julesnoctambule (julesnoctambule) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-09-23 00:39:00 |
|
|||
Current music: | Magnolia Electric Co., 'I can not have seen the light' |
Fic: 'The High Cost of Living" (20)
Title: The High Cost of Living (20)
Author: Jules Noctambule (werewolf_lib)
Rating: Hard R/soft NC-17 for sexual situations, language and referenced violence.
Pairing(s): Lupin/Snape, past Lupin/Black & Lupin/Tonks, Snape/others
Summary: After the war ends, a disgraced Snape turns to the world's oldest profession to make ends meet.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, the books wouldn't be suitable for children.
Warnings: Prostitution and some of the associated risks.
Notes: Written pre-DH, but I got a few things right so there are some minor spoilers.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19
It was peaceful and snug in the warm, dim shower and Severus felt none of his usual discomfort in being naked. The gentle puffs of steam and spray coming from the falling water seemed to wrap around him, blurring the sharp edges of his flaws. Even Lupin’s gaze sweeping across his body did little to disturb his sense of relaxation. Indeed, much to his surprise, Severus found himself welcoming the attention.
Lupin took a flannel from a small hook beside the shower head and poured a small amount of something from one of the bottles on the shelf to the side of the hook. He lathered it between his hands, sending the scents of lemon balm and honey into the air. ‘May I?’
‘If you like.’ Severus couldn’t recall a time when he’d been bathed by someone else other than infancy and while incapacitated. The look on Lupin’s face promised the experience would be a far cry from both those instances.
He slid the flannel across Severus’ shoulders. ‘Oh, I certainly do.’
Lupin’s touch was gentle, but his motions carried an unmistakable undertone of seduction and Severus had to admit the approach was an effective one. It was odd to him, this mix of tenderness and lust, but perhaps this was how ordinary people went about it.
When he’d finished his torso Lupin knelt in front of Severus, letting the soapy flannel linger on the insides of his thighs but stopping short of the most intimate location before standing back up again and setting the flannel aside.
Severus looked down. ‘You missed a spot.’
‘No, I didn’t,’ Lupin corrected, leading him back under the water to rinse. He slipped his arms around Severus, pulling him closer. ‘I’m saving it for later.’
He allowed himself to lean back into the embrace. ‘How much later?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. . .would now do?’
Severus tried to ignore the trembling, dizzying feelings brought about by Lupin’s hand sliding down his chest but he couldn’t stifle the gasp when that hand nestled itself around his erection. ‘You are a terrible tease.’
‘You’re one to talk,’ Lupin murmured in his ear, kissing the corner of his jaw. ‘That time when we were at school, when you pulled me into the broom cupboard? This is what I wanted to happen.’
‘You wanted us to be in our thirties, lonely and broken, fooling around in the shower like a pair of clumsy teenagers?’ Severus asked. He felt Lupin’s lips spread in a smile against his neck.
‘Is there ever a time you don’t think a little sarcasm is appropriate? I think we both know that I was talking about this.’ Lupin’s hand took a firmer grip on its prize and began stroking. ‘I wanted those fumbling hands of yours to find their way inside my robes, grab my cock and make me come for you.’
That idea was a far more appealing option that what had actually occurred, and between it and the eager hands on his body, Severus took a moment to deliver a coherent response. ‘Sounds rather greedy.’
‘I’d have done the same for you, of course, though I would have preferred to suck you. Would you like that?’
‘I. . . .’ Something else in him stirred, shifted, bringing back recent times he’d rather forget. ‘Not now. This is nice.’
Lupin nodded, his hand slowing. ‘Tell me if you want this to stop.’
‘It’s nice. Really.’ Unsure how else to prove it Severus turned and reached for Lupin, who was quick to embrace him. He let himself be drawn close as Lupin leaned back against the tiled wall, pressing his lips against Lupin’s to keep himself from blurting out any of the conflicting thoughts in his head. There was so much more to allowing this than just the physical and Severus wasn’t sure if he was ready, but then again, this was the sort of thing for which one could ever completely be prepared. When Lupin stretched his grasp to accommodate them both, he broke the kiss with a gasp.
