miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-08-12 12:47:00 |
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Original poster: sweetliked
Title: Inner Turmoil
Author: sweetlikeD
Characters | Pairing: Luke, Noah, Maddie
Rating | Word Count: PG | 1890
Spoilers | Warnings: Maybe if you haven't seen the first swim at the farm? Otherwise then none.
Summary: Noah is suffering from insomnia after his first swim at Snyder Pond.
Exhaustion was tugging at the corners of his mind. A blanketing weight holding his body hostage. The only problem was, his mind wasn’t in any state for sleep. Not after tonight.
So close...
He screamed in his mind. Cursing his own weakness and banishing the memory of earlier into the same deep dark place all his untamed desires were held. He didn’t have the energy to check the time, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Ten minutes or ten hours, it all felt the same. The same deafening silence. The same extending darkness.
His eyes stung, the dry night air piercing them. But he refused to succumb and close his eyes, as every time he did, he was thrust right back to the very moment he was running from.
So close...
He had finally had enough. This had to end. Nothing had happened. And what’s more, nothing would. He kicked off the sheets with what little energy he could muster, and for a total time of 2 seconds, the cool air soothed him. But it was gone as soon as it had come, and he was left praying for a reprieve.
His fragile psyche taunted him, his insomnia manipulating his thoughts. You were cool earlier. You could be cool again. All it would take is one little swim...
He clenched his jaw.
No.
Using years of training, thanks to dear old dad, Noah forced his mind to focus. He watched a spot on the ceiling, counting the cracks, listening hard into the darkness for the tinned whirling of his AC. He took deep breaths, keeping the rhythm and announcing the repetition in his mind.
In, Out. In, Out.
It worked for a moment, and in his false sense of security, he let a fraction of his guard down.
In, Out. In, Out.
Soon, he was so focussed on breathing he didn’t notice he had closed his eyes. It was the same old darkness. But with his guard down, his psyche pounced, overloading his senses yet again.
In, Out. In, Out.
They were only inches from each other, the air thick with attraction and uncertainty. His skin was a million things at once. It felt inflamed with fire, and yet he shivered with chills at the same time. He felt each exhaled breath sail across his damp skin, sparking something within.
He kept his hands on the counter, flattening them against the surface to stop them from shaking. He forgot how to speak. Forgot why this was wrong. Forgot himself, as he stared into the depths of emotion before him.
He blamed his body. It was a traitor. Always betraying him.
Like at night, when he lay in bed, and thought of his future with Maddie, and he tossed and turned. Or when he kissed her and his body lied and told him he felt nothing.
But tonight was the biggest betrayal, his body acting like a magnet towards Luke, until there was no air left between them. Merely skin on skin.
He ripped open his eyes. His body was doing it again. Going against his wishes and reminding him of things he didn’t want, and couldn’t allow himself to feel.
He was with Maddie.
He repeated the phrase till it lost all meaning, the dark once again consuming him. He felt a pressure in his temples, the same routine headache he’d been lying awake with for days now.
He’d at first dealt with it the only way he knew how; with force. Commanding his body to sleep until it was too exhausted to fight him any longer. But it seemed he was loosing his grip on himself, as the pounding in his head beat a rhythm only he could hear.
His body was refusing to bow down to his own will.
Like tonight.
He screamed again. He wanted to stop thinking. Wanted to switch his mind off and lay in a blank state until things made sense again. He wanted to erase the memory of earlier, the warm air and cool water and...
He was with Maddie. He wasn’t... like that.
His body begged to differ, and he cursed this heat for playing tricks on his mind.
That’s all it was. The heat.
The damn heat meant he’d wanted to cool off. The damn heat had had him flirting on the porch. The damn heat had caused his temporary insanity when he tried whipping Luke with the towel.
His body felt lead plated as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. He needed to move. He needed some air. He needed....
He didn’t know what he needed anymore.
If only he could sleep. Then he would be clearer. He wouldn’t be thinking of someone other than his girlfriend in the middle of the night.
This was all Luke’s fault. He had a way of getting to people.
Noah tried convincing himself he hadn’t done anything to spur this on.
Sure, he’d been the one to insist on coming over for a swim. He’d been the one to start throwing that towel around. And he’d...
Damn it.
No, it wasn’t him. It wasn’t.
He was just sleep deprived, thats all. Nothing happened, anyway. And then Maddie had turned up and things were back the way they should be.
His body responded by unsettling his stomach.
He started to get angry. How dare this happen now. And how dare his body tell him he was wrong. He knew what was right, and that was him & Maddie. End of discussion.
But it wasn’t. He still couldn’t sleep. He still felt the lingering ghost of Luke’s body pressed up against his. Their breaths coming hard and fast....
