who: Snape and Lily when: night of the 29th / early morning of the 30th where: Forbidden forest/groundkeepers hut what: Snape saved Lily's life ... now they talk face to face. COMPLETE!
The Supreme Lord, had, small miracle, not ordered a manhunt of the entire forest. It would be futile at this point. Death Eaters were swarming, but Severus, long used to staying calm under pressure, did not show even the slightest bits of hesitation; every movement he made was coordinated perfectly with the rest of the Death Eaters.
Several hours later, in the pitch black of 3am, Severus slipped into the hut again, the grounds trampled, but empty. James Potter's body would likely be paraded around each of the towns before coming to lie on display at the Ministry. Severus only hoped the Supreme Lord questioned Sirius Black heavily about why James Potter might have been on the grounds. Even he did not know, so unless it was a super covert Order mission, James Potter had been exceptionally stupid.
He worked quickly inside the hut, warding the door and covering the window. A silencing charm completed things and he debricked the fireplace and carefully levitated the deer out. He left the front limbs bound together, but released the other ropes before releasing the binding curse. Even if she morphed, the ropes would hold her arms bound. He had to make certain before releasing her fully; not to mention he didn't trust her to not run the second she could, or harm him.
"Lily," he said quietly. "Lily, I'm not going to hurt you."
~*~*~
Lily had laid in the fireplace miserable and terrified for hours. She couldn't pretend to know what Severus wanted to do with her, why he had whisked her away instead of doing what he ought to as a supporter of Voldemort. That was, quite honestly, the least of her concerns as she lay stiff and frozen in the dark. Memories of her time with James swam in her head; How many years of loving each other had they missed out on, because Lily hadn't taken a liking to him in first year? Why hadn't James grown up sooner, so they could've got together before their seventh? How would Harry react, when he hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye? Over time the body bind wore off enough that tears could finally fall, and they didn't stop until Lily fell into a groggy stupor that might have been sleep.
She woke when light filtered through to her hiding place. A gentle nudge of magic moved her from the fireplace and her heart started to beat wildly again. Once most of the ropes were gone, she transformed slowly back into herself. Hagrid had written about his hut in the journals and how fond he was of it, but Lily knew it would always be associated with this. Instead of going for her wand, Lily raised her bound hands to her face and rubbed at her eyes. "Why not?" Lily asked in a too-calm voice.
Severus looked different. Older, more mature, more harrowed than Lily remembered. She supposed that the same could be said of her, although the coating of soot from the fireplace certainly wouldn't have helped matters. Lily sat up and wriggled so her back was against the wall, not feeling strong enough to bolt out the door. She tilted her head back and focused on the rough log roof of the cabin. "I'm not going to hex you if you free my hands," she stated despondently. Whether she would hex James' murderer, well, that was another story entirely.
~*~*~
She was beautiful, still, soot in her hair and everything. He gaped at her when she asked him why, murmuring the words over again. "Why not, why not? I never could." He paused then said, "I'm sorry, Lily. For everything. There's been so much done wrong that I've been trying to hold on to making right."
It was the first time he'd admitted that to anyone, and he rubbed a hand over his face, exhausted.
He watched her after she said she wouldn't hex him. He didn't remove the bindings, but moved so he was sitting on the floor across from her.
"I've been able to read Order wards for the past 16 years."
~*~*~
Lily didn't want to start crying because it felt like if she started again she would never, ever stop. Still, the regret in Severus' voice served as a reminder of all the things that had gone wrong since they had last seen each other, and it was very hard not to give into the tears. Marlene, Benjy, Dorcas, Moony, Emmy. There were other names, but those were the ones that hurt the most. James. Lily clenched her jaw and turned her face away. How had her once-best friend ended up on the other side of things? Lily had warned him and he hadn't listened, but then, he had warned her too.
"All anyone ever seems to do is wrong," Lily said quietly. She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice, it was impossible to think about the good things right then. "How could you make anything right? You're still his," she added, realising that he wasn't going to let her go until she had heard him out. If Severus was going to let her go.
She held her hands out stubbornly, but the bindings remained. Her hands dropped the moment he told her about the Order wards. She shook her head, confused. "No," she disagreed, "no you can't. It's not-- You can't. Why?" It wasn't a revelation she would ever have expected. It wasn't possible.
~*~*~
"I'm sorry" he said again, and his voice was harsh and broken. She had loved James - more than she could have ever loved him. She'd just heard him murdered, and now he was holding her hostage, and asking her to go on nothing but his word.
"Where's Harry?" he asked quietly. "I know you planned to kidnap Sirius Black's children."
The bindings would stay on; he felt it was more for her safety than his. If she tried to run, if she tried anything, he'd be forced to stop her, to harm her in doing so. He just wanted her to know he would keep her safe - always.
~*~*~
Apologies weren't going to do any good, especially not when she didn't even know what it was for. Sirius had done things to have a place in society, things that they never talked about but that seemed to haunt him and permeate all of their conversations. What has Severus, son of a Muggle, done to still be in the magical world? Lily didn't want to think about it.
