miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-01-09 06:25:00 |
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Original poster: nukefan21
Is Love enough? chap 2 by Rhardin
Luke is taking steps that will forever change his life. But is this what he really wants. Warnings Cross dressing and transgenderism
Characters: Noah, Luke, Warrick (OMC), Maddie
- Genres: AU, drama
- Rating: NC17 -
Comments are welcome
“Are you going to sleep all day, or what?” I hear. I’m not sure if I’m
dreaming, or if someone is really at my door. I slowly open my eyes and turn
onto my side. Wow, it’s already 2:30. I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes
and I stand up. It seemed like I just closed my eyes and the clock was
9:45 am when I dozed off for good.
“Gin, come on. I cooked some chicken,” Vinnie says, knocking on the door again.
I pick up my robe and drape it around myself. I take a few pills and I walk to
the door. I slowly open it.
“Glad to see you finally get some sleep,” Vinnie says, resting on my door
frame. "Or did you sleep ?"
I smile and run my hands through my hair. "I slept some" I said leaning on the
door. I pull my robe closer to my body.
“Is she still mad at me?” I ask, following him downstairs.
“Yeah, but she’ll get over it,” he says as I sit down at the table. He puts a
plate of chicken in front of me and gets me a glass of tea. The sight of
it turns my stomach. He sits down across from me.
I pick up my fork and pick at the chicken. Their will be no peace if I don't
try to eat it.
“She told me you haven’t been eating much lately,” he says, watching me.
"You've lost a lot of weight. You need to eat."
“I just don’t have much of an appetite with the pills I'm taking,” I say,
pulling small piece of chicken off and taking a bite. “But this is really good,”
I add. Vinnie is one of the best cooks I know. He owns a local restaurant just
off the Strip.
“Of course it is,” he says. “So, why are you going out with this guy?” he asks.
“I haven’t been out in a long time, and Maddie keeps telling me to go out and
have some fun,” I say, looking down. If I kept telling myself that it will be
true and I won't call and cancel at the last second.
“You’ve never been a good liar, Gin,” he says. “Tell me the truth.”
He’s right. I can’t lie worth anything and it’s part of the reason I think I’m
having such a hard time meeting people. I put my hand on my head.
“When we were out last night, Maddie called me Luke and he heard it,” I
say.
Vinnie looks up at me. “So, he knows?” He asks.
I nod my head. “He asked what my real name was, Luke, or Ginger, and I said
Luke,” I tell him. “A while after that, he asked me out.” I again start to play
with my fork, mutilating the chicken on my plate. I’m waiting for him to say
something, anything, but he doesn’t. He is just sitting there, eating. "He knows
and he's seems to be ok with it. She doesn’t know he knows,” I say. “So, you
can’t tell her. She thinks he’s gay.” Him being gay. That is something I pushed
to the back of my mind but the more I think about it the more I worry. If I
were going to stay Luke I'd be ok with it but I'm not. I'm going to go all the
way. And for all I know he may think I'm a man that likes to dress up in drag.
Maybe he likes that, that's what he's into. Maybe that's why he asked me out. I
close my eyes and try to stop my mind from racing and causing me another
headache.
Vinnie looks up. “Have I ever told her anything you said?”, he asks, almost
looking a bit hurt.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m just so nervous,” I say. "I know you would never do
anything like that" . I want to ask him more stuff. Should I be worried that he
is gay. Why would he ask me out if I looked like this. My mind is racing and I
open my mouth to ask him something. We both turn, hearing the door open.
“Welcome home. I just made some chicken,” Vinnie says, standing up as Maddie
enters the room. She’s holding a few bags.
I close my eyes and take in a slow breath. It will have to wait until later.
She is my doctor and all, but at times I still feel there are some things I
can't tell her. “Get something for your date tonight?” I ask.
“Yeah, I did. Ginger, you and I need to talk,” she says, putting the bags down.
She looks at Vinnie as he puts a plate in front of her.
“Vinnie, I swear to God, if you don’t get that meat away from me, I’m going to
hurt you,” she says, pushing it away. I think he did it just to piss her off.
“I don’t know why I try,” he says, taking her plate. He looks at me and I take
another bite. He shakes his head and walks into the kitchen. I only ate about a
third of my chicken, if that.
“If you really think you need to do this, then it should be a double date,” she
says as Vinnie appears with some kind of grilled vegetable.
“That’s more like it,” she says sitting down. She tears into meal.
I think about it. A double date might not be a bad idea. I mean, it would be
fun and a lot safer.
“I’m sorry I got so upset last night, but I’m just worried about you that’s
all. You don’t know this guy and you’re going out with him alone. I’d feel much
better if we all went together,” she says pushing the empty plate away. She
stands up and takes my hand.
I look at her and sigh. “Okay,” I say, standing up. “I’m going to take a
shower.” I walk out of the room and I can hear Vinnie and her talking. I stop
hearing Vinnie.
