InsaneJournal

miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-11-15 08:02:00

Original poster: indigo_5

Title: The Whole Wide World
Author: indigo_5
Chapter: 1
Rating: Mostly PG this chapter, with a few snippets of NC-17.
Disclaimers: I own neither Luke, Noah, nor anything else related to ATWT. The show would look a lot different if I did.
Spoilers: None. This is the beginnings of a sequel to A New York Love Story, the fic I did a while back based on the Valentine’s Day AU in New York. The original story can be found here: Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5.
Summary: Noah has sailed off for ports unknown. What will happen to his relationship with Luke?
Notes: This is new territory for me in a couple of ways: first, it’s pure AU, since of course the Valentine’s Day storyline on the show ended with that goodbye hug on the docks, and this fic takes that as a starting point. Second, this is the first time I’ve written a multi-chaptered story in which I haven’t had the whole thing written (or at least mapped out) before I started posting any of it; this time, I’m writing as I go along, and I’m not sure where it’s going to end up yet. Which is both exciting and a little scary. Feedback would be very much appreciated -- I would love, love, love to hear what you think.




Dear Noah,

It’s February 15, and you’ve just left. I stood on that dock for the longest time, watching you walk back to the ship, wishing I could run after you and kiss you one more time, hold on to you, keep you from leaving me. But I know I can’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you all the way home, and when I walked into my apartment, I knew I’d have to sit down and write you. I haven’t even taken my coat off yet. It seems silly to write when I don’t have anything to say yet, but I can’t help myself. I think I miss you already.

I don’t know what happened yesterday. I don’t know where you came from all of a sudden, and I don’t know how this happened to me. But suddenly I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I can’t believe it’s going to be more than a year before I see you again.

I guess I’ll stop there for now, and hope this letter finds its way to you. Take care of yourself, please. And hurry home.

Luke

****

Dear Luke,

Wow. I’ve never gotten a letter like that in my life. I wish I could write something like that back, but I’ve never been real good with words. Not like you are.

It took 2 weeks, but your letter did get to me. Please don’t get frustrated with the Navy mail system! Everyone complains about it. But please keep writing me. I’ve been carrying your letter around with me everywhere I go – the ink is starting to get worn off from me unfolding it and refolding it so many times. I can’t wait to have another one to go with it.

I miss you so much. I don’t know what’s happening to me either. I’ve never felt anything like this. It’s hard for me to say something like that (or write it!), so sorry if I don’t say it right. But I can’t wait to get home to you. I think about you all the time. I dream about you, even. Do you dream about me?

I don’t know what else to say! I’m not much of a writer. I miss you.

Noah

****

Dear Noah,

Let me tell you about the last dream I had about you. To answer your question, they’ve been coming every night since you left. Sometimes I actually go to bed early because I’m so excited to get to the next one. I hate waking up in the morning and leaving you.

In my dream, you were here with me, in bed with me, curled around me. I was waking up with you, just like I did on the morning you left. Your body was warm and firm and soft in all the right places. And hard in others. You were smiling at me, and I kissed your smile, curled my fingers into your hair, breathed you in. And then your hands were on me, strong, tender, exploring me, pulling me closer. I rolled on top of you, and you let out that little moan you make… do you know that sound? Something between a growl and a whimper, low and earthy and gorgeous. It slays me every time I hear it. You opened your legs for me, and then I was inside you, first my fingers, then me, and you were moaning for me, whispering, calling my name. And it was so good, Noah. I woke up right before we both came – damned alarm clock. I lay there, breathing hard, everything hard, and I could still smell your skin. God, I miss you.

I loved your letter. Please stop telling me you’re not good with words, because you’re better than you know. And don’t worry about not knowing what to say. Tell me about how your day went, or what you’re thinking about, or what you had for dinner, anything. I just want to hear from you.

I’ll see you tonight.

Luke

P.S. I was getting ready to put this in the envelope when it occurred to me that maybe I shouldn’t send stuff like this to you. I don’t want to get you in trouble. Does the Navy read your mail? Well, since you didn’t say anything about my last letter, I’m just going to gulp hard and send it this time, and hope everything is okay – please just tell me if I need to tone it down.

