Title: Overwhelmed By You Part: Chapter 1 Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Notes: Right now Jansis has eaten my brain and all I can write is RPS/RPF. Dedication: To J... for everything. This story wouldn't have been written without you. And to Rae for the song and title.
Disclaimer: Complete fabrication, never happened, never expect to happen. All written for entertainment, no intentions to offend or cause harm.
Three months later…
Jake was looking over his script, making sure he had it all memorized. He had one more scene and then he’d be done for the holiday break. More than anything, he wanted to get back home, back to New York
Three months in Los Angeles, and it had been great—a new show, new friends and the weather was amazing, but he still thought about what he left behind, about who he left behind.
He ignored all of Van’s calls and e-mails the weekend after the party. He tried to put it behind him during the audition. This one was so different from the last one he’d been on—the one where he’d met Van. But he still felt a connection with his screen partner, Kaitlyn Jones. The producers liked him and he was told two days later he got the job. He signed a one-year contract, packed as many bags and boxes that would fit in his car, and drove across the country.
Jake didn’t know what to say to Van. He couldn’t apologize; it would be a lie and he never lied to Van. How could he start now and especially about something that important? It nearly killed him, Van’s voice on his phone and all the e-mails, but he knew it would destroy him if he heard Van try and explain away what had happened. So he got a new cell phone and blocked Van’s e-mail address.
“Hey, Jake,” Kaitlyn, his on-screen love interest, greeted him. She was a slip of a girl. She had the typical California girl look: blond hair, blue eyes, perpetual tan. And she always had a smile for him.
He really couldn’t have asked for a better co-star, especially after losing Van. She helped him from the first day, showing him around, telling him the best restaurants and clubs, helping him find a good neighborhood to live in, especially since he didn’t know the area at all. They’d become great friends.
Jake smiled. “Hi, Kat.”
“We’re almost done.” She clapped her hands together excitedly. She was about to spend the next fourteen days uninterrupted with her boyfriend, and she couldn’t be happier.
He chuckled softly. “I was just going over my lines. I want to get out of here, too.”
“Guess I got lucky when they hired ‘One-Take-Jake.’”
He shook his head, regretting telling her about that nickname.
“So what are you doing during the break?” she asked.
“Oh.” He set the script down and took a seat on the couch. Another thing for him to adjust to: his own dressing room. It was twice the size of the one he shared with Van—not that either one of them complained. “I’m going home,” he answered her question.
She sat down next to him and smiled. “New York?”
“Yeah, it’ll be my first time back in nearly three months.”
She gently placed her hand on his shoulder. “I know how much you love it there.”
“Yeah, it’s my home.”
Thinking of her boyfriend and how much she missed being away from him, she asked, “Is there anyone you’ve missed most of all?”
Immediately, Van’s face flashed in his mind. Jake didn’t even know what his plans were. Van still had over a year on the show, and Jake kept up a little bit through Alex and the magazines. He hoped time and distance would give him some perspective, would help lessen his feelings, but he searched for any tidbit, any information he could find about Van.
“Jake?” A part of Kaitlyn wondered if he was already on vacation.
Shaking his head, trying to clear his thoughts, he asked, “What?”
“Is there anyone you’re looking forward to seeing?”
“Uh, just my family.”
“Right, of course,” she replied, but she thought there was more to the story. On the few occasions she tried to set him up with one of her girlfriends—and he actually agreed to go—they all said the same thing: He’s a nice guy, but no spark. Kaitlyn didn’t wonder if maybe he’d left behind someone he loved in New York and he wasn’t ready to move on yet.
*
Van was reading one of the soap magazines, waiting for his own call time. He’d done an interview recently and he wasn’t sure which week it would be in. He liked to check, hoping he came off well. Van flipped past a couple of pages, but stopped when he saw Jake’s face. He felt his breath catch in his throat.
He often thought about that night and how he’d reacted. Van wondered if he could go back, what he would do or how he could react differently, anything to keep Jake from running away. But short of lying, he didn’t know what he could have done.
