FIC: Dangerous People, Pt. 8 (PG) Title: Dangerous People, Pt. 8, "The dead sleep on but the living have risen" Author: Evegenia Rating: PG Pairing: Snape/Lupin Summary: As you surely recall, O Reader, Snape and Lupin are living a rather uncomfortable life in winter Chicago. In the previous installment, they were returning from a full-moon venture to the park.
Dangerous People, Pt. 8 "The dead sleep on but the living have risen"
Snape walked up the front steps and cautiously turned the key in the lock. The windows of the downstairs flat were dark. Snape could hear the faint click of the werewolf's nails on the parquet of the hall floor. But as he felt for the bannister in the darkness, he heard Fatima's door open. A wave of panic washed over him. I won't turn, I'll pretend I didn't hear, we can't lose the flat--
"You're out late, Alistair," she said, and golden light suddenly streamed from the doorway.
He stopped and turned around. The wolf backed awkwardly up two stairs, catching its feet on the stair carpet. "Oh, good evening, Fatima," he said as blandly as he could. "I've always liked a little walk before settling in for the night."
"You English with your walks, even in this dreadful weather.Our tutor was just the same, every day even when we all stayed indoors" She kept her gaze on his face. "My--Janina has told me so much about John, and even a bit about you, Alistair."
"I do hope some of it was good," he said.
"She and Ismail are coming to dinner next Wednesday and I would like you both to join us."
"I...thank you, that's very kind. I would need to...to consult Black, of course. I don't know his schedule, but I'm sure he'd be delighted--"
"I would like it very much if you were able to attend," she said. "Janina tells me that you are very interested in politics, so I'm sure we must have a great deal in common."
What has Lupin been saying? Politics, he shouldn't be talking about politics, our politics are the politics of staying fed--"A bit of a hobby of mine, the political," he said. "I do a good deal of reading." Yes, let's give the impression that I have a genteel interest in the Wars of the Roses or the Enclosure Acts.
"Oh, yes," Fatima said. "I do a great deal of reading myself. We are sure to have many things to discuss, and of course you will enjoy meeting Ismail. We'll be dining at seven and there will be drinks at six-thirty." The light behind her made it hard to read her expression, but she sounded as though she was smiling. "I am quite secular, you see."
"Yes, yes, of course," said Snape. "How kind of you, how kind to--we'll be down for dinner on Wednesday, then."
"I'm sure Janina will be delighted."
"She is very charming, John always..." He stepped backwards up the stairs. "Good night, then, Fatima."
She closed the door. He and the wolf began to climb the staircase in the darkness. His arms felt weak. And don't even remark on the bloody great werewolf I'm dragging about with me...this was a terrible idea after all, we should never have taken the risk. What can Lupin possibly have said to that woman? The students downstairs were evidently in bed. He fumbled the key to their flat from his pocket. The wolf pressed its side against his knee. Really, almost sitting on my feet. At least this evening has clarified matters, Fatima is much more alarming than werewolves. I have no idea what she can be thinking...politics. Perhaps she's involved in some kind of campaign round here and wants us to go about with collecting boxes for her, that's a nice simple explanation. Surely she can't have guessed anything about Lupin, I can't imagine that she'd be quietly inviting us to dinner...that unspeakable trusting idiot babbling away at work...
Inside the flat, he lit a lamp and knelt down to examine the wolf's feet. "I have no idea what frozen wolf feet look like, in any case," he said and reached out a tentative hand. The wolf pulled back but then gave him its paw. "You're quite polite," he told it and ran his thumb over its pads. It flinched a little. Its claws were much larger and solider than he'd realized. The foot was cold but didn't appear any--"It's not as though I have a good standard for comparison, you're no kind of research subject." How jolly I'm being, jolly with this creature that could rip my throat out in a moment.