‘It’s nicer this way,’ he whispered into Severus’ ear. ‘Been wanting to do this with you for ages.’
Severus could only nod; it certainly was nicer. As for longevity, well, men their age could do worse, though he suspected things wouldn’t have lasted much longer had Lupin’s wish been granted when they were younger.
For the second time that afternoon Severus allowed Lupin to wash him and this time he even returned the gesture, feeling a strange giddiness when Lupin appeared pleased by the cosseting. It was a curious thing, this making someone happy.
Out of the shower, he went to his rooms to dress while Lupin, still in his dressing gown, went downstairs. Severus took his time, spending most of it not in clothing himself but in sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to decipher what it meant when his body felt almost as if it could sing with pleasure. Either it was something he hadn’t experienced in a long time or it was something entirely new and he just didn’t realise; either way, he could think of no other partner who had left him feeling so splendid. It was almost frightening.
When he did finally venture down to the kitchen, he found Lupin pacing about and talking on his (sadly non-self-propelling) mobile phone.
‘Yes, I know you want me to be there, but I really can’t.’ His jaw was set and his shoulders tight as he walked the length of the room and back again. ‘You don’t understand, Damon -- if things go awry, you don’t know how to correct them. Severus does, which is why I’ve asked him to -- no, I’m not saying you’re incompetent! You just don’t have the experience with werewolves and -- well, fine then! We will enjoy ourselves, thank you. Try not to sleep around too much, will you? Yes, fuck you, too, you little bastard,’ he grumbled, mashing a few of the buttons and tossing the phone on the nearest countertop. It landed with a clatter, spinning its way across the surface until brought to a halt by a bowl of fruit.
Severus waited until Lupin stopped looking as if he was about to hex something. ‘I take it I didn’t interrupt anything?’
‘Nothing I wouldn’t want interrupted in the first place.’ He sagged against the wall, sighing. ‘Gregory’s having another one of his parties tonight, a full moon party, and Damon thought it would be clever to bring me.’
‘I’m sure I don’t need to point out the various ways in which that would be a spectacular failure,’ Severus said. One of which, of course, being that tonight was the night he would discover if his treatment for Lupin was successful. ‘I’m guessing you wisely declined?’
‘Of course! Even if nothing unfortunate happened, I can think of far better ways to spend the full moon than being treated like someone’s private, portable petting zoo. He wasn’t pleased, but when is he ever?’ Lupin opened the takeaway menu from the local Chinese restaurant and flipped through it with intensity.
‘I’ll have the lo mein, thanks. Vegetarian tonight, too, if I’m going to have to watch you maul another helping of sweet and sour human analogue.’ He flicked his wand at the kettle and floated a tea bag into his favourite mug. ‘Remind me again why you bother with him?’
‘Honestly? Because I can ask him for whatever I like in bed without feeling guilty or anxious about his mental state. And besides, can you tell me that you’ve never let your cock lead you in a direction your heart didn’t go?’
Severus’ full opinion on the matter was delayed when Lupin dialled the restaurant to order, giving him time to mull it over. To be fair, the man had a valid point, but it was not a point Severus cared to concede nor did it excuse his poor choice in affairs. When the call was complete and Lupin turned to him with an expectant expression, he said ‘Is it just fulfilment of your youthful fantasies, when we’re together?’
Lupin paused, his hand over the kettle. ‘Are you saying you’d want more than that?’
‘I’m saying that if it is, you are in for disappointment. I am nothing like who I used to be, nothing at all. That is not entirely a bad thing, admittedly.’
‘I know that.’ He poured the hot water into both of their waiting mugs. ‘I was intrigued with who you used to be. I like who you’ve become.’
‘Really. I don’t suppose your amorousness had anything to do with the evening’s lunar event, either?’
Lupin handed him a mug. ‘With the effectiveness of your potion? Not a chance. You’ll have to think of another way to dismiss my affections, Severus. Not that I think you should, that is. In fact, I rather like it when you don’t.’ He leaned over and brushed his lips against Severus’ cheek.
