Fic: Not a Wolf (PG) Title: Not a Wolf Author: Omni (aka rip_von_christ...ME) Rating: PG Pairing: Lupin/Snape Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, just the situation in which I'm placing them. Warning: Only that it's like...after 2 AM as I write this. So...it may contain some errors that I didn't catch. Note: Due to popular demand, here is a follow-up fic for the bonus ficlet found with the Expecto Patronum! art, which was part of the Lupin Birthday Challenge. ALSO, evidently this takes place during HBP. *shrugs*
He found Severus while making his usual rounds. Albus had tried to talk him out of making his rounds that night, considering it was his birthday, but Remus had insisted that the safety of the children was more important. As he watched the moonlight pour in through the large windows in order to paint Severus in shades of silver, Remus was glad he hadn't shirked his duties.
"Hullo, Severus." The greeting was simple and cliche. He'd greeted Severus the same way countless times before. This time, however, he felt a strange tension accompany it.
Severus turned his head just slightly, eyes slipping away from their study of the moon to acknowledge Remus' arrival at his side. "Lupin. Shouldn't you still be out celebrating?"
Remus chuckled and tried to look out at the night sky without glancing too frequently at Severus. He noticed that there was a faint reflection in the glass, so it made it easier to surreptitiously study the other man. Reflection Severus hovered like a ghost over the landscape of stars, and proved to be a far more interesting view than the moon. When he saw the reflection look straight at him with its dark eyes, he knew he'd been caught. Smile stretching his scarred lips, he let his eyes shift away.
"I'm too old to be out partying at this hour. Besides, no one else would be up for it, either. Everyone else is either too old or too young."
"Not everyone," amended Severus. Remus did not dare look back at his reflection to see if he were still watching. "I'm certain there's a...witch...or two that would love to spend more time in your company."
The smile died. "You mean Tonks." There was silence for answer, but it was confirmation enough. Remus sighed. "I've explained to her many times that it would never work."
"That was an interesting party game," Severus remarked casually. "One's patronus can be very telling, you know. It's actually a rather intimate thing, if you really think about it. It's a reflection of one's soul, but it can also be affected by the source of the spell."
"I'm aware, yes. It can change throughout one's life, depending on what one uses as the happiest memory." He could see where this was likely going, and he both dreaded it and longed for it.
"She's obviously never seen a live werewolf. If she had, she'd certainly not link it to her happiest memory, and her patronus would look less like a deformed beast from some muggle film."
That...hadn't been exactly where he thought this line of conversation was heading. And, was that bitterness in Severus' tone?
"I hardly think it's fair that you left before showing us your patronus, Severus. We all cast the spell, those who could." Remus suddenly fell silent, a horrible thought coming to him and making his stomach twist painfully. "Severus...can you... I mean... Are you not able to..."
"Idiot. Of course I can. Not that anyone really is to know, considering that Death Eaters don't usually go about using that spell. Wouldn't do to scare off our allies, you see."
"Ah. Yes, I see." He looked back at Severus, at the man this time instead of the reflection. In this light he looked like one of the fey, not a man. A dark fey, from old stories, who stole away maidens and fooled people with clever disguises. Remus had always liked those stories best.
A silence had fallen, and Severus studied the sky while Remus studied Severus. Licking his lips and clearing his throat, Remus made an uncharacteristically brave move. "About the party...and my...patronus..."
"Interesting choice. Reminds me of Odin." The stars were reflected in those black eyes, making them seem like miniature versions of the universe.
"Odin?" Perhaps Severus hadn't made the connection. Perhaps he had no idea what the raven meant. Who the raven meant.
"Yes, Odin. He had ravens that served as his eyes. Seems fitting for you to have a raven, considering you're a wolf. When the end of the world comes, you'll swallow him whole."
"I...what?" Remus was truly lost, now. It must be later than he thought, and Severus was just overtired.
Severus turned fully away from the window, eyes studying Remus with a scrutiny that made him feel bare. It wasn't a pleasant kind of nakedness, however. It was clinical and intrusive. "My patronus is not a wolf."
Remus blinked. "I... I didn't think it--"
"You did. Or, you hoped." When Remus opened his mouth to object, Severus waved him silent with his hand, which was as effective as any spell. "I'm not an idiot. Neither is Miss Granger, which is no doubt why she chased me down and attempted to make me participate in that insipid game. But, my patronus is not a wolf, nor is it a werewolf."
He had to glance at the window to make certain it was whole, because he could have sworn he heard something shattering. "I... No, of course not..."
"Miss Tonks is a fool."
Something had to have shattered, and its sharp, jagged shards were lodged in his chest. "She..."
"She obviously does not love you, because she does not understand you at all."
The pain dulled to a low throb, and Remus searched those small universes for some sign of blessed hope. "How do you mean?"
"If she understood you, she would not have a werewolf patronus. That doesn't define you."
"But you call me it all the--"
"Regardless of what I call you, you are not a wolf. Remus Lupin is anything but a wolf. To honor a curse that you despise by having it represented in any way by one's patronus... That is not love. That is foolishness."
Well, he supposed he couldn't argue with that...
Severus stepped closer, his face unreadable and still so damn otherworldly. "My patronus is not a wolf."
"Yes, I believe you said that, already." As if petrified, he could not move. He could only stand there and stare at Severus, unsure if this was all a dream. It could be. If it was, he'd do what he could to become permanently comatose.
Instead of replying with words, Severus swooped in like the raven Remus associated him with. Black robes surrounded him, pulling him closer, tighter, until he was enveloped in Severus' darkness. His face was shadowed from the moon's glow by the curtain of Severus' hair, and it was as if the moon had been banished from the sky. He didn't need a moon, though. Hell, he didn't want a moon. This was better--so, so much better. Severus' lips met his own, and Remus clung to the front of Severus' robes as he opened his mouth to the kiss.
It continued for a while, the moon slowly making its way across the sky while they lingered by the window. They did their best to remain quiet, but moans escaped, one which sounded suspiciously like "happy birthday" to Remus' ears. By the time they finally parted, the moon had moved away from the window, and all that remained were faint whispers of light in the hall.
"My patronus will never be a wolf," Severus whispered into his ear, hot breath tickling his neck. Then, ever so faintly, it sounded as if Severus had whispered something else. He couldn't be certain, but Remus thought he'd caught the words.