miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-09-27 15:45:00 |
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Current mood: | excited |
Current music: | Dave Matthew's Band |
Fic: Deception
Original poster: sagiegurl
Title: Deception (Chapter Six)
Author: sagiegurl</lj>
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst
Summary: AU Luke and Noah at age 27
Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter. Interesting stuff coming up in this one. I can't wait to hear what you all think.
***
Luke had an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu as he sat in the passengers seat of Noah’s SUV while Noah drove in silence. Noah hadn’t said anything since he had checked the messages on his phone from Maddie. There was a total of twelve and each one was basically the same. Maddie telling Noah she was really worried, asking him where he was and please call her when he gets the message. In eleven of the messages she sounded worried and frantic and panicked, except for the last one. The last one. The last one was the reason Noah was silent. She sounded calm and collected. She didn’t sound like a desperate wife anymore. In the last message she simply stated “Noah we need to talk. Come home as soon as you can.”
Luke was still trying to figure out why Noah wanted him to be there but he wasn’t about to ask. Noah had this look on his face, it was like he was going to pass out at any moment. He felt horrible for Noah. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what Noah planned to say to Maddie. And Reg. Luke was so pissed at Reg. What an asshole. Trying to get back at him, by hurting Noah. It was a really shitty thing to do and Luke planned on giving Reg a piece of his mind as soon as he got the chance. But not now; now Noah needed him. So he was going to be silent until Noah decided he needed someone to talk to, or lean on, or to whatever. Luke was going to be whatever Noah needed.
“Luke” Noah says pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah Noah?”
“Thanks for coming. I know this is weird, but I thought maybe you could take Lucy to the park down the street while Maddie and I talk.”
“Of course, no problem.”
“It’s just that I don’t want her in the house and I thought it would give you a chance to spend some time with her alone.”
“That will be great.”
“You guys will probably be spending a lot more time together in the near future since Maddie and I will probably have joint custody.”
“That’s true.”
“Oh God. You don’t think she will try to get full custody of Lucy and the new baby?”
“No Noah. She can’t do that, you have as much right to have custody of them as she does. Besides Maddie knows you’re a good father and she wouldn’t do that.”
“I hope you’re right, Luke.”
“It’s all going to be fine. I just know it.”
Noah turns onto his street and pulls into the driveway of his house. He takes a deep breath and puts the car in park. He looks over at Luke who is giving him a sincere smile.
“I’ll go in first and bring Lucy out to you. Just wait here for me, okay?”
“Sure I’ll stay in the car until you come out.”
“Thanks again, Luke.” Noah open the car door and starts to get out.
“Hey Noah.” Luke says stopping him, “ I love you.”
“I love you too baby.”
Noah steps out of the car and closes the door behind him. He walks up to the front door of his home and knocks softly. He could walk back to his car and get his keys out of the ignition, but he thinks if he does he may chicken out and drive away. There is no answer so he tries the knob and finds it is unlocked. He steps in the house cautiously.
“Maddie, Lucy? Is anybody here?”
“I’m in here” he hears Maddie say softly.
Noah walks into the living room to find Maddie sitting on the couch. She has her legs pulled into her chest and she is resting her face on her knees. Noah can see a box of tissues beside her and photo albums spread out all around her. She looks up at him. Her eyes and nose are red from crying. She looks exhausted, like she’s been up all night.
“Sorry I forgot to call last night” Noah says, “I know how you worry.”
“Yeah. I guess I did freak out a bit. Luckily Lucy slept through the night so she didn’t have to witness it.”
“Where is she now?” Noah asks.
“Oh she’s with Olivia today. They always play together on Saturdays, remember? It’s a good thing too, because I wouldn’t want her to see me like this.”
“Yes. It’s good. She doesn’t need to be here right now.”
“She asked me if you would be home when she got back from Olivia’s. I told her I didn’t know.”
Maddie starts to cry and Noah just stands there uncomfortably. Should he go hug his wife? Should he sit beside her? He’s at a complete loss. So he just stands there waiting for her to speak again.