He tried talking to Alex, because she was the only one Jake was in contact with, but Van couldn’t tell her what had happened, he wasn’t sure he could explain it himself.
Van held the magazine, staring at the picture for a moment. He recognized that smile, and he smiled softly to himself. Jake hated having his picture taken, and without Van there to joke with him, he always gave a shy, lopsided grin. One time Jake had made Van promise he’d be there for any major photo shoots, to help him loosen up, Van would joke or make faces. Without any hesitation, Van had agreed. “Why didn’t you call me?” he murmured, before reading the article.
It was Jake’s first interview about being on General Hospital. He’d done a brief interview a couple of days before he left As the World Turns, but this was different. The interviewer made some comments on how quiet and shy Jake was. Van chuckled softly. “He’s not that quiet, you just need to know what questions to ask.”
Jake gave the obligatory responses: He’s nervous and excited about joining a new show. He’s heard wonderful things about GH and even though he hated leaving ATWT, if he had to go to another soap, he’s grateful it’s this one. He’s adjusting to the new show and different coast. But all of his co-stars, especially Kaitlyn, have been so helpful.
Then he was asked, since he had brought leaving ATWT, what did he miss the most about the other show? Van read over Jake’s responses quickly, hoping to find something, even a mention. “Well, the fans, of course. They’ve been really supportive and incredible since I started and many have written, saying they’ll follow me to this show. And, of course, my friends and co-stars from New York, Jon, Martha, Alex and… you know… Van.”
Van let out a breath when he saw his name. He does miss me, he realized. But why doesn’t he get in touch with me? And why did he stop talking to me?
There were pictures of Jake with an actress. At first, Van thought she was Jake’s new co-star, the Kaitlyn he’d mentioned, but the caption under the photos had a different name. The interviewer asked Jake about her as well. “So you’ve been seen around town with a pretty actress from one of the nighttime soaps, Aubrey Miller…” When Jake replied with a “no comment” the interviewer made a point of noting his nervous laughter and assumed there was more there, but many actors preferred not to talk about their dating life. For that very reason, Van thought.
Van re-read the sentences a couple of times, looking at the pictures, at Jake’s smile, the not so nervous one, and his arm around the girl’s waist, pulling her close. Van didn’t know what to think. He hadn’t spoken to Jake in months, and after that kiss…
Jake talked a little bit about old girlfriends, but he didn’t really date when he was on the show. Neither did Van, so he didn’t think anything of it. But after the kiss and what Jake had said… Maybe he didn’t mean it. Maybe he really was sad and drunk and he didn’t know what he was doing… On the other hand, Van had to wonder, if that was the case, then Jake knew better than to be embarrassed around him, that he could have apologized and Van would have accepted it. That night would have been forgotten and they could be friends again.
He put down the magazine and picked up his phone. He searched through the log and found Jake’s number immediately. He dialed and got the same message. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you think you’ve received this message in error, hang up and try again.
*
Jake was back in New York City only two days and it felt as though he’d never left. There was something in the air, the familiarity of home, it was so welcoming. Not that he didn’t love the new show, and the opportunity to work was what every actor wanted. After what had happened with Van, he hoped the distance would lessen some of his embarrassment and shame, but also, he hoped the distance would help lessen the overwhelming desire he felt for his former best friend. Being back in town, he longed to see Van again, longed to look into those eyes of his that said everything—everything except what Jake wanted. He had to remind himself that whatever he felt with Van wasn’t reciprocated. On the other side of that longing was fear, fear of running into Van and experiencing the awkwardness and attraction.
He debated calling Alex and inviting her to lunch because of those very reasons, but he couldn’t ignore her, and he knew how hurt she would be if she found out he was in town and he didn’t see her. They were friends, good friends; he was almost as close to her as he was Van, and he often wondered how much simpler his life could have been if the co-star he’d fallen for was Alex and not Van.
