chlotelia (chlotelia) wrote in lazarustheic, @ 2018-02-08 22:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, character: arran higgs, character: chloe pucey |
who ? Arran Higgs and Chloe Pucey.
when ? Thursday 8th February, early evening.
where ? Chloe's flat.
what ? Post-fight discussions.
warnings/rating ? Ramifications of being dosed with unknown potions.
status ? Completed in gdocs.
By the time Arran finished having tea with Terence, it was late enough that Chloe ought to have finished work. It felt wrong to approach the door, rather than simply apparating inside Chloe's flat, but he wanted to give her the opportunity not to see him if she didn't want to. He knew he'd handled things wrong, and he had no explanation for why except that he was generally pretty good at handling things wrong. At least, thanks to Terence, he had something to say. "I'm sorry," he said, when Chloe opened the door. "I didn't mean to be unreasonable, last night." Arran could see, now, that he hadn't been listening. That was something he could fix. "I don't know if I can explain it any better now," he added, apologetically. A lot of it didn't fully make sense to him, and trying to be careful not to say things that would be unhelpful left Arran feeling he'd struggle to fully explain anything.
"I want to fix this," he said. "I hate fighting with you." He really did, and he wanted to find a way to end the fight. He wanted to find a way to end his doubts about his and Chloe's future, too, but that seemed somewhat harder, especially since Terence had advised him not to mention them, unless Arran was sure they couldn't work out. Arran definitely wasn't sure of that, and he wanted them to work out. "Can we work together?"
--
It’d be a lie to say that whatever had happened yesterday wasn’t still incredibly confusing to Chloe. She was unhappy about leaving Arran last night and had got almost no sleep afterwards. It seemed that her body was very used to sleeping next to Arran’s and thus she found it impossible to sleep without him. That, of course, had led her to have less than a productive day, but thankfully Chloe was quite good at doing her job under pressure. A sleepless night and a fight with her husband sadly weren’t the biggest difficulties she’d encountered in her work.
Mostly Chloe assumed that Arran would calm down and then they could talk about whatever was bothering him. Or well, so she hoped. So when Arran did show up, offering an apology before anything else, Chloe stepped aside to let him in. She hated fighting with Arran, too, but especially when it just seemed so confusing. “Of course we can,” Chloe replied and then nodded towards one of the sofas so Arran would take a seat. She left briefly, returning with a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses setting those down on the coffee table before she sat down across the sofa from Arran.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning,” she suggested, hoping that perhaps a linear structure would help her understand what she’d done wrong (since Arran had been rather sure she had done something).
--
Arran raised an eyebrow at the bottle of vodka, but considered it a good sign. Chloe hadn't let him drink when he was angry in the past, so bringing him booze meant that she trusted him not to be angry. That trust, which Arran wasn't sure he really deserved, settled something warm in his chest. "I don't know if I know where the beginning is," Arran said honestly, taking a seat. "I had a shit day, and everyone's criticism felt really targeted, and unfair, like they wanted to tear me down, deliberately." He frowned. "I don't know why it felt like that. It doesn't usually. And then I came home, and you suggested I might be in the wrong, and that wasn't what I wanted to hear." Which sounded so petty, now Arran thought about it, that he'd got upset over Chloe saying something he hadn't expected.
"And then I bumped into Cora, and she said something about how I'd do well in Euros, and I said she should tell my coach that, because he didn't think so, and it just felt nice to have her take my side, and to know I could say what I was thinking without worrying about whether I was being negative, or generalising." Arran paused, frowning, doing his best to think about what he wanted. "It's not that I want you to do that all the time," he said. He had found Chloe's advice very helpful in the past, he knew that. "And I know you can't read my mind, to know I'm having a day where I just don't want to think about how I could do better. I'm scared to disappoint you, if I'm not always trying, but I don't think I can always be trying. Sometimes, I still think negative things, and I try not to say them, because I know it's insensitive when I'm too negative about myself, but - I still think them."
--
Even if Arran said he wasn't sure where the beginning was, Chloe appreciated that he tried anyway. He did seem much calmer today, which was good, because it meant they might actually be able to talk things through. The way Arran explained how he'd felt made Chloe nod, because she could see how if he'd been already having a bad day, her not being supportive (or perhaps not being more supportive) might've felt not particularly pleasant. Chloe wasn't sure she had suggested Arran was wrong, but fighting over semantics really seemed unnecessary right now.
