She'd been putting it off deliberately, waiting for the holidays to be over because she knew the relatives would be gathered at the house and she'd wanted to avoid causing any more stress. But it was the fifth of January now, which meant the window of time she'd allowed herself was now closed. Ma and Pop would have the house to themselves again, and it was time for her to make that call.
Dialing long distance, Mallory checked her watch and guessed - hoped - that her youngest brother Teddy would be off with friends. It would be bad enough to have to deal with her parents, she didn't want to have to explain it to him too. The redhead parked herself in the comfortable chair near the window, looked out at the silent street beyond. The phone on the other end of the line rang six times, and when it was finally picked up for the familiar voice to say a distracted greeting, she said, "Hi, Ma. Happy new year."
"Hey, sweetie. Happy New Year to you, too." Carolyn Quinn tucked the cordless phone between her cheek and shoulder. Her hands worked a towel inside a mixing bowl she'd plucked from the drying rack. The dishwasher was on the fritz again; it kept flooding at the bottom. She suspected it was clogged up by the food Teddy never scraped off his plate before he loaded it into the rack and took off for his bedroom or the driveway, where his beat-up Toyota was parked. Her husband had wanted him to have something nicer, but she insisted their son's first vehicle be something that could take a licking when he inevitably drove it into a road sign.
"What're you up to tonight? You got any nice plans?" When she smiled, a few lines framed the corners of her mouth like parentheses. Her daughter was notoriously tight-lipped about her social life, but Carolyn was not above prying or asserting her opinion. For instance, the news that Mallory was moving to Key West hadn't gone over well in the beginning. They had wanted her to dig her heels in and finish school. After a while, they more or less accepted the departure, but kept up the stubborn pretense that it was temporary. When people asked about Mallory's whereabouts, Carolyn replied that she was on a break from school.
"No, it's just me and the dog tonight. I went out for New Year's Eve and watched the ball drop on television, so I thought I'd put my feet up tonight, maybe do some reading. I'm behind on my paperbacks, they're starting to take up too much space. Sorry if I called while you're making dinner." She might have done that on purpose, really, but she refused to consciously acknowledge that.
Carolyn shook her head, which nearly dislodged the phone. She switched it to the opposite side. "We just finished up." She searched for a place in the cabinet for the bowl, then folded the towel in half and hung it over the faucet.
"Is Pop home?" Her father had retired from the post office the year before, and he'd since taken up woodworking as a hobby. Mallory twisted the phone cord back and forth between her fingers. "It's getting dark so early now, he must lock up the shed at around four. Did you guys have a good holiday?"
In the den, the television set blared the laugh track of an old comedy. Carolyn leaned around the door and spotted her husband in the recliner, glasses on his nose and a newspaper open on his lap. The only thing louder than Everybody Loves Raymond was the sound of his snoring. "He's passed out in his chair," she said, shaking her head. She turned off the kitchen light and headed down the hall to the master bedroom where she could hear herself think. "We had a nice time. We went to the get-together at the church for New Year's."
Carolyn pulled the door to. A pile of folded laundry waited on the bed. She picked up a wad of socks. "Is everything alright?"
God, there was a loaded question. She'd spent part of the morning throwing up, then skipped lunch because she wasn't sure she'd be able to hold it down. Dinner had been crackers and chicken soup, the lightest thing she could manage. Mallory twisted the phone cord tighter around her index finger.
"Everything's..." She and her mother had always been honest with each other, even when it put them at loggerheads, and even as part of her quailed from this, the stubborn half was pushing hard to just get it over with. They'd argued about her staying in school, sticking it out, and the set plan had been for her to go back. She wanted to go back even now. The redhead touched her stomach, sat up a little straighter in the chair. She was already imagining the older woman's disapproval, her disappointment.
"I'm two months pregnant." Better just to say it. It certainly wouldn't make it not true if she didn't.
Carolyn felt the color drain out of her face. "Oh, Jesus Lord, Mallory!" For a moment, her chest hurt while her heart put up a fuss, and she dropped half the load of matched socks. She turned around and backed up to the bed, until she felt the bedspread on the backsides of her knees. The mattress took her weight with a light squeak.
