psyfic (psyfic) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-02-16 18:26:00 |
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Current mood: | drained |
Trading Places Fic: Not So Bad After All, PG-13
Title: Not So Bad After All
Author: psyfic
Written to the lovely art piece titled Praia by: brunaghot
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Not much. Perhaps an erection or two. Thoughts of wanking.
Word count: 5,060
Disclaimer: The characters are JK Rowling's. The situations they're in are the author's. This non-profit fic was written out of love for the HP-verse and a firm belief in a free-flowing participatory culture on and off the net.
Author's notes: Sorry this is a bit late, but I wanted to have it beta'd at least once before posting.
It was nothing like he'd imagined. The beach was warm and sunny, just as he'd read, but the smells, the sounds -- they had to be experienced. The rhythm of the ocean seemed to settle in his pulse and become a part of him, lulling him into a peaceful state despite himself.
Severus Snape had never been to a beach in his life. He had seen the ocean from a distance, as he flew, and once when he went by train but it had been so late he could not see anything from the window. He had never done as he did now and sat in a folding chair like a tripper, with a big umbrella and sunglasses to protect him from the hot, bright light.
Most importantly, he had never felt so very relaxed nor enjoyed himself so much. He had to credit Lupin, for on his own he would have been stuck in his home with nothing to look forward to all summer, although, he had not wanted to come, at first.
It had taken a great deal of persuasion, but Pomfrey brought up how very much he owed it to himself to recover from his near-death ordeal somewhere warm and pleasant every time she tended him, and Lupin, thanks to being on the sick bed beside his and recovering from his own near-death ordeal, had the time to wear Snape down.
It had not been as difficult a task as he might have preferred. Severus was tired. No, Severus was exhausted, worn down to the bone with fatigue and the stress of the war and the last few years.
He had not expected to survive, and had woken the evening after the battle to the sensation of someone pounding on his chest and a surge of magic running through him, forcing him to breathe, returning him to awareness.
There had been so much pain and he had been so achingly cold that he had almost chosen to return to the peaceful void from which he had been drawn. Poppy had spoken briskly to him, though, demanding his attention and keeping him aware. Minerva's tearful presence and clearly heartfelt apology had been so astonishing, he had remained awake out of curiosity.
He had listened as Minerva had asked his forgiveness for not trusting him, for not trusting Dumbledore. She felt horrid for the way she and the rest of the staff had treated him the last year, whilst he had done his best to keep them all safe, despite the presence of Death Eaters in Hogwarts.
Too tired and weak to say anything at all, he had merely blinked at her and fallen asleep to the returning feeling in his limbs, and the source of warmth that was her fingers clasping his hand as she sat by him in the Infirmary.
Remus had also not expected to survive, particularly after the terrific series of hexes he had been hit with from at least three different Death Eaters.
However, they had not known he was a werewolf, and so had not finished him off, but left him for dead on the battlefield. He'd been taken for dead by some students, as well, and brought to the Great Hall, where his lycanthropic nature had slowly repaired his worst injuries until he had woken a few hours later to the sensation of someone trying to reposition his limbs.
Seamus Finnegan swore he'd never be the same since a dead man had spoken to him, and asked after his wife.
Sadly, as it turned out, she was next to him, but truly dead. Nymphadora had also taken the same sort of hexes as Remus, but not having a lycanthropic nature, her body had not been able to repair itself.
This had left him saddened, but not devastated. He had agreed to marry her to give her child a father, not because he loved her, and because she needed to hide the truth from his son's real father, who had avoided her after one ill-advised post-battle moment of passion.
Once Alastor Moody was dead, however, they had disagreed on a course of action. She wanted him to remain with her until her child started school. Remus did not want to remain with her at all, and had even left for awhile, needing to be helping those fighting Voldemort, even if it was just helping Muggle-borns to get to safety. It was after speaking to Harry that he had decided that since they were married already, he might as well remain with her at least until the baby was born. He had not told Harry that the baby was not his, and he wasn't planning on telling him, either. That was one promise he would keep to poor Nymphadora.
So now he was a widower in their world, and a single father of a child he was now expected to raise, but who wasn't even his.
Severus had learnt all of this in the days that followed his waking. Too weak even to speak at first, all he could do was listen as a guilt-stricken Remus unburdened himself. Snape had never felt such apathy. He had truly not expected to survive and could not summon enough concern over how or why it had happened, much less over Lupin's crisis of conscience.
On and on he'd gone, agonising. Ought he to keep Teddy, or let his grandmother have him? His lycanthropy would ensure he could not care for his son all the time, and Andromeda was in better straits financially. Still, he felt he owed it to Nymphadora...
After Poppy had fed him breakfast, some days after his revival, Severus had finally been strong enough to sit up for awhile. He had looked over at Remus who was beaming at him, and managed to croak out from his bite-damaged throat, "What the devil are you smiling at?"
"You. It's good to see you're recovering. Quite a lot of people have been worried about you."
Snape snorted.
"Your imagination is as strong as ever, I see."
"No, it's true. Even Harry has been down to see you, although, you're always asleep when he comes."