The way Cora featured in this also made much more sense within Arran's explanation than it had last night. Chloe let Arran finish, before reaching out to give his leg a small squeeze. "You're not going to disappoint me, Arran," Chloe promised. It was true, or at least as far as Chloe was concerned. She wasn't nor could she really imagine herself being, disappointed in Arran. "Everyone thinks negative things sometimes," she told Arran honestly. "And I don't want you to feel like you can't talk about them, because you can. I'm sorry if the impression I've given is that you can't, that's not what I mean. I wish you didn't have negative thoughts about yourself, that doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen to what they are. I want to try with you, Arran," Chloe told him. "But we need to be talking, I can't predict how you are." Well, perhaps sometimes she could, but Chloe couldn't guarantee that she always would.
"How are you feeling now? About everything?" Chloe asked, because Arran certainly sounded more... aware.
--
Chloe's touch made Arran feel a little less nervous that he was going to somehow make this work, and he leaned into it. "I missed you today," he said softly. "And Rock, but I missed you more." Whatever doubts he had, about whether they could make this work long-term, and whether this was the best relationship, he hardly wanted to not have Chloe in his life. She was one of the most important people in his life, and not talking to her, knowing that he'd hurt her and she was upset with him, had been a lot to bear. He frowned slightly, because he wasn't really sure he believed that he wasn't going to disappoint Chloe. "Weren't you disappointed yesterday, that I was unreasonable?" It helped to remind himself that, as Terence had said, Chloe had liked him before he'd tried to become better with people. He didn't have quite the same fear that she'd stop respecting him if he stopped trying.
The impression Arran had taken - which was probably quite different from the impression Chloe had given - was that he shouldn't talk about his negative thoughts, because it was insensitive, and because Chloe would point out that he was being negative, which wasn't really necessary, when Arran did already know. "Would it help if I said I knew they were negative?" Arran asked. At the very least, then Chloe presumably would know she didn't need to point that out. "I could do that, when I know." Sometimes, Arran didn't know, and then Chloe telling him was helpful - but in those cases, he hadn't been biting his tongue to stop himself from saying them in the first place. He nodded, covering Chloe's hand with his. It made sense that she couldn't predict how he was, and he would do his best to stop expecting her to.
Giving a small sigh, Arran shrugged. "Still… confused," he admitted. "About where all this came from. I'm not usually this moody, am I?" Terence had thought it was odd, and Roger had been surprised, and Arran did feel like it wasn't entirely within his control. If only he had some kind of medication he could look into, like when Chloe's ADHD meds had been making her sad.
--
"I missed you, too," Chloe said with a small smile. She had missed Arran, where normally she might not have. It wasn't unusual for them to spend days and, on the rare occasion, even nights apart, but because of the argument they'd had, Chloe had been that much more aware of Arran's absence. It was nice to hear him say he'd missed her. "No," Chloe answered honestly when Arran asked if she hadn't been disappointed in him yesterday. "I was confused and a little hurt, but I wasn't disappointed," she told him truthfully. "Everyone has bad days, I'm not going to be disappointed in you for having a bad day. Do I wish we hadn't fought? Sure, but that doesn't mean I'm disappointed in you." Truly, Chloe hadn't even considered being disappointed; yes, Arran had been unreasonable, in her opinion, but Chloe could be that, too. She didn't set up Arran as the perfect example of everything, which gave him plenty of room to not be perfect in her estimations.
Arran's question earned him a nod. "I think it would a lot, yeah," she confirmed. "I don't tell you not to be negative because I don't want to hear you be negative," Chloe explained gently. "I just didn't think that often you realised how negative you sounded. I don't want to limit what you say, Arran, I just want you to think better of yourself. That doesn't mean you have to do so overnight," Chloe explained shifting in closer on the sofa, hand brushing upwards Arran's arm.
Still confused probably wasn't the best way to be, but at least Arran was now talking to Chloe about it. She rather agreed that Arran wasn't usually this moody, so it had been surprising. "You're not," she confirmed. "Has something happened? Like, do you know when it started? Maybe--" Chloe started and then paused not actually sure what the maybe could be. What even made you irritable? "Something in your diet?" She half-joked.
--
"I'm sorry I hurt you," Arran said. He hadn't been thinking about how Chloe would take it, certainly not enough to try and say things in a way that wouldn't hurt her. "I'm disappointed that I did," he added, but he had realised by now that he was often harder on himself than other people were. He gave a smile at being reminded he was allowed to have bad days without Chloe - or anyone - being disappointed in him forever. He reached for Chloe as she came closer, free arm moving behind her back, glad they could be close again.