Severus acquiesced to the kiss, but reminded him ‘I am not your lover.’
‘No, you aren’t,’ Lupin agreed, stirring a spoonful of honey into his tea. ‘Then again, I don’t care for the term. It sounds so shallow, so transitory. I don’t like “partner”, either; too dry and stale. I haven’t decided what I should call you yet.’
‘You make it sound like I’m a stray dog you’ve taken in from the cold.’
‘That’s usually my line, you know.’
Conversation was light while they ate, with neither man choosing to resume discussion of their nebulous entanglement when they could talk about Lupin’s job, the price of lacewing flies or whether it would snow at Christmas instead. While Lupin went into detail about the latest gossip at work, Severus ate his way through all the lo mein, two egg rolls and part of Lupin’s kung pao chicken.
‘All that exertion can build an appetite,’ Lupin remarked, grinning.
His mouth full of chicken, Severus glared. He took a sip of tea, then asked ‘What you told those investigators from the Ministry about me making potions for you and receiving a percentage of the profits -- was that just a cover story?’
Lupin put down his chopsticks, looking surprised. ‘No, not at all! You couldn’t possibly believe that I expected you to work for free. Could you?’
‘Considering the pocket money, open accounts, material goods and other amenities you lavish on me, I hardly think the little I do for you is unfairly compensated.’ He fished the remaining grains of rice off his plate. ‘Indeed, I would say the benefits are one of the most generous packages I’ve received in employment.’ Severus became aware of the double entendre when Lupin winked.
‘I’m glad the, er, package satisfies.’ Stretching, he stood up, clearing the table with a flick of his wand. ‘I should get upstairs before too long.’
The moon. His potion. Severus thought fast. ‘Would you like the sedative again? It does seem to help you with the transition and any reduction of stress on your body will be a benefit.’
Lupin paused, then nodded. ‘I would, thank you.’
He felt the tension leave his shoulders; with Lupin asleep, it would be easy to keep his effort secret. Though Severus didn’t want to admit it, there was always the slight chance the formula would not be a success.
When Lupin was ready in the spare room Severus brought him a goblet of the sedative potion. The dose would work as it usually did if he transformed, keeping him dozing for a short time afterward, but it would leave him fast asleep should the experimental potion suppress the transformation. As before, he waited until the dose took effect before securing the door and waiting for the moon to rise.
In the hallway, Severus’ impatience showed through as he paced the length of the corridor and back again, eager to know if his gamble would pay off. As the minutes ticked by, he began to doubt. Perhaps he should have used a little more argentium powder and a little less aconite, or perhaps the other way around, or perhaps tried a stronger variety of the poppy. . . . By the time the corner clock chimed, he’d worked himself into such a state that he almost couldn’t bring himself to open the door.
It swung open with ease, revealing a figure nestled on the bed where he had left Lupin. Severus approached the still form with caution, his wand held aloft just in case. When it was clear that he still slept, Severus performed a quick check of his vitals and cast a silent charm to check for any invisible trouble. Finding none, he slipped out of the room and headed back to his workroom. A little less aconite to be sure, and maybe just a the least little bit more mistletoe.
Lupin was full of energy and almost irritatingly cheerful over breakfast the next morning, whistling as he fried eggs and buttered buns. ‘I can’t think of the last time I felt this good after the full moon. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this good afterward, as a matter of fact. Are you sure I didn’t get up to anything untoward? I can’t remember a thing.’
‘I’ve told you already,’ Severus grumbled, clutching his coffee in both hands, ‘you slept through the night. Either you were exhausted or that batch of sedative was just a little too strong for you.’
‘Either way, I feel fantastic.’ He sat down across from Severus, sliding the plate of buns his way, and picked up the paper. ‘Tell me, Severus -- how would you feel about helping me pick out a Christmas tree? We could use a little holiday cheer around here. I haven’t had a proper tree in years and this place certainly has the ceilings to handle something a little larger than a tabletop version.’
‘Provided that you do not expect me to wear a silly hat and sing carols as well, I have no objections.’
