Omni (omni_sama) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-06-25 21:17:00 |
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Current mood: | busy |
Entry tags: | fic: r, prompt: darkfic fest '08 |
DARKSIDE CHALLENGE: Fic: "The Castle Gate" (R) part 2/3
Title: The Castle Gate
Part: II: "Of Monsters and Men"
Author: me (aka: rip_von_christ and omni-fabulae on lj)
Rating: R
Pairing(s)/character(s): Snape/Lupin; Bellatrix, Tonks, Teddy Lupin (more or less), Harry
Challenge: Dark Challenge
Prompt: Teddy Lupin
Summary: Showing up at Grimmauld Place with Dumbledore's murderer results in Remus having to explain a few things. Hopefully Harry will be a good sport and actually listen...
Disclaimer: I own no rights. I am merely borrowing the characters. I'd hand them back in one piece, but that might not be entirely possible...
Warnings: spoiler, highlight to read-- Cannibalism. Character death (NOT Snape or Lupin).
Notes: Beta work done by the lovely bonfoi. Oh! And because I'm curious to see if anyone will catch the allusion made by the title of the fic (not the chapter title, but "The Castle Gate"), I'm going to make this offer... The first person to accurately state what the title is from and why it relates to this fic will get a reward! I will draw you (almost) anything you want. =D
Now on to the fic...
Part 1
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“Calm down. Please, just… Just sit and calm down. I’ll explain. I’ll explain everything…
“I should probably start at the beginning. But the trouble is I’m not certain as to where exactly that would be. When I was a teenager? After the first war? Last year? Last month? There’s just…so much that has happened. And you don’t know any of it. You weren’t to know most of it…but I need to tell you now. I need to. You’ve got to understand that he isn’t what you think he is. I know what you saw that night, but I also know there was a reason. I trust him. Perhaps when I’m finished, you’ll trust him too…
“I’ll preface this story with a confession. Severus and I had been lovers. For years. From shortly after the first war until that night when you saw him…when he…the night Dumbledore died. How we got together is a complicated story in itself. I had actually had a bit of a crush on him back in school, but I had to keep that secret. Then when we eventually got together, we had to keep what we had a secret. I never fully understood why. I understand now, though… But for about fifteen or sixteen years we had been together. That’s a long time. You would think it would be long enough for me to understand him, to trust him.
“But I didn’t.
“I had found it so easy to believe he had betrayed us. I was a fool. No, no… Please…don’t argue. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Really, you don’t. Severus Snape is an incredible man. He would sacrifice anything and everything for the people he cares about. You’ll understand…after I tell you what he’s done, what he’s gone through…
“Over a month ago, I received a letter from him. Its language was ambiguous, but I at least knew him enough to understand all of the hidden meanings. He hinted at never having betrayed Dumbledore, at still carrying out his plans, and at needing my assistance. ‘You are, after all, the only person alive whom I trust,’ the letter had said. I remember those words perfectly, because I must have reread that sentence more times than I can count. He trusted me. He trusted me and I doubted him. Not only had I doubted him, but I had betrayed him and his trust…
“God, Nymphadora… She deserved so much more. Deserved someone who could dedicate himself fully to her. Someone who wouldn’t…who… Christ.
“No, I’m fine. Just give me a moment… Please, just… I’m fine.
“So… Where was I?...