What were they doing to James? Lily stared blankly at the space around her. Harry's name called her back to reality. "Home," Lily replied, hoping that if he had woken and found his parents gone, he would have had the sense enough to send off a patronus. "We were only going to be out for an hour. He wasn't going to know," she admitted.
Severus knew about the kidnapping plan. Lily felt like she had been doused with a bucket of cold water. "You can't know that," she snapped quickly, "who told you?" There had to be a spy, or someone who had carelessly mentioned something to someone. Severus couldn't read the wards, he would never swap sides.
~*~*~
"Gone for an hour ..." Severus mused. "Not doing something for the Order, unless you got more careful with your warding, though I've been glad there's enough trust left in the Order to leave the wards loose. Makes it easier on my end."
He stopped and shook his head. He was nervous, Lily was making him nervous, and stalling for time. "I'll get you home, though, get you home to Harry. No one had to tell me, Lily. I could read it myself. I've been able to be a part of anything related to the Order since -" he took a deep breath. "Since the prophecy. I'm a spy for the Order, on Dumbledore's orders."
~*~*~
She had only just started to use general Order wards. Padfoot had needed to cling to that part of himself, even if no one else was supposed to know. Others had either been careless or followed her lead, but it had been safe because she could trust James' best friend. Severus was never supposed to be part of the equation.
Lily listened to him sceptically. Get her home to Harry to what end, so they could figure out the location of the Potter home? Twenty years of thinking of Severus as a friend who had turned dark couldn't just vanish. "What do you know about the Prophecy?" Lily asked urgently as her eyes met Severus' for the first time. Prophecy talk, at least, had been warded to specific people.
~*~*~
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches … Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies … " Severus recited. "I overheard it that night, back in 1980. I told it to my Lord, and he intended to go after you and the Longbottoms." Severus would blame her if she hated him forever for that. He'd been trying to make up for it for 18 years and hadn't gotten anywhere.
"I informed Dumbledore of the plans so he could urge both families to go into hiding. From that moment on, I was his spy," there was a scowl, a disgusted spitting on Dumbledore's implied name. He had used him, and for what? Finding out about Sirius hadn't been as shocking as he thought it might have been, it only fueled his hatred of the man. Finding out that Dumbledore thought someone else capable of living a double life as perfectly as Severus had for the past 18 years hurt. He didn't know when Sirius had become a spy for Dumbledore, but the man had a way of getting his hooks into you and never letting go.
"I've given him information on key players when I can, though with recent developments, my hands have been tied."
He stopped talked and looked at Lily intently. "I promised not to kill you because I never could. Not then, not now."
~*~*~
...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives. The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies. Lily finished off the rest of the prophecy in her own head. She knew it off by heart, but it was a surprise that Severus did, too. Lily pulled her knees up to he chest and pressed her face into them, trembling as she listened to the rest of Severus's story.
He was the reason they had been hunted. Lily's shoulders shook with sobs. In telling Voldemort, Serverus had sentenced Harry to a life of exclusion and pressure. He had been responsible for the Potters' isolation. And yet, Lily couldn't even hate him because he had just saved her life and prevented Harry from being a complete orphan.
"Harry's never had a life because of that prophecy. My friends... James... all because of that stupid thing," Lily cried tearfully. Her head felt like it had so much pressure in it that it was going to explode. He was Albus's spy. Albus knew. Albus had forced it onto Sirius's shoulders for no reason, and let Lily think badly of Severus for so many years. He had known. "Why is my life worth more than anyone else's?" she mumbled into her knees.
~*~*~
In a gesture of tenderness that could be said to only have been reserved for Lily, he moved next to her, and gently pulled her hair out from her face. He lowered her still-bound hands, and looked her in the eye, "I know."
He continued speaking softly, "Your family is the only thing He has ever feared." He slid his wand out and looked at it carefully for a minute before glancing back up at Lily. "Do you trust me to see you home? To Harry?"
One couldn't Apparate on the grounds; he had to get her beyond the reaches of the wards.
~*~*~
Severus' actions could hardly be considered insignificant. Lily knew he wasn't the type to placate anyone and the comfort he offered reminded her that this wasn't the time or the place. She had to keep her head. She wouldn't have been able to accept it if Severus had offered up excuses, or tried to diminish his responsibility.
The idea that Voldemort feared the Potters was still almost humorous, even though they had spent sixteen years training themselves and Harry. She knew it was true, though. "Just to the end of the wards. Then I can Apparate," Lily respponded. She didn't seem to have many options. Hopefully Severus still wasn't the type to needlessly play with his food before eating it.
"What time is it?" Lily asked, wondering how much longer she would have the cover of darkness.
~*~*~
"Three am," Snape said curtly.