‘I’m certain I can come up with something better than that,’ he promised, his eyes bright. As he turned the page of the paper, the cheer faded. ‘Well, at least you won’t have to go through all the trouble of a glamour today.’
Severus swallowed his mouthful of bun. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Damon seems to have been more piqued than I thought. You know that silly little gossip column in the society pages, the one with all the teasers like “Which Ministry bigwig actually wears a hairpiece” and such?’ When he nodded, Lupin continued. ‘Well, try this one on for size: “Which prominent werewolf has dropped his society lover for a disgraced former professor and noted Death Eater?” The first one is Alasdair Kenilworth-Jones in Muggle relations, by the way. Bald as a crystal ball under that blond thatch of his.’
‘I see subtlety is not one of Mr Argiri’s strong points, either.’
Lupin looked contrite. ‘Are you cross with me?’
‘With you? Not particularly.’ It was almost a relief, having the decision made for him. He’d been disguising himself for so, so long and now there was almost no alternative but to allow himself to be revealed. ‘Just promise me we won’t go all over town.’
‘So you’ll leave the house with me? Without a glamour? Maybe going to wizarding areas?’
‘Bespelled or not, with that little mention in the paper we are certain to attract some degree of attention. If I appear as myself, there is always a remote chance that any gossip regarding your personal life will at least be limited to your choice of partners instead of whether or not there is a revolving door to your bedroom.’ Severus finished his coffee. ‘I suggest we begin the day before my compassion for your public image runs out.’
‘Then I suppose we ought to get going.’
Once they were in the car and on the road into London, Lupin asked, casual as could be, ‘Any objections to accompanying me to a medical appointment? I have a check-up scheduled at two o’clock this afternoon.’
‘Does it involve the fair Daphne, by chance?’
He shook his head. ‘No, I’m afraid this one is purely medical.’
Severus gave what he hoped was a beleaguered-sounding sigh. ‘Considering that I have never before Apparated from a moving vehicle, I daresay I have very little room to refuse.’
‘You could always do it when we’ve stopped.’
‘And let you come back with what will no doubt be an unsuitably massive Christmas tree? Not a chance.’
Severus’ concerns proved well-founded when they reached the corner lot in Diagon Alley where the trees were sold and Lupin expressed interest in a specimen that was twelve feet tall and adorned with miniature floating candles whose flames were charmed to change colour four times every quarter-hour. He talked him out of one that played carols and another that was decorated with flashing fairy lights on the grounds that both would be enough to give either of them a daily migraine and was at last able to get Lupin to agree to a somewhat squat and rather ordinary tree.
After a few stops at various shops containing things for which Severus could muster no interest and a rather nice lunch at a little French place, Lupin led the way to the clinic where he went for treatment.
Located in a Victorian terrace on an unassuming Muggle street, it consisted of five floors that each boasted a different speciality and also featured a small canteen in the basement. Lupin’s specialist was located on the fourth floor, which dealt with unusual manifestations and side effects of the condition. He introduced Severus to the clinician as his personal potions-maker and healer, who shook his hand and invited him in to observe. The dark-haired woman wasted no time in questioning Lupin and the cadence of her words sounded distinctly Canadian to Severus.
‘So, Remus, tell me how things went during this transformation. Any stiffness in your joints? Any dizzy spells before or after?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t have much to talk about this month; I seem to have slept through the whole thing.’
‘I’ve been making a sedative for him,’ Severus explained. ‘I find it eases the physical and mental stress caused by the transformations.’
‘Oh, now didn’t I tell you that would be a good idea, Remus?’ She turned to Severus. ‘Are you using one of the standard formulas or your own?’
‘My own, though I do believe Mr Lupin has plans to market it in the coming months.’
‘It’s miles ahead of all the other ones out there, Miriam. I don’t get nauseated or stay disoriented for ages afterward or anything else nasty like what happens with most of them.’
‘That’s because I refuse to adulterate my potions or otherwise compromise the quality of my work.’
‘I think I like him, Remus.’ Miriam gestured to the exam table in one corner of the room. ‘So, why don’t we get started with all your physical tests and see how things are going?’
