author managed to keep slipping them into his book, but he also was worried about why, and most importantly who. Finally giving up on finding anything out through the scraps, he cast an elaborate alarm charm on his book, to alert him if someone tampered with it. Perhaps he could catch the culprit red-handed.
The charm seemed pointless, since he found no scrap of paper in that particular book the following day. Instead, he found it in the detective novel he’d been reading, when he’d pulled it out to enjoy in bed. No sooner had he cracked the spine when suddenly something was fluttering down to his chest.
“You’ve got to be kidding!”
It was a bit larger than the others, and he set the book aside to give the scrap his full attention.
Whom do you desire, I wonder? Whom is it you think of when you’re all alone, and the tension gets to be too much? What do you imagine him doing? Perhaps he falls to his knees, obedient, begging for you. Or, perhaps you’d rather those roles reversed. Sometimes, when I see you in the halls, I imagine pinning you against one of these cold stone walls. Right there in front of everyone. I’d make you beg for it. I’d make you want it so desperately that your vocabulary starts to fail you, and all you can manage are growls. When I finish with you, I will have made certain that no one else would ever feature in your fantasies again. You will be mine.
Oh. That…had been unexpected. Though, perhaps not entirely, considering that the one before had been a touch suggestive. Well, more than a touch.
Perhaps it would be best if Remus stop thinking of the word “touch” for the moment. Of course, certain parts of him disagreed with this thought. Sliding his hand down beneath the sheets, Remus worried that he didn’t find the situation as weird as he probably should.
-----
“Minerva, if you’re not too busy, I’ve something I could use your help with.”
The Headmistress looked up from her paperwork, raising a brow at Remus. “Of course. What can I do for you?”
He quickly approached her desk and set down one of the notes—the first one, since it seemed to be the most tame. “These have been puzzling me. I keep finding them, and—” His words cut short when he registered the look of perplexity on Minerva’s face.
“Bits of parchment? Remus, it doesn’t seem like you to lodge such a complaint.”
“I… What?”
“Littering. I mean, certainly it’s nothing to be encouraged, but really…”
Heart racing, he snatched the bit back to make sure it was the right thing. The words stared back at him, clear as day. “You can’t see what it says?” he asked, voice soft as something dangerously close to hope started to work its way into the mixture of concern and confusion.
“You mean there’s a secret message on it?” She seemed suddenly far more interested. “You know, it’s the most curious thing; Filius was just telling me the other day about how Severus had approached him with such a spelled piece. You don’t suppose there’s some sort of prankster at work, do you?”
“Severus?” Remus’ head was spinning, and he was desperately trying to remember what he’d done with that old textbook of his after sixth year. It had been a Potions text, hadn’t it? Shit, if he’d left it… They already knew from Harry having gotten one of Severus’ old books that Slughorn hadn’t exactly been thorough in cleaning out his cabinets when he retired. But, why was he getting so worried? If this was Severus sending him these notes, as sort of a response to Remus’ own, then…then this was probably the best discovery since refining the cocoa bean!
-----
Do you remember the first time we met? God, you must have thought me quite an idiot. I hadn’t known we were supposed to be enemies, though. No idea about these stupid house rivalries or about what my bunkmates had said or done to you already. I was just lost. Trying to find my way through this labyrinthine fortress. “You know where the dungeons are?” I’d asked. You looked at me like I was daft, but I also had no idea that Slytherins resided there. Despite my idiocy, you took me there yourself. I studied you as we walked together, and I for some reason made the decision right then and there that I liked you. Not fancy, mind. Just like. The fancying came later, after I realized that the girls couldn’t turn my head. When I realized that you were the only one who ever could.
Severus ran his thumb over the faded ink. He’d fished the book out of the trash that same night he’d tossed it, and spent hours collecting all the bits to read. This one was amongst his favorites, and he’d taken to carrying it with him almost like a token or charm. Anytime he started to have his doubts about his scheme, he’d take the paper out and read it as comfort and assurance. Lupin wanted him once, this he now knew. Even if his feelings had changed over time, there was always the chance of rekindling old fires.
He heard the students shuffling about loudly, which could only indicate that class was at an end. Too preoccupied with his thoughts to really be irritated, he gave the children a dismissive wave. “Leave your samples on my desk, properly labeled,” here he paused and gave a few of them pointed glares, “then you are free to go.”
That he hadn’t assigned an essay over the weekend—for once—was a welcome relief to the students, as evidenced by the almost dazed smiles. After the last vial was placed carefully upon the rack at his desk, Severus leaned back in his chair and prepared to enjoy a few moments of blissful solitude before he would have to go anywhere.
However, Fate had other ideas.
“Professor?”
Not even bothering to withhold his growl, Severus glared at the fidgeting fifth-year boy—mousy little thing, average marks, Hufflepuff, entirely forgettable. “What is it, Mr. Luckhurst?”
Luckhurst diverted his gaze and shifted his weight anxiously from foot to foot. “Well, sir, it’s just that there’s a piece of parchment, sir.”
Severus snapped upright and to the edge of his chair. “Beg pardon?”
His quick motion startled the poor boy, who flinched like an abused animal. “Outside the classroom, sir. Someone’s gone and stuck it to the wall. Don’t know why, though, since it’s blank. We thought you might want to investigate it, though. Could be some sort of prank.”
Already having risen to his feet at the word “blank,” Severus rushed past the boy. In his haste, his customary flowing robes seemed far less ominously threatening, but he really couldn’t care.
