undunoops (undunoops) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-04-29 16:04:00 |
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Entry tags: | family fest |
Family Fest Fic: Love and a Hard Place - R, Parts 5 and 6
Title: Love and a Hard Place
Author/Artist: undun
Rating: R (mature/adult content)
Pairing(s)/character(s): Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Nymphadora Tonks, Hermione Granger, et al.
Challenge: Family Fest
Summary: Remus would do anything to be a father.
Disclaimer: Not-for-profit fan creation.
Warnings: I hate warnings. I don’t think anyone dies…
Notes: This story was started before the release of Deathly Hallows and is therefore non-compliant with that storyline. I leave it to the reader whether they judge it to be AU. Beta was gifted to me by the extraordinary Dillis. Thanks to lore for running the fest!
ETA: I have made a very small, and insignificant changes to this part and a couple of later parts after some concrit from lore (thanks!). The narrative is unchanged.
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V.
“Any new personal insights today?” Snape greeted him when he slid into the seat opposite with his beer.
He’d avoided Snape for some weeks, hoping for some clarification would present itself in his personal life. No such clarification had occurred, of course, and Remus was ready to admit he’d simply been avoiding dealing with the issue, that issue being one Severus Snape. Remus had arranged a meeting on neutral territory this time. Not having a conveniently placed bed would help to reduce distractions.
“How are you?” he asked. He wasn’t going to let Snape bait him. They had proven they could communicate properly and he didn’t want Snape to retreat behind his well-rehearsed persona of Evil Git.
“Tolerable,” Snape replied. “And yourself?”
“As well as can be expected I suppose,” Remus answered, swigging his beer while he studied the man.
Snape’s gaze had sharpened at Remus’ opening gambit. He took a mouthful of smoking spirits that swirled disconcertingly in the glass he held.
“What the hell are you drinking?”
“I don’t really know,” Snape held the concoction up to the light, squinting through the glass. “I believe it has an Absinthe base.”
“Merlin’s pantyhose, Severus! That’s an hallucinogen,” he scolded.
“That’s what, five syllables? And on a Friday too. Very impressive, Lupin.”
Remus snorted. “Shut-up, it’s not a joke! Why are drinking that poison?”
“I’m sorry, are you my mother using polyjuice to look like Remus Lupin?”
That stopped him in his tracks. Since when did he go around checking Snape’s drinks? What business was it of his if the man wanted to commit slow suicide? Except…
“I’ve never known you to take needless risks, Severus. Calculated risks, yes, or risks taken to protect your students. But you have always struck me as a man who would scorn unreasoned recklessness.”
Snape placed his glass carefully back on to the tabletop.
“Why did you ask me to meet you here?”
It seemed like a complete non sequitur, but perhaps it was Snape’s round-about way of explaining himself.
“I didn’t want anything to distract us from talking over this situation,” Remus explained, lowering his voice and leaning forward on his elbows. He didn’t see anyone he recognised, but he’d rather not be overheard. Happily, the crowd was increasing, and with that noise level their conversation would not likely carry further than their own table.
“Do you mean,” Snape began deliberately, “that you don’t want me to fuck you tonight, Lupin?”
The way he enunciated the word had Remus half hard in less that two seconds.
“Shite,” he muttered, looking down at the table and flushing down to his neck. That wasn’t fucking fair!
“You look delectable, Lupin,” Snape continued. “You look hot and bothered and frustrated. You look like you want me to bend you over this table.”
Remus squirmed uncomfortably. This wasn’t how he’d planned to have the evening go, dammit!
“So, no sex?” Snape queried with mock innocence.
Remus shook his head, not trusting his voice.
“Ah. Cheers, then,” the man said, raising his glass once more.
What?
“I don’t mean never, Severus!” Remus objected. The bloody man couldn’t mean to drink himself stupid for lack of a bed mate for one bloody night, surely!
“So there will be more… physical activities between us?”
“Yes! I mean… actually that’s what I was hoping to discuss,” he replied. If only my fucking cock would allow me to think for longer than five seconds.
“What, er, do you see us as being to each other?” Remus asked in a pathetic attempt to get the ball rolling.
“What do you mean? You’re not looking for a relationship, are you? With me?”
Snape’s voice was sheer disbelief with just a dash of cruel mockery.
Remus shrugged, going for nonchalance but with the sinking feeling that it came off as embarrassment.