Severus gave him an incredulous look. His voice was even hoarser than before.
"Potter? He's alive?"
To his astonishment, Remus realised no one had informed Severus of the outcome of the battle or spoken to him of anything really beyond telling him what potion he was being given. Aside from himself and Poppy's bustling daily presence, no one but he had spoken to Severus at all, and all he had talked about had been... himself. Minerva had only been by the first night, but had been kept so busy since, that even Remus had not seen her again.
With a look of chagrin, Lupin sat up a bit more and caught Severus up, glad to see the signs of interest, and therefore, of life, in his old adversary.
Over the rest of that day, he'd told Snape what had happened. As it turned out, Severus had heard rather more than he'd realised from Poppy and the others who were still in the Infirmary. Most of the injured had been sent to St. Mungo's, but the teachers, teachers' assistants and older students who had been injured remained at the school. Harry had not only survived, but had declared him a hero. He had been delighted to learn Snape was still alive, Remus said. Snape wasn't sure whether or not to believe this.
Just as he was finishing his tale, the new Minister came in.
Shacklebolt smiled at them both, although it was Severus he had come to see, he admitted. Madam Pomfrey had been under orders to let him know as soon as Snape was able to receive visitors. He had come straight from the Ministry after putting in a very long day.
Snape tried to hide his dismay. If he was to be sent to Azkaban, as he expected, he had hoped to be fully recovered first. Therefore, he had been stunned when Kingsley stepped up and pinned an Order of Merlin to his pyjama top and shook his unresisting hand.
"With the thanks no amount of words could convey, for all you've done, and all the years you've had to do it without anyone the wiser. You're a bonafide hero and I'm privileged to say I know you, Severus Snape."
Severus had stared at Shacklebolt, then over at Lupin, startled to note Minerva, Poppy, Flitwick and Pomona had slipped from behind a sight screen and were all smiling at him.
"Congratulations, Severus," Minerva said, beginning to clap, and smiling broadly as the others joined her. "You should have had a proper ceremony, but then, we wanted to surprise you. Besides, we weren't sure if you would have attended a ceremony."
He finally swallowed and managed to say in his hoarse voice, "I don't know what to say."
Lupin beamed. "I know what you can say. Say you'll come to Cornwall with us all."
"Cornwall?"
"It was Albus's wish," Minerva informed him. "After the battle, if we won, a portion of his estate was set aside to rent an entire inn in Cornwall for the purpose of the staff, and the surviving members of the Order, to vacation for one month, all expenses paid."
"You need the sun and the sea air would do you a world of good," Poppy muttered now, moving in to bunch up his pillows a bit more.
"I think I need to rest," Snape managed to say, and the rest all smiled indulgently, aware of his taciturn nature.
"We'll leave you to it. Congratulations, again," and the only slightly less taciturn Minerva bent over and placed a kiss on his temple before leaving.
Flitwick stepped up and shook his hand, Pomona beamed at him, and left a lovely potted ficus on his bedside table. Pomfrey smiled fondly at him, and patted his hand, then left to tend to other patients.
Snape found himself sitting in a daze next to a bemused Lupin.
"I hope you'll come. It wouldn't be the same without you," was all Remus said, though, before turning from Severus and stretching out on his cot.
Snape was still considering events when a familiar, tousled head poked around the sight screen to one side of his bed, and Severus swallowed.
Harry looked uncertain. "Is this a bad time?"
Snape found himself shaking his head. "Not at all."
His voice was still very hoarse, but Potter understood, stepping forward to sit in the chair by his bedside.
"I'm glad you're awake. I'm sorry I missed that," he gestured to the medal Severus had all but forgotten was pinned to his pyjama top. "You deserve it, and more."
Snape studied Potter. The boy seemed sincere. He also seemed different, no longer the boy, he realised, but a young man. His face was bewhiskered, which softened his jaw, and his expressive eyes held a hint of sorrow in them he had never seen before. It was the face of someone much older, someone who had experienced much in his life.
Yes, a man, now.
"Why have you come?"
Harry smiled faintly. "Still to the point. I'm glad you haven't changed."
Snape rolled his eyes and snorted. Potter nodded.
"I just wanted to say... thank you. For everything. For protecting me first year. For trying to protect me third year, when you didn't know Sirius was innocent. I realise now why you were so angry with him. It wasn't the prank, it was my mum."
Snape went very still.
"I understand now. I want to thank you for not having me expelled, or maybe eviscerated, fifth year. I deserved what you did after that one Occlumency lesson. I... I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry I looked into your private thoughts. I didn't think it was anything personal, you see. I thought you were trying to hide Death Eater activities or something. I didn't expect to see what I saw. I wish you had been able to tell me, though. I feel horrible now for all the trouble I caused."
Severus felt uncomfortable. "There's no need to make a meal of it, Potter. It's over. Done with."
Harry nodded. "Yes, sir. I just wanted, needed, to say thank you. You're the bravest man I know."
He held out his hand and Severus Snape found himself shaking hands with a solemn-looking Harry Potter.