Jilleen Adel Simmons (absolutelysheba) wrote in kobols_legacies, @ 2008-05-07 20:08:00 |
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Current location: | Concord |
Entry tags: | (c) jilleen simmons, (l) concord, (n) judith hanover |
1st Session
There were no special arranged transports to taxi her from the Shangri-la to Concord, but there were regular flights to the botanical cruiser. Several flights in fact occurred daily between the huge resort liner and the agriculture ship. Jilleen was on one of these cargo runs that returned to Concord. The shuttle carried large black tanks of liquid waste in the shuttle's hold. The waste was to be converted and process into fertilizer pellets. It was not a bad flight, the cargo was out of site and the crew were pleasant.
Inside the large hanger bay of Concord, among other smaller ships that ferried food stuffs throughout the fleet, the shuttle pilot gave her directions on where to find the office of Dr. Judith Hanover. It was practically the farthest point of the ship,from the hanger deck and the distribution center. She had been on the Concord before on business, but she had never known that there was a psychotherapist aboard. Her name was on the list that was attached to her orders, among a few others. Dr. Hanover was highly recommended on the list and one that was available to see her.
Jilleen had come prepared for the botanical cruiser, not sure of what to expect, she wore practical civilian clothing with a jacket. In case the session involved some type of agriculture work. The long center corridor connected to all the biospheres on the ship. Pipes of different sizes hanged overhead leading in and out of access points to the growing areas along the way. Workers with pallets of harvested vegetables pulled them to staging areas, so they can later be sent to the packing house, and from there distributed to their final destinations. The Concord was one of the fleet's most valuable resources. It was so fortunate for the fleet to come across her on her way to a new mining settlement in the outer asteroid field of the Canceron system.
After the long journey, she finally came up to the access corridor numbered 12-C. Jilleen stepped on a plate set into the deck which opened the large hatch automatically. A momentary rush of warm air passed her from 12-C, as atmospheres equalized. She walked on through the hatchway. A half a minute later the warning bell went off as that hatch now behind her started to close automatically . She walked up the ramp to the biosphere's office suites.
The office had been deliberately chosen because of its location on the Concord. Dealing with war veterans meant that a serene place was required for therapy sessions, a place where the patient, or 'client', as some of the members of the profession called them, could relax and talk freely. Judith had even had her office specifically decorated to add to the peaceful feeling, lots of soft colors and comfortable furniture. Sitting behind her desk, she read over the file she'd been sent and made notes on a pad of paper.
"The client is Jilleen Simmons," she intoned, speaking for the benefit of the recorder set up on her desk top. "She was referred to me at the behest of Admiral Claudia Sinclair after an incident with a civilian pilot that led to the impounding of said civilian's craft. The civilian threatened legal action; so far no formal charges have been filed. The subject was due to attend therapy before this, but failed. Preliminary diagnosis, over-stress due to wartime conditions, possible clinical depression. More facts to come after the first session."
The brunette turned off the recorder and put it away in a drawer, then arranged some papers on her desk as she checked the time. If Captain Simmons decided to show up today, she was due any minute. There was a flag on this one, indicating that she should get in touch with Sinclair personally if the client didn't appear. Hanover sighed, shaking her head. Thank the gods she'd chosen the medical profession instead of enrolling at the Imperial Academy. She didn't envy anyone having to face combat with the Cylons.
Her intercom buzzed, and she tapped the button to listen to her receptionist say, "Captain Simmons is here to see you, Doctor Hanover." "Thank you, Doreen, buzz her on in, please."
"That's, Major Simmons," Jilleen corrected the receptionist. At least she had been a major yesterday, and as far as she knew she still was one, but she had not been in contact with anyone today from the Strike Group that would have told her otherwise. She smiled at the receptionist after the correction in an attempt to show she was not offended.
She walked into the office expecting something different; expecting it to be more sterile like the main corridor of the ship, but the office was more like a den one would find at someone's home. "Doctor Hanover, I'm Jilleen Simmons, Major" she added at the end for the brunette seating behind the desk.
