miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2008-01-25 23:50:00 |
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Entry tags: | -[luke/noah]-, fanfic, fanfic: [atwt], fanfic: rating: teen&under |
Life is like an analogy...
Original poster: qafaddiction
Author: Heather
Rating: PG
*
Someone once said that life is like an analogy. Another asked, "What if there were no hypothetical situations?" I say give me ambiguity or give me something else.
"What is she talking about," you ask? Well, a little while ago, I was sitting at my desk, pondering the fact that Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of our lives, when I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns, and torment my fellow Nuke fanatics with a tale of analogies, observations, and random phrases because... well, because I feel like it. This is a happy little tongue-in-cheek story, and has very little to do with anything.
Did I come up with these things all on my own? Of course not. You've heard 'em before, probably right here on the Internet. But as the saying goes, you can fool some of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient. :)
You may think I'm crazy. Well, madness takes its toll... please have exact change.
*
Luke Snyder, with his earnest, boy-next-door good looks, had been a happy child. As he grew older, he wondered if infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery. He was an inquisitive boy, and often took the time to ponder life's deep mysteries. For example, when birds see humans reading the newspaper, do they wonder why we're staring at carpet? Despite more than one attempt by his biological father, Damian, to kidnap him, Luke tried not to be paranoid. But just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
Noah Mayer, on the other hand, lived the life of a military brat, moving from one place to another. Not one to make friends easily, he instead played with replicas of the industrial freighters and barges that polluted the American waterways on a daily basis. The motherless tyke with piercing blue eyes would watch in fascination as one of his little plastic crafts drifted gently across the ripples in the water, exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. Noah liked the rain, but storms scared him. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being tossed around backstage during the storm scene in a play.
*
One might not have expected Luke and Noah to bond the way they did, given their different backgrounds, but for several glorious weeks during the summer they interned at WOAK, their attraction was undeniable, and eventually their love grew to be passionate and fiery, like a scarlet red Crayola crayon melting over a hot flame. For Luke, it was a thrill to be in love with someone who genuinely returned his affections. Once Noah admitted to himself and to his father that he was gay, anything seemed possible - with the exception, perhaps, of skiing through a revolving door or teaching a ferret to yodel. They say love is blind. If that's true, why are lingerie and leather so popular?
Before Noah met Luke, he thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. Now that he was a little older and a little wiser, he considered what might be fertilizing that greener grass. He'd had his share of encounters with women, but none of them made him feel all tingly, the way he did when he used to climb the rope in gym class. Things changed when the blonde-haired, dimpled one came into his life. In the beginning, Luke feared that in Noah's eyes, he was invisible... there, but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can. Maddie, having had lousy luck with boys, was heard to remark, "If it's got tires or testicles, you're in for trouble." But Noah wasn't going to let that stop him. The truth is, love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.
*
When Luke was in the hospital, Noah was thrown for a loop. He was afraid to go see him, and he couldn't bear the thought of losing the guy he had come to care so much about. He hated his father for doing what he did to Luke, but he was also very confused. His whole life, he had depended on one man, and now he was alone. Thoughts of revenge tumbled around in his head, making and breaking alliances like underwear in a dryer without "cling-free" fabric softener. The whole incident had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30. He was uneasy, and experienced the sensation you get when you lean back in a chair, balancing on two legs, then catch yourself in that nanosecond before you tip over. Despite Dusty's best efforts to support him, the feelings of apprehension baffled Noah. He was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:/flw.quid55328.com/aaakk/ch @ ung but gets T:/flw.quidaaak/ch @ ng by mistake.
Luke didn't want to lose Noah either; they needed each other. He didn't want to make any promises for the future, but he knew that if he ever got out of that hospital bed, their eventual reunion would approximate two lovers racing across a grassy field toward each other like two mighty freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm, at a speed of 35 mph. For both of them, life was precious. Some say life is cheap; it's the accessories that kill you. All that glitters may not be gold, but it has a high refractive index.
*
The boys had learned the hard way to stand up to bigoted individuals like Noah's father. Winston didn't think he had an attitude problem; he figured people had a perception problem. The prejudice was borne of ignorance, often demonstrated by people who had intellects rivalled only by garden tools. When Winston made homophobic remarks about Luke, Henry confided to Vienna, "If you put his brain in a bumblebee, it would probably fly backwards." To be fair, the guy wasn't a complete idiot - some parts were missing. Everyone has a right to be stupid; some just abuse the privilege.
Luke figured God must love stupid people, he made so many of them. The problem with the gene pool, you see, is that there is no lifeguard. And, there is always one more imbecile than you counted on. One afternoon at school, when he was cornered by an idiot who had mastered the art of the single entendre, Luke was heard to remark, "I just remembered something; you're annoying, and my legs work." He was pretty sure that if the guy took an IQ test, the results would came back negative. If he were a fast-food hamburger, he'd be a McTwit.
Many times, Luke had to grit his teeth and force himself to turn on the part of his brain that gave a damn. He had to remember that he was unique, just like everyone else. He could smile sweetly and feign interest for as long as was necessary, if only for diplomacy's sake. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' until you can find a rock.