"How could you do this, get yourself in trouble like this? I..." With a tight shake of her head, Mallory's mother stopped herself from claiming she didn't understand, since she knew perfectly well what went on to cause a pregnancy, in or out of marriage. She wiped her brow and smoothed her bangs back, which had once been reddish-brown but were now a good quarter gray. Carolyn wouldn't be surprised if a few more sprung up by the next morning. "Thank god your father's asleep right now."
And she was already holding the phone away from her ear, cringing away from the receiver as if it were suddenly too hot to hold. "I was on the pill," she said when she put the object back to her ear. "And then I thought I was just late. I...we thought we were being safe."
It was true, they had. Dominic had used condoms when they'd first become intimate, and she'd always been diligent about using her own form of birth control. But the universe had apparently decided to throw a wrench into the gears. Mallory could feel her throat trying to close, and she forced a breath past the lump. "I didn't do it on purpose."
"Well, of course you didn't," her mother said, exasperation making her voice sharp. "But this isn't the first time we've had an accident in this family. I thought you were more responsible." The pregnancy would go a long way towards taking the sting from her cousin's mishap -- after all, no one liked to suffer degradation alone -- but it would come at the expense of Mallory's future, her father's blood pressure, Carolyn's ability to hold her head up in church. Let it be a lesson to Teddy, she thought, to keep his zipper up.
"I assume the father's going to take care of his end of things." Carolyn's fingers swiftly plucked at thread pills on the bedspread. The subject of abortion wasn't raised, as it wasn't a consideration. At two months along, that put them into the summer months. She began to think of the preparations that needed to be made. Did her daughter have adequate health insurance? A good doctor? A place for a baby to sleep? She'd certainly have to get rid of that pick-up truck and buy something more reliable with a back seat. Working out logistics calmed her nerves and kept her from thinking of the more alarming issues.
Carolyn noticed the red chapping on her fingers. Not five minutes before, she'd been washing dishes with no idea of the mess her daughter was in. She put her fist to her mouth to hold in an emotional response.
"He says he's going to help me as much as he can, that he can get a better job and maybe sell his car." She'd dug out Leslie's Miami phone number the night before and put it on the fridge with the help of a magnet. Dom's father wasn't much of a whip-cracking type, but Leslie would put the heat on both her husband and her stepson to make sure things got taken care of. She and Carolyn actually had a lot in common, and Mallory was trusting that she wouldn't be left totally at sea.
"I'm not even showing yet, but the doctor says that's normal and that I might not start to show for another couple of months. I had my last appointment before the new year, and he gave me a bottle of multi-vitamins and suggested some books about pre-natal health care. I put his number where I can always find it, just in case." She knew there was little she could do to reassure her mother at this point, but she was going to try anyway. At least she wasn't just nineteen like Danielle had been.
"I'm healthy," she told Carolyn somewhat meekly. "The baby's healthy. I'm not praying for much more than that right now."
The words floated at Carolyn, but none seemed to sink in. She pictured Mallory at the supermarket, her pregnant belly nudging the push-bar, her basket full of canned goods, instant noodles, snacks to curb her cravings. At the register, she'd pay with a combination of coupons and cash. Would she come up short? Would the father -- what was his name? -- send checks on time, or would the court have to garnish his wages? Would Mallory put the baby in daycare with ten or twenty other children its age, so it could pick up every germ and poor habit? Would her daughter ever get back to school, or find a good man to marry?
"Mallory... I think you should come home." Carolyn nodded. "We can get you in to see Dr. Felts. You could move back into your old room. We'll convert the den into a nursery." Yes, the more she thought of it, the better an idea it was. After all, how could she help Mallory make the best of a bad situation if she was Key West? At home, Mallory could use the family discount at CostCo to buy diapers, formula, and later on, healthy food. She'd never have to worry about affording rent or the utilities.
It was a tempting idea. To return to the safety and security of home before her first trimester was over was a good suggestion, a sane suggestion. Dominic meant well, in general, but even in her kindest moments towards him Mallory recognized the likelihood that he was weak. She wouldn't want a weak man around on a permanent basis, much less trying to help raise any child that was half hers. Once the baby was born, she would only have the energy to bring up the infant, not its father. She'd been careful for a reason.
Then again, she liked the small slice of independence she'd carved out for herself. She had a job that she liked, and Ian was gradually giving her more responsibility as she proved herself capable of handling it. She had picked the Keys at random and then found them peaceful, and she wasn't sure her nerves were currently calm enough for a one-way trip to Kansas. Her mother meant well too, and yet...
