miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2009-01-09 13:04:00 |
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Noah smiles ruefully to himself, because really, why did he think coming back to the hospital rooftop would make him feel better? Why did he think anything would make him feel better?
Sighing, he sits on the ledge, looking towards the spot where Luke had been just a few short hours ago. He wonders if Luke could sense how hard it was for him not to reach out and caress the hurt look off his face as he leaned against the brick. They'd said some really hurtful things to each other this afternoon – honest things - but what bothered Noah the most is that what they said hurt so much because it was the truth. Noah did expect too much and Luke did lash out and do stupid things when he was scared and insecure.
But why was Luke scared? Why was he insecure? New Year's Eve was going to be The Night. The night where they finally, finally loved each other in the truest sense, letting their bodies speak the words their mouths had been forming for the past year...making love for the first time...becoming one for the first time.
Luke knew that. Knew they were going to wake up on the first morning of 2009 wrapped in each other's arms, firmly entrenched in each other's hearts...and yet, somehow he lost sight of that. Or maybe Noah just expected him to be the perfect boyfriend and never have a moment's fear or doubt about Noah's love. Maybe they were both just human and hurting and looking for the one thing they both needed more than air...validation that someone loved them for no other reason than for just being alive and loving them back.
Noah rises, walking slowly towards the door and stopping just short of opening it. He reaches out, tracing the cold brick where Luke had rested his head; the dampness making his fingers feel as if they're weeping. He feels lost, adrift in a sea of uncertainty, knowing not how to go forward in a life that doesn't include Luke.
Knowing not how to let a love die that was once his only reason for living.
.