*
Noah wasn't particularly religious, but Luke's family had an abiding faith, and believed in heaven. Noah believed that if they were to be punished for their sins, they were probably going to Heck. Heck was created for people who refuse to believe in Gosh. However, everyone knows that the chemistry which sparked between them was much more important than their moral standing. Electricity comes from electrons; morality comes from morons.
Winston had always managed quite successfully to keep stress out of his life; he gave it to others instead. Noah, on the other hand, followed the advice of spiritual guides who told him, "Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things." Whenever he got angry with someone, he would stare at them through the tines of a fork and pretend they were in jail. If that didn't work, he would tape pictures of them to watermelons and launch them out the window of a tall building, watching them hit the pavement and explode with the volcanic force of a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
Military exposure taught Noah that there are two rules to success in combat, and in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2.
*
As much as he wanted a life with Luke, Noah also wanted a career - something he could call his own. The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Luke knew he had to follow his dream as well... unless it was the one where he was running across campus in his underwear during a fire drill. As the boys moved further along in their relationship, they became more involved, and more committed. The difference between involvement and commitment is best explained using the bacon and eggs analogy: the chicken is involved, the pig is committed.
Before Luke came out, Kevin told him that ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy, and that he should never put off until tomorrow what he could avoid doing altogether. Some days he felt that if he were any lazier, he would slip into a coma. Kevin offered him sage advice. "No job is so simple that it can't be done incorrectly," he would say. "Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it." He was a BIG help.
Luke feared that he would come home one day to find a post-it note on the door saying, "Knocked; you weren't in. -- Opportunity." He wanted to soar like an eagle. The unfortunate truth is that eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. It's also hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys. Noah wasn't quick to make new friends. He thought that he attracted the less desirable types, but he felt it was easy for Luke. Good friends help you move, but great friends help you move bodies.
*
Noah was health conscious, but not to an extreme. He would often joke, "Five days a week my body is a temple; the other two, it's an amusement park." For Luke, exercise was not a necessity; in fact, he thought it was somewhat overrated. After all, health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. If it wasn't for muscle spasms, some people wouldn't get any exercise at all. Other residents of Oakdale got plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing their luck, and dodging insults. Luke liked swimming, though, especially when it was followed by towel-play with Noah. But if swimming is so good for one's figure, how do we explain whales?
They ate meat, because - let's face it - humans didn't fight their way to the top of the food chain to be vegetarians. One night Emma prepared a delicious Italian meal for Luke and Noah at the farm, which prompted Luke to wonder aloud whether they would still be hungry if they ate pasta and antipasto in the same sitting. What would happen if you put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room and let them fight it out? Noah didn't know the answer to that, but he did tell Luke that the reason cannibals don't eat clowns is because they taste funny. Later on, Luke helped his grandma clean up, and as he filled the sink with the soap, he wondered why lemon juice is made of artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons. Earlier in the week, he had purchased some powdered water, but he didn't know what to add.
*
After weeks of "taking things slow," the boys finally became intimate. With Nuke, the sex was so good that afterwards, even the neighbors had a cigarette. Of course, if you smoke after sex, you may be doing it too fast. One night, following a particularly exhaustive session, Noah teased Luke by whispering in his ear, "All those curves, and me with no brakes," while sliding a hand over Luke's rump. He knew it sounded like a line. Sometimes he would laugh at the cheap pick-up lines he overheard at Yo's... like, "I need someone really bad... are you really bad?" or "That's a nice outfit you have on. Can I talk you out of it?" Then there was, "The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue," and his all-time favorite, the guy who used to hand out calling cards that read, "Smile if you want to sleep with me."
Luke liked to tease Noah in the same way, with provocative one-liners when he was in a playful mood. Sometimes he would put on music, turn the lights down low, and show his boyfriend another version of seduction. He grinned devilishly, admiring the jeans that clung to Noah in all the right places. Noah couldn't help himself when Luke was like this. The hazel eyes got him every time. He could get lost in their depths, and sometimes forget to breathe. The world around them disappeared as they descended into a private utopia meant only for the two of them. Noah would stroke Luke's cheek, and whisper in his ear, "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock."
Do I need to use fuzzy puppets and act this out for you? Sorry, but the X-rated stuff is restricted to mailing lists only. Doesn't that just burn you up? Honestly, the worst thing about censorship is ____ [deleted by message board censors].
*
Before I started watching Luke and Noah, I had a handle on life, but one day it broke. So, I tried to fix it with duct tape. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together. I don't want for much in this life, but I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous. This sentence contradicts itself... no, wait, actually it doesn't. It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end. I plan to live forever; so far, so good. I often pray, "Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me." I do this at home, because I gave up church for Lent. I have shortcomings. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. At this moment, I fear there may be too much blood in my alcohol system. I said "no" to drugs, but just as Lily discovered, they don't listen. And yet, I still love my Nuke.
One more question... does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
The end.