InsaneJournal

WHO zachary and raleigh
WHEN night time
WHAT zach comes over for a bit of fun and raleigh lays down the law
RATING PG
STATUS complete/log.

Raleigh was at his desk, going over some notes and looking through books and things. He was caught up on all his assignments, but he needed something to take his mind off everything else he had been thinking about. He could far better understand ancient runes than his deep dark feelings and motivations for things. And it was sort of relaxing in a strange way to mull over his studies instead of his feelings. His quilll was scribbling away when he heard the knock on his door and he let it drop against the parchment. "S'open" he called casually, not expecting anyone in particular. Zach was a little bit bored, he had finished his assignemtns and unlike Raleigh didn't have any thoughts running through his mind outside of the norm. Turning the corner to Raleigh's room he knocked and smiled when he heard the voice. Opening the door he closed it behind him before walking over and wrapping arms around Raleigh's neck, turning his head and pressing a kiss to the other man's cheek, allowing himself to believe for one moment that this was more than just sex. "So what are you doing?" he asked resting his chin on Raleigh's shoulder. Raleigh had turned, glanced over his shoulder and saw that it was Zach and so he turned back to his writing for just a moment. He knew Zach would come in and make himself at home. He wouldn't have to play host. And besides he wanted to get one last point down before putting his work on pause. It was a complete surprise though, when he felt Zach's arms around him. It made him smile subtley to himself not wanting to come across as over giddy because of it but it put those girlish butterflies in ihs stomach. Especially after the light kiss. "Review mostly," Raleigh explain, tilting his head so that he could get a look at Zach's profile as he rested against his shoulder. "And what are you doing?" Raleigh said almost flirtatiously eyeing Zach for a moment before he couldn't help himself and moved his lips to press to Zach's. Zach grinned. "How boring," he said rolling his eyes slightly as he did so. "I can think of a lot more fun things to do," he said softly as he pressed his lips against Raleigh's moving to deepen in the kiss for a bit. He pulled back after a few seconds and tugged Raleigh's chair, pulling it out slightly as he moved to sit on Raleigh's lap, wrapping arms around his neck and grinned and leaned forward. "How strongs the desk?" he asked with a mischevious smirk. Raleigh let out an almost pained sigh as he softly laughed into the kiss that came after Zach's suggestion. He let himself get caught up again, his tongue tangling with Zach's for one more bittersweet moment before the other pulled back. He was thinking of doing the same. Raleigh knew what Zach was up to. And damn, what a bad fucking time to decide that he was really trying to change his ways. He wanted to prove that he could do it. And he wanted Zach to understand why he was doing it . But he wasn't sure he was ready to explain it all quite yet. He had figured he might have a little bit more time to work it all out in his head. Raleigh's hands moved behind him, and overtop of Zach's. "Not that strong," Raleigh grinned pulling Zach's hands by the wrist and to the front of their bodies. "C'mon..."Raleigh said lightly, tilting his head and looking at Zach desperately. He gave the other a strangely intimate kiss on the cheek and begged him, "Don't make this harder for me." Of course, at the moment, Zach wouldn't have any idea what "this" was. Zach pouted slightly when the other man pulled back. "Too hot for you?" he asked innoncently as he grinned at the other man, winking slightly as he bit the corner of his lip. He allowed his hands to be moved, and the kiss confused him but he ignored it as he moved his hands down, pressing over Raleigh's groin. "Calling me fat?" he asked raising an eyebrow in mock hurt before smirking. "But I like it when things are harder," he said innoncently, fingers moving to work on Raleigh's button. Raleigh listened to Zach playful words and wished that he could let himself play along. Because really, this was taking all the willpower that he hadn't practiced---well, ever----that he didn't know he had. "Mmm," he let the moan pass his lips despite himself. Zach's hand and the pressure on his groin and now those wondering fingers. "Zachary..." Raleigh breathed. His hands moved quickly to find Zach's, and grab them up, this time holding them interlocked with his own. He looked up at Zach and gave him a look that seemed a bit lost. Only because Raleigh had never had to have this discussion before. "Erm...Zachary. Look, I'm ...it's not that I'm not in the mood...or that you....I've just been thinking about a lot ...yeah, trust me, a lot of things lately...and I'm just not going to do this anymore," Raleigh said. He waited a few seconds, thinking over what he had just said and wondering if it came out right. "That is to say, this meaning casual sex. I don't think it's...well, it doesn't seem very healthy." Zach moved his hands back and looked at the other man with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the hell the other man was on about. He listened, trying to make sense of what the other man was doing but it just didn't seem to be working and so he nodded his head slightly before he laughed suddenly at Raleigh's last sentence. "Go on, pull the other one," he said shaking his head. "Trying to become a comedian? I would suggest not," he said before leaning forward again, figuring Raleigh was just playing with him a little bit. He licked Raleigh's lips before smilign. "Come on, I'll suck you off," he said in a bit of a sing song voice. Raleigh wasn't sure what he expected Zach's reaction to be. But this one sort of got under his skin. Especially since he was being completely serious. And the reason why these thoughts even crossed his mind was because of Zachary. The only reason why he felt like he had to change, like he should, was because of Zach. Not Zachary's advice or his constant bashing on Raleigh's lifestyle. No. It was the way Zach had seem to have had taken him over. And now, Raleigh wanted to prove to Zachary and to himself that he was capable of having a functioning relationship that wasn't based on sex----if he wanted. And yes, he did want that. After nights of staying up late and questioning himself over and over again, he came up with the same answer. "Look, Zach," he said, before his eyes went wide with temptation. "Wait...just why would that have to be a joke?" Raleigh asked defensively. He was mad now. Angry because Zach didn't take him seriously and angry because he really really really wanted to take him up on his last offer. "No!" he said firmly shaking his hands from Zachary and giving him a bit of a push to get off. "See...this...this is exactly why I can't keep doing what I've been doing. My best friend won't even acknowledge my desire to change without laughing in my face," Raleigh said miserably. "Look. I just, maybe I want something more. Maybe it's not all about sex. Maybe I'm missing out on a whole other aspect of things that could be really bloody brilliant," Raleigh went on. He waited until Zachary had gotten off of him and he stood up too. "It's just that, if there's someone that I want to actually be with," he said staring very strongly back at Zachary. "Then I want them to know that it would be for real and that I wasn't only after one thing. And right now, that's all anyone thinks of me. So I'm proving that I can change. So no more. No more casual sex. I want it to mean something," he said crossing his arms over his chest. "Becuase it's you Raleigh," Zach said rolling his eyes, squashing down the feelings of hope that were swelling up. Raleigh Weasley did casual sex, nothing more. It was easier to focus on that than anything else. He didn't want to think about what if's or what it might me if this and this happened. It led him down a thought path that he didn't want to go down. It hurt o much. He felt he push suddenly and he shifted back slightly on Raleigh's lap. "Ow," he muttered to himself, rubbing his shoulder where he had been before he stood up, frowing down at Raleigh. "Well maybe said best friend would be more inclined to believe you if you hadn't randomly decided to change out of the middle of nowhere after said best friend has been trying to get you to change for a long long time," he said shaking his head before listening to Raleigh talk. He didn't want to believe it. It was obvious from the tone of his voice that he wasn't referring to Raleigh, or the hard look or anything and Zach just wanted to keep his friend and so he stepped closer. "Raleigh, we've been best friends since we're eleven, it's not casual sex, it's just friends with an added twist, so don't get your knickers in a bunch, and come on," he said with a half smile at the other come. "I know you're probably horny and so am I, so where's the harm in taking the edge off?" "That's exactly my point," Raleigh said miserably. He let out an exasperated groan. It certainly wasn't helping things and his whole motivation when he heard that Zach considered things to be as they always were but with an 'added twist' and to Raleigh the twist that Zach was referring to didn't seem to be the same kind that he had in mind. How was he supposed to prove anything to Zach or change anything now? Raleigh was silent for a moment, contemplating Zach's offer. He stared at the other and let his mind turn over all the reasons why he wanted more than just sex with his best friend. There was just