“Maddie, give her a break. I mean, she’s just trying to live a little,” Vinnie
says. "She could use a friend besides us."
“I know, Vinnie, she’s just not at a good place right now. I mean, she’s got a
long way to go and what if this guy finds out she’s…?” She stops.
“Did you ever stop and think that this could help her move on. She might need
this. And you know as well as I do she can take care of herself. I mean, she’s
come this far and I don’t think she’d get into a situation where something bad
would happen. Give her a little credit,” he says.
I smile and walk up into my room. At times, I think Vinnie has helped me out
more than she has. That's why I can't wait to ask him what he thinks and Noah
and the rumor of him being gay. She at times, seems to forget I’m a person and
tries to do it all by the book. I’ve never been a ‘by the book’ kind of person,
so I’m glad to have him around. He’s more understanding and doesn’t try to put a
label on every feeling I have. I know she’s just doing her job, but, sometimes,
I’m just glad he’s here. He’s been through a lot himself; loosing his wife in
a car wreck just before I moved here.
I walk over to my closet and wonder what I should wear. It’s going to be a hot
day today, so I pull out a dress. It’s a brown one with thin straps.
It goes down to my calves. I hold it up to myself and stand in front of the
mirror.
“That will look nice on you,” Maddie says, walking into my room. I smile and
turn to face her.
“I got you this. I had a feeling you’d pick that one.” She holds out a brown
scarf. I smile again and take it. I am very concerned about my Adam’s
apple. Even for a man, I think I have a lager one. Maddie and Vinnie say I don’t
and that I’m over-reacting, but I won’t go out as Ginger unless my neck is
covered. It’s the first thing people will notice and that is the first clue that
you’re a cross-dresser. Unless I can pass as a woman, I won’t dress like one.
So, turtlenecks, or scarves are what I normally do. This won’t be a problem for
me in two weeks. I’m getting it shaved down and I’m getting breast implants.
I cannot wait because it will get me one step closer to my
goal. At least I won’t feel so helpless anymore when I look at myself.
She smiles as I set the dress down on my bed.
“I called Warrick and he’s talked to Noah about the date. He says he’s fine
with it,” she says.
I nod my head feeling a bit better about the whole night.
“Do you hate me?” She asks.
“No,” I say. “Just don’t do it again.” I walk into the bathroom and shut the
door. I get a towel and place it over the mirror in there. She doesn’t know I do
that. She feels that seeing myself is good for me. I know it’s not. I’m afraid
of what I see. I remove my gown and drop it to the floor. I walk over to the
shower and turn it on. A nice hot shower sounds really good, so I set it just
where I can barely stand it. I get into the water and wince. I have it really
hot, but I finally get used to it, letting it run down my back and chest. I pick
up the shampoo and pour it into my hands. I work it into my hair. I lean my head
back and let the water rinse it out. I step back a bit more and let the water
run down my face. I run my hands over it a few times and step out of the water.
I get a washcloth and coat it in body wash. Vanilla, I love that smell of it.
It’s so relaxing to me. Next, I get a razor and shave my legs and under my arms.
I put the razor back and run the washcloth over my arms legs, neck and back,
taking my time so enjoy the burning-hot water. Next, is the part I hate. It just
reminds me everyday I’m still not who I need to be. I run the washcloth across
my chest, then down to my bellybutton. I close my eyes as I run it over myself.
I should be use to this, I’ve had this for twenty-one years now, but it still
feels foreign to me each time I touch it. What is worse is when it gets hard,
leaving me no choice but to take care of the problem. Most people enjoy
masturbation, but not me. It just reminds me of the cruel joke that mother
nature played on me when I was born, giving me that thing. I drop the washcloth
and start to raise myself off. The shower is full of steam now and I finally
turn the water down a bit. I turn the water off and get out of the shower. I get
goose bumps as soon as I step into the cold air. I pull the towel down and wrap
it around me. I rub it over my arms, try to warm myself up. I walk back into my
room. Maddie is still in there.
“My God, Gin, do you have any skin left?” She asks, waving her hand at the
steam that followed me into the room. I'm sure I'm bright red from the heat of
the water.
“A hot shower relaxes me,” I say.
She smiles and stands up. “So, are we ok?” She asks.
“Aren’t we always?” I say, holding my towel close to me. We fight a lot and I
always forgive her. Mostly because I have nowhere else to go. And If I
would leave I'd lose Vinnie as well. And losing him would be harder them losing
her.
She nods and walks out of the room. Once she’s gone and I’m dried off, I
cover the mirror again with my towel. I pick up the dress and
hold it against my body. I look down, holding out my legs. I sit down
and cover myself with lotion. Next I pick up my bra and put it on. I add the
padding to it and then put on my gaff. I have to lay down to put the stupid
thing on right. Tucking, pushing things in, and pulling, hiding things
so there won't be any hint
of what is really down there. I pick up the dress and let it fall over my head.