****

Dear Luke,

NO don’t tone anything down! My God, that letter is my most valued possession right now. Hottest thing I’ve ever read, hands down. Except I can’t exactly keep my hands down when I read it. (I know, groan… I’m such a dork.)

We’re just patrolling right now, nothing top secret, so they’re not monitoring our mail, incoming or outgoing. I’ll let you know if that changes. But for right now, please please please, more more more. And just so you know, my dreams are pretty similar to yours.

They’re doing a mail pickup in five minutes and it’ll be the last one for a while, so I’m going to keep this short so my letter doesn’t take so long to get to you this time. Miss you.

Noah

****
Dear Noah,

So you think you can just tell me that your dreams are “similar to mine” and leave it at that? No way, buddy. I want details. Just tell me about one of them. Slowly.

I was thinking about you a lot today. I’m in this stupid world history class, boring as hell but it’s required for graduation, and every country that we talked about, it seems like I remembered a story you had told me about going there. I wish things were better for you, that your Dad hadn’t forced you into the military, that you were there by choice. But if things had to be this way, I’m glad at least you’re getting to see and experience so much. I just wish that you and I were traveling the world together instead, having romantic dinners and moonlight walks and mind-altering sex in every country around the globe. Sound good to you?

By the time I get your next letter, the semester will probably be over, so I’m putting my Oakdale address on the bottom of this page. I’ll be there for the summer, working for my grandmother Lucinda. Did I ever tell you about her? Boy, that’s a whole separate letter right there. I’d love for you to meet her. And my parents, and my brothers and sisters, and the rest of the whole Snyder clan. There’s kind of a lot of us. But I guess I’m moving a little too fast – I know it’ll be a long time before we can make that happen. I just miss you.

Luke

****
Dear Luke,

In most of my dreams, we’re back at your apartment. But the one I had last night was here on the ship. Except it was different, because there was nobody else around. There is ALWAYS somebody else around in the Navy, so trust me, that’s different.

I was in the shower room – we have a big group shower room with a lot of shower heads, but again, this time I was all alone in there. And it was kind of dark. I was under the water and you came up behind me. You didn’t say anything at first, but I knew it was you. You took the soap from me and started sudsing my stomach for me, then you started to move your hand lower. I tried to turn around but you wouldn’t let me – you just bit down on my shoulder and pushed me forward so my hands went up on the tile. Then one of your hands was on my dick and the other was pushing inside me, and I could hear you breathing, and I was moaning so loud. Suddenly you were fucking me, and it felt so amazing, and you were kissing my neck and talking to me, saying all kinds of hot things, and you finally kissed me on the mouth right when I came. When I woke up, I really had come – took a lot of shit from the guys for that. But they don’t know who I was dreaming about. Nobody knows. Guess it’s good I don’t talk in my sleep.

I love what you said about wanting us to be traveling together. I really wish that too. Maybe someday we will. And I’d love to meet your family. I wish I had somebody for you to meet, but there’s just me. I know that’s pretty screwed up. Sorry.

I guess you’re reading this in Oakdale, so say “hi!” to everybody for me. Talk to you soon. Miss you lots. Always do.

Noah

****

Luke folded the letter back up, sliding it back into its envelope and pressing it close to his lips. As he let his mind wander, thinking about what his next letter to Noah would say, his eyes drifted shut. He had already read this one three times, and it had just come an hour ago. He knew he would be reading it many more times before the day was over, and he knew how pathetic that probably sounded. But this was a piece of paper that his Noah had touched, words that came out of his Noah’s mind, out of his heart. The shower scene thrilled Luke, and he knew he’d be spending some more time on that later, but the “miss you lots” meant just as much, as did Noah saying he wanted to meet Luke’s family. Luke had had more than a few sleepless nights after mentioning that in his last letter, worried he was rushing things with Noah, that he would think they were moving too fast. After all, they had had, for all intents and purposes, one date. And already Luke was talking about meeting the parents? He had been so scared that he would frighten Noah off, but he didn’t. Luke felt his mouth curl into a smile, and he sighed happily. He never felt as happy as when he had a new letter from Noah to read.