something different in being an actual couple. Raleigh couldn't say why he wanted that so badly, why he was so sure that it would mean more. But it would. And he didn't settle for second best. And besides, Zach deserved something real anyway. "I just..." how could he explain? Raleigh sat down on his bed and stared off, straight ahead. "Okay, try to understand this. If I had feelings for someone. Strong enough to make me want to give up everything that I'm used to and change habits that I've had for years. Strong enough to make me want to prove myself to them, then I think that I should act on them. But, I know that h-erm-they don't take me seriously. So I would do what I had to do until they did. And this is the only way that I feel like I can. Even if it was y---I'm just not sleeping with anyone. Nothing. Because there's only one person I want to be with and until they understand that then it doesn't feel like I should I'm not sure how I can explain," Raleigh finally gave up and stopped talking into circles. He just wasn't ready to tell Zach how he felt about him only to be laughed at. And until he was sure that Zach had enough proof to take him seriously and understand that it was more than sex to him now, then he just couldn't keep going and giving off the wrong impression and never really having things the way he felt like he wanted them. He shrugged almost defeated. Raleigh had never felt this way before. Zachary watched Raleigh easily, watching the play of emotions over his face as his friend looked at him. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the desk, looking a little bit bored with the entire thing even though he didn't mean to. He listened to the other man speak, and he swallowed. It hurt, hearing Raleigh speak about that that wasn't him, someone else who had finally made Raleigh change and it hurt him. He dug nails into his arm, keeping his face blank, as he watched the other man. "Wow," he said when Raleigh had finished, managing to keep the annoyance out of his voice, mostly. He managed a half smile. "THe world is ending, Raleigh likes someone more than he likes himself," he said perhaps a little bit more bitterly than he had been before. He bit the corner of his lip and chuckled, dropping his head back as he looked up at the ceiling, closing his eyes fora moment. "Give me a second to get through the tramuatic event I just went through," he said shaking his head before dropping it forward and looking at Raleigh. He forced himself to grin suddenly. "Well well well," he said moving to sit on the bed and lean back against the pillows. "Come on, tell me all about her," he said playing it cool as if his heart wasn't hurting a lot more than it should at this point in time. "Or him as it was," he said chuckling. Raleigh couldn't really read Zach's reaction. Part of him hoped that Zach had gotten the hint that this was really all about him and part of him really would be glad if he hadn't. He supposed it was up to fate. Zach's tone sounded strange, annoyed perhaps, when he finally did speak. Raleigh couldn't figure out which. But with his snarky comment, Raleigh rolled his eyes. "I'm just glad to finally know just how low you think of me," Raleigh said, only half joking with Zachary's teasing. "Okay. Okay. Enough of all of that," Raleigh insisted, wishing he had something to throw at the other. He eyed Zach as he got comfortable beside him. But at that angle, Raleigh's back was facing Zach so he turned around, stretching out his arm to lean back against. His look was very incredulous as he stared at Zach. "Tell you about him?" he asked flatly, knowing that Zach had to be kidding and just fucking with him right now. What did he want? For Raleigh to go off explaining Zach to Zach? Raleigh arched a brow with Zachary's chuckling. "You're too much Zachary!" Raleigh said rolling his eyes. "Trust me, this is a step up from what I usually think of you," he said with a half charming grin as he half closed his eyes and relaxed back slightly. He turned his head as he watched Raleigh shift and he shifted down so he was mirroing Raleigh's position, remembering their first year when they would do this with blankets up over their heads and their eyes wide and open and their wands lit as they talked about everything and it brought a small smile to his face. He saw the odd look and he shrugged a shoulder not knowing what the big deal was. "Come on, humor me," he said with a grin at the other man, moving to poke a finger into Raleigh's side. Raleigh scrunched his face and rolled his eyes. "erm, okay," he said, looking away to think on it for a moment. Raleigh wasn't used to talking about things like this. He wasn't used to feeling or thinking about things like this. "Well," he said, looking at Zachary as he sucked in a breath. He licked over his lip, bit it and then