"This is nice." She looked round the room for a moment. "Before the war, was it always like this?" She might as well ask the first question, as nervous as she began to feel as she watched the doctor, who might or might not find her mentally sound.
"No, actually, I had it changed on purpose after the Colonies were destroyed and I started dealing with service people." Hanover took off her heavy-framed glasses and looked at them under the overhead lights, then cleaned them briefly before putting them back on. "Please, take a seat. Would you like some refreshments? I have water and juice."
"Juice, please." replied Jilleen.
She waited while the other woman took the chair nearest to the desk, organizing her thoughts and studying Major Simmons' body language. "Sorry about the mistake with your rank," she offered. "Communications between this office and the Fleet often leaves something to be desired. I understand you've had quite the career."
The therapist steeple her fingers together beneath her chin, her elbows coming to rest on the wooden surface of the desk top. "Do you resent being here, Major Simmons?"
Jilleen had not been sure if she should take the chair opposite the desk or take a seat at the couch, but settled for the chair. "Yes, I do." She shifted in the chair a bit to get comfortable. "Nothing against you, but I rather not discuss my feelings with a complete stranger." She tucked away her hair behind her left ear. "But if I have no choice in the matter. I rather you address me as Jill or Jilleen, Doctor Hanover." As she knew it from reading books and watching dramas played out in films, this was part of the routine.
"Mmm. I only asked because you blew off your last session without so much as a note. Admiral Sinclair seems to have taken a personal interest in your case. Are the two of you what you would consider friends as well as work colleagues?"
It was typical for her patients to be reticent at first, especially if they were resistant to the very idea of therapy. "And I'll call you whatever makes you feel most comfortable," Hanover continued, getting up and going to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher on a nearby table. A second glass was filled with fruit juice for the other woman, and then handed off with a nod. "If you already hate being here, there's no point in making it even more unpleasant."
She re-seated herself, setting the water glass aside carefully. "So," she began, looking at Jilleen across the desk, "why don't you start by telling me about this incident, Jill?"
"Its not that I hate being here, I mean I don't, it’s just..." she look at the glass of fruit juice and then took a sip to collect her thoughts.
"I like this. I suppose you can't have it any fresher than this." She took another sip and then placed the glass back on a coaster on the desk.
"Ah..." she was expecting something about her childhood or something in her past, but not about something so recent. "I had lost my cool. I don't know, acted unprofessionally in front of others. What do you think?" Again she asked a question, to seek a direction from the doctor.
"Well, I don't know what I think yet."
The response was given calmly, and Hanover tucked some hair behind her left ear as she regarded the other woman. "Is that the first time that's happened, that you 'lost your cool' with a civilian?" She looked down at the notes she'd made, lifted her gaze again. "Are you acquainted with Ms. Jereldsen outside of your duties? I understand there were some accusations about smuggling. Did you have reason to believe they were correct?"
While the doctor had made no solid diagnosis yet, paranoia was common among those who had been subjected to combat for a long time. "Having a non-military ship impounded is an extreme step without evidence. And I think the possibility of abuse of power is what Admiral Sinclair is most concerned about. Has that happened before?"
Jilleen began to grow angry with the last line of questioning. "I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with anything? Is this an investigation of what occurred yesterday? You know, I'm not the first person to have ever had a...disagreement with a civilian. What is it that you want to accuse me of?" She looked over at the pieces of paper in the file before the therapist. "What else does it say in there?" She pointed at the file.
Great, now I am loosing my cool with the shrink, she thought to herself. Jilleen backed off, and then crossed her arms that indicated with body language that she had become defensive.
The slight pause before the word 'disagreement' didn't escape the therapist's attention, and she made a thoughtful sound before speaking. "I'm not accusing you of anything, Jill," she said evenly. "And no, I'm not an investigator of anything except what's going on with you. On the inside." She tapped the side of her head with her index finger, took another drink of water. "Seems important to hear as much as I can about what the uproar is all about before I make a decision."