He nodded, because he understood what Chloe was saying. "I didn't use to realise I was being negative," he admitted. "And sometimes I still don't. But when I do, now, I just don't say anything. And that's - it's not difficult, I can do it, but sometimes it doesn't make me feel great, because I know you'd rather I didn't think it either, and I have." His fingers played with the ends of Chloe's hair, making patterns against her back. "That's why I didn't want to talk to you, about being told what I could do to be a better assistant captain, because I knew it was negative, and I didn't want you just to tell me it was negative, because when I already realise that, it just makes me feel bad to have it pointed out, like I shouldn't have said anything." But now, if Arran himself acknowledged it was negative, they would have a way around that, or so he hoped.
It seemed to have started with Cora, but Arran didn't think saying that would be helpful. He did chuckle at the mention of his diet. "Do you prescribe more ice-cream?" he asked. "I don't know. The Cannons played a great game, but that should make me happy. I was drunk when Roger told me off, but I haven't been since. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep?" It was the only thing he could really think of, but it didn't seem to explain things very much. Especially not as Arran was a lot calmer now, after getting barely any sleep at all, than he'd been yesterday.
--
"It's okay," Chloe said. "I'm sorry I hurt you," she offered in return. She wasn't sure if she had during their argument, but clearly telling Arran that she wished he was less negative had ended up hurting him and Chloe did feel sorry for that. "I know," she said when Arran added that he was disappointed in himself for hurting her. Chloe knew he hadn't meant to, even when angry, Chloe didn't think Arran would want to hurt her. Or rather, she trusted that he wouldn't, that trust was important to her, so she didn't let herself doubt it. Not that, really, there was any reason to.
The explanation, of why Arran had felt like he couldn't say something, made Chloe nod. It actually made a lot of sense, certainly in comparison to their conversation last night. "It's okay to sometimes think negative things, the important thing is to recognise they're negative. I do dislike it when you're harsh on yourself, but that doesn't mean I expect you to just stop," Chloe told Arran before giving a small sigh. "You can always say what you want, I just can't promise you I will always agree with it." Nor, really, did Chloe imagined Arran should want for her to always agree.
Chloe laughed when Arran asked if she prescribed more ice cream. "Well, we do have some if that's what you need," Chloe promised, but then did also reach to get the bottle of vodka and pour it out in the shot glasses. "Or vodka," she said handing Arran one of them before clinking her own against his and then downing it, making a face as it burned down her throat. "So tell me more about this Cora girl," Chloe told Arran. "Should I be jealous? I'm a little jealous," Chloe admitted.
--
"It seemed alright, at first," Arran admitted. "Or maybe a situation just didn't come up where it bothered me that much?" As he'd said, not saying negative things hadn't been that difficult - until suddenly it had. Partly because Chloe had (rightly) wanted to know what was wrong, and Arran hadn't know how to communicate that without being negative, and partly because everything had just felt bad. "But I'm glad I know what to do, now." Or at least, something to try. They'd see how it worked.
Arran didn't want Chloe to always agree with him, so he nodded. "I was worried I'd come home and make it worse," Arran admitted. "I guess that was negative, but I'm glad I don't seem to have." He hadn't acknowledged that at being negative until this moment, and he could see what Terence meant about him needing to have more faith - both in himself and in other people. "I should've trusted we could talk about feelings again." Despite how little they both enjoyed it, Arran felt they did rather well at it when they could do it together. "It feels harder to try when I'm in a bad mood," he mused. "But it would've helped."
Arran took the glass from Chloe, downing his own shot easily. He wasn't sure vodka was, in general, going to improve things, but it was safe to drink with just Chloe. At least, he thought so, until she asked about Cora. He frowned, because answering that Chloe shouldn't be jealous seemed like actually lying, not just leaving things out. Arran didn't think he should lie to Chloe, and he didn't want to, but it was hard to see how it could be anything but unhelpful. "I don't know much about her," Arran said, which was true. "She used to go out with Ryan, who I don't think you've met. He plays quidditch too. They broke up, I don't even know when or why, and then I guess she had more free time to hang out with the Cannons." Arran had noticed it, but hadn't actually spoken to her much more at first. "I don't even know what she does for a living." Presumably, something more than just be president of a fan club. "I don't want you to be jealous," Arran said carefully. Presumably, no one wanted their partner to be jealous, though. He sighed. "The way Roger described it, I was paying her more attention than I realised, but I didn't know how to tell you that without it sounding like I lied to you on purpose."