stood up so he wouldn't be looking at Zach when he confessed the next few words. "He's...everything that I need and didn't realize soon enough," Raleigh said. And that was the truth. "He's...." why couldn't he just say you ? He's you! " erm. What do you want to tell you?" Raleigh asked with a shrug, turning back around. "He's intelligent. But not just that, that sort of clever and witty type. And I really don't think I'm going to find someone that has a personality that meshes as well with mine as ours do. And did I happen to mention that he's more attractive than I had given him credit for before. Amazing really," Raleigh babbled, switching between a sort of ambiguous 'he' and a reference to 'our'. It was hard to give details when he figured that Zach was unique enough of a personality that if he got too specific it would give him away. And besides, Raleigh wouldn't have normally gone off about it, but Zach had asked. It was hard for Zach to keep the smile on his face as Raleigh continued. he didn't want to know this, he didn't want to know what Raleigh thought of whoever this person was and he really did not want to have to deal with it. It hurt him and he swallowed and smiled. "Sounds amazing," he said before closing his eyes with a yawn. He opened them after a little bit and looked at Raleigh, really looked at him for the first time in awhile and he could see the differences and see that the other man was trying to change. He swallowed, feeling a lump in the back of his throat as he did so before he rubbed his chin absently. "Lucky you," he said before closing his eyes again. "I think I'm going to stay the night? I can't be bothered getting up," he said with a grin even though he wanted to keep this last time for himself. Raleigh nodded. "Yeah I guess," he said in response to Zach's 'lucky you' comment. He didn't really feel that lucky at the moment. He wasn''t exactly in the situation he wanted to be in. And he didn't know how to fix it really. He had an idea and no guarantee that it would work or get him anywhere in the long run but he had to try it right? Zachary yawning over the conversation was a little disheartening as well. "I thought that's what you wanted, too," Raleigh said with a shrug. He was just going to drop it. There was no use dwelling on it now he supposed. People's mind didn't change over night. He wasn't going to convince Zachary that he was sincere until he actualy had some kind of proof to back it up with. And that was going to take time. "Sure," Raleigh nodded when Zachary more or less decided that he was staying. It was subtle and confusing and Raleigh wasn't sure if Zachary was staying because he had caught on or because really, he just couldn't be bothered with moving. In any case, he didn't mind. "I was going to make it an early night though," Raleigh explained, letting Zach know that he wasn't going to be much fun. "Study a bit and then head off to bed," he shrugged. Zach smiled and nodded his head his lips a bit tight. "Thanks," he said sitting up and beginning to undo the buttons on his shirt. "Do you have a spare pair of pants I could wear to bed?" he asked as he pulled of his shirt as he did so. He turned on the bed and began to pull his shoes off. "What are you studying?" he asked standing up and beginning to walk over to ruffle through Raleighs papers. Raleigh watched Zach beginning to undress. He was still Raleigh after all and though he had made this vowel of celibacy, sort of, he was still a horny teenager. "Ummm, yeah.." he nodded. "In the armoire, I have some sweats," he said. "I'm sure they'll fit. We're about the same size, yeah?" he said, although he knew the answer having shared clothes with Zach when needed at many times. "I'm just going over some stuff for Ancient Runes. Nothing serious. I just needed a distraction and the review doesn't hurt," Raleigh said glancing over his shouder and fighting the urge to grab Zach and pull him back into his lap, kiss him, and touch him. This was exactly why he thought he was ready for the next step. No one else made him feel compelled to do anything like that. He had always been ready for his personal space after sex or even after spending a little extra time with someone. Zach nodded his head with a smile. "I'm taller but you're fatter so it's all good," he said with a grin as he made his way over to the armoire to grab a pair of pajama pants. Where before he had preferred to change without Raleigh looking he found he just didn't care as he shucked his pants before pushing down his boxers, comfortable in the nude at the moment. He pulled on the pants before he laughed when they sat low on his hips, almost falling off. "You're definitely fatter," he said as he pulled the drawstring and tied it a little bit. "Do you need any help?" he asked as he moved to sit on the bed again, looking at