“Do you know what these are, Noah?” she asks pointing to the photo albums.
“Pictures” he answers.
“Not just any pictures, Noah. They are Lucy’s baby pictures.”
“Right. Baby pictures.”
“They’re also memories.”
“Memories” he echoes.
“They are memories based on a lie.”
“Maddie I never wanted to lie to you.”
“You know, I meant what I said to you and Luke the other day. I really think you two are soul mates. I guess I’m not that surprised. I should have seen it coming. There was something in the way you talked about him when we first met. There was this sparkle in your eye every time you said his name. And you said his name a lot. I knew there was a part of your past that you didn’t want me to know about, but I never expected this.”
“Maddie I--”
“Never expected this.”
“I wanted to do the right thing when you got pregnant. I thought marrying you was the right thing to do. I thought it was what you wanted. I was trying to be responsible.”
“It was what I wanted. You were what I wanted. You’re still what I want. You are the best husband I could ask for. What is it that they say? The good ones are always gay.” She chuckles to herself. “I love you so much, Noah.”
“I love you too Maddie, just not in the same way.”
“I guess I always knew something was off with us. And this past month you’ve been so happy. I thought it was me. I thought I was finally making you as happy as you make me. I never thought it was because you were having an affair.”
“I never wanted to hurt you. I just can’t help it. I love him. I’m in love with him.”
“When we first met, I knew you were a great guy. Nothing like my ex. You were exactly what I needed at that time. You were so put together. I just knew you were going to be successful at whatever you chose to do. I wanted to be around that. I needed to be around it. I had been around the opposite of that for so long. You were like a breath of fresh air.”
“You never talked about your ex. I talked about Luke all the time but you never talked about him.”
“Casey. There was nothing to talk about. He was a loser. He was a little boy, you were a man. He got thrown in jail for armed robbery leaving me with no place to live and a nowhere to go. Then you came along. My knight in shining armor.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Maddie.”
“I would. You offered me a place to live when I was all alone. I really liked you and I thought you liked me too.”
“I did.”
“When I found out I was pregnant, I was so scared. But not you. You were a pillar of strength.”
“Maddie I was scared. I was scared shitless.”
“You didn’t act like it. You told me everything would be all right. You told me we would get married and have the a baby and everything would be fine. And I believed you.”
“Maddie I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry? Don’t be sorry! You were right about everything. I was the one who was wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I knew there was a chance, Noah. I knew from the moment the test came back positive, but I didn’t want it to be true.”
“Maddie, what are you talking about?”
“It wasn’t until she was born that I knew for sure.”
“What are you saying?”
“She had his nose and his mouth and even his fingernails. And I knew right then that she was Casey’s. I swear I didn‘t know for sure until then.”
“What?”
“That’s why I’m so happy to be pregnant now. It’s right this time. There doesn’t have to be any secrets or lies.”
“Maddie?”
“Noah. I still love you. I’m in love with you. I can forgive you, if you can forgive me.”
“I’m not Lucy’s father?”
“You are the only father I ever want her to know. You are a good father, you are the kind of father Casey could never be. I am so happy for that. I wanted her to be yours. I wanted it so badly.”
“I can’t believe this” Noah says dejectedly. He feels like his world is spinning out of control. He needs the spinning to stop. He sits down in the armchair beside the couch.
Maddie starts to cry again “And even though you’re not her biological father, she has so much of you in her, Noah. She has your laugh and you sense of humor. She has your kindness and your creativity.”
“You knew this and you never told me?”
“I didn’t tell you for the same reason you never told me you were gay. I was scared. I didn’t know how you would react. I was afraid of losing you. I love you, Noah.”
“Maddie I have to go.”
“Noah please don’t do this. Lucy will be home soon. She’s going to want to see you.”
“Maddie I have to go. I need some time to think. I just need some time to get my head together.”
“Noah, we’ve both lied. We’ve both made mistakes. This is our chance to start over and do what is right for our children. Please don’t punish them because I made a mistake.”