“I’ve already had a relationship: well, it still is a relationship. If I wanted to, with a bit of hard work I’m sure I could hang onto it,” he answered. Remus paused to gather his thoughts and courage. “I don’t know what I could have with you, Severus, but to throw away my marriage in exchange for nothing more than fabulous sex seems just a little shallow. I won’t do it.”
“That amounts to an ultimatum, I believe,” Snape commented, swigging at his glass with a hint of desperation in his eyes. “So, you think the sex is fabulous,” he added with a smirk.
Remus had to stand firm.
“I have a commitment to Tonks. I have nothing like that with you and I need to know if there is a possibility of it before I can decide what I have to do.”
Snape looked down at the table before responding quietly. “I haven’t had a commitment to anybody since I was twenty, Lupin. I don’t know if I’m capable of such a thing anymore.” He looked up. “I know you well enough, I suppose,” Snape added, looking him over closely as if considering the purchase of slightly damaged goods.
Remus’ heart rose up and nearly choked off his air. He’s actually considering the idea!
This would have to rate as the most bizarre situation he’d ever been in, and that was saying something. He fought to keep his head and not grin idiotically at the man opposite. The fact that he had seemingly made up his mind to throw in the towel on his marriage based on Snape’s brief conjecture was sobering.
“I think what I need to do is move out and live by myself for a while, to make sure I’m doing the right thing.”
Snape’s eyes glinted at him. He didn’t pick up his glass. “They have rooms upstairs.”
Oh.
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The large guest room had seen better days – it did, however, feature a robust-looking canopied bed against one wall. No matter how much mental gymnastics Remus went through he still felt that he was about to do the wrong thing, yet again. He turned to Snape with the vague notion of calling the evening off, and found his mouth had other plans. “Take your clothes off.”
Snape’s eyebrow did the usual thing but he started unbuttoning. Committed now to the evening’s activities, Remus walked over to the bed and dragged the covers down, revealing an unexpectedly pristine white bed sheet. He quickly removed his own clothing while watching Snape dealing with a myriad of fastenings and layers.
“Don’t you ever get hot under all that?” he asked, standing naked and watching Snape divest himself of the last pieces of his clothing. What is it that makes him so compelling?
“Cooling charm,” Snape returned matter-of-factly.
Just to look good in black?
Snape was gloriously free of clothing now and Remus moved to stroke over the pale skin of his chest, brushing nipples and moving up to bite gently at the man’s neck. Snape gave a small shudder and a soft moan of appreciation then, unexpectedly, asked, “Do you want to fuck me tonight, Lupin?”
Remus shivered: the way he said fuck… But, wait–
“I thought you preferred to… do that.”
“Why assume so much after so little?” Snape queried with a small smile that could have been mocking, but Remus was becoming desensitised and so it didn’t really have any impact.
“Well, I won’t assume anything else, but tell me what you like to do, Severus. I need to know,” he responded. He softened his demand with small bites on the other side of Snape’s neck, aware that these attentions had aroused Snape considerably, his cock jutting into Remus’ abdomen.
He pulled back slightly and saw Snape’s half closed eyes tracking him.
“I like to do a lot of things. I’m versatile, Lupin,” came Snape’s belated reply, voice gravelled where it was normally silky smooth.
Remus kissed him, teasing along the man’s lips with his tongue. He’d never done that with a man before, and after Snape had initiated him into the pleasures of being penetrated, he thought he could make it good for him. He was now hard enough to ‘cross swords’ with Snape where they stood facing each other. It prompted him to grasp the man’s arse and pull him against his hips, grinding instinctively against the man’s pelvis.
“We’ll need some lubrication,” he panted, suddenly remembering that he’d had no intention of sleeping with Snape when he’d set up the meeting. He hoped that Snape hadn’t actually believed that he wouldn’t succumb and had come prepared for the event.
There was a small huff, as of an aborted laugh, in his ear, which had in turn been in Snape’s teeth.
“I’m sure I have something that will serve.”
Remus sighed in relief. He would worry about the fact that Snape had no particular respect for his, admittedly shaky, principles much, much later.
He laid Snape out on the bed, took the small bottle of emollient from the man’s trouser pocket, and proceeded to lose a different kind of virginity.
He lay afterwards with his head not actually cushioned at all by Snape’s bony shoulder – honestly, he would have been better off with the lumpy pillow – and thought dazed thoughts about the zig-zagged progress of his personal life over the past few months. He stroked Snape’s light chest hair, blinking only when his eyes grew too dry to ignore. Snape’s hand closed firmly over his. His low, oddly musical voice instructed, “Sleep, Remus.”
