"Memoria Perdita" Fic: NC-17 - Third and final part Title: Memoria Perdita – 3/3 - complete Author: red_day_dawning Pairing: Snape/Lupin Word count: ~7,750 Rating: NC-17 Warning: m/m sex – oral & anal; some angst Disclaimer: JKR owns the copyrighted HP characters & settings Summary: After being attacked with an unknown curse, Lupin has lost almost all memories from the past few years. What does this mean to those who have learned to love him? And can his memories be recovered? Beta: Many thanks to multi-talented zephre for the brilliant beta-reading, & for the many excellent suggestions helping with structure & adverbs, content & completion. Thanks, zephre. Author’s notes: For Remus Lupin’s birthday on March 10. Dedicated to snapelike in appreciation of the wondrous stories I have so very much enjoyed – dear snapelike, although this cannot even begin to compare to your luscious lyricism, I dedicate this to you in thanks for your wonderful writing, and the great joy I experienced every day in December reading your Advents-fic, The Snow Palace, checking the PC daily with all the enthusiasm I once had opening the little doors of my Oma’s carved wooden Adventskalander.
Memoria Perdita: Part 3
Feeling the warmth of Remus’s mouth completely engulfing him, Severus began to thrust - helpless little thrusts punctuated by his gasped, “Oh gods, Remus, I’m going to…” and then he came, thrusting as he screamed, coming so hard sparks of light exploded behind his eyelids.
~*~
Waking up in the unfamiliar bed in his rarely-occupied safe-house in the Scottish highlands, Severus went through the now familiar waking-up ritual: cleaning the salty tear trails off his face, and removing the sticky mess from his pajamas. Sighing, knowing that he would get no more sleep this evening, Severus wrapped himself in a blanket and gazed at the freshly-tended fire, huddled against the cold, oblivious to the silent tears that ran unchecked down his face.
~*~
Severus uncurled himself from his habitual huddled position next to the fire-place when he heard the knock on the cottage’s front door. His head spun as he stood: he had neither eaten nor slept properly for days. He paused at the front-door – it could only be Minerva, he thought – he had given her the location so that she could contact him if Remus required adaptations to the remedy. Yet that knock didn’t sound like Minerva, it was not impatient or imperious enough.
Deciding he really did not care who it was, Severus opened the door.
Remus stood there, his eyes fixed unblinkingly upon Severus. He looked harried, weary.
Severus stared in disbelief. Was he even real, or was he some hallucination conjured up out of his longing?
“Go away,” Severus said, trying to close the door.
“No,” said Remus, pushing his way past Severus into the cottage’s single room.
“Get out,” Severus shrieked. “I don’t want to speak to you! Talk to Minerva if the potion is not working! Get out!”
The werewolf turned to face him, golden eyes gleaming as he stared into Severus’s dark eyes, “The potion worked perfectly. As soon as I saw your note, I apparated straight to Minerva, who persuaded me to take your remedy before I came looking for you. I did that – I took the dose according to your instructions. Then,” he said, his voice becoming quieter and hoarser, “then I began to remember. I remembered everything. About you. About us. For god’s sake, Severus, why? Why didn’t you tell me what Dumbledore had asked you to do? Or at least contact me afterwards?”
Severus faced Remus, his eyes flat and black, a dark midnight without stars, and spat, “Get out Remus, I’m NOT telling you again. Just get out! I don’t want to listen to you tell me what a traitor I am, or ask me how I could have done it. Just. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
“Tell me one thing, Severus. Just one thing, and I will leave,” Remus whispered, his face fixed and furious, his eyes hard amber. “Did it ever mean anything to you? Did I ever mean anything to you?”
Severus turned away, and leaned against his hands on the old wooden table, his breathing harsh and strained. “Yes,” he rasped. “Yes, you meant everything to me,” he whispered. “Now go.”
He remained there, leaning over the table, facing away as he heard the door shut behind him. Only then did Severus allow his trembling limbs to collapse, to simply drop down to huddle on the cold stone floor, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees as he struggled to breathe against the tears that threatened.