Sitting in the restaurant a few blocks from his parents’ apartment, waiting for Alex to arrive, Jake thought about what to say. He knew she would ask about Van. She always asked about Van, but he never told her. He also knew Van didn’t either, because otherwise, she wouldn’t ask so much. Jake sometimes wondered if Van put her up to the questions, but he never initiated the conversation, the talk about their former co-star.
She rushed into the restaurant, full of a sunny smile and apologies. He wrapped her in warm hug, muffling all of her explanations. Jake had always told Alex to never apologize for her tardiness. Sometimes in the past, when she would meet him, Van would be with him, and Jake didn’t mind the extra few minutes alone with Van, because whenever Alex, or anyone else, joined them Van became the life of the party, funny and silly and everyone’s attention was drawn to him. It wasn’t that Jake minded, but he liked having Van’s undivided attention.
“You look good,” Alex said, as she sat down in the booth across from him.
“Thanks.” Jake smiled shyly, ducking his head.
“You’re tan.”
“What can I say? It’s part of the requirement if you live in L.A.”
She giggled softly. They spent the next couple of minutes catching each other up on family. She wanted to ask him about Van, but she knew it was better to wait, ease their way into the conversation, before mentioning him.
“How’s college?” Jake asked.
“Good. It’s slow, only taking a couple of classes a semester, but I’ve gotten a few off-Broadway shows I’ve been able to do, so I can’t complain. My latest ends in early February.”
“I’ll have to come see you, while I’m in town.”
She smiled. “I’d like that, but I don’t want to take you away from your family. I know how much you miss them.”
“Yeah, but they’ll understand. My mom loves you; she’ll probably come with me.”
“I love her, too. And the show? How do you like it?”
“It’s good,” he admitted reluctantly. He knew he couldn’t hide anything from her, which was why he rarely mentioned Van. He knew she would realize what his feelings were and the cause of their rift. It was getting harder and harder not to talk about it, but he wasn’t ready, not yet.
“Yeah?”
He nodded his head. “Yeah, Kaitlyn is amazing. She’s become a great friend and the character, Sean, he’s a lot different than Noah.”
“Straight?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Jake chuckled. “Among other things. It’s good, you know, to try new things, different coasts.” It was the same thing he always said, but she let it drop.
They talked about his family and hers, and their plans for the holiday. They tried to call and e-mail every couple of weeks, but since Thanksgiving, they didn’t really have a chance to talk, so after the usual catching up, the conversation lulled for a few moments. They both knew Alex was going to have to ask about Van, and Jake tried to brace himself. He was a terrible liar, not able to think quickly on his feet, but he usually gave her the same responses, and he tried to recall a couple of them.
“Van’s been asking about you.”
“Oh?” Jake asked, taking a sip of his water.
“Yeah. He misses you, mostly that’s what he says, he misses you.” She watched Jake, watched his face as he took in her words. In phone calls and e-mails, she couldn’t read his expression, just the words he tried to put forth and even those sounded false. A part of her wondered if Jake blamed Van for staying while Jake was forced to leave, but Van had told her he asked Jake if he should be asked to be let out of his contract but Jake had insisted Van stay.
Jake closed his eyes, trying to ward off the overwhelming desire he had to ask Alex what else Van says… What does he say? How does he look? How does his voice sound when he talks about missing me? But he couldn’t. He had to move on, and waiting and hoping for morsels of information about Van or from Van, didn’t help him.
“Jake?”
“Well, you know it got pretty crazy there, the way everything ended with the show, getting this new job right away. You know, I barely had a week to pack my half of the apartment and move out to L.A.”
“But I thought you and Van were close. I usually didn’t see one of you without the other; you were inseparable.”
Jake remembered the feel of Van’s lips against his and the way it felt, and then when Van pulled away, the shock and pain he saw in Van’s eyes. The words, those awful words that haunted his dreams: I don’t feel the same way. Jake, I care about you. You’re… But I don’t… I can’t.
He had to tell her something. Finally Jake murmured, “We weren’t close, not like I thought, at least.”
