O, I suppose it is time I finally made use of this network -- greetings, persons of Landvik Academy! I know a few of you and do not know many of you, though it would be my pleasure to reverse these circumstances. I would offer tea as an enticement but I've only put the kettle, and I do not know what your tastes might be. Would you like a cup of Golden Monkey? Silver Needle, the tea once reserved for emperors? Perhaps you are more of a Rooibos fan, to which I say -- good taste, my friend! I have, in fact, selected a Rooibos for my tea this morning, in hopes of reinvigorating these old & tired bones (a momentous task that I have set before myself, I do believe!) before I start on this pile of unfortunate paperwork that seems to be more part of my job than the other more exciting things.
Ah, yes, it would do to say my name. Absalom Brown, in this year and age, and I am a member of the Demonic Crimes unit. Nothing personal against demons, of course, seeing as we are all related in such a strange and fascinating way!, but you know, that is where I have been put and work.
That being said, has anyone seen my missing mitten? It is forest green with yellow diamonds on it, I would like it back very much.