--
Chloe nodded, because it seemed likely that if this had been a constant issue, Arran would've--well, perhaps not said, because he hadn't really said anything this time either until he exploded, but he probably would've made it clear that he was unhappy. Which Chloe felt confident that Arran hadn't been. She did smile when he added that he was glad he knew what to do now, leaning in to bump Arran's shoulder with her chin. "You asked if we can work on it together, and I want that. To be the best married people with you," Chloe pointed out, because Arran definitely wasn't making this worse. "Everything feels harder when you're in a bad mood," Chloe told Arran gently. "Things feel harder for me, too, when I'm in a bad mood." Which albeit tended to be a different bad mood from Arran's but it was still true.
Arran had already told Chloe that he didn't know much about Cora, so she gave a nod at that. At least this time he seemed to know more than 'she's nice'. Chloe did give a small smile when Arran said he didn't want her to be jealous. It wasn't quite the same as 'there's no reason to be jealous' but Chloe almost appreciated that more. "I know you didn't lie to me on purpose," Chloe assured Arran. "Truthfully, Arran, we both know you're a shit liar, I don't believe you'd even try." It was true, Arran's lying skills were... lacking. Besides, Chloe honestly didn't think Arran would purposefully lie to her. She trusted that if he'd missed details it was because he'd forgotten them not because he didn't want to share them. "Do you think you like her or do you think you just like that she was agreeing with everything you said?" Chloe asked, thumb rubbing lightly against Arran's knee.
--
"You can thank Terence for that," Arran said, very honestly. "I went to see him this afternoon, and he asked me what I wanted, and what I wanted was for us to fix this together, not be fighting with each other. Everything feels easier when we're on the same side." It had been Arran's idea, he thought, but Terence had asked the question which had helped him put it into words. "I want to be the best married people with you, too," Arran agreed, nodding vehemently. He did want that, because he was married to Chloe, and he didn't want not to be, he just wanted to stop having these doubts that maybe other things would be easier, or better. He nodded, having not meant to imply it was only him that found things harder when he was in a bad mood. "I think knowing I can say what I'm thinking without just feeling like I shouldn't be thinking it will make it easier."
Arran frowned at being told he wouldn't lie to Chloe on purpose, not sure how that fitted in with the fact he had been trying to keep things from her. "Should I have told you after I talked to Roger that I gave you the wrong impression the first time?" he asked. "I didn't think you'd believe me, and Roger said if it was just going to make you not trust me then there was no point. I thought maybe it was one of those things I think too black-and-white about. That I either have to be totally honest, all the time, or I'd be lying to you." Not telling Chloe didn't really seem to have helped, but of course, Arran didn't know what would have happened if he had told her. Chloe's question was a good one, and today it felt easy to answer. "I don't like her," Arran said. "I mean, I don't hate her, or anything." Cora seemed perfectly nice, and disliking her for something that wasn't her fault would be an exaggeration. "I don't want to be someone who needs you to just agree with me all the time." Arran didn't think he was that, most of the time. "I guess I was generalising. I felt like you'd blame me, so it seemed like you blame me all the time, which isn't true. And Cora wasn't blaming me, so it seemed like she never would." Which probably also wasn't true.
--
Chloe smiled when Arran said she could thank his brother for this. There were, Chloe felt, a lot of things she could thank Arran's brother for. "I still prefer to be married to you," Chloe teased and leaned in to press a kiss against Arran's lips. "Everything does feel easier when we're on the same side," she agreed once she'd pulled back but Chloe did also move one of her hands to link it with Arran's. "You can always say what you're thinking," she promised. "I really don't want you to just bottle things up because you think I might prefer not to hear them. That's not true, I always want to know what's bothering you." It was true, and yeah, perhaps it wouldn't always be as easy or straightforward, but Chloe was certain they could work it out. They were good together, better so than individually, she was sure.
"I can see why Roger said that there was no point," Chloe told Arran honestly. "I guess, it's more whether you felt like you should tell me. I don't mind that you didn't. I know you're not lying to me, I know that you're not going behind my back with another woman," Chloe told Arran, giving a small shrug. "I trust you." Chloe did very much trust Arran. "And feeling jealous actually makes me also feel guilty, because I know I shouldn't be jealous," she explained before giving a small sigh. Arran confirming that he just liked Cora agreeing with him made Chloe smile. "Cora wants in your pants, Arran, of course she's not going to disagree with you," Chloe pointed out. "Really," she added with a teasing smile. "The only reason I can disagree with you because I've already gotten in your pants," she joked, before shaking her head. "That's not true, by the way," Chloe clarified. "I challenge you on things because sometimes you need to be challenged. Sometimes I need to be challenged, too. That's what makes us imperfect, makes us who we are." And there was nothing wrong with that, the imperfect bits were Chloe's favourite because they gave them character.