He waved his wand and the bindings on her hands disappeared. "I am going to transfigure you into a cat," he said. "Small enough to get through the gate. I won't walk you there myself, but I will watch. Once you are through, I will transfigure you back." He didn't need to add "Apparate immediately," she knew she would have to do that. He expected that she wouldn't go straight to wherever she was hiding with Harry, and he knew if he wanted to, he could put a magical Trace on her that would at least lead him to the location of her safe house.
"Write me when you're safe," he added. This wasn't how he expected the first conversation in 16 years to go, and he knew he'd likely never have a chance again, but he wasn't the sort for goodbyes. "Lily, if there is anything in my life I could have done over again, it was handing you to Him; if indeed the Order is too encumbered by Dumbledore and takes other measures, as you have been discussing, I would like to still have the opportunity to help make it right."
He left off the "I love you," figuring that telling a woman who had just watched her husband slaughtered and then been held prisoner for several hours that he loved her, that he had never stopped loving her, that he loved her completely now would do nothing but push her away. He needed her to continue to give him access. Not so much that he would give information to Voldemort (though he should, and it ate at him constantly, the betrayal of everything he thought was right), but that he could protect them Lily; especially if Dumbledore could not.
~*~*~
Lily rubbed her wrists, even though the bindings hadn't been tight enough to hurt. The potions in her pocket, two vials of Polyjuice, weren't going to provide a safe enough getaway. To be turned into a cat meant she had to trust Severus enough to believe he would turn her back. Lily considered her options for a few moments before nodding. Severus could transfigure her and she could write when she got home, although without James it didn't feel like she would ever truly be safe again.
"I don't think there will be a choice about the Order for much longer. Without Albus to share what he needs to, we can't function," Lily said quietly. She didn't know how or why Albus was unable to speak, but the thought of stitching the Order back together and making it strong without the elderly man was daunting. "You would have to swear. You would have to swear to never, never use what you know against us," she stated firmly.
There was just one last question before Lily let herself be changed into a cat. "Who killed him and... what's going to happen to his body?" The pitch of Lily's voice increased but she willed herself not to cry again.
~*~*~
"I can see him, speak to him," Severus said. He was a Death Eater, he'd be allowed access to the man. "That is all I can do, talk to him for you. Find out what he wants us to do next." All the times he could have said something regarding the Order. Alice, Sirius, even the bank robbery. Everything he could have said and never did, and how much it hurt to not say it. He had promised Albus, and he'd kept that promise - not for Dumbledore, but Lily. To keep her safe. Any bit of Order information could lead Him right to her.
"Whatever it takes to prove myself to you, I will do."
He didn't want to answer about James, didn't want to tell her, but he answered, very crisply, "A Death Eater and Professor by the name of Igor Karkaroff." He didn't answer the other bit, he couldn't be the one to put those images in her head. They would degrade him, abuse him, drag him through the streets, and then display him, a prize trophy. He'd certainly cost a lot of money, they weren't just going to dispose of him quietly.
"If you are ready." He raised his wand.
~*~*~
Lily was so very sick of waiting for word from Albus. The stretches of months they could sometimes go without visits, all the while being promised that it was for the best. That they had to bide their time. That there was a plan. "Him talking to you won't let new members read Order wards, or new Banished know the location of the school," Lily explained, "but you're welcome to try." He wouldn't get a straight answer, no one ever did, and by now Lily felt she deserved one more than most.
Actions speak louder than words, she wanted to tell him. But hadn't he, just tonight, kept her from being found? Hadn't he also refused to resort to physically abusing the Hogwarts students? There still had to be more, she couldn't trust his loyalty completely yet. Maybe to her individually, because of the memory he held of her as a child, but it wasn't enough. Not yet. She nodded, knowing that another opportunity would arise.
Severus' reluctance to answer about James told her everything she needed to know. He would not be allowed to rest, he wouldn't be permitted dignity in his death. She bowed her head sorrowfully. "I'm ready," she said simply.
~*~*~
He said nothing as he turned her into a cat, opened the door to the hut and then sealed it behind him. Dumbledore was dying, that much he knew. Dumbledore was dying, and had been caged like an animal. He had a feeling Voldemort only allowed him to live because he hoped the old man would lead him to Harry. He'd given Dumbledore the school in an effort to build up a relationship with Dumbledore, and Severus wondered if Voldemort blamed the old man for Draco's disloyalty.
"Goodbye, Lily," he said as the cat headed off the gates.
~*~*~
Lily let out a small mew as a thank you and took a few faltering steps as she got used to the cat body. Soon she was racing across the grounds as fast as a cat should. It took just a few minutes to reach the familiar iron gates and big boar statues. Lily sheltered against one of them as she turned back into a worn-looking witch. The very moment that her hands were no longer paws, she Apparated.
Llangollen, Devon, Aberdeen, Skye, Edinburgh, Glascow, Carlisle, where she drank the Polyjuice down with a grimace. Once she was a plain-looking brunette, she Apparated again to tiny villages, big cities, and an assortment of towns. Finally, Lily Apparated to just outside the tiny Potter home, and went inside.
She hadn't thought that she would be returning home alone, and now she had to tell Harry.