Lupin started to make himself comfortable on the table, then paused. ‘Severus, this will take a while. Why don’t you have a cup of tea? I assure you, you’ll be missing nothing.’
He took the hint and left the room, taking the lift down to the basement canteen. The room was simple but welcoming, with comfortable chairs and a wooden sideboard upon which were arranged a kettle on a stand beside a large selection of teas and all the accompaniments, including several types of biscuits. To his displeasure, despite all the available choices there was no coffee to be found. Severus made himself a cup of strong, plain tea and chose a few custard creams to go along with it. He’d just finished balancing the last biscuit on the saucer when someone spoke behind him. Setting down his snack, he turned.
‘Excuse me, but is there any more sugar in that. . .oh. Um. Hello.’ The young woman’s long hair was now a shade more strawberry blonde than pink and her style far more conventional than he recalled, but there was still no mistaking her.
Severus gave what he hoped was a convincing smile. ‘Hello, Nymphadora. Or should I say Mrs Weasley these days? And aren’t you looking. . .radiant,’ Severus said, reaching for the first socially appropriate synonym for vastly pregnant that came to mind. ‘How far along are you, if I may ask?’ Though his experience with the subject was limited, but it had taught him that one thing expectant mothers liked to talk about was the upcoming baby.
She flushed becomingly, her right hand fluttering up to touch the ring on the left before landing on her belly. ‘I’m due in March. Twins, two girls.’
‘Lupin got it wrong, then.’ Severus picked up his tea and moved aside so she could gain access to the sugar bowl. ‘He told me you were due in May.’
Nymphadora blinked as though startled, almost dropping her teacup. ‘You’ve seen him?’
Whatever gossip Damon had been spreading and whatever talk Potter had been repeating appeared to have not reached her ears. ‘Every day; I make his potions.’
‘So that’s why you’re here.’ She stirred her tea with hurried movements. ‘Is he well?’
‘He is as well as he ever is,’ Severus told her, choosing his words with care. ‘Regular checkups are advisable for someone with his condition. Given yours, I trust you aren’t here for personal matters yourself?’
‘Oh, no,’ Nymphadora assured him around a mouthful of chocolate biscuit, ‘nothing like that. Bill’s here for a routine exam and Fleur and I are supposed to go shopping for things for the girls but the healer is running a little behind.’ Giving a little sigh, she sat down in an overstuffed wing chair at one of the room’s few tables, gesturing to Severus to join her.
More than a little surprised by the offer, he accepted, easing himself into the opposite chair. ‘You must be very excited.’
‘Of course. . . .’ For a moment, the slightest flicker of uncertainty clouded her face, gone almost before it could be noticed. ‘Of course we are. It’s just lovely, being married to Charlie, and everyone’s looking forward to the girls arriving. And. . .er. . .is Remus seeing anyone these days?’
‘Not that I make such things my business, but no, he is not.’ Which was a true statement, as far as one could not be seeing someone while at the same time be involved with that person in a variety of ways from the emotional to the sort that led to getting frisky in the shower.
‘I do hope he meets someone nice before too long. Some men do well on their own, but he’s the sort of man that needs a wife.’
‘While I doubt he’ll remain single forever, I also very much doubt that he’s in the market for much female companionship these days,’ Severus said in a smooth voice.
‘Which is a nice way of saying I was the exception, not the rule. He needs someone, at any rate.’ She ate her way through another biscuit as though taking time to think. ‘Believe it or not, that wasn’t what brought our marriage to an end. Not on its own, anyway. I’m not entirely ignorant of his preferences, you know, nor am I in need of being sheltered from them, as Molly seems to think. I’m almost surprised to find out that he isn’t sleeping with you, given his predilection for black-haired men with issues.’
In earlier days the comment would have angered him, but now it raised nothing more than a smirk. Indeed, it was pleasant to see a spark of her old contrariness emerge from beneath her newly-acquired housewife demeanour. He wondered if it was a mannerism she’d taken on herself or if she’d adapted to fit in to her new family. ‘I assure you that he isn’t.’ Not yet, at any rate, though Severus found no need to add that little detail.
