Gemma B.E. Higgs (travellingstar) wrote in lazarustheic, @ 2017-06-04 19:23:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !thread, character: adrian pucey, retired character: gemma higgs |
who ? Gemma Higgs & Adrian Pucey
when ? Sunday 4th June, morning
where ? Adrian's place
what ? Trying to tell Adrian the 'big news'
warnings/rating ? sfw
status ? completed in docs
Gemma had hoped that by asking on Friday to see Adrian today that in the time between she might've come up with how she could tell him the news, or at least come up with several options just in case. Luck was not on her side. It also didn't help that the previous night had been the end of season gala and she'd had to make nice with everyone despite the whirlpool of thoughts in her mind. So standing on the doorstep of Adrian's place she was in no better place to give news then she had been after getting the news herself. Her mind fraught with worry as it went through all the possible scenarios as to how this would go. Ideally she would've liked waiting until her own mind had come to terms with the news before telling Adrian anything, but time wasn't exactly on her side - not when the Healer had informed her that as far as she could tell Gemma was already about four weeks along. Gemma sighed thinking how just the other day they'd been talking about a lovely tropical holiday and now... this. After taking yet another deep breath she finally knocked on the door, sincerely hoping that when it did open that Adrian didn't immediately suspect something was up. When she heard the doorknob turning she mustered up her best smile. "Hey," she said the moment she saw Adrian's face, her voice sounding more cheerful than she currently felt. "How are you?" -- Adrian didn't really suspect anything when Gemma had asked to meet up with him. It wasn't atypical to have his girlfriend want to see him, after all. He figured that she just wanted to make sure that he was free and they could plan out breakfast or the rest of the day together. He wasn't really suspecting anything even after he opened the door and caught sight of her. Her smile was a little dimmer than he was used to, but Adrian thought that it was a lot to do with the fact that she'd been so busy with Quidditch and training that it had finally caught up with her. "Hey," he replied, flashing her a grin and taking a second to tell her a proper hello with a little kiss. Motioning for her to come in, he stepped aside and let her do so. Closing the door behind them, he moved towards the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?" he offered. "Breakfast? Or we could go out if you like," he added as an afterthought. Maybe she wasn't in the mood for his attempts at breakfast. He wasn't a terrible cook, but he probably was a clear second to someone who actually got paid to cook for people. -- The little kiss made her feel a bit happier, even if it did made her think again on how Adrian was going to take the news - if she could even muster the nerve to mention it today. After he'd closed the door Gemma followed Adrian to the kitchen. "Maybe some tea?" she asked. When Adrian added the suggestion of going out she shook her head. "No, breakfast here is fine. I'm confident you can rustle up a good breakfast" Gemma was sure that Adrian's cooking was fine enough; besides, if they went out she wasn't sure she'd have any better luck telling him than what she did now. -- "Coming right up," Adrian said with a little grin as he moved to collect a few items. He set those on the table, then filled a kettle and set it on the stove to boil. While that started, he opened the refrigerator to decide what he might make her that morning. "How does French toast sound?" he asked her once he made sure he had all of the ingredients on hand. It didn't take a rocket scientist to make French toast which was a lucky thing, he thought. -- "French toast sounds good to me," she answered as she sat don at the table. Gemma watched a little as Adrian moved about the kitchen and wondered just how she was supposed to tell him. She wasn't sure there was all that much benefit in going with the 'ripping the bandaid off' method and just straight up saying - there was going to be shock with the news either way. There were just as many pros and cons to working up and giving him the news; not least of all chickening out and not actually telling him. Couple all that with the fact she still had no idea what she was going to do yet, and it made for a pretty miserable and confused state of mind. The only thing she was sure of was the one thing she was currently having trouble with: telling Adrian. They were taking things slow and it was really great, and now... this. "How've you been?" she asked, having discarded the idea of just practically blurting it out. -- "Wonderful," Adrian said, collecting a few more dishes out so he could start working on that French toast. Gemma was more quiet than usual, he realized as he moved about getting a pan warmed up and getting a milk, eggs, and cinnamon-sugar concoction mixed up. When she came up with the question that she did, it was almost odd. Sure, she'd asked him how he was doing before, but maybe it was the tone of her voice, or the way it sounded like she was trying to make small talk. Either way, he worried a little. He didn't like to overread into situations, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on in Gemma's head. He looked up at her. "I've been alright," he said. "Can't complain. Glad for the day off, though. And glad to get some time with you." Adrian let his eyes meet hers then. "Are you doing alright, Gemma?" he questioned. -- "That's good. Well, Sundays , weekends in general, should be enjoyed rather than having to work," she commented, unaware that Adrian had been studying her. Weekends should be enjoyed and not need to give way to serious thoughts or talking. Gemma couldn't help but slightly