He gave the wolf water and put the kettle on for himself. "In the morning, Lupin, we'll need to talk, you with your horrible teeth and claws. What did you kill tonight, I wonder? Do you remember that kind of thing?" The wolf sat as though listening to him. "I'm always glad, of course, to facilitate any of your minor carnivorous urges." He leaned back into the sofa and rubbed his temples. The wolf was still looking at him. He sighed. "I can't understand why you'd be spilling all your secrets to someone you barely know. You're so bloody self-contained with me, and you'd think you'd trust me a bit at this point....and it's ridiculous to go off to that clinic, I wish you'd just let me..." I wish you'd just let me take care of you, he thought absently.
He pulled a blanket over his knees. "Do you want one?" he said. "You have your own in your room, you know. Although...." Lupin drank more water and then walked over to the sofa and lay on the floor next to Snape's feet. "You have no idea how disconcerting this suddent friendliness is," said Snape. "Do you even like me at all in the ordinary course of events?" He was suddenly very, very tired. "It's horribly late," he said. He swung his legs up onto the sofa, then set his tea cup on the floor and turned off the lamp. The wolf was making small settling-in noises in the dark. Genuinely perverse, he thought. Genuinely perverse that I seem to have missed....this. Am I really so alienated that I prefer a companion who can't talk? But all the same, he felt himself falling effortlessly, calmly asleep.
****
Lupin rolled over in bed. His shoulders hurt, but it was glorious to be warm....the light suggested late morning and the flat was emptily quiet. Or no, he heard a sound, a page turning. Severus was there, then. Think of nothing at all, think of dim half-memories of running with the moon. The cold smell of the snow in his nose....there had been so many people and so many words, but it was so good not to understand, to let the words wash over him without any meaning. A blurred memory, Severus had...had looked at his feet, rubbed them carefully. Such a strange feeling. He had a sudden recollection of leaning against a reassuring shape, the sheer relief of companionship. He thought the words I miss my pack, but pushed the images of Johnnie and Lilja and Ultan aside. I won't think about them, I won't...I hope I didn't make myself too much of a nuisance.
Standing up was difficult. He pulled a sweater over the loose blue pajamas and the effort made him dizzy. He clumsily stubbed his toe against the doorframe. Snape was reading on the sofa, sitting cross-legged and tidy in one corner. He looked up and frowned. "For heaven's sake, Lupin. Lie down before you do yourself a serious injury or damage the doorframe. I'll bring you some tea."
"Toilet, I'm afraid," said Lupin. "But the tea would be very kind."
When he had thrown water on his face and staggered back to his room, Snape stood beside his bed, looking out the window. A teacup rested on the windowsill. So odd, I feel that he's far more familiar than he actually is. The wolf knows him, I suppose, and I don't.
"Lupin, do you remember that Fatima saw us last night?"
"No...or, I suppose I do, it was...afterwards, wasn't it? There was a light, and you were..." You were afraid. "Has she said anything?:"
Snape laughed. "She said a great deal, Lupin, but none of it about you. She'd like us to come to dinner."
"To dinner?"
"Janina tells her by the hour, apparently, about my fascination with politics. I'm not entirely sure I like to hear that." He fiddled with the sashcord. "Do you...I don't see why you should, but have you told Janina anything in particular about me?"
"She asked me a bit about you. I don't...I don't tell them everything at work. Janina and her husband came here from Vilna after the crisis, so we've talked about things a little. I may have said that you were...I said that you had been sympathetic to part-humans and that's why you'd left. That's what you told Dr. Banks, isn't it?"
"I suppose so...Perhaps our landlady simply wants to discuss the Algerian situation.Or perhaps I'm paranoid and we ought to be diagnosing a good case of neighborhood politics. We'll go to dinner and she'll enlist us in some fund-drive." He seemed to remember the tea at his elbow. "You might drink your tea, you know. I've mixed it half with skullcap, so it should help you a bit."
"Thank you," He reached for the cup on the windowsill and Snape handed it to him. The skullcap tasted strong and bitter after each swallow. "It was..." He tried to remember. "She was...she must have meant something. She wanted something, I could tell. Not like those girls..." Did I actually...I remember pushing my head under Severus's hand, I was afraid to let them near me. "She saw me, I felt her notice."
"Has Janina told you anything about her? How long has she been here?"