“Ah. Right. The letter. It indicated a place and time for us to meet. I went. Didn’t even hesitate. I missed him. You don’t understand. You can’t. We’ve been together for nearly as long as you’ve been alive. He was mine and I wanted him back. I wanted it to be like it had been for so long. I missed him. And I knew that I didn’t deserve the second chance he was offering, but I was too selfish to turn it down. The only thought I spared to Nymphadora was regret that I’d have to hurt her. And Teddy… I could only hope that she’d let me see him sometimes…if she ever forgave me…
“He was there waiting for me. Well, no. He wasn’t. His appearance was. I mean… Someone was polyjuiced as him. Bellatrix Lestrange. You would think that after being with someone for so long, I’d be able to tell the difference between him and an imposter. I didn’t. I believed it was him. I ate the food she offered me. I told her how much I loved him…how sorry I was for betraying him… I listened to her insults and thought he hated me. And god, the food… She had fed me…it was…I don’t know who it was… Yes, who. And I had liked it… I’ll never forget that taste. I hadn’t known, and I had liked it… In that moment I hated him, because I thought he had done that to me. Doubt…all I ever do is doubt him. He would never…could never…
“Steady on, Remus…steady on…
“She stunned me, and I awoke in a cell. For three days she visited me while polyjuiced as Severus. She only allowed me water, no food. Everyday she came she’d insult me and ask me questions. All that time, I still believed it was him. Why? How could I possibly think that was him… Oh, I know you could. I know you’d have plenty of reasons as to why you’d think he could do that. However, I know the truth behind those reasons. I know the truth behind his actions towards you and everyone else… So why? And why, despite all the pain I know I must have put him through, does he still love me?... Always giving me another chance…no matter how much I let him down…
“I’m sorry. I wandered off the path a bit, didn’t I? I was talking about what Lestrange did to me… Yes. So. Three days without food. The third night was the night of the full moon. I didn’t think I’d survive it, considering how weak I was. I did survive, obviously. When I woke up the next day, I felt overly full. And I was choking. Something was lodged in my throat. Pulling myself up on all fours I coughed and gagged until I retched. And retched. It was… I… On the floor there was a chunky pool of red…and…fragments of bone…fingers….teeth…and a ring of dented gold peeking out through the gore…
“I’m telling you this because you need to know. He really isn’t the monster; I am. If you must hate someone, hate me. In all my life as a werewolf, I had never killed anyone until that night. But I didn’t just kill her… There was nothing left of her in my cell until I had retched. There was blood. So much blood. No clothing… She must have been stripped before they tossed her in with me. They hadn’t removed her wedding band, though. I think that was intentional. They knew I’d recognize it. I had to recognize it—I was the one to slide it on her finger, after all…
“You see, she really did deserve better… I never should have… We never should have… But she was so persistent then. And I was hurt and shocked and thought that Severus had betrayed us…betrayed me… So I was selfish. I gave in to her. I thought that I could forget him by being with her. She loved me. I needed that. But I was using her. I’m not a good person. You think I am, but I’m not. He would never have done something like that. He would never have used someone’s love and trust just to make him feel better about himself. Because he’s a good person. Despite what you think of him, he truly is a good man. Not me. I’m the monster. I’m the selfish, cruel, disgusting monster. Nymphadora deserved a prince, and she got me instead.
“I ate her. I killed her and I ate her! My wife! The mother of my child! Teddy…he’s dead. Severus said Lestrange told him that he’s dead… I don’t know what they did to him, but I hope it was quick…I hope it wasn’t like…that he…
“…I loved him. Teddy. And Nymphadora. Even if I didn’t love her the same as I do Severus…it still…I loved her. I did. She was a good woman. You know that, though. How could anyone not? You just had to look at her and you’d know. Her smile, her eyes… She was real. I mean…she wasn’t like me or Severus… No masks. Her emotions were always on vivid display. She was so good…
“I… Where was I?... There’s more to tell… I shouldn’t dwell on…later. Plenty of time later…
“So… Another month went by. They fed me some. I didn’t eat much, because I didn’t trust the meat. But I made myself eat enough. I didn’t want a repeat of the last full moon, even though realistically I know that I’d still be a threat even on a full stomach. Lestrange continued to visit me, tormenting me, asking questions. In retrospect, I should have realized that she wasn’t Severus because of the questions she asked. She asked things about the Order which Severus already knew. I think I was too dizzy and weak and in some sort of shock to really register it all. I didn’t tell her anything. The only things I can recall saying were questions of my own. I wanted to know why he was doing this to me…
“Late afternoon of the next full moon, I was removed from my cell and taken to another one. I think they wanted me to see him while I was human, so that I’d know ahead of time who I was killing. Severus was there. Stripped and bound and magically silenced. I think at first I screamed and tried to cower in the corner… I hadn’t noticed that he was bound or naked. I just saw his face and associated it with all the recent torture. But when no pain came, I looked at him again properly, and I was confused. I didn’t understand why he was bound to a chair and being presented to me like a sacrifice. Slowly, I made my way over to him and asked him why he was there. That’s when I realized he was under a silence charm.