flinch at the question. She should've expected it since she'd asked how he was but it was still unexpected. She could lie and say she was fine, but it would hardly be believable when she really didn't feel it at all, and she suspected by his tone that he was perhaps a little more concerned than normal. "I-I'm..." There. She couldn't even get past that to say 'I'm fine but...', or hold his gaze for long before looking away. "I... I might've had an ulterior motive in asking to see you today, and not the usual kind," she said with a nervous chuckle, looking down at the table and letting her eyes trace the grain of the wood. "There's something... only I d-don't know how..." -- She wasn't holding his gaze and she said she was fine 'but' which was never a good lead up. Her mention of an ulterior motive had him worrying a little. She was nervous, that much he could tell, and that worried him. He glanced over as the kettle sounded and moved to turn the heat off underneath it. He poured their tea and moved to slide hers across to her before settling in beside her with his own. The rest of breakfast could wait until she'd gotten out what she needed to tell him. "Just tell me," he said, giving her a reassuring little smile. "Obviously it's something important or it wouldn't be worrying you the way it is. Whatever it is, everything'll be alright." -- Gemma wasn't so sure that everything would be alright. No matter what direction she took after telling Adrian it wouldn't be without tough decisions and choices - none of which she'd even managed to even remotely decide about yet. She did appreciate that he was trying to make her feel better though. Gemma took a calming breath before finally speaking. "I don't think I really let on that I've been feeling kind of sick for the past week, but I have, and I was a little worried since it didn't really seem to be getting any better - so I went to St Mungo's on Friday..." She paused there, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to tell him. "The Healer said that everything was fine and that there wasn't anything unusual about my symptoms and that... that they were to be expected given my..." Gemma sighed shakily turning her gaze to her hands that were currently wrapped around the cup though she was hardly aware of the warmth emanating from it. "I... I'm pregnant," she finally admitted, and still unable to look Adrian in the eye. -- When she started talking about how she hadn't been feeling well, Adrian became a bit more worried. He'd thought she wasn't really feeling herself, but the thought that she might actually be sick had him watching her and waiting for whatever she'd learned. Knowing that her illness, whatever it was, had been bad enough to make her go to St. Mungo's wasn't really calming his fears, but he didn't interrupt her. She still didn't look at him as she continued on. He wasn't sure what he expected her to say, but when she finally came out and said she was pregnant, Adrian just blinked. For a man who planned everything out down to the finest detail, pregnancy wasn't something that he expected to happen. He, of course, knew that there were always unexpected occurrences, but pregnancy wasn't something he ever really thought he'd fall into accidentally. As much as the admittance was terrifying in its own right, Adrian knew that Gemma must have been scared half to death. The way she clutched the cup and kept her eyes on her hands around it gave that away. He let out a breath and reached out to gently brush her hair behind her ear. "How far along?" -- Gemma appreciated that Adrian had let her get it all out uninterrupted; she wasn't sure she'd have been able to say it as well if he'd been asking questions as she tried to get to the point of it all. The slight downside to it though was that she wasn't sure how he was taking the news, and as much as she wanted to look at him she was scared of seeing what emotion was in his eyes. Her eyes closed at the simple action of having her hair brushed back. Basking in the affection from that she almost missed his question. "The healer said I was about four weeks along," she replied quietly. It was strange feeling just as nervous and worried as she was before, even though she thought there'd be a greater sense of relief at telling Adrian the news. Except there wasn't. And still she wasn't any closer to discovering how Adrian felt, or even what it was she wanted to do about the pregnancy. There was time but it hardly seemed enough time to figure it out considering whatever decision she made it would have a huge impact on her life no matter what. -- Adrian wasn't really sure how he was taking the news either. There were so many things that were up in the air that he was trying to sort through in his mind. Mostly, he was just concerned for Gemma and what all of this meant for her. He knew that her career was important to her and he knew that a pregnancy might mean the end of that career, no matter what they chose to do going forward. He nodded at her response. Realizing he couldn't be as close to her as he would have liked given their present position in the kitchen, he moved to collect their mugs. "Come on, Geebee, let's go to the living room. Can't really hold you in here the way I want to." If she wanted him to, he realized as he moved toward the door that led to the living room. For all he knew, the last thing she wanted was for him to touch her. "Do you know what you'd like to do?" he asked her. He didn't want to ask her if she wanted to keep the baby because Adrian really didn't want her to tell him 'no'. He wasn't sure what he could say if she decided that was how she felt, but he knew he didn't want that choice to come to pass. Leading her through to the living room, he set the mugs down on the coffee table and sat on the sofa, looking up at her as she passed in front of it. "I'm not upset, Gemma," he added, realizing he probably