--
"Good," Arran said, giving Chloe a proper smile at her teasing. "He'd never go jump off things with you. And he doesn't have a puffskein who pretends to be things." Truly, in both of those areas, Arran felt he could claim to be the superior Higgs sibling. He squeezed Chloe's hand in his. "It wasn't just you," he said, not sure if that would help or not. "I didn't really think I could talk to Terence or Roger, either." Arran didn't always feel that way. "It sucked," he admitted. "Feeling like no one would trust me." So far, though, both Terence and Chloe had trusted him when he'd said nothing more than doubts had happened with Cora. "I'm sorry I wasn't listening to what was bothering you," he said. "It doesn't mean I don't want to." Arran's annoyance had overtaken any impulse to be a good husband to Chloe, and that was quite worrying.
Arran nodded, feeling a little guilty that he hadn't trusted Chloe to know him well enough to know he wasn't lying, and to be able to see the sense in whatever he explained. "I did think I should tell you," Arran said, "but then I thought that was just me being black-or-white about it, so maybe it was okay not to tell you." He did pause at Chloe's certainty that Arran wasn't going behind her back with another woman. He wasn't, but he also hadn't been as good about it as he'd wanted to be. "I told Roger I just wouldn't be around her, if she made me act that way, but then the next time I went to the pub she turned up, and I started talking to her, even though I wasn't drinking. Paying her more attention than I think I'd like if you paid to someone else." Because it had been different than just chatting, or just compliments. "I left as soon as I realised," he added. He didn't know whether that meant Chloe didn't need to feel so bad about feeling jealous. Maybe it was justified, a little. He frowned, because it had honestly never occurred to him that Cora was only agreeing with him because she wanted to sleep with him. "But that's a shitty thing to do, if she doesn't really agree with me," he objected. Arran really had never pretended to believe something in order to sleep with anyone, not even something minor. "It makes all her agreement not really mean anything." Arran much preferred Chloe to that, even when she was challenging him. He pressed a kiss against her temple. "I know that," he said. "I just - sort of forgot it was a good thing when you call me on shit. I did try to explain to Cora that it is, but she didn't get it."
--
Terence probably wouldn't jump off things with Chloe, but even if he would, she still preferred it'd be Arran who did it. And his pets didn't pretend to be things, unless Kitkat being ditzy was all a very elaborate act. And Pushkin only having three legs. That'd be pretty good pretending. "But you can," Chloe pointed out and then frowned. "Do you feel differently now?" Presumably, since he was talking to her. "It's weird. Like, unnaturally weird," Chloe observed. "Unlike you," she clarified, because it really was. It seemed strange, to Chloe, that such feelings had come upon Arran for no reason, but she trusted him when he said he didn't know what the reason was. "That's alright, you're listening to me now," Chloe commented, giving Arran a small, supportive smile. "And I'm listening to you," she added, since perhaps she had similar apologies to make.
"It was okay not to tell me," Chloe promised. She really didn't feel offended that Arran hadn't, though Chloe did frown slightly when Arran went on to say how he had planned not to be around Cora, because he paid more attention to the woman that he'd be happy for Chloe to pay someone else. "I find that weird," Chloe said truthfully. "That you can't control yourself. Like... actually weird, not like I don't believe you," Chloe explained. It just seemed unlike Arran. He did, in all fairness, sometimes lack impulse control, but it wasn't about people and more about his own actions. Chloe couldn't help but laugh at the almost scandalised way in which Arran informed her that it wasn't very nice to compliment him if Cora didn't actually agree with it. "That's why I asked if you've ever seduced anyone," Chloe told him honestly. "I wanted to know if you'd know whether she was hitting on you." Evidently, the answer was no, because Chloe did not believe Cora truly believed that Arran was the world's greatest quidditch player (even Arran didn't believe that). "Did you explain badly?" Chloe asked, because perhaps Arran had, or, also possible, Cora had intentionally misunderstood.
--
"Yeah," Arran agreed. "I feel better about a lot of things. I was worried Terence would be disappointed in me, for having a fight with you, but I know he's been disappointed in me before, and he stilled helped me." Chloe's comment that it was unnaturally weird made Arran nod. "That's how I felt, talking to Roger," he said. "Like I was going crazy, because I knew everything I said sounded ridiculous, like I was just making excuses and lying badly." Which, to be fair, was the only way Arran could lie, but he hadn't been. "I think if I'd been able to explain it, I'd have told you. I worried you wouldn't trust me because I knew I didn't sound trustworthy." They were listening to each other now, and that was good. It felt like an actual weight off Arran' shoulders.