‘He spoke of you often, you know. Always believed in you, too.’ With a flick of her wand, Nymphadora freshened her cup with another bag of tea and more hot water. ‘Remus thinks I hate him. No, don’t make that face -- I know he does. Everyone does. I don’t, though. It was a mistake on both our parts, even though I suppose I’m more to blame. He only wanted to make me happy; I thought it meant he loved me. We both wanted something different out of life but just didn’t figure that out in time.’ She toyed with her spoon, eyeing the biscuits on the sideboard.
‘And what would that be?’ He did the gentlemanly thing and offered her his last custard cream.
‘Thanks. I’m always hungry these days,’ she said, taking it and nibbling it decorously before finishing off her tea. ‘I wanted the kind of life I envied other people having when I was a child. I wanted to belong for once. Remus isn’t used to living a life inside the boundaries of what constitutes normal for most people and I don’t think he’d ever be want something so ordinary as what I want.’
Severus noticed how she looked around the room as she spoke and became curious as to whether or not her new, ordinary life was a bit more staid than she’d bargained for. ‘He currently seems rather content.’
Nymphadora gathered the folds of her billowy robes as she turned about in her chair, trying to find the best way to stand. ‘What about you? Are you happy?’
‘I think that’s against Ministry regulations.’ Severus held out his hand and helped her to her feet.
‘I wouldn’t be surprised. Care to escort me to the lift? If Fleur sees me walking about on my own, she’ll have a fit. Of course, if she sees you she just might have a fit all the same. Some days I can’t win, you know?’
When the lift stopped at her floor, Nymphadora turned to Severus. ‘Would you tell Remus that, er. . .that I hope he. . . . Damn.’ She shook her head, frowning. ‘Oh, never mind. Thanks for talking with me.’
Stepping out of her way, Severus held the door for her. ‘Good luck, Nymphadora.’
‘The same to you, Severus,’ she called back over her shoulder. ‘And take care of him, will you?’
The young clinician was standing in front of the door to the examination room, scribbling notes on a clipboard, when Severus returned. She greeted him with a smile. ‘Did you enjoy your tea?’
‘It was illuminating.’
‘Remus tells me you’ve been giving him some kind of vitamin supplement in addition to his Wolfsbane?’ At his confirmation, she gave a brisk nod. ‘I knew there had to be something else at work here. He’s never shown such results before.’
A tiny bit of hope flared up inside Severus. ‘So he’s doing better?’
‘He’s maintaining now, which is as good a thing as any. I think complete improvement might be beyond his capabilities at this point, but a lack of deterioration is certainly a step ahead.’ Miriam gave him a sympathetic glance. ‘Not to overstep, but I take it you’re close?’
‘We’ve known each other since school.’ Anything more than that was their own business, in his estimation.
‘Are you aware that he’s dying?’
‘Yes, although he refuses to specify how long a time remains.’
‘I’ll be honest with you -- if he continues to progress as he has been, I’d give him a year at most.’
A year. One more birthday. Not even another Christmas. The little glow of hope inside him turned to the iciness of dread. ‘And if he maintains? If nothing gets worse?’
‘Then, we’re looking at something closer to five years or even longer, depending on his heart. With every transformation it’s getting a little weaker. The sedative you’re giving him is very effective at easing the stress of the changes, but what he needs in the long run is to have them end completely and nothing short of a miracle is going to be able to stop those.’
When Lupin came out of the room he was all smiles, and Severus saw no reason to bring that to an end. He listened as he talked about the cheering results of his tests and even agreed to a trip to the bookshop.
‘It’s the first time in so long that there’s been anything good to discuss with Miriam, and it’s all because of you,’ Lupin said as they appeared at the Apparition point behind Gringotts. With a gesture that was almost shy, he slid an arm around Severus’ waist and pulled him into a gentle embrace. ‘You’ve given me back a quality of life I thought I’d lost. Seeing as you aren’t interested in my money or my physical charms, I’m at a loss for how to thank you properly.’