Alex reached out for Jake’s hand. There had to be more to this story. Did they have a fight? Every time she talked with Jake or saw Van after Jake left, there was so much pain and uncertainty. What kind of fight did they have, that would cause such close friends not to speak any more?
“Jake, you can tell me anything.”
Not this, he realized. “Enough talk about the past. I want to hear everything about this play.” He smiled a little too brightly.
She knew what he was doing and it was on the tip of her tongue to remind him that his distance from Van wasn’t in the past. It was sitting with them in that booth; it was in every look and conversation. But not wanting to cause her friend any more pain, Alex decided to talk about the play and hope for another opportunity to help Jake and Van.
*
As she walked out of the restaurant, after a hug from Jake and a promise to see her play, her cell phone rang. Without bothering to check the I.D. she answered, “Hello?”
“Hi, beautiful.”
She giggled softly, as Van’s voice greeted her. It was warm and it was nice to hear after her tense lunch with Jake. “Hi, handsome,” she replied, in their typical greeting.
“What are you doing?”
“Now? Nothing, I have a couple of hours to kill before the play.”
“Late lunch?” Van offered.
“I can’t, I just had lunch with—” her voice trailed off. She didn’t know if she should tell him. If Van found out Jake was in town and hadn’t made an effort to see him, she knew how painful it would be for Van.
“Alex?”
“I’m not hungry,” she murmured.
“Who’d you have lunch with?” Van pressed, but he had a feeling. He didn’t know if he wanted confirmation though.
“No one.”
“So it was your imaginary friend?” He hoped a joke would lessen the pain when she replied…
“It was Jake.”
It didn’t. “Jake?” he whispered.
Alex squeezed her eyes shut; she hated being the one to tell him this. “Yes,” she murmured.
“How is he? Does he look good? In the article I just read, he looked good. I mean…” He stopped, realizing he shouldn’t say things like that. “He was too thin. Is he eating in L.A.? Or is that not allowed?”
Alex chuckled softly, knowing what Van was doing, but deciding to go along with it. “He looked good. I think he’s still adjusting to the new show, but he likes his co-star, Kaitlyn.”
“Yeah, he mentioned her in the article. What about an Aubrey?”
She reviewed the conversation. “He didn’t mention any other girls.”
“Good.” But when the words clarified themselves in his mind, Van tried to think of something else to say. “Not good, I mean, tell me…everything.”
She sighed softly. “Van, can I meet you somewhere? I’m in the middle of an intersection right now.”
“Yeah, sorry. Actually the reason I called, I know you have the play tonight, but Elena is in town and we were going to have dinner. I talked with Jesse, Jen and Marnie, they’re all coming. We’d love for you and…Jake…to come.”
“I’m not sure what his plans are, but I’ll call him.”
“Please,” Van replied. “And could you…just tell him we’d love to see him.”
“I will,” she promised.
*
After finally getting back to her apartment, Alex called Jake.
“Did I forget something?” he asked after finding out who it was.
“Oh, no, I was just wondering if you were free tonight.”
“Twice in one day?” he chuckled. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“It’s a dinner party—the whole gang—Jesse, Jen, Marnie, Elena.”
“And Van?” he asked, but Jake already knew the answer. Wherever Elena went, Van was close by her side, especially since she left for L.A. herself six months ago.
“Yeah, he kind of arranged all of it.”
Jake didn’t know what to do. He’d love to see everyone, especially Van, but then everyone would be there too, and what would he do? Make awkward conversation with Van, pretend he wasn’t aware of everything Van said and did. And Jake couldn’t talk to him, not yet, not with everyone there.
“Jake?” Alex asked.
“Sorry, I can’t.”
“What?”
“I really don’t have that much time here in New York, and my parents booked me solid with family. I have to see some cousins tonight.”
“But Van—”
“I know what Van wants.” And it’s not me, he silently continued. “Tell everyone I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
Later that night, when Alex arrived at the dinner party alone, she wondered if Jake had seen the hurt and disappointment in Van’s face, maybe he would have decided to come after all.