miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-10-15 23:03:00 |
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Current location: | my dorm room |
Current mood: | hopeful |
Current music: | Daily Show |
Entry tags: | -[luke/noah]-, fanfic, fanfic: [atwt], ยป by: penurexpression |
Fic: When Fears Live in the Night
Original poster: penurexpression
Title: Fears carry on
Warnings: none
Pairing: Luke/Noah
Spoilers: Noah got that letter from his dad that he didn't want to open. Um ameera never existed in this world
Summery: UM just a change of events from when Noah got that letter, it never went missing, ameera never came along so noah and luke are still at the farm. read?
Disclaimer: I do not own ATWT, or anything related to it fake or real. I wish to god some of these fanfic readers were writers but alas it is pure fiction written by me for no profit just satisfaction of reading a fanfic. Also no beta mistakes are mine. anyone wanna help?
So this I a story I started awhile ago and posted on Luke and Noah wiki, I'm posting it here for feedback. As of now I have a little bit more but if you guys like it I will attempt to write more, but beware I am a freshmen in college who has three research papers to do by november.
Luke stood there in my doorway waiting. As I rose out of bed and rubbed my eyes some more I saw that he was shaking and standing up against the wall was not in order to look sexy but to keep him up. As soon as I realized this I rushed to him pulling him into me and right away I felt his knees weaken and he started sobbing.
*
Holden heard Luke fall out of his bed and come out into the hallway. He saw Luke open Noah's door. Though Emma insisted on no sleepovers Holden felt that it was important, that right now it was important for Luke to go to Noah. Something was wrong.
*
"What is it Luke?" I asked trying to comfort him and feeling a bit scared myself. "Luke? Luke? Luke!" I tried to keep my voice down as he began to fall backwards. I picked him up the best I could and laid him on the bed. He had stopped sobbing so much and I went to close my door a bit and turn on a nightstand lamp and open the curtain on the window trying to light up the room as best I could.
Luke looked over at me as I walked towards him and the bed again and whispered: "I'm sorry". I wasn't sure what this was about I got onto the bed and laid next to him opening my arms for him to roll into. "Luke" I asked again "what happened?". Luke did roll over onto his stomach and rested his face on my chest. I hoped the beating of my heart would calm him and he would tell me what it was that got him so upset. "I had a nightmare that we were in the forest with your dad again and when he pulled the trigger he got you instead and then my parents came and got the gun away from your dad . . ." I could see he was trying to get all the words out. "So it was reversed? What happened to you was me?" I asked hoping to help him sort this out. " Yeah but when I finally came to the hospital you refused to see me, you told me . . . you . . . told me . . ." I had been running my fingers though his blonde hair but stoped and asked "what?". He shuddered and was silent a minute and whispered "to go to hell"
I still beat myself up for that day I blamed him for my inability to come out and after I told him to go to hell he said that he would still care about me.
"And I know it was just a dream and I know you don't want me to go to hell it was just, just so real and then I woke up crying and fell out of my bed" his words came rushing out again like he needed to apologize for it. It was my fault to begin with.
*
Holden walked into the hallway after he saw the door close and stood close enough to listen for Luke crying. All he could hear now were soft whispers and he went to his own room knowing that the two could get through whatever this was.
*
The night before I had a nightmare of my own. It was the forest. The gun went off. Luke was shot. Luke died. And then for some reason the gun went off again and my father went down. Dead on the spot. WHen Mr. and Mrs.Synder came they didn't speak to me. They didn't speak to me at the hospital and why would they. Their son was dead and they couldn't get justice or answers cause the bastard who did it took his own life.
It was an awful dream but I didn't mention it to Luke. I didn't even get up because I was afraid to voice that aspect of my fears to the one I could hurt the most. Luke was looking at me and I realized he still, as he always did, had that unspoken love for me in his eyes. I glanced at the letter that rested on my desk and said to Luke in a small voice: "I had a nightmare too, last night" All of the sudden Luke had a look of hurt on his face, not because of what I did but that he hated to see me upset. Just like how my heart had broke when I saw him in the doorway.
"I know I should of told you but" stopping myself because I couldn't bring myself to say that I thought Luke would finally resent him for what my father did. "I know, I know" Luke said softly. I hated that in his time of need I needed to be taken care of. "What do you mean I know?" I asked him, watching as he rolled onto his side and pulled me so I was on my side too . . . looking him right in the eye. "I mean I know you had a nightmare I heard you talking to my dad about it this afternoon" he answered. I tried to turn over so I didn't look at his face anymore and he put his arms on my shoulders stopping any movement. "It's okay I know you didn't want me to worry about you. But I do care about you all the time and worry about you all the time" he said sweetly. "But I hate that you worry about me, I spend so much time thinking about myself my problems I feel like you have to do all the work" I sighed heavily feeling like the tears from the night before were going to revisit.
"How can you say that? You helped with Faith and Natalie when my mom was in the hospital and we distracted them by getting our asses kicked at a stupid board-game". He chuckled and then moved closer so our shirts were touching and he rested his head on my left arm that was stretched out. He focused his eyes on my chest and began talking slowly: "Every night you and I walk up the stairs and you kiss me at my bedroom door and walk two doors down to your room. I get ready for bed and wait until I see you turn off your light for the last time. 5 or 10 mins later I walk down to your room and check on you. You are always asleep so fast! Anyway the last thought I have before I go to sleep each night is that you are safe and happy." He finished by looking up at me with a smile on my face. 'But luke I wasn't happy tonight and I feel bad that I wasn't because it was just a dream and your father explained to me again that my father and I are two different people. And more importantly you are still here." I said kissing him gently on the cheek.
"Look, I think our dreams were more about your father then us. we are good" Luke said. I knew that when that letter came a while ago it would be a problem. Then when Luke finally opened it because once again I couldn't face my own past, we had andargument. Later we made up and said I would think about visiting him, the letter hadn't been read or even touched again. My eyes burned from trying to look everywhere but that letter on the desk and Luke's eyes. He seemed to read my mind. "I'm never going to push you to see or wrote to or talk to your father what i want is to focus on you. As it everoccurredto you that you spend too much time avoiding how you feel because you think you don't have the right?" Luke asked. i wanted to duck down and pull the sheet over my head. My obvious lack of answer pushed him on. " Noah you have the right to say what you want. What you want from yourself, what you want from me, what you want from you father. Because sometimes you are getting just glimpses of what you deserve" he whispered as he stroked my head.
That didn't explain exactly why Luke had been so upset when I woke up. "If I am the one that you are focused on then why were you crying at my doorway?" I askedknowingthatpartof it was the words: go to hell. From that point on in our relationship he was fighting for me to do what was good for me. To fight for myself was a slightly new concept. "Well I was already crying by the time I woke up. I told you that part. But when I came to the door you were kinda talking in your sleep. You kept saying I'm sorry. But Noah what do you have to be sorry for?" he asked me starting to tear up. I realized that when he said "I'm sorry" he was asking me what that meant not saying it himself. What was I saying sorry for. The letter. That had to be it.
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That's it comment for more. I really hope you like it.