Caught in his anguish, Severus scarcely noticed the sound of quiet steps behind him – he remained oblivious until he actually felt Remus kneel down to wrap his arms around Severus, and enfold him in embrace, his body real and tangible, pressed against him, his breath a warm tickle against his ear, whispering words of love and forgiveness. They remained like that, Remus cradling Severus, until Severus thought his heart had shattered wide open and been re-made, letting love spill out and flood back in, the cadences of his heart-beat forever changed.
~*~
“Remus,” whispered Severus, a world of meaning in that one word.
And Remus answered, “Yes, oh yes,” requiring no translation for those unspoken words. And then, “I love you,” pressing his lips against the top of Severus’s head, nuzzling the dark, silky hair.
Severus turned and wriggled in Remus’s arms to face him, his eyes meeting Remus’s soft golden gaze.
~*~
“Well, what are you going to do, now your memories have returned?” Severus asked.
“Love you and love you, and keep loving you.”
“And what are you doing about Miss Tonks?” a faint hint of insecurity haunting Severus’s joy.
“Once I remembered everything, you became my only priority,” replied Remus. “I’m afraid Tonks is going to be hurt again – that makes me sad, she’s a good person, and a good friend, and deserves better. But I want no misunderstandings – you are the one I want. The one that I love,” he added softly. “I’m here with you now, and that’s exactly what I want – now and always, Severus.”
Allowing himself to be drawn into the warmth of his smile and the glow of his eyes, Severus leaned forward and claimed Remus’s mouth. He kissed him as though the world would end and this was the last kiss he would ever have; he kissed him as though the world had ended and nothing remained but the two of them. His tongue slid between Remus’s open lips, plundered his mouth as he cradled his head; their tongues twisted and entwined and enticed until they were both breathless.
“Remus,” said Severus hoarsely, and the werewolf answered with shining smile and glowing eyes, and the feel of his hard body pressing.
Eagerly they stripped off their clothing, and pressed skin to skin, their hard cocks sliding against each other as they gasped and moaned. Remus whispered a lubrication spell, and slathered the lube over their cocks, taking them both in his hands.
“Oh gods, don’t Remus, I’m going to come too soon. Oh, fuck me now,” gasped Severus. Remus moaned, and spun Severus around, and then slid his cock into the cleft of his arse, rubbing up and down. “Oh gods, go on, fuck me now,” Severus gasped and with a sob Remus complied.
Whining as he entered, Remus began to helplessly thrust, quick, shallow thrusts as Severus arched his back and pushed against him.
Remus held himself still inside Severus for a moment, and the he moaned “Severus,” and grabbed his hips and pulled him hard towards himself, thrusting deeply, and more deeply still, pushing his hard cock deep into the tight warmth.
Severus moaned and muttered wordless encouragement; he felt as though he would explode with the familiar wonder of it - the feel of Remus’s cock thrusting wildly into him, rubbing against his prostate. He began to come, his cock pulsing without direct touch; he cried out hoarsely, seeing only blackness behind his eyelids and then pinpricks of sparkling lights, like stellar constellations on a night sky flight; and the stars rushed through him, trailing comets of fire, and he came and he came and he came, creamy white semen arcing up to spurt into the air.
As the tight muscles tightened and clenched around him, Remus thrust deeper still and was drawn into orgasm, hips pivoting, howling out his pleasure, emptying himself into Severus.
Catching his breath, Severus pulled himself gently apart from Remus. Severus wriggled until he faced Remus again, his lips meeting the other man’s. He could feel the tracery of Remus’s soft tears against his own eyelashes – he felt as though he himself was about to laugh or weep.
“Now and always, Severus.”
Settling himself against the other man’s shoulder, Severus sighed with complete contentment. Alive again at last. “Now and always,” he softly echoed.
~fin~
*** I have no idea about Latin word order or sentence structure – the Latin words are from the English to Latin Dictionary at http://www.archives.nd.edu/cgi-bin/lookdown.pl memoria - memory , the capacity for remembering, remembrance; record of the past, tradition, history. memoriola - memory. I am grateful to the kind people at LiveJournal’s little_details who helped me create the curse name: “memoria perdita”. </lj>