Raleigh. Raleigh furrowed his brow and eyed Zachary. His expression was a sort of mock pout but there was a playfulness to it. "I'm not fat. It's only because you're so bloody thin," Raleigh pouted out, lifting his hand to reach towards Zach's hips but then thinking that he really shouldn't try to touch the other because who knew where that could end up between them now? He sighed and turned back to his studies. "Nah," he sighed, closing everything up. "It was really just things I knew through and through. Just killing time, really. Honestly," he said. I'm really feeling a bit drained. Unless you need me to stay up and play host? If you're not tired we could always..." Raleigh bit his tongue and stood up. He didn't finish his sentence because he was beginning to flirt and that was going to be bad bad bad. "...talk or something," he finally offered, moving to the armoire to find something for himself. Zach rolled his eyes. "You're bigger than I am," he said with a half smile. Of course it wasn't that hard for that to happen considering how skinny he actually was. It wasn't his fault, he just could not gain any weight, no matter what he did. He looked down and rapped his knuckles against his hipbone, grinning at the hollow sounding. "Suprised I've not poked anyones eye out yet," he said as he fell back on the bed and crossed his arms underneath his head. "You should play host, I need tea, a foot rub, something to eat and since you're not putting out a Spanish pool boy," he said chuckling slightly as he did so before shaking his head. "I'm a bit tired, you?" he asked tilting his head to the side. Raleigh glanced over his shoulder and just shook his head at Zach. he pulled out his own pjs and stripped down freely in front of the other. It was always like that with Raleigh, even before they started having sex. "I said host, not house elf," Raleigh said, shimmying up his pants. He tied them off, just to make it that much harder, because he needed some extra precautions too. He rolled his eyes with Zach mentioning that he wasn't putting out. And he started to feel bad, not exactly guilty but a different kind of bad. Is this what he made people feel like? Like everything always just came back down to sex? It was strange. He pushed that aside because that couldn't realy be Zach's only motivation anymore. "Up then," Raleigh said, pulling at the blankets on the bed and hoping that Zach would move out of the way so he could turn them down. We'll lay here and talk, like we used to do," he suggested, killing the lights. He let his eyes roll over the expanse of Raleigh's back, taking in the freckles and the muscles and everything else and he bit his bottom lip, wanting to touch the skin like he had been able to do a few days ago, hell yesterday even. But he wasn't allowed anymore. "Same thing," he said with a grin, winking at Raleigh trying to keep it casual and trying not to act any different. But it was odd. Odd knowing what they had done in the brief fling and odd knowing how Raleigh's body worked, knew his kinks and knew what the other man liked. And now they were just friends again and it felt weird and odd and he wasn't sure what to make of it. He shifted when told, sliding underneath the blankets, and pulling a pillow to himself, snuggling down as he pulled the blankets up over his shoulder, prone to being cold. "Do we get junk food and lit wands as well?" he asked with a grin. "Ducking under the covers and talking about whatever the newest Wizarding Card, Quidditch game win or who the new Gobstone champion was?" Raleigh laughed and thought for a moment. "I don't think I've got any junk food, unfortunately," he said with a half frown, half grin. "But the rest we can surely manage. Or perhaps we can talk about other things..." Raleigh suggested, shifting a bit in the bed, turning to his side and propping his head up with his hand. He looked at Zach, wanting to tuck the stray hair behind the other's ear, but the held back. "Like what we're really going to do when all this is over," he said in a melancholy tone, thinking about the memories he had here as they all sort of randomly began flooding back. "Raleigh Weasley, not prepared for something? Some Head Boy you are," Zach teased easily with a grin as he rested his head on his pillow and looked up at Raleigh easily, eyes half closed, a lazy smirk curling the corners of his lips. He reached out and tugged Raleigh's arm, so the other man collapsed onto the bed before scooting forward so they were closer as he tugged the blankets overhead. He searched for his wand for a few moments before finding it and lighting up the small area between them. "Just like first year," he said with a half fond smile in memory before making a small thinking sound. "Well I am personally going to be taking up Mungo's on that lovely offer of a healer