Rosy (real_life_rosy) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-05-02 21:31:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic: r, prompt: darkfic fest '08 |
Dark Side Fic: I Wander Mazily, R
Title: I Wander Mazily
Author: Rosy
Rated: R
Challenge: The Dark Side of Snupin
Summary: Remus has brought him home, and now will care for him. Until Severus is strong again.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse obviously does not belong to me. Alas. I make no money from this fic.
Warnings: dubcon, metions of beastiality (werewolf!Remus/Snape), mental instability
Notes: The title is taken from a line of "I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair" by Pablo Neruda: Don't leave me for a second, my dearest / because in that moment you'll have gone so far / I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking / Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
"Good morning, Severus. Did you sleep well? Breakfast is ready."
He has to be oh, so careful now. Severus barely survived the snakebite, just barely. It left his body weak and depleted, thick scar tissue clotting on his neck, and the neurotoxins causing muscles along his left side to atrophy. They had only just managed to get him to St. Mungo's before the toxins made his heart stutter to a stop. They had saved him, thank Merlin. Remus had, of course, woken in the morgue, scaring the hell out of the attendant. How he had survived was still a mystery, though everyone was obviously happy. After all, now he could take care of his son the way he should.
Only Teddy wasn't his. One sniff and he knew that Teddy wasn't his. One look after the stasis spell Tonks had put on the baby proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. He, after all, hadn't been there for the birth, so he hadn't seen the dark-chocolate skin Teddy was born with. Tonks had only shown him a peaches and cream baby with honey-gold hair. Molly had paled the first time she had seen, and Kingsley had stuttered out an explanation and apology. Remus hadn't cared. He handed Kingsley the baby, smiling a little, saying that Kingsley should have a reminder of Tonks. Molly had stuttered something but Remus had left then.
Lies. All lies. Lies that were meant to chain me down.
"I'm sorry. My mind went somewhere else. Here, let's get you downstairs, hm?"
He helped Severus stand, looping one arm underneath the tall Potions Master's shoulder to help support him. He gingerly led Severus downstairs, giving him something stable to lean against. The left leg wasn't strong enough to support him and sometimes he fell. It distressed Remus when that happened, since he couldn't really catch himself. The last time had left a spreading bruise over his thigh, and Remus had apologized profusely for not being fast enough. The kitchen was clean and well lit, with a large sturdy table used as both prep area and dining space. Remus settled Severus in his special chair, the not-quite overstuffed wing chair he had found at an estate sale. He knew Severus appreciated the thoughtfulness of that chair, even if it had cost him quite a bit. Severus' body was nestled in the cushions, his head supported to ease the strain on the weakened muscles of his neck. He was at the perfect height to eat at the table.
"Tea this morning instead of coffee. You had trouble sleeping. Besides, there's going to be Irish coffee tonight after supper. Now then. Scrambled eggs, bacon, kippers. I know you detest them, but I can't help myself. And the raspberry scones you like, with honey."
Remus smiled and got a plate together. They could live a quiet life here. It would be very pleasant, despite everything else. Harry, of course, had been insistent. Once Snape had been healed he had been taken to Azkaban to await trial. Remus had argued at first, saying that the man had suffered enough. No one listened.
No one ever listens. But then, my voice has never been loud before, has it? Even when I was shouting at them they couldn't hear me.
Remus had gone to Hogwarts, to the Headmaster's office, and searched. Then to Grimmauld Place. He nearly tore them apart because he was certain, so sure, that Albus had left some explanation of what had happened. Some statement, some... memory. Anything. He couldn't believe that Snape had betrayed them all. It didn't make sense to him, not after everything he had done to protect Harry. To help Albus. It made no sense. He had searched, looking everywhere possible, and had found nothing. That was how Minerva had found him the first time, sitting among the wreckage in Grimmauld Place and muttering to himself. He hadn't realized there were tears streaming down his face until she wiped them away. She had said something to him, coaxed him onto his feet and out of the miserable old wreck of a house and fed him shortbread and tea. She had cried with him, saying that she missed Albus too. That she asked everyday why he had to be taken.