In the hall, a small group of children had gathered around the page of parchment, posted on the wall as if it were some sort of bulletin. A few harsh glares had them standing aside, and he moved closer to inspect the page. What he saw had him quickly turning around and pressing his back against the parchment as if to shield it from the children’s eyes. Never mind the fact that none of them could see anything on it. There was, after all, always the chance that a chink in the charm might allow one of them to catch a glimpse, and he couldn’t have that. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to face them again if anyone saw what was written.
“Enough now. Go. I’ll deal with this.” When it seemed the children were going to hesitate, he increased the potency of his glare, kicking it up to the degree usually only reserved for Potter. “Do not make me repeat myself.” As their frightened little forms disappeared around the corner, Severus allowed himself a pleased smirk. Sometimes this job was actually rather fun.
Once certain he was alone, Severus turned and examined the parchment again. Surely Lupin wouldn’t affix it with anything permanent… He tried a basic removal spell, and the page fluttered slowly towards the floor. Severus grabbed it out of the air, folded it neatly, tucked it away into a pocket, and casually strolled towards his chambers.
-----
Whom do I desire? Oh, that’s an easy one. Severus Snape. I’ve come to thoughts of him ever since puberty. Sometimes, it was rather difficult to get through a Potions class with him, when I was a lad in school. I’d watch him stir his potion, and all I could think of were the various ways I could use that stirring rod on him. Or how he could use it on me. Last time I was with someone? God, it’s been years. Only shagged him because he had black hair to his shoulders and a deep voice. Pathetic, I know, but that seems to be my type. All my ex-lovers fell into the same category. They aren’t what I want, though.
What I want is to taste him.
My current favorite fantasy involves him and his desk, actually. Though perhaps not in the way you’d initially think. He’d sit down at it to grade papers, totally unsuspecting. I’d be there hiding beneath the desk, waiting for him. At first, he’d be startled by my hands touching his inner thighs, but then he’d let out a stuttered breath and spread those long legs wider. I’d take my time. Why rush? Fingers caressing along smooth black fabric. Eventually, though, I’d want to see more, so I’d slowly start tugging up the black robe. Legs exposed, I’d slide the cloth up higher, higher…no underwear, Professor? My, my…
He’d have hold the fabric out of my way, allowing me clear access to his unprotected lap. I can smell his skin and the pheromones of his arousal. Makes me so damn hungry. I run my tongue along his cock, teasing myself with the taste just as much as I’d be teasing him with the sensation. Delicious. Already I’m addicted. I’d wrap my lips around the head, tonguing back the foreskin a little before finally swallowing him. I can take all of him, so I do. It’s not enough, though. Never enough. I need more…more…
A lubrication spell, and then I’m fingering him as I suck, getting him ready for me. I need him.
I need you
Severus had his hand up his robe as he read the message in its entirety, for the third time. He was just contemplating whether or not to enact the last part, when a knock at his door startled him. Cursing, he slid his boxers back up and tried to figure out a way to adjust himself so that his condition wouldn’t be overly obvious. “Just a minute,” he yelled when the knocks came again. He let his robes fall back into place, and brushed them down with paranoid care. There was a slight mound, but surely nothing too terribly noticeable.
He had been surprised to see Lupin at his door, but later he’d think back and realize he shouldn’t have been surprised at all.
Lupin stood there with a smirk and a leer and mischief in his eyes. “You get my letter, Severus?”
“That was damn reckless putting it where students could see,” Severus chided, trying to put the right amount of venom in the words, but coming out rather flat. Lupin’s lips were proving to be far too much of a distraction. A dark pink tongue sprinted across those lips, and Severus felt his feet take a step forward.
“If the spell I cast on the bits from when I was in sixth year is still working perfectly, I’m fairly confident that the one this afternoon would hold up well enough.”
“Confident about a great many things, I’d say.” What happened to his biting snark? Why were his words coming out with their sharp edges dulled?
Lupin stepped inside the door, Severus simultaneously backtracking. Once cleared, the door was closed securely, and Lupin was grinning like an idiotic madman. “Oh really? You saying I was overly confident when I posted that?”
“Perhaps.” A tiny smirk was trying to come to Severus traitorous lips.
“No more confident than you were when you slipped me those notes, I’d say.” Lupin began advancing again, though this time Severus did not retreat. He only stopped once the air they breathed tasted of each other. His fingers ran their tips along Severus’ hip, making the man shudder ever so slightly.
“I had not revealed myself in those messages,” Severus retorted, though his words were more air than voice. Lupin’s fingers had trailed towards this front, finding the erection he had previously worked at trying to hide.
Humming softly in agreement, Lupin leaned in and nudged Severus’ hair aside with his nose, lips brushing along his jaw. “True. I also had not revealed myself in the one outside your door. If I had been wrong, and it hadn’t been you sending me those notes, then you’d merely see it as some sort of prank.” Each word sent hot, moist breath against Severus’ ear, and he closed his eyes to better focus on the sensation.
“I suppose, yes.” Deciding that pretense was entirely ridiculous by this point, Severus slid his arms around Lupin’s waist and pulled him closer. He turned his head and began dragging his lips along Lupin’s neck in something not yet a kiss.
Lupin rocked his hips, and Severus rewarded him with a caress of his tongue. “God, Severus… Why in the bloody fuck had we not done this sooner?”
“Many reasons, none of which I wish to dwell on at present.” He demonstrated his displeasure with the subject by nipping Lupin’s tender flesh. It didn’t seem like much of a punishment, however, as it caused Lupin to rock against him more insistently.
“Severus?…”
“Mmm?”
Lupin nibbled at Severus’ ear in a most delightful way, then asked in a low, husky growl, “Where are your stirring rods?”