Through the Looking Glass

Jessie was mortified. For a second there, it was as if she forgot where she was, and that this Giles wasn't... her Giles. His eyes had seen the marking on her leg, claiming her... and she'd just blurted out her first thought.

After changing her clothes and cleaning up, she could hear the others downstairs eating pizza and being loud and laughing. They all sure seemed to like to talk about Giles' sex life, to her chagrin. It was unbearable. Not caring it was dark out, and still with the Bowie knife in hand, Jessie decided to hop out the window. She could take care of herself.

Ari stared while she walked down the deserted streets. Wow. Even though San Fran was falling, there were still people out at night in groups, people refusing to accept what was happening. And in groups, in public, it was still mostly safe. Here...everything was dead.

"What the fuck are they thinking?" she muttered, kicking at an abandoned tire. "What's the point, if there's no life around?"

Jessie was wary, keeping her eyes, ears, and senses open. She forced thoughts and emotions away. It was too painful. That wasn't easier for her though. She kept having flashes, but she'd shake her head and force them away.

"Where's a vamp when I need one!" she shouted, itching for a fight.

Ari frowned at the echo, jumping slightly. Was someone trying to commit suicide? She'd heard of that - humans who suddenly seemed to understand what was coming, and who just gave up.

Something went down Jessie's spine. She clutched the knife in her hand, jumped up on a nearby fire escape, crossed the roof, and looked down the side of the building. "Ari," she whispered.

Ari turned around, trying to figure out where the shout had come from. Fucked if she wanted to see some suicidal human torn apart by vampires.

Jessie jumped down, landing right behind Ari. "Looking for a... meal? Probably won't find one out here. All the humans are tucked away in their beds, eating pizza, forgetting about... death and violence for awhile."

Ari jumped backwards, startled. "Who - oh, it's you," She relaxed slightly. "And not in this town...I doubt any of them are forgetting." She looked around and shook her head. "It's a damn shame."

"Yes, it is." There was much Jessie didn't understand about this place.

Ari sighed, and shrugged, before turning her gaze to Jessie. "What are you doing out now? It's late...and dangerous."

Jessie shifted the knife in her hands. "I can take care of myself. I just... can't stay there. But I have nowhere else to go."

Ari looked at the knife, and her eyes raked over the woman. "Maybe you can take care of yourself," she mused.

If Ari knew the half of it. Slowly Jessie began to walk, hoping Ari would join her. "Giles... he said that perhaps tomorrow he'll find an answer in his book to send me back home. I have to hold onto that hope. That or... my family will somehow find me, and come for me."

Ari nodded. "That's why we brought the books. And they were fucking heavy, let me tell you. I had to carry all of them out to the car." Ari made a face.

Jessie smiled a little at that. "Yes, Ethan's always been quite the gentleman."

Ari looked at Jessie, her eyebrow going up. "Either that's sarcastic, or he's way different in your world."

Jessie actually laughed a little at that. "It was sarcastic, trust me."

"Well, he does take some getting used to," Ari said, before she smiled fondly.

Jessie shifted the knife again and decided to change the subject. "So, do you need to... you know, feed?"

"I fed before we left," Ari said, with a shrug. "So I can go a few days, until I get a feel for everything...why?" then the demon did a double-take. "Wait, and - how do you know to ask that?"

Jessie kicked a bottle out of their way and stopped when Ari did. "First question, because I'd help you if you needed it. I know you don't kill anyone, and second question... I know you in my time. We're... we're sort of like family."

The demon looked skeptical. "We're family?" she asked. "But...you don't like Ethan."

Jessie's face tightened. "I hate Ethan."

Ari took a step away from Jessie, involuntarily, and stared at her. "Then...how can we be family?" she asked cautiously.

Jessie saw a bench and nodded at it. She sat down and waited for Ari to join her. "It's hard to explain everything. Ethan... in my world, he hurt everyone. Even you. Terribly. But you and I... we were like sisters. We had bad times, don't get me wrong, and sometimes we fought or had huge misunderstandings, but... I always had a part of you in my heart," she said softly.

Ari tipped her head to the side, looking Jessie over. "Sisters?" she asked, skeptically. "I dunno. You're kinda hot to have sisterly feelings about."

Jessie blinked, then started to blush. She bent her head. "Well, we... it wasn't quite like sisters. Like I said, it was very complicated."

Ari watched the flicker of lust through Jessie's body, and smirked. "See, now that's more like it." The demon walked slowly over to the Slayer - almost prowling - and sat down beside her.

Jessie propped her elbows onto her knees and rested her chin on her hands. "I have to believe that in my time, you and Giles are doing everything you can to find me, and bring me home."

Ari inhaled slightly, taking in Jessie's scent. "Are we lovers?" she purred, leaning in a bit too close to Jessie's ear.

Jessie jumped back and stood up. She held her hands out to Ari. "Ari, like I said, things are very complicated. I'm married. We both respected that Giles is mine, and I am his. But you... you and Giles..." she stammered and went quiet, too upset and confused to put it all into words.