She hadn't gotten the point.
"Here, Severus. Try some of the scone. Once you've finished breakfast, we'll get you cleaned up. Then we can go for a walk. How does that sound?"
Severus had refused visitors while in Azkaban. He had refused to speak to anyone. It didn't matter that speaking was painful, that moving was painful, and they all took it as a sign of his guilt, a sign of his pride. They couldn't have been more wrong. Remus had gone to see him, a week or so before the trial. He hadn't seen pride. He hadn't seen guilt. Just an acceptance of his fate. Snape had stared at him with those opaque black eyes, thinking that he didn't let any emotion show. Remus had seen, though. The despair. The hopelessness.
They never could understand you. They never tried. I did, even if I was a fool and a coward. I'll make up for it now, though. I promise.
"Are you sure you don't want the kippers? Mam always said they were good for you..."
Remus turned, hearing a knock on the door. He frowned and set the plate of kippers back down on the table. Slowly, he got to his feet and walked through the sitting room to the front door. It had been almost a month since he had moved here. He wanted to get away from the past, wanted Severus to have a quiet place where he could recuperate and grow strong again. The little cottage way out in the Irish countryside had seemed ideal. They could see the water of the North Channel and Rathlin Island from their bedroom window. Severus liked to feel the evening breeze off the ocean after they'd made love. Sometimes, they would go for walks on the beach right at sunset, watching porpoises cavort in the waves. They didn't have visitors, preferring to keep to themselves.
He opened the door a crack, blinking. "Harry... it's a bit early for a visit, isn't it?"
Harry stood on their doorstep, looking a little tense. "We haven't heard from you in a while, Remus. I was starting to get worried. Minerva told me that your family had a cottage out here. When you didn't show up at your flat-"
"Tonks' flat," Remus interjected. "I wouldn't want to intrude on her and Kingsley anymore. That would be rude, really. How is Teddy?"
Harry was quiet a moment, licking his lips. "Teddy's..." he had to swallow, his voice cracking a bit. "Teddy's fine. Do you mind if I come in?"
He's brought someone else here. One of the Weasley's.
"Just you? Or would Bill like to come in as well?" Remus almost smiled at Harry's look of startlement. "You can't trick the nose, Harry. You should know better. Bill can come in, if he likes. But only for a little while. There's a lot to do today." He stepped back and opened the door, letting them both come in. Bill's scarred face was a painful reminder. He'd have to get the locks on the cellar door fixed. Severus wasn't strong enough to brew the Wolfsbane for him, and Moony had gotten out last time. Remus found Severus the next morning, trembling in the pile of bloody sheets, fluids leaking from between his legs. He hadn't been bitten, but it was still too close... much too close...
Maybe things would be better if... no. No, Severus wouldn't like that.
"Would you like to sit down?" Remus offered, motioning to the couches and chairs scattered in front of the hearth. "I was just finishing up breakfast..."
"Remus," Bill said carefully, like he was talking to a skittish animal. That made Remus frown a little. "Remus, we're concerned. Especially after the trial, when you didn't come back home."
"Home?" Remus asked, his voice scaling up a little high. "What home? You mean Tonks' flat?" He snorted derisively, suddenly shaking with anger. "That isn't home. This is."
"Of course," Bill said, holding his hands up in apology. "I'm sorry. I know it would be difficult to go back there, after Tonks -- "
"Tonks must be very happy with Kingsley," Remus said quickly. Both Bill and Harry flinched, knowing that there was no way to counter that. "Teddy must adore him. I always thought Kingsley would be a good father. Gentle giant sort of thing." He smiled a little.
"Remus, we're worried," Harry started again.
"So you've said." Remus smiled placidly. "I simply wanted to get away from the memories for a while. This place is home, always has been. It's peaceful and quiet here. I think it's best."
Harry and Bill shared a look. "Remus..." Harry said. "Snape's missing."
Impudent brat
"Missing?" Remus repeated blandly.