should have said that before. "It's not like you were alone when this happened," he reminded her. "Are you upset?" They hadn't been together a very long time, he knew, but there was little that could be done to prevent something that had already happened. -- Regardless of what choice she made Gemma was aware it would mean the likely end of her career. It made her feelings all the more conflicted. Quidditch had, for a very long time, been pretty much all she'd wanted. And now it was looking as if she might not have even that for much longer. When he suggested moving to the living room Gemma mustered up as much of a smile as she could at that moment. She wasn't sure it would make her feel that much better, but she hoped it might, and at least there wouldn't be the appearance of them being separated because of the table between them. She blinked before shaking her head silently when he asked if she knew what she'd like to do. So far she'd only managed to decide that she needed to tell Adrian the news; there wasn't yet any inkling in her mind of anything else yet. Or at best every such option and choice was swimming around that it only made the matter all the more confusing for her. Gemma let out a breath when Adrian said that - relieved that he wasn't upset as much of a shock as it was. She pondered the question as she sat down next to him on the sofa opening her mouth to answer but then closing it almost immediately after when she couldn't instantly think of the answer. "I don't know. It's all... I think I feel too overwhelmed to be properly upset at the moment," she replied. -- When she sat down beside him, Adrian slid his arm around Gemma. His fingers brushed comfortingly over her shoulder and he pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head. Adrian knew that this was much more difficult a circumstance for her than it was for him. She was the one that would have to give up control of her body for the next eight months if she chose to go through with the pregnancy. That meant Quidditch would be out of the question next season. Given the fact that she already was scrutinized about her age, it was unlikely that there would be a return to Quidditch after the fact. Whether Gemma was interested in giving up Quidditch or not, the decision may have already been made for her. Adoption would still mean the end of her career. The least pleasant of the three options, one he chose to not even think about, would still come with concerns and both emotional and physical turmoil. "No matter what, we're in this together, Gemma," he told her, resting his cheek against the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere. We can work it out, weigh the options, figure out what's best together. You're not alone." Adrian wanted her to be absolutely reassured of that fact. Maybe he didn't have to carry the child, but he wanted to carry some of the weight of the circumstance. "Do you want to talk about the options or do you just want to breathe for a little while?" -- Gemma chewed her lip while she pondered what Adrian said. Part of her had wanted to just bask for a little while at the affection he was giving her. Instead all she seemed to be capable of thinking of was how nice and seemingly calm he was being about the announcement. Certainly, it was a lot nicer than him being upset with her, but there was a very very small part of her that was oddly irked by it. Not that it showed, but she couldn't help but think that it felt somehow unfair given how overwhelmed she felt right now. Such feelings probably weren't helped by the fact that regardless of not having made any decisions yet, Gemma didn't want Adrian to feel obligated that he had to look after her and the baby if she decided to keep it. The last thing she'd want to do was potentially ruin his life because he decided to stay out of some sense of duty. So she didn't comment on any of what he'd said, and had just nodded along as if in agreement. Gemma didn't want to start saying the first things that came to mind and end up snapping at him. So a little time to think on it before any of that would be nice. "Some time to breathe would be nice I think," she said quietly. "I don't know that I could really make any decision right now about anything, even if it is just talking things over." -- Adrian felt plenty overwhelmed but his literal job was to not let himself appear that way. He got paid to handle problems and unforeseen circumstances. As much as he wasn't fond of surprises and as much as an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy was going to throw a wrench into all of his well laid plans, Adrian couldn't allow himself to fall apart. He was too concerned with making sure that Gemma wasn't falling apart to even think about his own feelings or to project them towards her. When she spoke, requesting time to breathe, Adrian nodded. "Okay," he agreed. He couldn't really argue with her and didn't want to force her to talk about things before she was ready. Adrian rarely found himself in a position where he didn't know what to say, but it was quickly becoming that sort of situation. He was quiet for a long moment, then let out a breath. "Are you angry with me?" he asked her. Regardless of her birth control potion, he could have taken other measures to ensure that something like this didn't happen. Maybe that was why she was so quiet and so obviously overwhelmed. "It's alright if you are, you have the right to be angry. I could have done more to prevent all of this." For all he knew, she might think that he'd single handedly ruined her life. -- Gemma was grateful when Adrian agreed with letting her have some time before they talked over any options. Of course she wasn't sure she'd feel any less overwhelmed before they'd actually talk or really any less so after they did. "What? No!" It was the only thing she was actually a hundred percent sure about at the moment. As