"Giles?" Ari wrinkled her nose slightly. She wasn't entirely sure what Ethan saw in him. He seemed tired and...boring. Ari shrugged, and stood up again. "What about you and me?" she purred.

Jessie's shoulders slumped. She grabbed up her knife again. "Where the hell are all the vampires, for godsakes!"

"Probably enjoying the humans they rounded up earlier," Ari said, with a shrug. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off," she offered.

"You didn't. You... you don't," Jessie said softly. "It just... hurts. I miss you, and I miss my son, and... I miss my husband. And I have to look at his face here, but he doesn't see me. He doesn't know me. He can't feel me... I just feel so alone."

Ari thought about that for a second, and nodded. "Being alone sucks, doesn't it?"

"It hurts worse than anything," Jessie said softly. "That's one thing I've learned. That connection... that love... it's all that matters. This Giles, he's so sad and lonely, and has no real connections... I think if he did, he'd understand what he's fighting for. I... I have to go home."

Ari nodded. "Well, he's working on it. And Ethan says he's really smart."

"He is," Jessie said softly. "Where are you and Ethan staying? And, you and he, you aren't... uh... he's just your father, right?"

Ari gave Jessie a really confused look. "What?" she asked.

Jessie blushed again. "Uh, nevermind. Let me make sure you get back safely."

"You're kinda confusing," Ari said, pointing back towards their rental. "You know that?"

"If you were me right now, you'd be confused too," she said softly. "Everyone here is... some are just like I knew. Ethan is similar. You are younger but... the same. Willow and Xander are vampires, but Oz is still a werewolf. It's like this world is a puzzle, with all the pieces mixed up. They don't fit together like they should."

"Well...if it's a parallel world, you have to figure out what the difference is," Ari said, thoughtfully. "Like...the land of Perpetual Wednesday... or the World Without Shrimp."

Jessie chuckled. "What is it with you and the world without shrimp?"

"Well, I went there on vacation a couple times," Ari said defensively. "I thought it was cool...I even had a t-shirt."

Jessie laughed. "I'm glad I ran into you tonight. I'm sorry I'm so confusing. But... thank you. Thank you for... making me smile."

"Glad to," Ari said with a smile. She hesitated for a second, and then gave Jessie a quick kiss.

Jessie swallowed. She patted Ari's shoulder and then turned and walked away, back to Giles' place.

"If you reconsider," Ari called.

Jessie closed her eyes for a moment and gripped at her knife. Why was Ari so much like the Ari she knew, only not as hardened by life? But Giles... Giles was so different? She tucked the knife into her pants and jumped up to the window of the guest room.

Buffy had gone up to talk to Jessie and found the woman gone. She went back downstairs and avoided Cordelia and Oz, slipping outside to wait in the shadows.

Jessie found the window of her upstairs guest room and tucked her Bowie knife into her jeans so she could jump up and climb back into the house.

"Hey," Buffy said, stepping into the light. "Door works better. Giles yells when I go out the window about giving him a heart attack one day or something. Can we talk?"

Jessie nodded. "Okay."

"You're a Slayer, right?" Buffy asked, leaning against the building wall. She rarely stood with her back facing any open space.

"I told you I was, and I would think after today, that would be sort of obvious. Yes," Jessie continued in a tired voice, "I'm a slayer."

"When you landed, you said you had been shot and grabbed at your chest," Buffy said slowly.

"Landed?" Jessie gave her a confused look. "Oh, you mean when I... ended up here." Jessie nodded. "Yes. I was shot, in the heart. It happened really fast and I couldn't do anything, but... I felt the bullet go in. Then I felt like I was falling... and I ended up here."

"What if you left a body back there," Buffy asked. "You didn't jump universes with the bullet or any injury."

Jessie frowned. She hadn't thought about that, but then she shook her head. "No... this has happened before. The Powers... they made us travel. It's happened before, and we've always found each other again."

"Were you injured when you jumped back and forth?" Buffy asked. "You were shot in the heart. You aren't scratched here."

"I've never been injured, no, but others had..." But that made Jessie think. They'd always retained the injuries. Like the time of the Spanish Inquisition. "I don't understand what you are trying to say."

"If you left a body on the other side, you may need to rely on us and yourself to get back," Buffy said with a shrug.

"Giles is working on it. He said he may have the answer tomorrow," Jessie said. "But I also have faith in my husband. He'll find me. He always has, and he always will." Jessie didn't want to hear any of this negative talk. Hope... it was all she had.

"This is a Hellmouth, things get lost and they don't come back," Buffy said softly. "Until it works out, we could use the help. Not you going off and taking on a nest by yourself. The vampires work in teams and make plans here."

Jessie bit back an angry retort. She realized that Buffy was just trying to help, and to keep her safe. She sighed. "You just don't understand how... how hard it is to be in there," she said softly, swallowing the lump in her throat. "To have him look at me and not know me, to hear about his... life without me. To see him with Ethan." She almost spit out the last about Ethan.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Ethan's one of the resistance leaders in San Francisco. You need a room somewhere else? There's a couple of White Hats that have secure places."