She waited, letting the silence hang between them for a few moments before breaking it. When she finally spoke again, she said, "Its not me you're angry at, I don't think. It can't be, since we've just met. Would you like to talk about who you are angry at?"
Decision? she thought to herself, that word made her afraid of the consequence of a negative decision, what ever that may be. Her expressed concern wore on her face as she remained silent watching the doctor before she asked her last question.
"No, I suppose I'm not really angry with you." Jilleen uncrossed her arms and reached for her glass, but only held in her hand. Her eyes looked down into the glass, thinking about the question. "Angry?" she sighed and then looked off to the side. "Yeah, I'm angry." She nodded without looking at the doctor. "I'm angry at the Cylon...maybe?"
Her eyes returned to gaze toward the doctor, then drifted again looking beyond her while she slowly shook her head. "I don't know." she said as she felt the blood heat and flush her cheeks. Random pictures flashed in her mind of the destruction she had seen, the things she had been forced to do, the faces of the people she had loved and were dead. Her eyes narrowed and glaze unfocused.
"Why 'maybe'?" Hanover asked. "I think we're all pretty angry at the Cylons, it’s a natural reaction to have. I've never faced combat, so I can't imagine what its like for you. Were you in the military before the attacks?"
It was an important question to ask. So much had changed between then and now that it was almost as if the world they used to live in never existed at all. If Jill had been used to much different conditions before the fall of the Colonies, that might explain some of her current situation.
"Is there a personal connection between you and Ms. Jereldsen?" she asked for the second time, because the question had been brushed aside before and it seemed like it might matter. "I ask because I know that relations often become strained between military personnel and civilians during times like these, even if friendships exist outside of work."
Her eyes focused back on doctor as she spoke. Jilleen nodded to her question about being in the military before the attack. Again the question about Ms. Jereldsen did not set will with her, but she allowed her to explain before she answered. "No, there isn't a direct connection between me and Ms. Jereldsen. I don't know her, other than she has a twin sister, and one my friends is seeing her," She then added. "Romantically."
She relaxed against the soft leather chair and then took a sip from her glass. Some how the doctor made it easy to speak even though she was a complete stranger to her. The doctor was not part of her social circle, and the Concord was rarely visited by people she knew, so the likelihood of what she said here would be totally confidential.
"Ah. I see." Hanover sat back in her chair a little and pondered that, resting her elbows of the arms of her chair. "Would you like to talk about that? This friend of yours and their new relationship?"
"Not really," she weakly protested, but she was not here to be difficult with the shrink. "But hey, that is why I am here, right?"
Jilleen finished the juice in her glass and placed it back on the coaster. "I don't approve of it," she admitted. "After yesterday, I don't think me and her will ever like each other. And you know?" She paused with her hand up into the air. "I don't care." she then shrugged. "It's not going to last anyway. She's not really his type. He has more class than that. Well at least he does now.” She thought about that for a moment. Ironically, she did not approve of him dating her closest friend at the beginning, up until he proposed to Bridget.
"She's a common merchant pilot. And on top of that she's isn't at all stable, if you know what I mean. Well, of course, you would, you're a head doctor." She smirked for the first time while she had been in the office.
"And yet, you're the one who's here," Hanover replied, not unkindly. "Therapy doesn't carry quite the stigma it used to, but I can see why you'd have a problem with being in this office. " Her shoulders went up and down in a shrug of acceptance, and she sat forward, the springs of her chair creaking a little.
"I'm interested in the strong reaction you're having to your friend's new circumstances," she continued, adjusting her glasses. "You mentioned 'approval', as if that was something they sought out from you in the past. Has your relationship with this other person changed over time, and perhaps you're feeling as if things should return to the way they were? Before the attacks, even?"
The doctor paused, her head tipping to the side. "Perhaps you feel as if they're moving on without you to some extent? Leaving you behind or forgetting the past because of this new event that's taking place? Were you and this person always very close, at least up until now?"
Jilleen began to feel uncomfortable again in the chair as Hanover confronted her with those questions.