undecided as she was about her feelings, and any decisions and choices that lay down the road, Gemma was certain she wasn't the least bit truly angry with Adrian. "I'm not angry with you," she said, shaking her head slightly. When he said he could've done more to prevent this Gemma frowned slightly because she couldn't see how else it could've been avoided - unless they had actually decided to not ever have sex. "I don't think there's really anything you could've done though," she told him. "I mean, you weren't the one who went and forgot when they were supposed to be taking a birth control potion." -- Adrian was glad that she wasn't angry with him. She seemed adamant about that fact and it made him relax considerably. "There were always condoms," he pointed out. He hadn't exactly rushed out to buy some. Whether he had reason to or otherwise, it was always an option for him. It was an option that he hadn't taken. "It doesn't much matter now, though," he said. Condoms and birth control didn't matter at all presently. Gemma was well and surely pregnant and going over the what ifs helped nothing. He wasn't even upset that Gemma had forgotten her potion. The scandal with Quidditch was reason alone to be completely sidetracked. "I hope you're not blaming yourself for this," he told her. "I don't blame you and I don't think you should blame yourself either. You've been going through a lot and had a great deal on your mind. You're not the first woman to forget a potion, I can assure you of that." -- Gemma supposed Adrian had a point there. Although it wasn't one that had occurred to her before, but then why would it whe she more often than not relied on magical means for most things in life. She nodded, Adrian was right, it hardly mattered now that the she was pregnant. She could go over all the what ifs she'd like but it wouldn't change anything, and she had enough on her plate now that worrying about what she could've done differently wasn't going to help either of them. "But I've never forgotten before! I've always remembered to take it around the time the season ends. A-and now there's this, and I don't know what to do," she said, her voice wavering as she started getting more emotional. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to take care of a baby. And then there's.... I won't have Quidditch any more..." "What am I supposed to do?" she asked shakily, looking at Adrian as she sniffled and wiped at her eyes. -- The more emotional Gemma became, the more Adrian wanted to snap his fingers and make things better. He didn't have many answers for her, but that didn't mean that he wasn't going to try and make her feel better if he could. "You can't beat yourself up over forgetting something, Gemma. Last season there wasn't the scandal and the press and it's not like you didn't have other things on your mind taking up the space where remembering was." The not knowing what to do was something he could relate with because he didn't really know what to do either, but he knew there were options. The bit about Quidditch was more touchy. "I don't think anyone as a first time parent truly knows what to do with a baby or how to take care of one. That's something we'd just have to learn." Which he fully intended to do so with as many books and other sources as he could if it came to keeping the child, but he knew there were other options that were at Gemma's disposal if she chose them. He let out a breath and reached up to gently cup her cheek. "I know that I said that we could wait and let you breathe first, but do you want to keep the baby?" he asked her simply. They didn't have to decide anything further than that, but moving further with the conversation, at least where Quidditch was concerned, relied greatly on making at least that decision. He didn't want to give his opinion on the matter and sway her one way or the other, but the tone of his voice said he didn't really want to consider abortion if at all possible. -- "I know... but I keep a calendar so I don't forget! And all my dates and everything are on there in red writing and all, so I don't forget," she said, her voice sounding sniffly and slightly raspy. "Well, I don't exactly have it now because I might've torn that page up but... I'm usually so good at remembering it anyway but I just forgot..." That had been the whole point of the calendar, to be her backup for when she couldn't quite remember, but she hadn't remembered and she'd forgotten the calendar, and now - well, now she was pregnant. Gemma nodded when Adrian explained that no one really knew what to do the first time around, though it didn't stop the prospect from being so terrifying to her. There was no instant calmness the moment she felt him cup her cheek but it did somehow help make her feel a little bit better. Wiping at her eyes and nose, she focused back on Adrian and thought about what he asked. Did she want to keep the baby? She wasn't sure if she did or not. Though the more the question swirled around her head the more she got a sense, however vague, that she wasn't sure she could handle an abortion. The procedure and such she'd be fine with; but the emotions, thoughts, questions, and constantly wondering what could've been that would follow after? She wasn't sure she could handle that any better, if at all, than she was handling things now. And it would always be this thing that would loom between her and Adrian and... no, she didn't want that. "I don't really know," she answered with a sniffle. "But... well, I don't think I could just get rid of it. -- Adrian gave her an understanding look. Had the roles been reversed, he'd likely be saying all the things that she was saying now. He understood why she was upset with herself, but it didn't really change what happened. It didn't magically make her not pregnant. Now that she was, they were just going to have to move on from that point. As she pondered