InsaneJournal

Luke roamed around the park, trying to get his mind off of Noah. No way. Damn it!

He heard his mobile ringing and answered without thinking, nor looking at the display.

“Hello?”

“Luke! I heard about your victory in the election! Congratulations!”

Luke took some seconds to identify the speaker. “Maddie?!”

She was the last person he expected to hear from right then.

“Yeah, it’s me. So how are you? What is like to be the ‘president of students’ government’?” She teased in a solemn tone, not without an hint of pride inside. “You must be very pleased with yourself, President.”

“Uhm…Yes. I guess I am” muttered Luke, failing in hiding his discomfort.

“Luke…what’s up? Is there something wrong?” she probed, a little concerned.

“What? No! No. Nothing’s wrong.” But me. But he didn’t voice that thought.

Instead he coughed and he tried to set his own voice into as standard tone as he could manage.

“Are you sure?” she insisted.

“Yes, I’m sure, Mads. I’m alright.”

“Then why this voice?” she asked suspiciously.

Luke felt astounded, but managed to keep it cool. “Which voice? I don’t know what you mean, Mads. I’m alright.”

“This tiny little voice you do everytime you’re lying about something. Sorry to be the one who breaks it to you, but you are such a bad actor, Luke Snyder.”

Jesus, am I so transparent? “Maddie, I have no ‘voice’, I’m totally normal, I’m…”

“Now, if you are going to tell me once again that you’re alright, I’m going to come back to Oakdale and hit you.”

“Hey!” Luke’s reply sounded almost offended, but deep down he was touched, even though he would never admitted it.

“You asked for it.” She retorted.

“Maddie, please. Believe me. Nothing’s wrong.”

Although not persuaded, Maddie took his cue to change the subject.

“Ok, as you want. So… Is Noah there with you? Say hello for me. I miss you two so much.”

Raw nerve, Mads. “Hmm. Actually he’s not here. He’s…” Think, Luke, think. “He’s at work.” He lied.

“Well.. Give him a hug for me, then.”

“Sure.” …if I’ll have the chance to hug – to touch – him again. He said we're still together, but... God, I never thought I’d miss even brushing his hand.

“Look, I have to go now. I’ll call you soon, ok?”

“Ok. I’d like it.” He said sincerely. He felt bad for not being honest with Maddie, but just hearing her friendly voice had a soothing effect on his aching soul.

Maddie wondered whether she could just let it go, but in the end her instinct won.

“Can you promise me something?”

“What?” questioned Luke.

She breathed deep and went on, trying to be both reassuring and convincing. “I got that you don’t want to talk with me about whatever is bothering you. And it’s ok, you don’t have to. But, please, don’t face it all by yourself. Can you do that for me?”

Luke sighed. Keeping it cool was getting harder and harder every second. And besides, why did Mads have to be always so smart?

“Luke? Are you there? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to boss you, it’s just… I know you and I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to be a superman. You have your family, a lot of friends,”

Don’t say it. Please, Mads, don’t say..

“and you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you more than anything and would do anything to make you happy. You don’t have to deal with trouble all alone.”

Silence. And.. was that a sob?

“Luke? Are you..?”

“I’m sorry, Mad.. I’m so sorry. I.. I didn’t mean to fall apart like this. I wish I could handle it better than this, but…”

Luke’s attempts to be quiet weren’t succeeding at all and he found himself weeping like a little child.

“Oh, Luke! What’s wrong, honey? Tell me.” Maddie felt relieved that he’d finally took off his camouflage and wished she could be there with his friend and hold him ‘til his pain was gone.

Luke knew she was wondering why he wasn’t with Noah, instead of sniveling on the phone. He tried to gather words to explain all the mess he was drowning in, but he kept thinking about the disappointment in his boyfriend’s voice, and he didn’t want to hear it again, either with him or everyone else.

“Luke?”

“I’m here.” Almost a blow, not even a whisper.

My, Luke, what's wrong with you? “Talk to me, sweetie. What happened?”

“I don’t know if I can, Maddie. I don’t want you to think I’m the asshole I am. And believe me, you will.”

What the hell..? Where does all this fear come from?

 “I don’t think you’re an asshole, Luke, ..well, maybe sometimes” she added with a smile “But, joking apart.. nothing – nothing – you are going to tell will make me think less about you. Do you hear me? Nothing. I’m your friend.”

“I’m so afraid, Mads. I fucked everything up and I don’t know how to fix it. If you turn from me, too, I…”

“Luke. Listen to me. I won’t. I promise. So please, trust me and tell me about this mess you’re raving about. Try me.”