REC FEST 1: Nice Work If You Can Get It by Chazpure
Here's your first rec of the day! There will be another one later!
Title:Nice Work If You Can Get It Gaining Access: Accessible to all Author:priscilla_hack aka chazpure Length/Word Count: Five chapters, ~ 25,850 words total Rating: NC17, with warnings of slash, wanking, oral, anal, toys, mild restraints throughout Pairings: Lupin/Snape Author's Website:Author's LJ Summary: After the war, life goes on - perhaps not as it once did, but if they've survived Voldemort, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin will find some way to keep body and soul together...even if it means working together.
Why you chose this piece: I really don't remember how I first stumbled across this particular fic, since it's been about three years since it was written. However, I've kept it bookmarked because it's simply one of those wonderfully humorous, romantic and smutty comedies that I keep coming back to when I feel like I need a bit of a smile.
Set in what would now be considered an Altered Reality (Post War, accurate up to HBP), the story picks up with Severus on "parole" and Remus helping the Weasley Twins create products for their store. When Remus gets the idea for a sex toy, however, he asks Severus to help with the development and proposes they start their own business making magical sex toys. It switches focus between Severus and Remus, letting their separate stories dovetail into one single story. They aren't an established pair to start with, and so we get to see how they go from being reluctant (on Sev's part) business partners to lovers.
What I absolutely love about this story is its humor, which is witty and raunchy and just plain fun. ...oh, and the sex. Since this is a story about the creation and testing of various sex toys, there are lots and LOTS of very well written sex scenes. Chazpure blends steamy smut and humor extremely well, and her characterization isn't to be sniffed at either! Her Severus and Remus are so very believable and real, that you end up laughing with them and genuinely hoping they wind up together in a relationship in the end.
I recommend this to anyone who loves witty humor, the ribald romantic comedy, and the steamy smexins.
He pushed the man's legs up and back and shoved himself in, all at once. He began to thrust, hard. Young Mr. Greengrocer wrapped his legs about his waist and pulled him in tight, struggling to rub his own impressive erection against Remus's belly. They were sliding together, panting and grunting...
Remus slid his hand up and down faster and faster, then flicked his thumb over his glans...and felt his erection wilt.
What the hell?
"Are you just trying to be difficult?" he asked his uncooperative organ. It lay in his hand, limp and shiny with lube. Remus growled. "Come on, now. He was quite dishy, you know! And I'm sure he was giving me the eye, last time I asked him if they had any avocados!"
Nothing.
This just wouldn't do. It was one thing to be bored with his life, but if his own prick was bored with him, matters were serious.
He gave it another half-hearted pull, but felt no response.
"All right, you! We've been at this game for well over thirty years, you and I, and you aren't allowed to lie down on the job like this! All I want is a decent toss-off, then right to sleep. Think we can manage that?"
He was fairly sure he heard tiny snores.
~*~*~
Severus had been up until 3am, working to finish his latest commissioned potion; he had put in a full day's work in the village on three hours' sleep, and he was not in the mood for a surprise visit from the bane of his existence, Ms. Suzanne Marie Soleil.
Her timing was particularly atrocious, as he had just put the finishing spells on a cauldron of a rather subtle brew that combined intoxicating lust with intense devotion. It was not even vaguely legal, but the client had offered him enough money to keep him in supplies and out of the Muggle workforce for at least a month, possibly two.
"Severus?" the dreaded saccharine voice came from the direction of the floo.
"Damn!" he muttered under his breath, quickly dowsing the flame and levitating the steaming cauldron into the cooling cupboard.
"Severus? I just thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing! Where are you?"
Shite! She would no doubt come looking for him in a moment... There was a strong smell of ashwinder eggs; he had to find something to mask them, quickly. He grabbed a large tub of cocobutter and dumped it into a clean cauldron, levitating it onto the flame and hurriedly stirring attar of roses into the melting fat. He pulled a jar of powdered fairy wings down and sprinkled the sparkling dust into the blend, just as his workroom door swung open.
"Ah! There you are, Severus! Hard at work, I see!" Ms. Soleil smiled brightly at him. "Another commission? That's wonderful!"
"As you see," Severus said evenly, stirring the mixture with careful concentration.
"I just wanted to let you know the review board sent our last report back with a very high evaluation on it! Isn't that lovely?"
Severus merely glared down into the potion.
"Another three or four of those, and we might be able to get your parole shortened! Maybe by as much as a year!" She stepped up close and put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. "I'm so happy for you!"
He wanted to flay her alive. He said nothing.
"So, what are you making, today? It smells wonderful! So different from some of those nasty things you make! Mmm! I could just dive right into that! What is it?"
He looked straight into her face. "Sexual lubricant," he said flatly.
~*~*~
"Lupin?"
"Severus! I was just thinking of calling you."
"We may have a problem. Those Never-Ending Anal Beads of yours...they're not meant to pop off their string, are they?"
"Of course not! They--oh, dear. Yes, that would be bad. What happened?"
"I think it's the charm on the string; it seems to interact badly with the Tickle-Your-Fancy Tingling Lubricant."
"Oh, no! Did they...are you all right?"
"Of course I'm all right? Why wouldn't I be?"
"Oh, you managed to get them all out, then?"
"Certainly. I do have a slotted stirring spoon, you know!"
"A slotted...Severus! Are you sure you're all right?"
"I said I was, didn't I? But there's potion everywhere and I don't know what that dissolved adhesive will do to the beads in combination with the lube. We'll have to find something stronger and non-reactive."
"Severus, you're not making sense! Are you sure you got all of them out?"
"I didn't count them, Lupin, but I've scraped the bottom very carefully, and I'm just about to pour the residue through a sieve, to be sure."
"..."
"Lupin?"
"...Maybe I'd better come over and check. I'll be right there."
Standing over the nearly-empty cauldron, Severus frowned as the mobile disconnected. What ever was Lupin on about, now? He shook his head and tipped the cauldron over onto its side, scraping the thickened potion residue out into the waiting sieve with his long-handled slotted spoon.