Fic: Once Upon a Snupin Title: Once Upon a Snupin Rating: PG Challenge: Fairytale Month 1 (btw, is there a tag for this?) Notes: boredom at work + listening to a recording of Into the Woods = This. Not entirely serious. As will probably quickly become evident.
Once upon a time there was a man named Gellert Grindelwald. He was not the worst of men nor was he the best. He had golden hair and a shining smile that got him out of a lot of trouble. However, he did not always escape trouble. Once he stole some beans from a witch's garden and she, furious, set a curse on him.
'And your family too, you wicked thief!' yelled Witch Sprout.
True to her word, the curse took immediate effect. Gellert Grindelwald, who had been rich and lived in a palace, gradually lost all his money. His wife died, leaving him with just his son Severus. In an attempt to stave off the decline of the family fortunes Gellert married again, taking to wife a wicked person called Voldemort. Voldemort had two daughters of his own: Lucius and Bellatrix. They were beautiful but cruel and hated poor Severus at sight, mocking him for his large nose. They called him Cinderus and forced him to act as the family House Elf.
Severus had only one true friend, the family's wolf Moony. However, when the family received an invitation to the King's Ball (held to raise funds for the ongoing search for the royal family's missing son) Voldemort realised the problem with a male wolf when you want milk to bathe in (for the complexion, naturally).
'Take that useless wolf and go to market!' Voldemort ordered his stepson. 'Get the best price you can for him.'
Severus was distraught. 'But stepmother, he's the best wolf! He's my friend.'
'We cannot afford to feed him, Cinderus! Now go to market and bring back a female wolf. We need the milk to bathe in before the Ball.'
So Severus, head hanging low, took Moony and left the rundown Palace to head for market. He took his father's jacket from beside the door in case of bad weather. It was too big on him but his stepmother's would have been too soft and while his own would have been just right he had no coat of his own.
Moony, who had never been an ordinary domestic wolf, could feel his young master's unhappiness. He stayed close, letting Severus's hand rest on his warm fur. This way, they entered the Woods.
It was dark in the Woods. Tales were often told of savage wolves, dragons and, most terrifying of all, girls in red cloaks. Severus kept ever so close to Moony, clutching at the wolf's fur at the slightest sound. The market was on the other side of the Woods.
About halfway through a savage wolf suddenly leapt onto the path ahead of them.
'Ee-i-ee-i-am,' he growled, 'I smell the blood of an Englishman.'
Moony's hackles rose but the savage wolf was much bigger and could have knocked him down with a single paw. Severus squared his jaw, determined not to look afraid.
'Who are you?' he asked.
The savage wolf stalked closer. 'I, boy, am Fenrir Greyback. I own these woods! And I'm going to eat you up, bone by crunchy bone!'
He advanced on Severus and Moony, opening his huge mouth and displaying giant teeth.
'My, what big teeth you have!' gasped Severus. He slid a hand into his pocket, not entirely sure why but sure all the same that it was the right thing to do. He felt small hard things against his fingers and pulled them out.
Beans spilled across his palm; bright, multicoloured beans. They were the beans Papa Grindelwald had stolen from Witch Sprout's garden all those years ago! Severus, instinct guiding his hand, threw the beans at Fenrir Greyback.
The wolf barked a laugh. 'You think I can be stopped with garden produce, boy?'
Even as he laughed, though, a creaking sound came from under his feet. Suddenly, a giant beanstalk shot up from the ground and propelled him straight into the air. A diminishing howl was the last that was ever heard of him.
'They'd be a risky mouthful if you tried to eat them, wouldn't they, Moony?' said Severus cheerfully, though his heart was still heavy. He still had to go to market and sell his beloved wolf.
They trudged on through the Woods in silence and finally came to the market. Severus almost tripped on a stray piece of footwear as they came into town. The town was a funny place, Severus decided, if people left odd shoes lying around. The marketplace was in the centre of the town. There were people everywhere. One man came up to Severus leeringly and grabbed at the boy's hand.
'How much for the pretty ring, young master?' he asked. 'Mundungus'll give y'a good price for it, oh yes he will. Course, it's a bit filthy...'
'It's an old family heirloom,' Severus told him defensively. He rubbed at the old thing with a corner of his sleeve.
There was a sudden burst of smoke that sent the creepy old man scurrying away. A figure formed inside the smoke. It had long white hair and robes pinker than any Severus had ever seen.
'Ah, Severus,' it said with a booming voice, 'I am your fairy godfather, Albus!'
Severus was quite taken aback. 'My what?'
'Your fairy godfather,' Albus repeated. 'Believe me, I'm quite a fairy! Now, Severus dear boy, tell me why you are so far from home.'
Severus told him the whole story. Albus hmmed and hawed, stroking his spectral white beard all the while, and finally beaming with happiness.
'Oh, but Severus, you can milk a male werewolf! You just have to know how and use the right wrist action. In fact,' he regarded Moony curiously, 'I think there's more to your wolf than you think. I wonder what would happen if you rubbed him in the right way, like you did with my ring.'
'I have to rub his ring?' asked Severus, confused.
'No, dear boy. Rub that bit there,' explained Albus, pointing where he meant.
Severus did so obediently, much to Moony's delight. Albus really had not lied; you really could milk a wolf, though possibly not exactly in the way that Voldemort intended. Once Severus had done that, however, something quite unexpected happened. There was a flash of magic and suddenly Moony was no longer there. Instead, a handsome young Prince stood in his place.
'I am Prince Remus,' he said, 'and you have set me free, Severus. Thank you.'
'The Prince who went missing years ago?' Severus gasped.
'The same,' Prince Remus said. 'I was cursed by an evil witch to live in the form of a wolf until my true love set me free. You freed me, Severus. Will you now make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?'
'Oh, Moony,' sighed Severus, 'I mean, Remus. Of course I will!'
And so they were married and lived happily ever after (and if they wanted to spend time in the palace kennels occasionally then that was their own business).