I pull it down and run my hands down my legs a few times making sure all the
lotion is rubbed in. I turn to the mirror and pull my towel off. I stand in
front of it and look. I adjust my bra a few times, then pick up the scarf and
tie it around my neck. I again look at myself. This looks right to me.
“Two weeks,” I say as I smile at what I see. Some MTF get lucky and the pills
they take help in foaming brest. Me no nothing. Maddie says I'm a weak A cup. I
want more. Nothing to big maybe a small C. I think it would fit my frame
nicely. I run my hands through my hair a few times. I pick out a pair of
sandles that are brown with little flowers and butterflies on them. No heals
this time. For a man I had smell feet, thank god, now as woman I have big feet I
guess, I'm a size 9. At least I can still find cute shoes. And now I don't have
to hear the jokes that a man would get with small feet.
I’ll fix my hair later, along with my make-up. For now, I’m just going to try
and relax and not think about my plans for the night. I head downstairs.
“The boys want to get together sooner,” Maddie says as I step down for the last
step. “They are on their way over,” she says.
“Oh, shit,” I say and run up the steps. I rush into the bathroom and get my bag
of makeup. I add a bit of powder, blush, lipstick, eye shadow and mascara. I put
on some perfume and go to work on my hair. I keep it short, I have the new
trendy slightly feathered reverse-bob going on. It’s easy to do and both Ginger
and Luke could wear the style, but since Luke is no long in the picture I plan
to grow it out. I cover my hair with spray. I walk out of the room and pick out
a bag that matches my dress. I put on my butterfly necklace. I go no where with
out it.
My stomach is in a million knots right now and I’m doing everything I can to
keep from thinking about what I’m really doing. I put my billfold, powder and
lipstick in my bag. I jump, hearing the door bell ring. I look at the clock.
It’s only a bit after five. I wonder what we are going to do. I step in front of
the mirror and once more fix the top of my dress. I adjust the scarf once more
and head out the door.
“I’m glad you guys wanted to go out early,” Warrick says. “I just couldn’t stop
thinking about you,” I hear. Maddie giggles like a little school girl and I
can’t help rolling my eyes. I swallow a few times and step into
the hallway. I stop. I can’t move. What the hell am I doing. I feel light
headed and I'm pretty sure the room is moving.
“I can’t do this,” I say, turning back to my room.
“Gin, you look amazing,” I hear. I look up and see Noah. I force a smile as he
walks out of the bathroom. He takes my hand and kisses it. Everything seems to
stop as he touchs my hand. “You’re not going to chicken out on me?” He asks.
I shake my head and he pulls me forward. I follow him and we walk down the
steps.
“Look who I found,” Noah says as I walk behind him.
“Man, we are going to have to fight the men off you two fine ladies all night.
Maybe, we should stay here, it would be safer,” Warrick says, putting his arm
around Maddie.
“You are so sweet,” she says, touching his face.
I realize that Noah is still holding my hand as I pull my bag up a bit. I have
to force myself to breath.
“I hope you don’t mind, but we rented a limo,” Noah says.
“Oh, my God!” Maddie says, looking outside. There is a long white limo with a
driver standing next to the door. She looks at me as I pull away from Noah and
look outside.
“Well, don’t just stare at it go, get in it,” Warrick says, taking Maddie in
his arms again. He pulls her close and leads her outside. I look at Noah and he
smiles. Maybe a double date isn't a good ideal after all.
“You set the pace,” he says as I hold my hand out. He takes it and leads me
out. Maddie and Warrick are already in and getting into the wine. Noah opens the
door for me and I get in. He sits next to me and takes my hand again. His hands
are warm and soft.
“Do you want a drink?” He asks.
I haven’t eaten but a few bites of chicken in almost twenty-four hours, so I
shake my head. Last thing I want is to get drunk.
“Where are we going?” Maddie asks, sitting on Warrick’s lap. What the hell is
she doing.
“It’s a surprise,” Warrick says, kissing her neck.
I swallow hard and put my hand on my stomach. I think it jumped up into my
throat seeing that. Why is she doing this. Why is she acting like that. I can't
even look at them.
Warrick pulls away from Maddie and gets more to drink. He runs his hands along
her arm and kisses her neck. She jumps and cries out.
“Hmm,” Warrick says and looks over at me. “Looks like you got the shy one,
Noah,” he says, again sucking on her neck. She tries to push him away, but
really isn’t trying that hard, so he doesn’t stop. I look down at the floor and
force myself to breath.
Noah looks at me and flashes me that sexy smile that convinced me to go out
with him to begin with.
“That’s fine with me,” he says, squeezing my hand. I let out a breath and look
down.
“I’m in no hurry,” he adds.
Beta'd by evilme@arcor.de