‘I never said I was not interested in your physical charms,’ Severus reminded him, allowing Lupin to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek, ‘although I am wondering how you aren’t surrounded by admirers if you routinely offer sexual favours as thank-you gifts. Now, if you don’t mind, we are in a semi-public place and I would prefer not to be seen with you hanging all over me like some kind of lichen. I’m worried about attracting attention as it is.’
‘Here I am saying that I think you deserve something better than being taken out for a meal and you make it sound like I’m offering blowjobs to every other person who so much as holds a door open for me!’ He grinned. ‘Will you at least let me buy you some more books? Something extra nice, not just any old thing off the shelf.’
‘I suppose I could.’
‘Books it is, then -- but if you change your mind about the sexual favours, do let me know.’ Taking him by the hand, Lupin led the way out of the narrow Apparition room and into the street beyond.
‘You certainly know how to charm a fellow, don’t you?’ Severus muttered, slipping his hand away as soon as they were in view of others. His worries about being recognised seemed unfounded as they blended in with the hectic blur of the pre-Christmas crowds that filled Diagon Alley. All the shoppers were too busy with their lists and their packages and their families to notice two nondescript, middle-aged men. Even the bookshop was sufficiently full enough to allow Severus to head unnoticed to the section that held the rarest of the rare.
‘See anything you like?’ Lupin asked, peering over his shoulder.
He did indeed, and in abundance. Clad in their embossed leather and gilding, the books beckoned like a set of particularly appealing mistresses.
‘Don’t get the De Spirini herbal,’ Lupin advised. ‘There’s an earlier edition of it at home. We have the Lewisham history of the Dark Arts as well.’
‘What’s this “we”, Lupin? I don’t own your things.’
‘Don’t play thick, Severus. You know perfectly well that anything I have is yours for the sharing.’
‘In that case, I lay claim to all your single malt whiskies aged over twenty years.’ He leaned closer to the glass. ‘What about the Hippolyta Tudor-Wells study of primitive magic?’ It wasn’t that old of a book, but it was known as the finest book on its subject and the print run had been extremely small as the author and her publisher had endured a rather dramatic falling-out.
‘Not only do we have it, it’s signed as well. She and I were involved back when she was still Hyakinthos Tudor-Wells, before she had the work done.’
‘What was that like?’
‘Interesting, mostly,’ Lupin said, pausing to flip through a nearby volume of werewolf lore. ‘Occasionally quite tedious. She could prattle on for ages about shared experiences of transformation and other things that sound quite intellectual, though I’d hardly compare our situations. I think I was more of a bragging right than an actual love interest, though I’m not sure whether she found it more exotic to date me because I’m a werewolf or because I’m bisexual.’
‘If it helps, neither quality particularly endears you to me.’ Finding nothing that tempted him in particular that didn’t already live in Lupin’s collection, Severus turned to Lupin and gestured toward the front of the shop.
‘I’m beginning to suspect that nothing will ever endear me to you,’ Lupin told him, ‘no matter how much I might want things to be otherwise.’
‘Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been wrong,’ Severus said into his collar as he wrapped his scarf tighter against the sharp wind that whisked around them as they exited the shop.
At home, Severus started supper while Lupin hunted through one of the many disused bedrooms for the Christmas decorations he was certain he still had. As he chopped vegetables and rolled out pastry, the occasional box would randomly appear on the kitchen floor, the counter or the dining table. By the time his chicken pie went into the oven, Severus could barely turn around without knocking into another box.
‘Sorry about that,’ Lupin said, suddenly popping into view in the doorway. ‘I was aiming for the table, but it appears my aim is not what it once was. Help me get these into the library, will you?’
‘With pleasure.’ Severus pulled out his wand, resisting the urge to use something more destructive instead of a simple levitation spell.
While the pie cooked they unpacked the boxes and, at Lupin’s suggestion, sorted them into piles based on size and theme.
‘It’ll look so much nicer without everything just randomly thrown on there, don’t you think?’
Severus, delicately unwrapping a glass elf, made a vague sound of agreement.