Arran nodded, because he too found it weird that he couldn't seem to control himself around Cora. "I've never felt like that about anyone," he said. "Not even you." He frowned, realising how that sounded. "I don't mean that she makes me feel things more intensely," he clarified. "It's not a good feeling. It's just weird. And then I feel guilty." Giving Chloe's hand a squeeze, Arran said, "I don't know how people cheat, and lie to their partners deliberately. It must feel awful." Arran had felt shit and he hadn't even done anything, really. He frowned, because while he'd definitely wanted to sleep with people, he hadn't lied to them, or pretended to agree with them, so if that was the definition then he'd never seduced anyone. "I don't think I explained well," he admitted. "I just sort of said it how it makes sense to me, and expected that she'd understand that." It was how Arran explained a lot of things, and it didn't always work.
--
"Your brother's very good at that," Chloe commented, because from what she'd seen, Terence was good at helping Arran. It was a way of helping that Chloe assumed was a mix of just how Arran's brother was and also of knowing Arran for as long as he had. It felt good to know that Arran had such support, and maybe Chloe really would send Terence a card or something. "That sounds like a really shit feeling," Chloe told Arran honestly. "You're explaining things fine now, though," she pointed out. Chloe didn't know why things had felt so much more different for Arran, there was no reason that she could see, and clearly no reason that he could see either. It was, really, just weird. Maybe they'd have to leave it at that. Like a blip. "I do trust you," Chloe promised. "And even when you think I might not, you should remind yourself that giving me a chance to prove you wrong is okay," Chloe added. "This talking thing's working out well." Or at least it seemed to be to her.
Chloe frowned at Arran's explanation, giving a small, dismissive wave at his clarification, because she got what he meant. "I realise Roger already suggested you not see Cora, but maybe you could tell her? Like that you're not feeling yourself around her?" Chloe wasn't sure if that would help, but if someone came to her with that, she would try to... well, she wasn't sure what. She'd try something. Chloe did give a small laugh when Arran admitted that he didn't know how people cheated, that it must've felt awful. "People cheat for different reasons, but yeah, some people do feel bad. Some don't." That was just the truth, some people cheated because they could and those weren't very good people. Chloe nodded, because she knew how Arran sometimes explained things like they made sense when they only made sense to him. She had gotten quite good at asking more questions about something if she wanted more clarity, but Chloe could see how Cora might now have known to do that. "I can see how you trying to change can look as a negative to someone who doesn't know all the reasons," Chloe commented. "But I've never insisted that you have to change. And it hasn't all been bad, you've got good things out of it. Better relationship with your family, for instance," she offered.
--
Terence was great, and Arran was pleased he'd got a chance to discover that he could be great at this, at helping him and explaining things to him that Arran struggled with. "You're good at it too," Arran assured. "In a different way. I think you don't have to try so hard to get me." Terence succeeded, but it was because he tried, and there'd been a time when Terence hadn't really understood Arran, whereas he'd always felt like Chloe did. "It was a shit feeling," Arran agreed. "And since I couldn't explain that, I think I generalised too much and thought I couldn't explain everything." Which, clearly, wasn't true, especially since Chloe said he was explaining things now. Even if part of that explanation was for them both to agree things had been weird. "It was scary, thinking that if you didn't trust me then, you might not ever trust me again." Which, again, Arran could now see wasn't true, and was a result of thinking one time would mean every time. "I need to get better about that, but I think being able to talk about something negative that happens once, rather than not talk about it, could help." The talking thing was working out very well, so Arran pulled Chloe closer, moving their shot glasses aside. "I love you."
Telling Cora was not an option Arran had previously considered, but it made sense. "Yeah, I could do that," he agreed. Weirdly, he felt split over whether Cora would be nice and try to help him by not talking to him so much or if she wouldn't. There was only really one way to find out. "I'll mention it next time I see her." Arran shook his head at the mention of people who didn't feel bad for cheating. "I don't get that," he admitted. "I mean, if you don't feel bad, you can't be very in love with the person you're cheating on, so why not just leave?" It wasn't really something he expected Chloe to explain to him. "I've got great things out of it," Arran agreed. His better relationship with Terence was worth a lot of effort, and a fair amount of self-questioning. Just maybe not quite as much as he had been doing, if that much wasn't necessary (and Terence had assured him that it wasn't). "I really don't want you to stop challenging me ever."
--
Chloe liked to think that Arran was right, that she didn't have to try as hard, that she did get Arran. Their argument last night had made her doubt that, but only briefly. In general, Chloe was quite confident that she did know Arran. "But you're alright now," she decided. "We're alright now. I promise to listen even when you have negative things to say, and you promise to tell me about those things rather than bottle them up." Chloe felt they really had done well with this conversation. Shifting in closer to Arran, Chloe pressed another kiss against his lips. "I love you, too," she told him, more than happy to do so.