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VI.
“You’re leaving me for Snape! I don’t understand, Remus!”
He almost laughed. He didn’t understand it any better himself. Tonks was hurting though, and she’d done nothing to deserve this. She was a decent, honest witch, despite a slight tendency to selfishness which, in the Black family, was an unavoidable character trait. None of this was her fault.
“I’m going to find somewhere to live by myself for now, Tonks,” he said. “I’m not running off to shack up with Severus.”
“That doesn’t mean that you won’t eventually,” she protested.
“No,” he admitted. “But I need to sort myself out before I start another relationship.”
It was true, mostly. He was planning to spend some time living alone: he did need to ‘sort’ himself, but as far as the new relationship was concerned…? Well, that train had well and truly left the station. There was nothing he could do about that but keep a low profile and give Tonks time to adjust. It remained to be seen whether things with Snape would ever evolve into a domestic arrangement, but he was hopeful.
He closed his trunk and moved over to where she stood just inside the doorway to their bedroom: his bedroom no longer, he thought, looking around at all the places where his belongings had been replaced by empty spaces. He hadn’t had much, but quite a few of his latest possessions had been gifts from Tonks.
“I’m sorry for all of this,” he said quietly. “I must be mad.”
She nodded jerkily and swiped at her eyes. Tears continued to trickle down her face but she was silent, staring into the room.
Guilt: would Remus’ life ever be free of it? Probably not: he had so much to feel guilty about, after all. He’d felt it from such an early age too, from the time of Greyback’s attack, and his subsequent curse infection. After that it was guilt over doing nothing to spare Snape from the violent, and often humiliating, attentions of his school friends. Betraying Dumbledore’s trust in him by cavorting around with said school friends during the full moon was not his finest moment either. Then he’d believed one of those old friends to be a murdering Death Eater for twelve long years. As it turned out he’d believed it of the wrong old school friend, something he tried never to dwell on for too long: he was always afraid of being completely crushed by it. Then there was the narrowly averted disaster when he’d forgotten to take the Wolfsbane potion the night he’d met Sirius newly escaped from Azkaban and he’d almost eaten his students! And not being able to save Sirius the night he’d fallen through the Veil… He wished that he’d had more time with his old friend, and he treasured the short time they’d had together before Sirius’ death.
And now he was letting Tonks down.
It occurred to him that perhaps his relationship with Tonks might have been symptomatic of some that suppression that Snape had been talking about. Could Tonks have been his substitute for Sirius? Had he been having feelings other than friendship for Sirius when he was alive? He blinked and shook his head slightly. Sometimes thinking could be downright dangerous. He really needed to get out of his own head for a while, very soon.
Tonks looked up at him.
“I’ll be alright, Remus,” she said with only a slight warble in her voice.
“I’m sure you will. But I do know that I’ve hurt you and I know it will take some time to repair the damage.”
He slipped his wand out to reduce his trunk and put it in his pocket.
“I want to keep our friendship, Tonks, but right now I think I’d better stay away. I’ll wait for you to contact me first. Of course, if you need me for any documents that need signing just owl me and I’ll be here as soon as I can.”
She surprised him then by grabbing his waist in a bear hug, quick but passionate.
“I love you, but I hate you, Remus.”
He blinked at her, unable to think of a suitable response. In the end he touched her cheek in farewell, saying, “You’ve been good to me, and I’ll never forget that.”
He began apparating, her bright hair turning into a swathe of pink before his eyes as he turned. Her voice came faintly, as if from miles away,
“Goodbye, Remus!”
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“Severus! I wasn’t expecting you,” Remus greeted the man with a bemused smile. He pulled the door wide and beckoned Snape inside.
Snape stepped through the doorway. He looked around and sniffed.
“This is a hovel, Lupin.”
Remus laughed softly. “Yes, it really is, isn’t it? What brings you here, anyway?”
“You owled me the address, what else did you expect me to do?”
He quickly removed the stack of books and periodicals from the small sofa, gesturing with his eyes for Snape to take a seat while he stashed his armload in the corner. The pile promptly slid sideways and collapsed. He sighed.
“Have I interrupted something?” Snape inquired with an arched brow, looking around at the mess.
“Just my unpacking. I wish you’d let me know that you were coming over. I would have popped out to get some groceries. I don’t have anything to offer you for refreshment, I’m afraid.”
“I brought wine.”