“He mouthed words at me and blinked his eyes in an exaggerated way until I realized he wanted me to look into them. Wanted me to use Legilimency. I’m not exactly the best at that, but I tried. You don’t really need a wand for it. You don’t really need a wand for a great deal of spells, but the wand always makes things easier. So, I used Legilimency on him, and he sort of…controlled it…using Occlumency. It’s quite extraordinary, actually. He was able to lead me through what memories he wanted me to see. I saw Lestrange telling him about how she had been polyjuiced as Severus whenever she visited me in my cell. And then I saw memories that only he and I would ever know about. Don’t give me that look. It was nothing sexual. Just…private moments. The last memory was something not even I knew of, because evidently I was asleep at the time. He had brushed my hair out of my sleeping face, and whispered ‘I love you.’
“I’m only telling you this bit of detail because it’s important for you in regards to understanding what kind of person he is. In all the years we had been together, he had never told me those words when I was awake to hear them. Never. I think this might have played into my doubts when Dumbledore died… But I was an idiot to let that bother me the way it evidently did. You see, he’s someone who places more importance on actions. Over the years, he had done more than enough to show me that he loved me, even if he never said it.
“Years ago, he had explained this view to me by way of explaining how nonverbal magic worked. Everyone can do nonverbal spells, he explained, since we tended to do this when we were children, prior to any schooling in the magical arts. We also performed wandless magic then. Words are taught to us so that we can focus. Wands are given to us so the magic can focus. But the power is from us. Always from us. It’s the intention which creates the spell, not the word. Words aren’t necessary as long as the intention and conviction are there.
“At this time, I performed some wandless, nonverbal magic of my own. I focused as hard as I could, and was able to lift the silence charm. I don’t even remember what the first words he said were, I was too distracted by the joy and relief of hearing his voice. Yes, I’d been hearing it for over a month, but it wasn’t really his that I had been hearing. It was different, and I can’t believe I didn’t even notice. His tone when talking to me was always just slightly different. You probably have no idea what I’m talking about. Or, if you’ve noticed it, you’ve probably misinterpreted it. Just like when he insults me in front of others, I know it’s an act. I can always tell because of his tone. There’s an undercurrent with it…a hint of affection. No one would catch it unless they’ve heard him be purely affectionate in the past. I’m proud to say that I’m likely one of the very few to witness such a side to Severus.
“I worked on the ropes next, which were tricky but not impossible. Lestrange would never cut it as a sailor. For some reason she used several ropes. Either she was worried Severus would be able to easily escape anything less, or she wanted him to suffer more as I tore at the sections not guarded by rope… But it was rather lucky for us that she used so many. Severus had a brilliant idea for how we could secure me when I transformed, keeping him safe throughout the night.
“We found a pebble which left clear marks when scraped against the stone of the room, and used it to write runes. We used isa and teiwaz. Ah, you didn’t take Ancient Runes, did you… The ones we used can denote strength and holding fast or unchanging. Using these runes, we were able to magically secure the ropes at various places around the cell. The other ends were then tied to me. As a result, we had a sort of web comprised of four ropes coming from different angles. This made it so I could not pull far in any direction, because there was always a rope tugging back at me from the opposite side.
“When I woke up that morning, I was terrified that the plan had failed. I was sprawled out on the ground, covered in blood, and Lestrange was hovering near me along with two masked Death Eaters. She was laughing with such glee, rambling on about something to do with an experiment. Because of the cold fear and the grief, it took me a minute to realize that I didn’t feel full like before… Instead I felt starved and weak. That’s when I noticed Severus tucked in the shadow behind the open door, rope pulled taught between his hands.