"Since after the barricades week, I think. Janina and Ismail were already here. Janina hasn't said too much about her. I know she was in Tebessa, that's all."
"She seems to have managed to get plenty of money out with her."
"I don't know...I get the impression that her family was quite influential and very wealthy, so this must be a bit of a come-down."
"It looks rather decent to me, the silver and the references to her English tutor so that we'll be sure to feel our place...what does she expect in return for all this cold water and clanking plumbing, I wonder?"
"We do get a very nice view over the rooftops, you must admit." Lupin rolled over onto his side. "She must have fled Tebessa in danger of her life, Severus. And she didn't have to let us the flat. We were a rather dodgy proposition as tenants."
"We still are a rather dodgy proposition as tenants, thus we have to keep this flat, and thus I hope she doesn't want anything impossible."
"But surely you're sympathetic to the Algerian cause? I remember you getting into an argument with Arthur about it." A passionate and angry late night argument after a meeting, the fire flickering in the kitchen. Molly and Kingsley giving up and leaving the room, Snape unexpectedly emotional and hot-eyed. "You threw your glass into the fireplace."
Snape paced a few steps beside the bed, then turned. "I am...I do support the Algerian side, Lupin. But I'm a bit dubious about our wealthy landlady, no matter how Algerian she is. I would...I've signed any number of petitions to the Foreign Office about it, and I went on one of the marches after barricades week." He smiled mirthlessly. "Bloody great lot of good that did, of course." Snape shook his head. "I hardly threw my glass, though. You weren't even there, you and Molly and Kingsley all got sick of it and went to sit in the parlor."
"That's not true," said Lupin. "I was a bit tired and I didn't exactly participate, but I was interested and I stayed. I saw you throw your glass."
Snape made an irritated snort. "Very well then, perhaps I did. None of you seemed to grasp the most rudimentary things about the situation."
Lupin closed his eyes. "If we're going to talk much longer, would you mind sitting on the end of the bed? You're making me dizzy when you pace."
"The skullcap was rather strong, I expect." Snape sat uneasily on the very edge of the mattress. "The Algerians have the right to self-determination. They fight back, is all. That's what Arthur couldn't stand, that they weren't sitting there like plaster saints waiting for the fiftieth petition to the European League to have any effect. You none of you want people to fight for themselves."
"That's not what I think....you don't have to take all these things so hard."
"I have to," said Snape. Then, abruptly, "How much do you remember from when you're...you're..."
"When I'm a wolf." He could feel the skullcap slowing him, blunting the edges of words. "More now than before...your wolfsbane is very good, even if it tastes vile."
"What do you remember of last night?"
"Oh...impressions, I suppose...the ice was so bright and you were...you were nervous. There were the two girls."
"You hunted something, successfully."
"A ground squirrel," Lupin said. Even with the dosed tea to calm him, he felt a rush of shame. "I'm sure you find it quite grotesque. It's not something I can help."
"I don't." Snape was rolling the hem of a blanket between his fingers. He sat slouched forward, resting his forearms on his knees and looking at the bit of fabric twisted in his hand. "I've said before, that doesn't bother me."
"You're a bit afraid of me, though, aren't you?"
"I..." Snape lowered his head. "I'm not afraid of you. It's not a rational fear."
Lupin chuckled. "Not rational and so you don't feel it? I only almost killed you...." He remembered Snape picking up his feet, his paws.
"That was when you didn't have the wolfsbane. And you couldn't help yourself."
"How we do let go of grudges in our old age..."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing...you made the tea, the skullcap awfully strong, I think. Only you always blamed me before."
Snape didn't say anything. A bony middle-aged man in a shabby shirt, his hair going thin at the temples. A beaky face, a weatherbeaten face like a mask on the tall body. All of a piece, astonishing how intentional he looks..."Perhaps the landlady fancies you," Lupin said.
"What?"
"She invited you to dinner, she waited up for you, perhaps she fancies you."
"I doubt that very much, Lupin," said Snape drily.