Snape produced a miniaturised bottle from his pocket then waved his wand over it carefully to enlarge it to its original proportion.
“I thought shrinking spells destroyed the quality of vintages!” Remus said in surprise.
“They do. Unless you happen to have invented one that doesn’t,” Snape responded, a smug look appearing on his face.
“You canny bastard,” Remus said in awe, taking the wine and using his wand to ease the cork from the bottle. He sniffed at the contents, closing his eyes in temporary bliss. “That’s extraordinary,” he uttered in admiration.
Snape looked at him, a glint of humour showing in his eyes.
“Really, Lupin, all this emotion over a bottle of good wine. You will be easy to keep happy.”
Even more than the wine he held, that comment served to make Remus happier than he’d been for a long time. It didn’t make any sense: he thought he’d been happy with Tonks, but the longer he was away from her, and the more time he spent developing a relationship with Snape, the more obvious it seemed to him that he’d been playing a role with her. For a long time it had been a role he’d enjoyed, but it hadn’t really been him.
He looked around. “Er, chipped teacups alright with you?” he asked, foraging in a partially unpacked trunk.
“Why bother with the cups?” Snape returned, rising to take the bottle from his hands and taking a mouthful straight from the neck.
Remus watched his Adam’s apple bob with fascination bordering on fetish. He adored the man’s neck, but the front of his throat in particular. He attributed it to watching Snape coming undone underneath him the first time he’d…
Snape lowered the bottle and held it out to him while slowly swallowing his mouthful. Remus took the bottle from his hand as the man made a small smacking sound of satisfaction with his lips. “Good. Try it.”
Remus grinned and brought the bottle to his own lips, filling his mouth with wine. He swirled the drink around his mouth, washing it over his palate. He swallowed as he met Snape’s eyes.
“I’m in love,” he finally announced.
Probably a bad choice of words, he reflected later: he hadn’t actually meant what Snape had assumed he’d meant.
Snape closed in and kissed him. He kissed him passionately and long and Remus had to break away to catch his breath. Snape, panting and with a distinctly hungry look in his eyes, manoeuvred him onto the sofa. He hoped the bottle had found level ground somewhere because he no longer held it in his hand. Snape stripped him ruthlessly, nipping at his skin as it was exposed.
“Slow down,” he pleaded. “Let me get your clothes off too.”
Snape shifted upright and began taking his coat off – mercifully he’d come dressed in muggle clothes – and Remus tugged at his belt and trouser fastenings.
“Your priorities are commendable,” Snape informed him just a little breathlessly as he was shrugging out of his shirt.
“Mmm,” Remus responded around a mouthful of Snape’s left nipple. He gripped Snape’s prick in his right hand and began to masturbate him.
Snape’s hands found their way to his head and played with the uncombed mess of hair there. He found his mouth being gently disengaged and then Snape tugged him upwards to kiss again. Without releasing the man’s cock, Remus paused and queried; “Where’s the wine?”
Snape’s uninhibited laugh delighted him. Snape twisted, regrettably freeing his erection from Remus’ possessive clutch, and lifted the bottle up from the floor nearby. Miraculously, it was still holding its precious contents. Distracted from his carnal appetites, Remus commanded, “Give that here!”
Snape held it just out of his reach, a calculating gleam in his eyes.
“What will you give me for it?”
Remus considered taking it by force – he reckoned he could if he wanted to – then he thought about what he wanted to do with Snape.
“I’ll suck your cock.”
Both Snape’s black eyebrows rose at his pronouncement. “Really,” he said, dragging the word out over twice its length.
“Really,” he confirmed. He smiled. It was something he’d been thinking about for a few days, and he wanted to try it, knowing how good it felt to be on the receiving end. “Wine first, blow after,” he added.
“Very well,” Snape acquiesced, handing the bottle over.
Remus took another mouthful of the wine, tipping the neck to allow Snape to have some as well. It was a shameful abuse of a good vintage, but really, what better use could one have for a bottle of wine than to woo one’s lover? He took another mouthful and, looking down to assure himself of Snape’s continuing interest, he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Snape and lowered himself to perform his task.
The man snorted in either derision or amusement, or both. Remus didn’t mind, he was set on his target and closed his mouth carefully around the tip, swirling the wine around in his mouth.
“Bloody fuck!”
Snape’s initial reaction was all that Remus had hoped it would be. He closed his eyes to better appreciate the new experience of sucking a man’s cock.
The wine preceded Snape’s essence down his throat. He decided the combination was rather pleasing.
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