Bring me the nastiest colours known to humanity (blpaintchart) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-03-23 10:16:00 |
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“Right, it’s all booked.”
“What’s all booked, Lupin?”
“The surprising things that we’re going to do for my birthday today.”
“They won’t be much of a surprise if you’ve planned them yourself.”
“I had to. If I’d have left it to you, we’d be celebrating in exactly the same way we do every year: a meal in front of the fire with a box of chocolates and slightly too much champagne.”
“And plenty of sex.”
“Well yes, that too.”
“You’ve not complained before.”
“No, but I thought it would be nice to have a bit of a change, that’s all.”
“Very well, you can begin by changing that awful cardigan.”
“That wasn’t the kind of change I had in mind.”
“Why does that not surprise me?”
“Firstly, I thought we’d go to the massage parlour.”
“I can’t abide being mauled by anyone.”
“Oh, come on, it’ll be good for us. You know; working out the knots, easing away tension, smoothing out the stiffness, that kind of thing.”
“Ah, that kind of thing. Well then, you go. I’m not interested.”
“Are you sure? I had hoped we’d spend all day together.”
“Perfectly sure, thank you.”
“We can meet for a meal afterwards.”
“Indeed. Now, go and enjoy your massage and things.”
“Ooh, I shall.”
“Just remember; whilst a handjob is permissible, anything further I shall construe as adultery.”
“Did you enjoy the meal, Severus?”
“It was rather an unusual choice.”
“Well, that’s the idea! Today, we’re celebrating my birthday by experiencing different things.”
“Apparently so. Which would account for the visit to that peculiar clothing shop.”
“And what do you think of my new outfit?”
“I suppose it’s an improvement on the knitwear.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t think you’re a little mature to be wearing such clothes?”
“No! As they say, you’re only as old as the man...”
“Spare us the platitudes, Lupin.”
“Besides, we shall want to be dressed fashionably to get into the nightclub.”
“The what?”
“Nightclub; it’s where we’re going next.”
“I see. That would explain why you were so eager to purchase those leather trousers for me.”
“Well, that was one reason, but I also thought you’d look great in them. I’m still disappointed that you refused, actually.”
“Lupin, if I wanted to look like a German porn star, I would have been satisfied to wear the damn trousers. However, I would also have grown a bushy moustache and taken to wearing a chunky watch.”
“Well, I haven’t been somewhere like this for years!”
“That’s perfectly obvious.”
“Look at all those gorgeous guys!”
“Oh do close your mouth, Lupin.”
“Look at the way they move!”
“You’ll get dribble all over your shoes. It will be most undignified.”
“Come on, let’s dance.”
“Certainly not.”
“Don’t be so grumpy.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
“Look, Severus, I really want to dance.”
“Then please do. I shall stay here and sample these tempting beverages.”
“Are you sure?”
“Certainly. I think I’ll start with a Gay Matador.”
“Steady on, Severus! How many of those have you had?”
“At the last count, three Gay Matadors, four Screaming Marys, a Penile Colada or two, and a pint of stout.”
“I think you’ve had enough.”
“Nonsense! I want another one. This is only my first Rusty Flute.”
“It’s time to get you home, love.”
“I’ll have you know that I’m quite capable of handling my drink! Unlike certain people I could mention.”
“I realise that. But drink’s not the only thing I’d like you to be capable of handling tonight.”
“Nice innuendo, Lupin.”
“Oh dear. If you’re complimenting me on my sense of humour, then I know you’ve had too much. Come on. Home. Now.”
“Sod off! I’m not ready to go just yet.”
“Well I bloody well am! My legs are killing me.”
“Ha! So you finally realised you’re too old for all this ridiculous jigging about.”
“Not at all! Did you see me on the dancefloor?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I believe that was what started me off on the Screaming Marys.”
“Ah, well I have to admit it’s a bit hard on the old body. The last time my knees took this much punishment, the back of my throat was raw too.”
“I remember.”
“Did you see that bloke I was dancing with?”
“Yes.”
“Tasty, eh?”
“No.”