"She's quite good-looking and she can't be over fifty. That's not so old, now that we're getting up there ourselves. And you said yourself that you were sympathetic to the Algerians." Snape really has gone and overdosed me, hasn't he...?
"That's rather--"
"You could do much worse. And we'd get free rent, or you would anyway."
"Yes, well, leaving aside the question of my desirability as an impoverished transient, I don't plan on having it off with a woman to get you free rent."
Lupin raised his eyebrows.
"Surely you knew that," said Snape. "It's never been a secret."
"It's not something I've heard you discuss, that's all."
"Potter and Black used to get at me in school, as hypocritical as that would later prove in Black's case. I can't imagine you didn't hear them."
"Don't...don't talk unkindly about Sirius to me, I really won't...I don't actually sit around speculating about it, you know....You put much too much skullcap in."
Snape turned his head and frowned at Lupin until his eyebrows almost met. "I can see that. I hadn't thought you'd be so sensitive to it."
"Oh, I must be quite insensitive, mustn't I? We've already established that. Politically inadequate, unemployable, bullying; repulsively, dangerously unhuman."
"I have never said any of that," said Snape angrily, standing up. " I didn't like your friends, and I have disagreed with your politics, but I have never said any of those things. And I do not care in the least about your degree of humanity."
I can't seem to follow one train of thought, can I? "Oh, don't, don't...you were really quite kind last night, I remember quite clearly, you were looking at my feet for some reason..."
"You'd been walking around in the snow. I don't...our various differences in the past have nothing to do with your particular condition. I've known quite a few wolves since school and none of them were nearly as difficult as...I think you should drink a glass of water and perhaps eat something."
"...Oh..."
Snape got up and returned with a glass of water, a plate and an apple, which he cut into pieces with his pocketknife. "That's the best we've got, I'm afraid. I meant to go down to the shops this morning."
Lupin drank the metallic-tasting water and ate a slice of apple. "Why did you go off with the werewolves, Severus? I admit I had a hard time believing it when you told me."
"I....I can't image how inquisitive you must be when you're actually drunk."
"Maudlin, not inquisitive. Why, though?"
"I don't know. No one else would do it, they were all afraid. And I wanted to do something that no one else could." He took a piece of apple. "Also I'd seen how really unimpressive you were and I assumed it couldn't be that bad." He laughed, to Lupin's surprise, and bit into the apple slice.
"I thought I had impressed you sufficiently at the time."
"Not in retrospect, Lupin. I'd seen much, much worse afterwards....And the potion was a challenge, I was quite on my own with it, no masters to please. No one could do what I did. It was a good time, that first year. As perverse as it may sound, it was the best time I've had." He sat back farther on the bed. "I liked them, Lupin, I really did. It...Having that experience, being so outside everything--they didn't mind me. And it's such an odd, fascinating thing, I wanted to know what it was like."
Lupin bared his teeth. "I can show you what it's like. Ask me in four weeks."
"Gans told me the same thing. I thought about it, you know."
"Gans was one of your wolves?"
"Mine..." Snape sighed. "Yes. I would have let him, I think, but he wouldn't."
"You would have...you wanted him to turn you? That's idiotic, Severus. And hardly fair to him."
"He wouldn't do it. It...I would have liked to be part of something permanently."
"Good lord, get a tattoo, join a book club. Don't sign up to be--"
"It a ridiculous idea, I'm quite aware of that. Gans had better sense, although I didn't think so at the time."
"Was he...?"
"My friend. My boyfriend. He's dead now. He was in the river, I never knew whether it was the Aurors or our side. We'd talked about leaving and they didn't like people to leave."
"Oh, Severus. I'm sorry."
"It was quite some time ago."
"Still, I..."
"You understand that I should have known, later on. It was Aurors, they burned down the house and didn't let anyone get out. That's what they do. That's..." He spoke very quietly, so that Lupin had to strain to hear him. "That's why we can't...that's why I signed those petitions and went on the marches. It's the same, what happens in Algeria. The same thing that happens everywhere."
"What was he like?"
"Working class. He had high cheekbones and bad skin. Brown eyes. He read detective stories. Next time I'll just give you whiskey in your tea."