"Jake and I have always been close. I've known him since us where in the same class at the academy. He dated my dearest friend almost the entire time he was cadet, and eventually married Bridget. Yeah, of course we are close. He is practically my brother in law.” She shifted her weight in the soft chair. "I think we are still close, me and him."
She took a moment to think about the other questions she had asked. "I think I should...yeah, I should able to approve or not."
She lean in. "He can't just move on like that, no." She raised her voice a notch. "Hey, we are talking about my closest friend here. She's not some object to discard." Her hand up near her heart. "It's too painful. I can't just go and move on like that. I don't want to..." She stopped, and took in a breath, her eyes started to water. "I don't want to!" She insisted.
Hanover was making notes in her own particular shorthand, wondering if she shouldn't try for a follow-up with this other person, this Jake. There was a box of tissues next to her desk blotter, and when she was through writing she handed a few to Jill, walking around the corner of her desk to give them to the other woman.
"Well, that's what we're here to work out," she said to the major, moving back near her desk. She had seen every stage of grief there was in the three years since the Cylon attack, and it was different every time. Some cried, some shouted, some merely sat there like statues. It always changed with every case, though.
Jilleen took the tissues to wipe the tears and to clear her nose. She looked back up at the psychotherapist. "Can't we just work on something else?" she begged. "Because I can't deal with that, I just can't."
"Maybe its time you did."
The therapist's voice was still kind, but there was more than a hint of determination in her tone as well. Healing minds was just as important as healing bodies, in her opinion, and it was clear that whatever wounds the other woman bore, they had been left to fester for some time. She lowered her weight back into her chair to give Jill space, folding her hands on top of her blotter.
"I'm obviously not suggesting it's going to be easy," she said honestly. "And I'm not saying you won't find it embarrassing to discuss personal matters with a stranger. But if this is affecting your work now, it isn't going to get any better. Think of it this way, what happens if you don't work on it now?"
Jilleen placed her hand on her forehead to support her head as she considered the doctor words. It was not just a matter of the thoughts in her head, but she felt it deep inside her heart. "I can't do it, not now. I am unable to bear it." She said with a mix of sadness and fear. "It’s not at all simple. I can't abandon her, like all the rest. She'll... I can never forgive myself." She looked up at the woman opposite her and wondered how the doctor was able bring up such pain to the surface so fast. It was cruel, she thought.
"Well, we have plenty of time. This is only your first session, we can work on things one piece at the time. Besides, your time's almost up for today anyway. Its better to space things out, it gives the patient time to breathe and get their bearings." She gestured at the empty glass. "Would you like some more juice before you leave?"
She would have to get in touch with someone on Avalon once she knew more, see about talking to this Jake person. Whatever his relationship with Jill actually was, it was clear that there had been strain he might not have known about. If it would help the other woman in her recovery, his input might be helpful.
Hanover pulled some more tissues out of the box and handed them to the major. This was going to be a long piece of work.
Jilleen looked over at her glass and then wiped at the tears with another tissue. "Yes, please." She was not in a rush to leave, the next cargo shuttle scheduled to leave for the Shangri-la was not for another hour. She would probably take her time returning to the passenger terminal.
Hanover picked up the glass and carried it over to the pitcher, then refilled it with juice. "You can sit here for a while and collect yourself. The shuttles always run late. Someone will call when your transport arrives."
She handed the new drink to the other woman, went to re-take her chair. "The first session's usually the hardest," she said, taking off her glasses again to fold them up and put them aside. "Not that it's 'fun', but it does get easier. You just have to give it time."
Jilleen began to recover from her emotional distress of the last few minutes. The idea of more sessions like this one was not very encouraging. If this was only the beginning she feared it could only get worst, before it would get better. "Thank you." She sat back and took her time with her drink of fruit juice, while Dr. Hanover attended to something else. She did not plan to stay much longer. She preferred to wait at the passenger’s lounge for the next shuttle.
(npc) Dr. Judith Hanover is written by stargazer.