"I don't know, Ma," she hedged. "I'm glad you offered, but..."
"But what?" The shrill note was back in Carolyn's voice. The only thing worse than having this happen to her daughter was not doing her part as a mother to fix it. They were strong women. When things got tough, they pulled themselves up by the bootstraps and made do until the situation improved. She doubted she could get a good night's sleep if Mallory didn't come home. It wasn't right for a single, pregnant woman to live by herself, especially when the baby's father, who hadn't even been referred to by name, was so down and out, he'd have to sell his car to help her buy the necessities.
"Oh, I bet I know what. You're too stubborn to come home and take hand-outs." Carolyn stooped to snatch up the socks she dropped. No, her daughter wouldn't take hand-outs, not from family and not from the government. She would dig her heels in and work herself sick to pay for things in that hot, dirty, over-priced tourist trap, sabotaging any chance she had of finishing school and making something of herself.
"I don't want charity." The rest of this conversation was only going to get harder, but better to have it now than keep putting it off. She and her mother were both strong-headed, stubborn women. "Dominic says he's going to help and I believe him. His father owns a couple of electronics stores or something, he can go work there. It's not like I'm really on my own down here, Ma. There's things that can be done even if I don't come home."
"Mallory," she stuffed socks into an over-full drawer and pushed hard against it, "It's expensive down there and that baby deserves to know its family."
Dominic. Carolyn filed the new name away. Had her daughter mentioned having a boyfriend? What else was going on in Key West that she and Mallory's father didn't know about? She ought to go down there, that's what. Go down there to help Mallory get ready for the baby, and see what was what. She pulled her shirttail into place and tried another tactic. "You don't have to move back into the house. You could rent something cheap in town. Brenda Harrell's place is up for rent. You'd have plenty of room and a yard. You think about that."
"I'm thinking about getting a roommate," the redhead said. "I'm going to need a bigger place anyway, so if I find some girl to split the rent with, there's no reason I can't have a yard down here." She sounded petulant and she knew it, a child trying to get her way no matter how little sense it might make to someone else. And there were going to be questions about why she shouldn't - wouldn't - move in with Dom, but she could probably stave those off for the time being.
"I will think about it," she told her mother, because she knew the older woman would worry about her now, even more so than she usually did. "Moving back home, I mean. I would never say that you and Pop shouldn't be part of the baby's life, but I have to give Dom a chance. He says he wants to do the right thing, I want to see if he can live up to that."
There was silence on the line.
Carolyn thumbed through the stack of t-shirts, but she wasn't paying them any mind. She placed her palm flat on them and smoothed a wrinkle out of the top shirt. Lord, how was she going to tell her husband? "Alright," she said, because no matter what she wanted, there was sense in Mallory staying near the baby's father. "We'll want to meet him, of course... And if he doesn't stand up to his responsibilities, well..." Well what? Her husband would carry a shotgun down to Key West? No, that wasn't what she meant, no matter how tempting the thought. "Well, you'll just have to come on home, then, and let us get you situated."
"I'm sorry, Ma." Because her mother was right, she usually was more responsible than this. She could just imagine her father's reaction. "I have another appointment with Dr. Moffett in two weeks. I'll call when that's done so you can stay up to date on what's happening. He's not as old as Dr. Felts, but he's got a lot of diplomas on his wall. I guess that means he knows what he's doing."
"I hope so, Mal." Suddenly exhausted, Carolyn sat on the foot of the bed. She looked at the wedding ring on her finger and bit her cheek thinking of her daughter's empty hand. At least in Florida, they weren't likely to gape at an unwed mother. She wanted to reach out, to say something reassuring, but found it difficult to get the words past her throat. "You take care of yourself now. It won't do you any good to get run down."
"Tell Pop I love him. Teddy too. I'll call as soon as I know anything new."
After her mother said her own goodbyes, Mallory replaced the receiver into the cradle and sat back in the chair. Her throat felt tight, and after a minute or two she began to cry quietly. Was this what the next seven months were going to be like, one hurdle after another? She supposed she'd just have to take things one day at the time. And her parents wanted to meet Dominic. She'd have to tell him so he could prepare himself. She would get through this, one way or the other.