To get another place made Jessie feel like... like she was giving up and that she'd be here forever. "I... I don't know. If Giles finds the answer tomorrow, it would be easier if I were here." But if he didn't find the answer soon, maybe another place was a good idea.

"We joke around a lot, it's that or go nuts," Buffy said. "Why is Sunnydale my fault?"

"Its not your fault," Jessie told her. It was weird. Jessie was 29 years old, almost thirty. Here, Buffy was a teenager. In this reality, Jessie had been the slayer longer. That was mind blowing to Jessie. "How could it be your fault?"

"You said Willow was part of the team, we worked together," Buffy said. "She was turned when I got here. I was supposed to stop the Master?"

Jessie nodded. "Yes. All of you, working together. That's the key, Buffy. You all have to work together. As... as a family. You all seem sort of disconnected here. Giles is separate from you, I don't know if there is something going on between you and Oz or not but... the key was that you all worked together. It wasn't easy, but... it worked."

"I couldn't be here!" Buffy said sharply. "I couldn't fight! I was.... I was hurt and Mom... Look, why do you trust me with him? I got my other Watcher killed."

"It wasn't your fault, Buffy. And its not too late, you know? Sure, it won't be like it was, but it's not over here. Not by a long shot." Jessie tried to soothe her. "Why do I trust you with him?" She frowned. "As he keeps informing me, he's not... my Giles. It's not my place to trust you with him or not. But that being said, I know what's inside of you, and I know what's inside of him, and that's why I believe in you both."

"I can't get near the Master, they're just getting stronger," Buffy said softly. "My mom is.... I have to move her out of LA, the Council barely helps... I didn't ask for this!"

"Buffy, does your mom... does she..." Jessie wasn't sure how to ask this. "Does she have cancer?"

"She's in a chair," Buffy mumbled, kicking a rock from under her foot. "They found out who I was and attacked when we were out. They killed Pike in front of me, very slowly. They thought Mom was killed in the crash but she wasn't. I was..... hurt."

"And that's why you weren't here, in Sunnydale? That doesn't sound like your fault to me. That sounds like the vampires fault, or the Council for not helping you well enough." Jessie shrugged. "Is it my fault I'm here? No. It's fate, or destiny, or the Powers... but its not our fault. Blaming yourself doesn't help, Buffy. It's a distraction you don't need."

"Oz is a werewolf, you're gonna leave, my mom is in danger and we're losing here," Buffy grumbled. "How did you become the Slayer? How did I die in your world? Maybe the next Slayer here would be better."

"Good grief," Jessie lamented. "I'm here, away from my family, never knowing if I'm ever going to see them again. I'm totally alone, and you're having the pity party? And you didn't die in my world," Jessie said, frustrated. "You saved the world several times, and the last time Willow did this spell that made every potential slayer... a real slayer. I already told you before that you were alive."

Buffy frowned. "Willow is some magic type in your world? What if she finds magic here? And don't lecture me, you haven't been Miss Sunshine either. How old are you? What were you doing before you were zapped and became a Slayer? Already out of high school? Had a life?"

Jessie sighed. "I'm not trying to lecture you," she said softly. "I don't presume to know what you're going through here, and you have no idea what I've been through. I'm sure it's been difficult for the both of us."

Buffy shook her head. "Let's get inside. Giles or me has to sit with Oz tomorrow night."

"Buffy, have you talked to Giles about all of your... feelings?" Jessie asked. "He could help you, you know? Like what I said before, about... being a team and being connected. It starts with communication and... openness."

Buffy frowned. "Maybe he was loosened up by the time you met him but have you tried to talk about feelings with Mr. Uptight and British in there?"

Jessie flinched. "I can barely look at him," Jessie said painfully. "And my feelings hardly matter. Not here." Jessie reached for the door, hesitating, and then turned the knob.

"Yeah, noticed that," Buffy said. "Just.... think of him as your guy's twin or something."

Jessie paused. "You know, right now, here in this time, I'm in Texas. In Austin, and I'm probably around 22 or so. I'm not a Slayer yet. I'm living on a farm with my foster parents, who treat me like one of the animals." Jessie looked up at her then. "You have a mother who loves you. You have friends. You have a Watcher that is more loyal and strong and loving than you can ever know. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, take advantage of the good things you do have." Then Jessie turned and went back into the house.

"Tell me that after you get a good look at Sunnydale, Los Angeles and San Francisco," Buffy muttered. "We need a truce, Tex."

"A truce about what? I'm on your side. I'm just trying to get you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and use that energy to kick ass, that's all," said Jessie.

"Yeah, back at you," Buffy growled. "Think of him as.... a twin or something and focus on the fight until we get you out of here."

Jessie blinked. "Focus on the fight? I just spent all day taking out nests, and tonight keeping Ari safe and patrolling."

"I mean tomorrow, give me a break," Buffy said, moving past Jessie into the apartment. "We need another bed in here. Oz, we're on the pullout. Cordy, Giles has a cot in the closet."