over his question, he could almost see wheels turning in her head. When she said she didn't think she could get rid of the baby, he heaved a relieved sigh. "I'm glad you feel that way," he admitted. "I know that it's not my body and I don't really have much of a say in the final choice because, again, it's not my body, but I don't think I want you to want to do that either." He knew how much his parents had wanted children and the measures necessary for them to accomplish that goal. Ending a pregnancy because it had been unplanned had never been something he wanted for himself or any woman he may have been involved with. The thought of his mothers did have him worrying considerably about parenthood. As much as he wanted to be a good parent, should they aim to raise the child, he wasn't sure he really knew how to be a good father. His mothers were stellar at being mothers, but neither of them could tell him how to be a father. They couldn't lead him in the direction that he should go because they were mothers and not fathers. "I know that we didn't plan for this to happen, but I care about you very much, Gemma. When I think about my future, you're always in it. So maybe the future's a little closer now than it was in my pondering. Can't we figure this out together? Make it work?" -- Gemma looked at Adrian curiously when she heard the sigh of relief but there wasn't any need to wonder when he started talking again. It looked as if on this matter they were on the same page at least, which was of some comfort. The last thing wanted, or needed, right now was for them to get into an argument over differing opinions of what to do or not do. "That's one decision made, only a million more to go," she said with a nervous chuckle, though she was far from feeling at all amused really. Suddenly it was as if the subject they were talking of had shaken a memory loose, a rather important one, and Gemma inwardly winced at it. Gemma had just remembered what her brother and Sara had gone through losing their baby. The sudden realisation that sometime soon she was going to have to tell her family was nerve-wracking, but more importantly she didn't know how she was going to be able to tell her brother and she couldn't help but start worrying about how he'd take the news. She could only hope that whatever the reaction that he wouldn't be too disappointed in her. She wanted so much to just throw caution to the wind and say yes, but the niggling thought that he might only be staying because she was pregnant with his child wouldn't leave her alone. "I... you don't have to stay just because of the baby or... or some sense of duty. I don't... I wouldn't want to ruin your life just because I got pregnant," she said, her voice wavering at the thought of not having Adrian. But she didn't want him to stay with her, help her, because he felt some sort of obligation towards her. -- Adrian was glad to have one decision made, even if there were a million others to go. It made things a little easier to know that he wouldn't have to consider the least pleasant option available to them. When she told him that he didn't have to stay because of the baby or a sense of duty and then went on to talk about ruining his life, he frowned at her. "I know I don't have to stay," he told her. "I want to stay. I want to be with you. That hasn't changed because you're pregnant. I don't suddenly want you in my future because you're carrying my child. I wanted you in my future before I knew that," he pointed out. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't out of a sense of duty, but he knew there was at least a piece of him that felt that duty to provide for his child and for Gemma, but that wasn't the only reason for what he'd said. "You're not ruining my life by being pregnant," he assured her again, cupping her face and letting their eyes meet so she would understand that he meant what he was saying. "I want to be here, baby or no baby. I promise. Okay?" -- As he told her he really did want to stay, that it wasn't just because of her carrying his child, Gemma tried biting down on her lip so that she wouldn't cry or even sniffle. Because those feelings seemed to be happening with far more frequency than she cared for, and she didn't want to be the kind of pregnant woman that just cried all the time at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately, she could feel something wet sliding down her cheek as he continued to assure her that as much of a shock as it was that he wanted to see it through for more than the fact she happened to find herself pregnant with his child. Gemma couldn't help but close her eyes at first when she saw him reach out to cup her face. She didn't know if could quite look Adrian in the eye just yet. After a second or two she finally opened them again. She wasn't sure what she had really expected to see in his eyes as he looked back at hers. What she did see though was equal parts assurance, caring and concern. Gemma let out a shaky breath before nodding at the question that followed his promise. "Okay," she said, only a little wary but willing trust his promise. Gemma reached up over his arms to wipe at her eyes with the back of her hand, and couldn't stop herself from apologising for the crying. -- Adrian didn't think that she needed to apologize for crying. She was going through a great deal of emotions all at once. Surely a little crying was all but required given the present situation. "It's going to be alright," Adrian assured her, sliding his arms around her and gently pulling her into his lap. "We'll get it all sorted out. We don't have to make all of the difficult decisions right now. We can talk more about it later." The last thing he wanted was to upset her further. For now, he was content to just hold her and try and let the whole thing really sink in. They had time to think. Maybe not a lot of it. But time enough. |