apprenticeship and probably move out," he said his tone neutral. He wasn't sure how to feel about it all. Part of him was excited, and the other part - not so much. "I thought we agreed we'd get an apartment together, be roommates?" he asked wondering if Raleigh was going to want to spend time with whoever this new person was. Raleigh's smile was warm and nostalgic when Zachary went on to set up their private quarters under the blankets with the glowing light of their wands illuminating their faces. He was grinning ear to ear for a few moments just realizing how long it had been since they had had a 'meeting' like this one. "Which you will do completely fabulously brilliantly in," Raleigh said with nothing but full confidence in his best mate. The smile sort of faded slightly as the conversation led to the topic of the shared apartment. "We did," Raleigh said and he still wanted that but he wasn't sure how that could work out with this other plan he had been mulling over. "Zachary," he began. "What if I don't want to work at the Ministry?" he posed the question thoughtfully and let it sit there for a moment before continuing. "What if I wanted to do something like...I don't know, just for example, what if I wanted to be a professor, like here at Hogwarts..." Raleigh said, lacking the normal amount of confidence his tone had. "Well I hope I do, you never know," he said chewing his bottom lip a little bit nervously. He still had to do his NEWT's and he didn't think he'd do badly on them, but there was always the chance he would completely fuck up. He dropped the apartment conversation as well, not sure it was something either of them wanted to talk about at this point in time. It was perhaps a touchy subject and Zach just didn't want to think about it. "Hm?" he asked at his name before chewing on his bottom lip absently and shrugged a shoulder. "Then do it, it's your life and your choice," he said easily shrugging a shoulder. "You should do something you like and say fuck you to the world." "Of course you will," Raleigh said encouragingly again. He thought the world of Zach and his abilities even before this revolution of feelings set in. "They'd be fools not to admit you. C'mon" Raleigh pointed out. He let his own admission out and wondered what Zach would say. Probably something about being practical and just going to the Ministry. So the there was a look of surprise on his face when he heard Zach told him to go for it. "Yeah?" Raleigh asked gaining a bit of confidence. "My dad will murder me," he pointed out. "You're dad wouldn't," he said before smirking slightly. "It's against the law anyway," he said with a chuckle as he closed his eyes with a little bit of a yawn, feeling relaxed, and he had missed this. It was nice. Just the two of them talking like they used t and he really did not want to stop. "You should do what you want to do Raleigh," he said softly, opening his eyes up. "Didn't you know my Dad wanted me to become an Auror?" he asked shaking his head slightly. Raleigh nodded. He did know that Zach's dad had expectations of him as well, but he wasn't sure if it was so overwhelming as the ones that came from his dad."Yeah, and did you guys talk about it?" Raleigh asked curiously. "Did you tell him that that's not what you wanted? Or did you just do everything to set yourself up to go into healing?" Raleigh asked curiously, not recalling that conversation between them yet. He gave a bitter laugh at Zach telling him that he should do what he wanted. "Yeah. Well...I wish it were that easy," he sighed. "In every aspect of life," he added staring at Zach intently, and biting at the inside of his lip. That thought really just made Raleigh go quiet. "Well I think he more or less got the point when I told him that whoever I fought would be able to snap me in half like a toothpick," he said with a chuckling, making fun of his size. "But yes, we sat down and I said I never had a knack for hurting people and preferred to heal them and after a bit of debate he didn't mind as much," he explained easily. "But yeah, I did have to set everything up myself, which I didn't really mind. I feel more accomplished and like I deserve it," he said nodding his head before shaking his head as he slipped closer, wrapping an arm around Raleigh's waist. "You'll be fine," he said nodding his head as he pressed a quick, completely innocent kiss to Raleigh's lips, wondering if he was still able to do even that - a reassuring kiss. Raleigh was glad to hear that it hadn't been that difficult for Zach. He hoped that if things were a little rockier than Zach would've told him but there were a lot of things that Zach had kept a secret from before, as Raleigh had found earlier. Raleigh was in a weird position. Yes he wanted to touch Zach and pull him in closer. He wanted to cross the line and make them