Hopefully, talking to Cora would help, or perhaps at least make things clearer for Arran. Chloe still wasn't sure why he reacted to the woman the way he did, but perhaps she'd come to the pub next time they had an outing, meet Cora. Find a way not to feel jealous, because Chloe did believe that she shouldn't. She gave Arran an almost sympathetic look for his confusion about why people cheated, rather than just left. She knew he had his own past experiences of that, which Chloe knew made it even more difficult, since he knew first-hand how much it hurt. "Honestly, some people cheat because they want to hurt the other person. Some people cheat because they want to hurt themselves," Chloe explained shrugging. "And some people cheat to break up with someone. A lot of people find it easier if someone breaks up with them than for them to break up with someone." She wasn't sure if those were explanations that would help Arran understand, but really, Chloe wasn't sure it was necessary for him to either. "I'm not going to," Chloe promised pressing a kiss against Arran's cheek. "And you won't stop challenging me either and that way we'll always be excellent."
--
"I'm happy now," Arran agreed. He did feel happy, much happier than he had all week, to have Chloe beside him. There was still that small doubt, in the back of his mind, that maybe it wouldn't work out as they'd said, or that he would keep paying attention to Cora, even when he didn't really intend to, but it was much easier to put aside than it had been. Especially when Chloe confirmed that she loved him. He would talk to Cora, and if she was a nice person, she would understand. (Arran didn't want to think too much about what she'd do if she wasn't a nice person and didn't understand, because he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.)
Chloe's explanation of why people cheated made some sense to Arran, he just couldn't imagine feeling any of those ways. Even if he had stopped loving someone, he wouldn't want to hurt them. Unless they'd hurt him first. He had quite wanted to hurt Cariad, for a while. Even so, he'd broken up with her rather than cheat on her. That seemed just messy. "I like being excellent with you much better than I liked being unreasonable by myself," Arran said, with a small smile. "Rock didn't know where to sleep, so he whined under the sofa for you," he added. "Shall we open the permafloo to let him come in?"
--
It was pleasing to have Arran confirm that he was happy now, she was happy, too, because he was happy. This talking things out thing really did work very well for them. "Good," Chloe nodded before reaching to refill the shot glasses, handing Arran one. "Nazdarovya to our great relationship," she said with a grin, giving his glass another little toast before downing it.
Chloe laughed at Arran's words, giving a nod. "I prefer that, too," she said half-teasingly, because of course she preferred Arran being excellent with her rather than unreasonable with himself. "Aww!" Chloe said giving a pout about Rock's sadness. "I couldn't sleep last night," she admitted. "Though, I didn't consider whining under the sofa," she joked before nodding. "Yeah, we should probably tell him that mummy and daddy are done fighting." Rock would definitely appreciate it, Chloe appreciated it.
--
Arran raised an eyebrow at Chloe's toast, but took another shot anyway. "I hope that means something good?" he asked. He assumed so, anyway, but Chloe could tell him exactly what it did mean. "I'll journal Terence and tell him I didn't make it all worse. He'll be very pleased." He would, Arran was sure, because he'd been worried about Arran's state of mind.
"I barely slept," Arran agreed. "It felt really weird, not having you in the bed." Of course, that did happen sometimes, when Chloe was abroad for work, but Arran had felt much more aware of how close Chloe was, and of the shut permafloo between them. Reaching for his wand, Arran aimed it at the permafloo so that he wouldn't have to get up and leave Chloe on the couch.
--
"Yes," Chloe laughed. "It basically means 'cheers', but the literal translation is 'to health'," she explained. "So it's to the health of our relationship." Which was a pretty good thing to drink to, in Chloe's opinion. "We should get your brother something nice," Chloe suggested. "Nicer than us not needing him to fix our problems," she joked. "Maybe... what does your brother like? Pets? We could get him a pet. Do you think he'd like a puffskein of his very own?" Chloe asked, shifting in closer to Arran, shoulder pressing against his once he'd waved the permafloo open. It didn't take long for their own puffskein to bounce through it.
Reaching to pick Rock up, Chloe set him on Arran's lap, brushing her fingers through his fluff. "Yeah," Chloe nodded. "I'm very used to sleeping with you. I realised, last night, just how much better I sleep with you around. Like it's not too bad when I'm away for work, especially if the time zone difference knocks me out, but before you, I often struggled to sleep," Chloe explained. "Apparently it's an ADHD thing." Which was quite nice, in a way, to have a reason, because reasons meant you could fix it. The meds helped, too, but Chloe had never been very interested in sleeping draughts.