“Maddie I don’t want to hurt you or Lucy or the new baby but--”
“Then don’t leave. Stay! We’ll figure something out. I’ll answer any questions you have.”
“Does Casey know?”
“No. He doesn’t and I don’t want him to. He’s an ex-con and don’t want him around Lucy. I don’t ever want him around Lucy.”
“What do you mean ex-con? I thought he was still in jail?”
“He got out on parole a week ago.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“No. But I’ve talked to his mother. I don’t know how she got our phone number, probably from my brother. She said he wants to see me. He wants to apologize for being such a shitty boyfriend and hurting me. I told her I have a husband and a daughter and I don’t want to see him, but she said he just wants to talk.”
“He wants to talk?”
“She said he’s changed and he just wants a chance to prove that to me. But I don’t want to see him. If he comes here and sees Lucy then he’s going to know. He’s going to know she’s his daughter and then he’ll have found a way back into my life forever. You have to help me, Noah.”
“How can I help you, Maddie?”
“ Stay with me. Don’t leave me for Luke. If Casey demands a paternity test then you won’t have any parental rights. You are the only one I want to be Lucy’s father. I don’t want her to lose you. I know you feel the same.”
“Maddie, I would die if she wasn’t in my life anymore, but I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I just need some time to think.”
“About what? Everything can go back to how it was. It’ll be like nothing ever changed. You and Luke, it’s okay. I don’t want to loose you, so you can keep seeing him. Whatever you want to do. It’s okay.”
“Maddie it’s not okay. And it can never go back to how it was, because everything has changed. I’m gay and you lied to me about being Lucy’s father. And as for Luke, I’m in love with him. I want to be with him. I don’t want to hurt him anymore by keeping him as my dirty little secret. I just need some time to think.”
“Noah if you divorce me, Casey will find a way back into my life and he’ll take your daughter from you. You don’t know him like I do. It’s all an act. He’s acting like he’s changed so his family will stay off his back, but I know him. He’s selfish and he’d do it just to hurt me. He’d do it just because he could. He won’t care about her they way you do. He won’t take care of her the way you do. Think about it Noah. Think about it and do the right thing. You’ve always done the right thing, why stop now?”
“I’m leaving. I need some time to think. I’ll call to talk to Lucy tonight and I’ll call to talk to you in the morning. Please just leave me alone and let me think until then, okay?”
“Okay. I wanted to be honest to you Noah. I wanted to tell you the truth because I thought you deserved to know it. I think we’ve both hurt each other enough, don’t you? Why can’t we just forgive each other and get on with our lives? I told you because I thought you’d understand. You know what it’s like to live with this huge thing hanging over you. I know you understand why I lied, Noah. I know you understand.”
All he can say is, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Noah gets up from the armchair and walks over to the door. He opens it up and steps outside. He sees Lucy and Luke sitting in the backseat of his car talking. His heart sinks and his stomach drops. He walks up and to the car and knocks on the window.
“Daddy!” Lucy screams.
Noah opens up the door to the back seat and picks up his little girl. He stares at her and smiles. He loves her so much. Then he looks over at the man still sitting in the back seat of the car. He loves him too, so much. Noah kisses her nose and forces a smile.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were playing with Olivia.”
“I was” she says laughing.
“She got dropped off about five minutes ago. I thought I’d entertain her until you two were done in there” Luke says.
“Thanks” Noah says back. “Hey princess will you go inside and give mommy a big hug for me?”
“Okay” she says brightly.
Noah sets her on the ground and she runs to the front door. As soon she is inside and the door is closed, Noah feels his knees go weak. He climbs into the backseat of the SUV and sits beside Luke where Lucy once was. He sighs and lays his head on Luke’s shoulder. Luke caresses his cheek and then kisses it.
“So how’d it go?” Luke asks softly.
Noah begins to sob on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He feels like his whole world is falling apart. Just when he has something figured out it all goes to hell again. He thinks that he must be in some sort of horrible nightmare and all he needs to do is wake up and everything will be the way it should be.
“That bad?” Luke asks.
“Worse!” Noah says