typically the thought of getting older doesn't bother me but i was stoned and my mind went to hell so i was getting really worked up thinking about my body failing me and how i'm going to be conscious for it and will i remember this exact moment of realization and am i taken it all for granted, like it was just a cosmic spiral that made no sense. it is stressful though, especially when you're aging out of shit in an already very competitive and wounded? field. idk how i'd describe the arts now now, but in my experience its definitely in a period of distress post-pandemic
i never considered going to a botanical garden as just a thing to do but it's probably the best answer