"He disappeared after --"
"Well, you can't blame him for wanting to get away. After all, it was a very trying time for him. Maybe he just wanted a place to rest and recuperate. The snakebite was horrible, you know. It nearly paralyzed his left side."
Harry frowned, looking at him intently. "Remus, he didn't just leave. You know he couldn't. It's not possible."
You always underestimated him. Always demeaned him. Oversimplified and villanized him. I could tear your throat out for that...
"Remus," Bill said quietly. "We want to know if you've seen him?" Harry glared at him. Obviously, there was some argument going on that Remus wasn't a part of. Harry wanted to ask a different question.
"Seen him?" Remus parroted.
"Stop being dense, Remus," Harry said, standing up. "What's gotten into you? You're not yourself -"
"Easy, lad," Bill cautioned. Remus had stood up, the wolf shimmering in his eyes, a slight growl in his throat. "Remus, he's just upset..." The crash from the kitchen interrupted them.
Severus!
Remus darted from between them, ignoring their calls for explanations. He pelted through the door and inhaled sharply. He knelt down among the spilled kippers and eggs and bacon, gingerly scooping Severus up. "Did you hurt yourself?" he murmured, caressing Severus' hair. The table had been overturned, hiding them for a moment when Bill and Harry burst through. Severus tensed. "Shhh. Shh, it's all right. It's ok. Let's get you back in your chair, huh? Easy now... there we go." He made sure Severus' head was supported, then smoothed his nightshirt back in to place.
"...Remus... what have you done?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse with shock.
Remus ignored him, kneeling in front of Severus to make sure his slippers were on securely, checking his bad leg for injury. "You're fine," he murmured, smiling back up at Severus. "Just a little scare, that's all." He took Severus' hand and caressed it gently with his fingertips. "Don't worry about breakfast. I'll clean it up and make us some porridge."
"Remus?" Bill asked, taking a hesitant step forward. "Remus, I think you should come and talk to us for a bit. Then we can take care of Snape, alright?"
Severus tensed, making a small noise deep in his throat. Something like a gurgle. "Shhh," Remus crooned to him, kissing his fingertips gently. "Shhh, it's ok. You don't have to worry. I'm not mad about the mess." He didn't look over his shoulder, but the tone and tenor of what he said was obviously directed at Bill and Harry. "I think you should go. You're upsetting him. He's not ready for visitors yet. He isn't strong enough."
Harry was shaking, staring at him. "Remus... you can't think..." He took a step forward, calling out in desperation. "They gave him the Kiss, Remus! Right after the trial!"
Remus turned and glared at him, snarling a little. "Keep your voice down!" he snapped. He turned back to Severus, looking up into his lover's face. His brow was wrinkled in a slight frown, eyes fixed on Harry. "You're upsetting him." Remus reached up and caressed Severus' cheek. Slowly, because he was tired and sore from the fall, Severus turned his head and looked down at Remus.
He always had such beautiful eyes. Like polished jet.
"He needs peace and quiet," Remus said quietly, his thumb brushing over Severus' prominent cheekbone. "The neurotoxins from Nagini's bite sapped all his strength. Once he's better, you can come back and talk to him. But he needs to rest now." He took Severus' hand between his and kissed his fingertips before laying his cheek against the long, lean palm. "We're going to finish breakfast. Then a walk on the beach."
"Remus..." Harry murmured, his voice choking on tears.
"He can't walk on the beach long. It hurts his leg. But soon he'll be able to walk on his own. And then we'll set up the second bedroom as a potion's lab. That'll make him feel worlds better, don't you think?"
He had stopped listening to them, of course. They were trying to get him to see Snape the way they saw him. And he refused. They saw him as a villain, as a murderer. Remus knew better. Severus had been a tool, just like Remus. Used and then tossed away when he was no longer useful. Lied to. Manipulated. He wanted what Remus wanted; to be left in peace, in quiet. To finally rest and grieve and rebuild some semblance of a life after everything had been taken from them.
It's all right. I know you're tired. After everything you've done for us all, who wouldn't be? I'll take care of you. And once you're strong again, you'll come back to me. Won't you, Severus?