‘Mum always made the tree look so nice. We’d have hot chocolate and Christmas music -- proper carols, none of that new stuff -- and we’d decorate the tree, starting at the top. What did you do with your family?’
‘Not much.’ Christmas had never been the nicest of holidays when he’d been a boy; it had been a relief when he was able to begin spending it at Hogwarts instead of going back home and years before he ever really managed to enjoy it. ‘I should go check on the pie.’
After supper, things went rather as Severus had imagined they would, with Lupin putting on Christmas music and pouring some hot chocolate. He sipped his while Lupin draped the tree with lights, wishing he’d thought to temper the rich concoction with a little rum. ‘I saw your ex-wife today at the clinic.’
Lupin paused, leaving a string of fairy lights hovering in the air. ‘Did you, now? How is she?’
‘Doing well. Very pregnant. She asked about you.’ Severus watched as the fairy lights slid to one side of the tree. ‘Those lights are crooked.’
‘I know,’ Lupin said in a curt tone, flicking his wand to straighten them. ‘And what did you say?’
‘That you’re quite happy. She also asked if we were sleeping together.’
The lights complete, Lupin took a seat on the sofa next to Severus and picked up his own mug. He took a few sips, then asked ‘What did you tell her?’
Severus inched over to allow him more room. ‘The truth, of course -- that we aren’t.’
He stretched out, resting his feet against Severus’ legs. ‘Well, we aren’t not sleeping together.’
‘Which would imply to someone using reason that we are in fact not sleeping together. One either is or is not sleeping with someone, after all.’
‘So what do you call yesterday? A friendly handshake?’
Severus tried to suppress a grin. ‘I hardly think sophomoric fooling around in the shower constitutes a valid sexual involvement and I pity your partners if you do.’
Lupin took a few more sips of his drink and began idly floating a few ornaments toward the tree. ‘We could, you know. If you wanted.’
He hesitated, vacillating between a cutting remark that would bring that particular line of conversation to a close and a statement that was closer to the truth, at last choosing the latter. ‘I am honestly not sure I’d be able to perform to any decent standard.’
‘That isn’t why I want to, Severus.’ Lupin moved closer, resting his head on the back of the sofa just above Severus’ shoulder. ‘It isn’t about perfection or standards or some kind of ridiculous romance novel version of being together. I don’t want to waste an opportunity I never thought I’d have with you, and if the idea makes you uncomfortable, well, know that it certainly isn’t my top priority. Not that it wouldn’t be absolutely lovely, of course.’
Picking up his wand, Severus nodded. ‘Let’s finish decorating the tree, shall we?’
After every ornament was in its place on the tree, Lupin turned out all the other lights and they sat together illuminated only by the fairy lights and the light from the fire.
‘This is nice,’ Lupin said in a quiet voice, resting his head on Severus’ lap.
‘So it is,’ he agreed, allowing the intimate gesture. After a few moments, he even dared to indulge in a light stroking of Lupin’s hair.
‘That’s even nicer. I don’t suppose I could talk you into accompanying me to bed to continue that?’
‘Subtle as usual, I see. Anything else you’d like me to fondle while I’m at it?’
‘Silly man,’ he said, yawning. ‘If you agreed to share my bed, I wouldn’t assume you intended to provide me with more than a little companionship. Besides, I really do hate sleeping alone.’
‘I’m quite content here for the moment, thank you.’ It was true; sitting in the dim, flickering light and feeling the warmth of Lupin against him was making Severus feel more at ease than he had been all day. It had unnerved him to see Nymphadora but her welcoming manner, though it had been quite a surprise, had made him think that perhaps he was overestimating people’s perceptions of him. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for Lupin or indeed, for either of them, if whatever time he had left was spent together. It was certainly better than this ridiculous dance of theirs, neither willing to say what the other needed to hear. He sat for a long while, thinking, and then gave Lupin’s hair one final caress. ‘Come on, then. Let’s go to bed.’
Lupin’s reply was a snore.
Easing himself out from under Lupin so as not to wake him, Severus stood and conjured a blanket and pillow. ‘Perhaps another night,’ he whispered to the sleeping man, tucking the blanket around him.