"You don't need to tell me things."
"True enough. But then I know about Black, after all."
"You don't know very much about him," Lupin said wearily. "Really, just don't needle me about him. I'm so tired..."
"Certainly," said Snape stiffly.
"You're nothing like him, I'm sure you're glad to know, except for this ludicrous stubbornness. I'm going to fall right asleep in a minute."
Snape stood up and gathered up the plate and cups.
"Sleep well, then," he said faintly.
"You both have your points, you might admit that." His last sight before he fell asleep was Snape almost dropping a cup.
*****
Lupin was early to the clinic and when he arrived the door was locked. Since his last appointment someone had sellotaped paper snowflakes to the inside of the window above the curtains.
The pavement and the ice shone faintly in the early light. Even the damp paper and rubbish in the gutter shone with moisture. The street was quiet and empty. A car pulled up in front of the Thai restaurant; a small woman in a scarlet coat got out, lifted a crate onto the pavement and then unlocked the restaurant door. Outlines seemed clear and sharp--the violet flowers in the restaurant window, the weathered lamp-post to which someone had chained a bicycle before the snow had fallen. A lovely morning, I could always just go and get breakfast somewhere, some little cafe where it's warm--
Behind him he heard footsteps. A big woman, tall and stout, with light brown skin and short, wildly curly hair. She carried a heavy, half-fastened rucksack slung over one arm. "Are you here for the--oh, yes, Marie had mentioned an early appointment. You must be Mr., Mr--" She spoke briskly and shifted the bag to hold out her right hand. "I'm Dr. Sethers. Laurie."
"John Black," said Lupin.
"Well, come in then, Mr. Black." She unlocked the door. "Marie doesn't seem to be here yet, so we'll have to do your paperwork at the end of your visit. Give me a minute to get all this put away, and we can get started." She paused half-way through the purple door beside the dispensary. "Do you need anything, Mr. Black? Water, or coffee?"
He declined both.
It gives me a chill to hear her say 'Black'. A silly thing to choose. It's as though I'd forgotten how much I missed him before, and now that I'm eating enough and keeping warm it all comes back. Reckless and charming, and I carry my cautious and cowardly life to the other side of the world...And Severus calls himself 'Alistair', which is rather unpleasant when I think on what else he's said.
The doctor stepped back into the room. "Follow me, Mr. Black. The nurse will weigh you and take your vitals once she arrives." She led him through a pastel hallway and around several corners, then motioned him into a small room with chairs and an examination table. "Please sit down. This will have to be short appointment, but we'll want to get you on the roster right away." She sat down facing him and picked up a notepad. "Now, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? How long have you been living in Chicago?"
"A few months."
"And you're from--where? Ireland?"
"Scotland."
She smiled at him. "I'm afraid I get the accents confused. Where in Scotland?"
"Perth."
"And where is that?"
"To the south a bit. Near Edinburgh." A flickering memory of the Aurors and the ceiling, which had seemed to fall in so slowly.
"Ah. And what do you do?"
"At present I work for the Institute. I did...I was a teacher."
"You were. Tell me a bit more about that. What brought you to Chicago?"
He felt a surge of anger. "The war. The war brought me here." Surely you know that much? Why else would--
She nodded. "Have you been in touch with any of the legal agencies?"
"I have not." He paused. "What legal agencies?"
"Red Circle-Red Crescent, for example. Marie can get you a list of contact information. So you haven't taken any steps to establish residency yet?"
He shook his head.
"Tell me more about how you got to Chicago."
"We...we simply came. Apparated."
"You're with friends, then? That's good."
"A friend."
"And you came here from--?"
"From Scotland."
"Do you know that you can petition for refugee status?"
"I hadn't...I hadn't thought about it."
"Refugee status gives you access to housing benefits and social services. You'll also find that travel within the US is much easier. Laws vary from state to state and city to city. We're quite open here, but that's not the case everywhere."
"How do I--"
"Marie can get you a list. You'll need to make an appointment with one of the agencies and they can connect you with a lawyer."