“I guess mucking out the stalls puts you in a good mood, huh?” Holden’s voice snapped Luke out of his reverie, bringing him quickly back to the present. It was Saturday, and they were spending the afternoon helping out at the farm. But Luke had been a little distracted, and had snuck off to the porch to read the letter again as soon as he’d had a chance to slip away.

“Sorry, Dad,” he muttered, blushing as he stood up and slid the envelope into his back pocket. He headed for the barn, but Holden’s hand stopped him.

“Luke, wait.” Luke looked up at him and stopped. His father’s face was serious now. “Can we talk about this? I’m… I’m worried about you.”

Luke stood still, a little stunned. “What? Why?”

Holden paused, looking a little uncertain about how to begin. “This guy you met… I’m sure he’s great. I don’t doubt it. But… it just seems like you’re putting a lot of eggs in one basket.” He sat down, and Luke sat down with him. “You’ve stopped dating, right?”

Luke looked at his feet. “Well, it’s not like there were so many dates before,” he muttered.

“Luke, I know how many friends you have in New York. I know you could be dating if you wanted to. You’re turning guys down so you can stay home alone and write to Noah, aren’t you?”

“Um.” Luke shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Well, maybe once or twice.” He looked up, capturing his father’s gaze. “But Dad, you don’t understand…”

“I know, you feel connected to Noah. And that’s great, it really is. But don’t you think it’s a lot to give up for somebody you spent twenty-four hours with four months ago?”

Luke was silent for a moment. “No,” he said quietly. “I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just want to be with Noah.”

“And I just don’t want to see you repeating past mistakes.”

Luke looked up again, bewildered. “What do you… what, Kevin? Dad, this is completely different. Trust me, Noah is not straight.” He laughed. “I mean, really, there is zero doubt on that one. You don’t know what we –”

Holden held up his hands, turning his head away slightly, and Luke stopped short, recognizing the international Dad symbol for I Don’t Need Details. “I believe you,” Holden said. “But once again, you’ve picked someone who’s unavailable. I mean, what promises has he really made you?”

Luke paused. “None,” he finally admitted.

“And how much do you really know about him?”

Another pause. “Not much.”

“So how can you…”

“Dad, I’m in love with him.”

The words came quickly, quietly, surprising them both. Holden’s eyes opened a little wider, and he just gazed at his son for a moment. “Have you told him that?” he finally asked.

Luke shook his head, biting his lip. “We haven’t used that word yet. We haven’t even used the word ‘boyfriend’ yet.” Holden opened his mouth, but Luke charged onward. “And I know this sounds crazy, and I know we’ve only spent twenty-four hours together. But Dad, they were the most amazing twenty-four hours of my life. And I know Noah is the one for me. And maybe that doesn’t make any sense, but there it is.” He swallowed hard. “I love him.”

They were both quiet for a moment, as Holden thought this over. “That’s wonderful,” he said finally. “Really. It is. But Luke,” he continued, turning to look his son straight in the eye, “how does Noah feel about you?”

Luke looked away, biting his lip again. The truth was, he had been afraid to ask Noah what he was feeling, what all this meant to him. He had wanted to say “I love you” back on the dock, wanted to sign “Love, Luke” to all his letters, wanted to shout it from the rooftops and whisper it in Noah’s ear. But he hadn’t done any of that, and as confident a front as he tried to put on in his letters, he always found himself looking for ways to express what he was feeling that didn’t use that word. Somehow, Noah had become more important to him than almost anything else in his life, and he couldn’t take the chance of scaring him away. But it hadn’t escaped his attention that Noah hadn’t used that word either, and he did wonder about it. He did.

Finally, Luke turned his gaze back to his father. “I don’t know,” he said.

The afternoon sun slanted through the window as the two men sat quietly together. For the moment, there was nothing more to say.

Chapter 2