“He was so quick. I don’t know how he found the strength… I know he was starving, that the blood I saw on me was his, and that he most likely couldn’t sleep at all due to sharing a cell with a werewolf. But despite all that, he was so quick and powerful that all I could do was gape. He stepped out of the shadow and brought the rope around Lestrange’s neck, twisting and pulling to the side with a quick jerk that sent her to the ground. She had dropped her wand, but suddenly Severus had it and was using it to disarm the other two. I scrambled over and took the discarded wands, then pulled myself up and stood at Severus’ side. We were between the three of them and the door, and Severus had this smirk on his face that let me know he had a plan, and that plan was not yet complete.
“He ordered the masked men to give us their robes, since Severus and I were both naked. I had been that way since the last full moon, and in all honesty had nearly forgotten until that moment. Once he had the robes, he backed up, nudging me along with him towards the door. Lestrange made a run at him, but before she could reach us, she was thrown back. Something on the ground glowed for that split second that she was struck. When I looked down I saw what had repelled her, and why Severus was looking so pleased with himself. The man had made a magic circle, complete with all the intricate runic incantations needed to trap certain people but not affect others!
“It looked like it was burned into the stone. At the time I had no idea how he could have accomplished such a thing. Later he told me it was because of the material used to create it. The damned fool used his own blood. But damn if it wasn’t brilliant of him! It bound the spell to him, making it so that only he could lift it. There’s no way that they’ll ever break that circle. No way.
“Anyway… After pulling the robes on and leaving the cell, we managed to escape the old fortress without incident. As soon as we made it past the wards, we Apparated to his house. We figured we had some time before anyone realized what had happened, so we quickly bathed, dressed in fresh clothes, and packed anything useful we could grab. Then we Apparated to the middle of some unknown woods and set up camp for a few days. We needed to recover and gather our wits. Had to figure out what we should do next, and to whom we could turn. Eventually I convinced him that we could come here, to you.
“So please, understand. He’s not evil. Ask him about Dumbledore, and he’ll tell you. There’s no use keeping any of that a secret anymore. His cover is well and truly blown. But please, trust him. I do. I’ll never doubt him again. Never. He’s done so much for me…for you…for all of us. He’s sacrificed so much… Even his humanity.
“No, I… I don’t mean that figuratively. He…
“I was mad. So mad when I found out—when he told me… Mad and hurt. There were two things which I never wanted to be guilty of as a werewolf: killing someone or turning someone. Lestrange had forcibly destroyed my first resolution, so when I found out that Severus… He needed a wound, he said. A wound that was clean. He didn’t trust the wood of the chair. So he claimed. I knew that excuse was bullshit, though, and I called him on it. The real reason was…unexpected.
“He knows me so well, Harry. Truly he does. In those days when we were camping, I was a wreck. Everything that had happened seemed to hit me at once, and I crumbled. I hated myself. Tried to push him away. I saw myself as a monster, no different from Greyback. ‘Then we have something in common,’ he said. When I realized what he was implying…god, it felt like I had swallowed a cannonball… Then I yelled at him. Cursed at him. Asked him why—how—could he do that to me…make me responsible for turning someone! Not just anyone, but him. The person I love…
“But he explained… There’s nowhere for me to run now. Meaning…I can’t run from him. I can’t push him away because of what I am. He’s the same. I tried to object. He’s not the same at all, I insisted. Then he explained about how he was fed the same food while imprisoned…the same questionable meat. And as for killing people…well…
“I had fallen quiet by then. Stopped screaming and cursing. He smiled at me with this small, almost mischievous smile. ‘If we’re ever put into a situation like that again,’ he said, ‘there won’t be any danger.’ Which is true…the one thing which werewolves usually do not attack is another werewolf.
“I don’t think he would have gone so far if he did not truly care about me. I trust him. Please, please, give him a chance. Listen to him. He’ll tell you anything you want to know. The time for masks and illusions has ended. He’s got no cover to maintain, and nothing to lose. After all, the only thing he really has left is me, and I’m never leaving him again.
“Ever.”
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To be continued…
Part 3