--
"To health," Arran repeated, smiling. "I'll remember that." Probably not the Russian, but the general idea. It was a good thing to drink to. "I don't think we should get him a pet without asking him first," Arran answered. That was definitely something Terence had talked about before, how pets weren't good surprise gifts, because you didn't know if the person you were giving them to would want to look after them. "Kitkat would love it, but I don't know how Pushkin would feel." Probably Pushkin would be uninterested either way, to be quite honest. "He likes cooking, and driving. I could go back to that shop and see what other cooking things they have. Or we could just get him nice wine, to share with Max and Siobhan, and they can toast the health of their relationship."
Arran reached out to ruffle Rock's fluff too, causing such a deeply satisfied humming that he laughed. "Poor Rock. Were you worried about us?" Arran had been worried, but he did feel much better now. He listened as Chloe explained about sleeping and ADHD. "That's nice," he said, feeling oddly pleased. "That I help you sleep better. I didn't know you struggled to sleep before." Arran hadn't ever really struggled with sleep, but there were plenty of other ways Chloe had improved his life.
--
Chloe supposed that Arran was right and a surprise pet present would probably not be something they should do for his brother. She nodded when he added that Terence liked cooking and driving. "Maybe we can buy him a recipe book?" Chloe offered. "And a bottle of wine," she added and then frowned. "Or two? Sharing one bottle between three seems sad." Though, that might be based on Chloe's ability to drink a lot of wine. "And you can pick out a card with a terrible pun," she promised Arran, bumping his shoulder with her own.
Rock probably had been worried about them, Chloe didn't blame him, the fluffy ball hardly had any experience of Arran and Chloe not getting on. "I think we've spoiled him with our usually good relationship," Chloe teased. "And having a whole bedroom," she added fairly, since Rock did have a bedroom in her flat, which he only really had smaller spaces in Arran's house. It made her feel guilty about shutting the permafloo, but at the time it had felt like the right thing to do. Like the thing Arran had wanted her to do. "Of course you don't," Chloe laughed when Arran said he didn't know she struggled to sleep before. "It's because you fall asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow," Chloe pointed out. She still did struggle to sleep sometimes, it just wasn't anywhere near as much of a struggle as it sometimes had been before.
--
As far as Arran knew, Terence already had lots of recipe books, but he supposed it was the kind of thing you could never really have too many of. "Maybe a recipe book from a country he hasn't been to," Arran said. "Or for Bhutan! So he can be prepared for our yak holiday." Arran thought Terence would appreciate that, because he found some of Arran's gifts too random. "And two bottles of wine," Arran agreed. "I'm glad there's only one of you," he teased. "Think how much wine and juice we'd go through if there were two!" Still, Terence seemed happy with his three person relationship, and that was what mattered.
"I think we've spoiled me too," Arran said. He certainly hadn't been prepared for them to fight, though he probably should have seen it would happen eventually. He was glad it hadn't lasted any longer than it had, because having that feeling hanging over him would have been unpleasant. "Well, I know now," Arran pointed out, since Chloe had told him. He did fall asleep easily, which was fortunate for his career. "Have you eaten?" he asked, glancing at the clock. "I owe you a dinner together, followed by ice cream."
--
A recipe book from Bhutan (about Bhutan?) seemed a good suggestion, so Chloe smiled. "We'll do that, then," she confirmed, before laughing at Arran's announcement that he was glad there was only one of Chloe. "Yes," she agreed. "Our juice budget is already pretty tight," she teased. Chloe did think they spent a lot of money on juice, but it did also make her happy so that was okay. "The sex would probably be too good then, too," she teased, leaning in for another kiss. They sex was pretty spectacular as it was, Chloe didn't think there was much of a need for two Chloes to be involved. She wouldn't turn down two Arrans, she felt, but it did seem like a pretty difficult thing to sustain all the time. That and Chloe felt that two Arrans would probably not deal very well with each other either. A threeway relationship probably worked better if two of the people involved weren't the same person.
"It's good kind of spoiled, though," Chloe decided, because she liked that they didn't fight, or at least that their arguments could be solved quickly. They were good married people. "Not yet," Chloe answered when Arran asked her about food. "Shall we get a takeaway? Evan sent you a takeaway menu from a healthy pizza place," she informed Arran. "I don't know why, apart from the fact that it's pizza, so lets have that," she suggested, before adding, "Followed by ice cream."