Noah swallowed hard at the phrasing.
Hard and fast...
No.
He got up. Started to pace.
Damn this heat.
He was with Maddie. He was with Maddie.
Repeat. Breathe. Pace.
He kept it up until he got dizzy. His body was still exhausted.
He should be able to sleep. He should be happy right now. Maddie was staying in Oakdale to be with him. So why was his body continuing to betray him?
His eyes stung again. He tried blinking. That seemed to help.
But the white noise between his ears couldn’t be turned off. Even when he closed his eyes, the sound was enough to keep him awake. He could’ve sworn he heard it reverberating off the walls. Maybe it was just in his mind.
Images flashed back at him. The farm, the pond. Maddie, Luke.
Damn it.
Damn this heat.
Damn this darkness.
It laid out a blank canvas before him, letting his memory and imagination collide and intertwine until he didn’t quite know what was real.
No.
I can do this.
He blinked again, trying to regain his focus.
His head was beginning to pound. If only he could sleep.
He laid back down, letting his head slam into the pillow in annoyance. He immediately regretted it as the headache responded in kind.
Closing his eyes dulled the pain, and in his insomniatic state, he forgot why he'd been trying to keep them open.
His body's plan was working.
With his eyes closed, and his body laid down, he tried to focus. The volume of his thoughts started to turn down, and he was once again left with only his breathing.
In, Out. In, Out.
He felt his chest rise and fall with each movement, and it created a rhythm that hypnotized him. He had had enough. He was too tired to fight his body any longer. Unknowingly, he let go, and he was sent back to that fateful place, hours ago.
In, Out. In, Out.
There was something magnetic in the air. A force pulling them closer. He'd only been playing around. The adrenaline from the swim making him bolder than he'd ever let himself be.
In, Out. In, Out.
Luke had grabbed a hold of the towel, and Noah had merely assumed he was stronger. That this would be nothing more than a game. He pulled, but it seemed something larger was at work here, as the more he tried to get away, the closer he got. Until suddenly.
In, Out. In, Out.
They were breathing in time. Noah was leaning Luke over the counter, and as he stood up straighter, his attention dropped down from Luke’s eyes, to his lips.
So close...
They were deliciously close. That’s what his body was telling him. Sinfully, electrically close. And yet they could still get closer.
All he had to do was lean forward one last little bit. Then their lips would crush together, heat and passion and restrained desire exploding within him. Surely one little kiss wouldn’t hurt, his body told him. One little swim. One little kiss. No big deal.
He was waiting for Maddie to walk through the door again, but she didn’t. Moments and breaths passed, and still no interruption.
This time he could finish what he started.
He stared at Luke’s parted mouth, seeing a hint of his tongue between. His eyes darkened. The potential that lay there, between those lips.
“Noah.”
It was a breath, a whisper, a moan.
Temptation proved too hard to resist as he inched slowly forward, his body acting before his mind could stop it.
He captured Luke’s upper lip between his, his eyes fluttering closed as he let the sensation of their lips meeting take over. It cast a spell over him, reaching deep within his soul to places Maddie’s kisses never came close to. Luke’s lips were as soft as his body had imagined, prohibited thoughts that he’d kept locked away in the shadows of his mind.
He could feel Luke’s hesitancy. The way he was simply let Noah kiss him softly, leaning into it a little, but holding back control. Noah could feel that Luke was keeping his hands fisted and away from Noah’s damp, bare skin.
Noah felt his own hand lift up from the counter and then he was tilting his head to deepen the kiss and bringing his hand to Luke’s neck, ever so gently caressing the warm, shivering skin.
Luke seemed to realize Noah wasn’t stopping, and he started to respond. His fists loosened, and Noah felt Luke’s fingers dance over his waist, his spine, before gripping him and pulling him closer. The motion caused Noah to surge forward a step, pushing their hips together as Luke was caught between the counter and Noah.
So close...
It was another sinfully delicious move by his body. Inside, he practically vibrated with the adrenaline and pleasure that was pulsing through him. He felt his knees weaken when Luke opened his mouth wider, and snaked his tongue out cautiously to taste Noah. He responded by mirroring the movement, the two of them were soon locked in a heated battle.
A shrill sound. A bright light. Noah’s eyes stung, and his gut ached. Morning.
It had all been a dream. But his body still hummed with unbridled passion, and he realized the effect the dream had left with his body. For one fleetingly dark moment, he ghosted a hand over himself.
So close...
His brain kicked back in and he once again dismissed the dream and his body’s subsequent reaction to a secret place. It was a new day. He was with Maddie. End of discussion.