“Come on; a redhead with muscles and tattoos. Yum! Don’t say you weren’t impressed!”
“I found nothing remotely interesting about him. Sweaty and unrefined.”
“He reminded me of Charlie Weasley, actually.”
“Well, quite.”
“I thought you’d go for that type.”
“Why?”
“You know; the hair.”
“Certainly not. Over the years, my fondness for redheads has been greatly exaggerated.”
“I suppose blondes are more to your liking?”
“Well, in the old days, they did hold a certain appeal. Black too, of course.”
“So you’re not really fussy about hair colour then?”
“I meant Black. The younger.”
“Oh. Well, he was something special.”
“Indeed he was. I can see him as though it were yesterday, spread out on my bed, ready for the taking. I’d run my fingers through his thick ebony hair. Those warm lips were like succulent moist cherries...”
“There’s an image.”
“Oh it was. His smooth, pert arse was like a ripe peach. He’d coax and wriggle and then I’d flip him over to lick at that gorgeous cock; firm and heavy like an enormous...”
“Banana?”
“Pardon?”
“Well, you were making him sound like a giant fruit salad.”
“Was I?”
“You were. And it’s making me feel hungry.”
“Then perhaps I should sate your hunger with my lips.”
“Severus, you’re really quite poetic when you get hammered enough to show a romantic side.”
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
“It’s actually very sexy; you can be so Byronic.”
“Like Steve Austin?”
“Not exactly.”
“Pity. Imagine the things I could do with a robot arm.”
“You never asked me how I enjoyed my massage.”
“True. And I’m not going to.”
“The chap was rather gorgeous, actually.”
“Another gorgeous man, eh? What a birthday you seem to be having.”
“Youngish, dark, muscular, with the most skilful hands.”
“Good for him.”
“The extras he offered were really quite remarkable.”
“And good for you.”
“Don’t you want to know what happened?”
“No. I’m fed up of hearing about these bloody gorgeous men. I want another drink.”
“You’ve had enough. He sorted out the crick in my back, and those spasms in my shoulders. And that was all.”
“All?”
“Of course. There’s only one person whose skilful hands I’d want sorting out my stiffness. You ought to know that by now.”
“You are very special. Do you know that, Lupin? Do you know how very special you are?”
“Oh dear. Let’s get you home before you start singing that sea shanty. You’re obviously far more drunk than I thought.”
“Good idea, wolf. Then I can give you a very special birthday present.”
“Well, that sounds delightful.”
“Indeed it is. A very special birthday present for a very special lycanthip... lycapoth... lyc... wolfie.”
“I’m sure it’ll be lovely.”
“It certainly will! For, as you know, I claim complete mastery over my gag reflex!”
“Are you sure that’s wise tonight? I’d rather not witness the reappearance of one of those queer cocktails.”
“You worry too much, Lupin.”
“It has been said.”
“You shouldn’t worry, because I am here to care for you.”
“Who’d have thought you can be such a tender old thing when you get a bit tipsy?”
“I beg your pardon? I most certainly am not a bit tipsy!”
“No? Well, whatever you say, love.”
“No. Between you and me, I am completely, gloriously, and quite stunningly, bladdered.”
“I can’t argue with that.”
“So did you enjoy it, Lupin?”
“Enjoy what?”
“All today’s changes and surprising things and suchlike.”
“Yes, I did. Very much. Although...”
“Although what? And why are you standing at a funny angle?”
“Although, on reflection, I think we’re both more suited to a meal by the fire, a box of chocolates, champagne...”
“And plenty of sex.”
“Rather!”
“Agreed. Now, I was going to wish you a very happy birthday, but I’m starting to feel rather unusual. So instead, I’m going to tell you a secret. I trust you can keep a secret, wolf?”
“Severus, for you I can do anything.”
“Very well. The secret is... shhhhh! I love you, Remussss.”
“And I love you too.”
“You won’t reveal the secret to anyone, will you?”
“It’s just between us, Severus.”
“Good. Now, get me home before I vomit on the pavement.”
“It’ll be my pleasure.”