InsaneJournal

1. Comfort - Comfort was something Luke didn’t want, but when Noah looked at him like that, like helping him would mean the world to him, how could he turn it down?

2. Kiss -  “I don’t regret kissing you, I just wish it was better timing,” Noah murmured and Luke cursed circumstances and Noah’s  father.

3. Soft -   Noah’s lips were different then he thought it’d be, softer and so hard to forget.

4. Pain - He never thought there could be worse pain after Kevin but then there was Noah and constant denial and the hope of happiness before…

5. Potatoes - “I love Faith’s coleslaw but my grandma’s potato salad is to die for.”

6. Rain - He threaded his fingers through Noah’s wet hair, tugging their lips together, fulfilling his fantasy of kissing in a rain storm.

7. Chocolate -  Luke didn’t understand how Noah didn’t like chocolate, what wasn’t to like?

8. Happiness - Happiness was lying in Noah’s arms watching Casablanca even though he hated it because he knew his boyfriend loved it; plus, once he explained why teenagers really go to dates at the movies…it got so much more enjoyable.

9. Telephone - He wondered if staring at his phone made it any less likely Noah would call.

10. Ears -  Noah had this spot behind his left ear, Luke discovered and he was pretty sure Noah actually squealed when he kissed it.

11. Name - “Hey guys, you’ve met my boyfriend, Luke right?”

 12. Sensual -  Sometimes, when Luke was still regaining full motion and feeling in his legs, he would have Noah lay with him and they would kiss with wandering hands and rapidly spreading heat.

13. Death - He hadn’t heard it but apparently Noah had come by when he was in the hospital, holding his hand and begging him to wake up, so he could talk to him, he couldn’t die, not now.

14. Sex - The first time was awkward, lots of fumbling and quick endings, but practice makes perfect.

15. Touch - All it took was dropping tapes and Noah helping him for Luke to know; he’d fallen for the straight guy again.

16. Weakness - Luke couldn’t help but feel incredibly weak after the ‘accident’, when people had to help him do everything.

17. Tears - Luke had managed not to cry every time his physical therapist left, except once and what made it worse was Noah was there.

18. Speed -  With Noah throwing around words like helping and rewards, Luke thought he’d do anything to recover faster.

19. Wind - Wind rattled the windows, rain coming down in waves, accompanied by booming thunder and Natalie came running into his room, shaking him awake and Luke hated that he couldn’t move his legs to sit up and comfort her.

20. Freedom - Luke had never felt more free than when he threw the wheel chair in the back of Noah’s truck, taking it to the recycling plant in Old Towne.

21. Life - Luke wanted to feel something when Col. Mayer was awarded the death penalty but he couldn’t, the only thing that comforted him was that Noah didn’t either.

22. Jealousy -  Luke wondered what Noah would do if he told him he had coffee with Roth the second time because he knew he’d be jealous and he liked it too much to pass up the opportunity.

23. Hands - Luke loved how Noah’s hands would tangle in his hair seconds before he came.

24. Taste -  Noah tasted like cookies and frosting and Luke thought he saw him blush when his grandma asked where all the cookies had gone.

25. Devotion - Luke wondered if Noah thought devotion was sticking around while Luke was confided to a wheel chair, Luke only saw it as pity.

26. Forever - Luke knew forever only meant a few years to Noah, but he still felt warm when Noah said he wanted forever with Luke.

27. Blood - After the incident with Col. Mayer Luke had nightmares about blood and bullets.

28. Sickness - When his mom started getting sick in the mornings, Luke knew, he just hoped it wasn’t Dusty’s.

29. Melody - Sometimes when his poetic side shined through he though his and Noah’s lips together made a beautiful melody.

30. Star - He never wanted to wish on a star as much as he had the night he and Noah went swimming, so long ago.

31. Home - Luke thought wherever Noah was is home and that scares him because what if Noah leaves?

32. Confusion -  He knows Noah was confused, but sometimes Luke resented how he was over the summer and it was irrational but he wanted to hurt him back.

33. Fear - He’d never seen fear like the kind Noah had about his father, even after he’s gone.

34. Thunder/Lightening - Luke thought it was sad that Noah loved lightening after he told him when he was younger it was the only time the Colonel would let Noah his comic books.

35. Bonds - “You can prove that you…and me are stronger than he ever was, that’s what you can do for me.”

36. Market - Trying to navigate himself through the market was no easy task and he wanted to give up but he didn’t want to fail either.

37. Technology - Technology was Luke’s best friend after physical therapy, he could escape into made up worlds and out of his own hell.

38. Gift -  “Luke, I wish I had your way with words but I don’t; thank you for never giving up on me, even when I pushed you away; being with you has made me happier than I have ever been - Merry Christmas - Love, Noah.”

39. Smile - Noah’s smile is brighter than he’s ever seen when his grandmother tell him she’d love for him to stay.

40. Innocence - Luke had lists with subcategories of things he wanted to do if he ever go the chance.

41. Completion - “But I love you, Noah and I am so in love with you.”

42. Clouds -  Luke laid on his back, looking up at the night sky, Noah was sleeping next to him and Luke had to wonder if he ever stayed up as a kid watching stars and clouds.

43. Sky - Luke remembered the sky being the most brilliant shade of blue the day of the fishing trip.

44. Heaven - Noah’s bare legs pressed between Luke’s, something Luke never thought he’d feel and he thought that this was just about perfect.

45. Hell - “Yes, okay, it freaked me out when you fell; it scared me-- I wasn't expecting that!”

46. Sun - The heat against his skin was comforting and reminded him of the summer, of Noah, of everything.

47. Moon - The pond was warm and the moon cast a glow across it and across their bodies.

48. Waves - Noah, Luke found out, loved the ocean and he loved the way Noah smiled when the waves crashed against them.

49. Hair - Running a hand through his hair, he nervously rehearsing his speech for Maddie’s wedding.

50. Supernova - Noah remembered meeting Luke, falling in love with him, building a future and it was bright than anything in heaven or earth.