something real and something official---some blurred reality between strictly being friend or lovers. But he didn't know if Zach wanted it and he didnt know if this was the right time since Zach wasn't so perceptive before. But the rustling of the sheets and Zach's arm sliding around Raleigh's waist seemed to indict he was moving closer and Raleigh didn't want to question it at all. Raleigh's hand moved back so he could lay it over Zach's, he slid his palm over Zach's skin down the other's arm and up to his shoulder slowly, like he was exploring that small stretch of Zach's body. Raleigh's head had tilted and he was watching his own hand move until Zach pressed the most innocent of kisses to his lips. And Zach's words were completely believable, beyond a doubt, in Raleigh's head, even if just in that moment. He opened his mouth ready to spill out every confession and admission of love he had for Zach but he was speechless and breathless and nothing came out. Zach kept his eyes closed and his face as blank as he could as he felt the hand run up and down his bare skin and it felt good, and he was comfortable like this - hidden from the world underneath the blankets with no one but his best friend and that was all he needed. He didn't need anything else really. He didn't have many friends because Raleigh was enough for him - he had everything he wanted as a friend from Raleigh and a bit more. If only he was able to get a bit more from the other man as he moved a little close, moving so he could rest his head in Raleigh's pillow. "Come on, let's sleep," he said with a smile, tugging the other man to get comfortable. This was exactly what Raleigh wanted. This feeling in his stomach, in his heart, was more than he thought a moment like this was going to feel like. This kind of intimacy when doing nothing with the right person felt better than anything else he could hope to do right now with anyone else in the world.Zach's closeness was intoxicating and he didn't care about pretenses or what he should do, only what he wanted. When Zachary laid his head on Raleigh's pillow, Raleigh's hand moved up to let the side of his finger trail down the other's cheek. He moved along Zach's jawline slowly for a few more seconds before his whole hand slipped into hair, curling fingers in the messy tendrils as hi eyelids closed. He wanted to stretch his leg out, wrap nnit around Zachary's body and pull him closer still but he shouldn't. And though he wished he could let go of the fear of rejection or of the potential disaster this could cause if Zach wasn't ready for this step, he just couldn't. So he didn't. He settled on letting his foot graze Zach's. And it was strange how huge all these minor touches seemed now when he had gone so much farther with Zach physical. Fuck, he was inside the other man yesterday. Raleigh's head dipped down lower. He had made it to Zach's lips though he stopped himself from letting his own press to Zach's. "Goodnight," he breathed softly, before backing off just enough. Zach could feel the hands moving over his cheek and jawline and he smiled slightly when the hand curled into his hair and he shifted closer, moving so his face was scane millimeters away from the other man, his wrist moving gently, fingers runing aong the soft skin of Raleigh's back and he yawned. It felt good to be so close, for the hand to be in his hair and he wanted to snuggle closer, but he knew Raleigh wouldn't want that. He wasn't whoever this other man, wasn't the person who had made Raleigh change and he wanted to be. But he wasn't. He was the best friend, and right now he was taking every single last moment of comfort he could from Raleigh because he knew in a day or two he wouldn't be able to do that anymore, wouldn't be able to hold him or sleep this close to him or anything. He wanted Raleigh to be happy and he would be damned if he caused any arguments between whoever Raleigh was seeing and Raleigh. He felt the foot graze his own and he opened his eyes, looking up with a half smile as he shifted the distance, in a soft kiss. "Night," he replied before settling back down and closing his eyes to begin to drift off. Raleigh really liked where this was going. He liked this side of Zach. And it was not only relaxing but comforting and warm and reassuring and just altogether....well, romantic? to lay here like this. But no no no. Raleigh couldn't let himself get carried away. He knew that zach did not see it the same way. Zach's intentions were platonic and besides how many times had he made it clear that he wouldn't be in a relationship with someone with habits like Raleigh's? So there was no use in getting excited oover this. Raleigh swallowed hard and whispered his goodnight to Zach. His eyes were closed as he drifted off. This was probably one of the better nights he had spent in this bed.