Eva Napier (supersanity) wrote in lost_world, @ 2013-07-17 22:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | !status: complete, eva napier |
Loops and circles (narrative)
Eva was going crazy in this place.
She wasn't used to being treated delicately. She didn't approve of it. She could hear her father's laughter in her head, taunting her for what she had to go through. It wasn't that they opened doors for her. That was fine. It was that they didn't trust her to take care of herself. Or do anything. She couldn't pick out books without somebody trying to foist romances on her, or home journals. She couldn't carry groceries without some dick taking them out of her arms and walking behind her all the way home.
Most of the time, she didn't know where Olivia was. Maybe she'd abandoned Olivia. Or maybe Olivia had abandoned her. Eva couldn't remember. She had flashes of the woman in her memory and couldn't tell if they were recent or from the diner. She couldn't even be totally sure that her interactions with Olivia were things that happened outside of her head.
Insanity was a thing that was hardwired into her DNA. Her parents were both unstable. She knew this. It wasn't news. It wasn't surprising. She saw the genius of them both, but she also couldn't deny the crazy. Look how Jack treated Harley, yet she stayed, or came back, always. Look at Jack's obsessions.
For a long time, Eva had pushed it away, thinking it would never touch her. As she'd gotten older, she had to admit that it was a possibility. And now, she was wondering if she was falling apart completely.
The lack of color didn't help, either. Eva was used to color. Needed it. Well, realized she needed it now that she didn't have it. She'd never thought about it before. Now it was a huge deal.
With everything going on outside, the repression, the gentleness toward her gender, Eva stayed inside most of the time. She would look out her window, the lights off, watching. Wishing that it would all stop. Wondering - once in a while - if she killed herself, if she'd wind up back in Gotham. This all a sick dream. Since she couldn't be sure, she didn't try. Death was not a thing she wanted to experience at this time.
Eva sat on the bed, wondering if Olivia was anywhere nearby. Wondering how many days had passed.