"How long does it take?" It probably wouldn't be possible, not without real names, but if he and Severus--
A shadow passed over the doctor's face. "It isn't a quick process. There are only so many permits every year..." She fiddled with her pen. "And so you should get started right away," she finished with an artificial smile. "Marie will have a list of resources for you."
He had a vision of Marie handing him a crate full of papers.
"Now, how is your health, Mr. Black? Do you have any particular health concerns at the moment?"
"Apart from the lycanthropy, you mean?"
The doctor chuckled. "Of course. So many of our patients prefer to consider it an identity rather than an illness, and I think that's very wise."
"Now, these next questions are rather detailed. I need you to answer as accurately as possible so that we can do our best for you. For how long have you been a lyncanthrope?"
"Since I was a child. Since I was seven."
"Hm...And what forms of treatment have you had?"
Dr. Sethers asked him a protracted series of questions about his parents and the healers they'd tried, then about various childhood illnesses. "And what about when you went to school?"
"My parents tutored me at home. I didn't go away to school until university."
"When did you first take wolfsbane?"
"When I was twenty-two."
"And you are now--?"
"Forty this year."
"So you began taking it when it was still experimental?"
How stupid, how stupid not to plan the dates-- "...I, er, you must know that there were various versions..."
"There were. You were lucky that you had a good supplier. Most of them weren't safe." She made a note. Patronizing. This is the other side, how one is treated when one isn't good class, doesn't have a proper job. "Still, you're here. And it's good that you've had a long course of the potion. Have you been able to continue since you left Scotland?"
Have I been unsafe, have I turned anyone? "Yes."
"Did you bring a supply with you?"
"I have a stasis flask." That hardly makes any sense. How much of anything could I possibly have brought?
Dr. Sethers looked at him levelly. "Where were you getting your potion when you were in Scotland?"
"A friend. Of my parents'. A brewer."
"And where have you been spending the full moons since you came to Chicago?"
"At home."
"Which is--?"
"Burnt Hill."
"And does your friend stay with you?"
"Yes."
She sighed. "All right, then. We have a wolfsbane roster. You'll sign up with Marie. For your first four months, you attend a group session every other week, and one of the nurses will stay with you when you take your dose to monitor your reaction. After that, you can continue attending group--many people do--and pick up your potion up to a week before the full. I'd like to see you again after you've taken your first dose, so please make an appointment with Marie on the way out." The doctor stood up. "Do you have any questions for me?"
He suddenly found himself very angry. In one part of his mind he thought that he had to stay calm, to speak carefully, to speak like an educated person, but he found himself choking out, "I do--I do have questions for you! I don't understand, no one will tell me what's going on, it isn't in the papers, I can't...I can't find any of my friends--" He was breathing hard and he was very conscious of his own voice, foolish and helpless in his ears.
The doctor's eyebrows went up, but she herself sat down. " What is it that you want to know?"
"I...I...What's happening there? Why are they...why are they all coming here?"
"Mr. Black, you do understand that I can't discuss individual patients. You should really go to group." She paused. "You've been in the UK recently, so I'm sure you're familiar with the legislation."
"But that's just it, I'm not, I--" I can't tell her anything. "I was up North, with family. I don't know much about what was happening elsewhere. My family took care of me."
"You seem to have been very lucky in your family and your friends. Most of our patients..." She twirled the pen. "Most of our patients are English, I think, and many of them left after your government started the wolfsbane program. They require residency and it's not...it doesn't appear to be very well run. Many of our patients had been homeless and they found the new regulations very difficult. The morbidity and mortality rates have been..." She looked out the window. "The Retort has done a rather controversial survey estimating excess mortality since the war began at just under a thousand. In a population of about fifteen thousand that's..."
That can't be true, one in fifteen of everyone I knew...But then almost everyone I knew is dead, I'd take one in fifteen.
Dr. Sethers rubbed a finger across one eye. "Many people would call it genocide, but the European League challenges the survey..." She stood again abruptly. "We have back-to-back appointments all day, Mr. Black. I really do advise you to go to group. And be sure to see Marie on your way out."