log; dick grayson and jason todd who: Dick Grayson and Jason Todd (DC AU) what: It’s about time both brothers stopped blaming themselves so much. where: Dick’s hospital room when: The day after Barbara Gordon’s arrival warnings: character injury, sad feels, self-recrimination, depression, probable mention of past character death and near character death status: complete
It had been an accident. Jason had meant to spend the day in his apartment, reading Dickinson. Damn Bruce anyway for putting that idea in his head. Stupid video. And stupid Bruce for being sentimental. Jason had ventured into the kitchen for some tea to go with his book, only to discover that he was out. “Screw it,” he’d muttered, and thrown on some boots, a worn t-shirt, and his old Wonder Woman hoodie from home. “Ace, come.”
Before Jason realized what he was doing, their path strayed from the street to the market. His disappointment about the tea sank into something worse, until he pulled up his hood and hunched his shoulders like the frightened orphan he’d been so many years ago. Ace nudged him, gently, at a corner. Jason turned. The medical building stood in front of him, and it felt, oddly enough, safe. He’d fallen asleep there just the day before, in the hallway outside of Dick’s room, after Barbara had needed someone to help her get around Knowhere. This time, he walked right in without even thinking about it, pulled a chair close to Dick’s bed, and curled up in it as small as he could get despite his bulk. Ace sat at his feet and whined softly.
--
He’d been sleeping, something he had been doing a lot of for the past few days. That morning he had asked -using a tone he’d heard Bruce use before- that his morphine dosage be lowered considerably. As such he felt far less light headed. Yes, it hurt, but he could cope with pain pretty well, and he didn't enjoy being hopped up on meds.
Even in sleep, Dick, like all of the bats, was alert enough to know he wasn't alone, the sound of Jason moving furniture confirmed the fact and the eldest Robin stirred towards wakefulness. Shifting slightly toward the noise, he opened his eyes after Ace whined, carefully looking over his brother before speaking.
“Hey, Jaybird.” A smile followed the greeting, though he worried how closed off his brother's body language was.
--
Of course Dick would notice him. The staff would have to have drugged the idiot way more than was healthy for him to miss Jason’s arrival. Dick was the best of them, after all. Ace yipped happily and put his paws up on Dick’s bed so he could lick the first Robin. Jason’s greeting was less enthusiastic.
“Hey,” he muttered, his face hidden against his knees. He wasn’t sure what he’d meant to do here. Hide, mostly, he decided, from that unpredictable feeling of panic that he’d sometimes get out in the open when he was this low.
--
“Hello, Ace,” a chuckle followed the enthusiastic puppy kisses and he scratched behind the shepherd’s ears. Once Ace settled, Dick's attention went back to Jason, and a frown furrowed his brow. He never claimed to be a psychologist, but he could tell when a person was struggling.
“Something happen, Littlewing?” Dick knew Jason was upset still over what had happened as he would naturally be after the week he’d been dealt. To make things worse, half of their family had vanished again. Although now they had Barbara there, and from what he could gather the day before, Babs had arrived the usual way. “You don't have to answer that, but I'm here, okay.”
--
“Ran out of tea.” It was a nonsensical thing to say, Jason noted to himself. Running out of tea was only a disaster if you were Alfred and clinging tightly to your last, frayed thread of patience with Bruce freaking Wayne. Jason had been upset he’d run out, but only in the usual, “This sucks,” sort of way. He’d felt well enough to go out and get some when he’d left the apartment. It was only after he’d gotten out of sight of the building that the anxiety had struck.
--
Tea. So Jason had gone to the Market. Too many people. Too far from his sanctuary. Needed refuge, and came here. It made sense and Dick felt glad that his brother still felt he could come to him and be safe. “That's the worst. We should do an earth run.”
Buying tea wasn't the answer to all of their problems, but it would be a start. Maybe a change in scenery would help too. Though realistically he knew the ‘we’ wouldn't include him. Passport travel wasn't appealing in his current state.
--
Jason immediately shook his head. “It’s fine. We don’t need to go anywhere. You shouldn’t be going anywhere.” His voice was still muffled against his knees. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Dick. The doctors said his brother should be fine, but Jason had put him here, with a knife could that could easily have killed him. He’d have beaten him to death if Tim and Bruce hadn’t shown up, and he’d turned that same anger and helpless rage on the two of them. It was damn lucky that Batman was still better than any of his proteges.
“I’ve got a working water faucet. Don’t actually need more than that, right?” He was deflecting. Jason didn’t want to talk about what was really bothering him, not yet. Maybe not ever.
--
“Take Tim, get him away from work for a while.” Dick didn't expect his second youngest brother to take much time off, despite his injuries. Look up workaholic in the dictionary and you’d probably find a picture of Tim. “I'm not going anywhere for at least another day, don't worry Mom.” He teased lightly, trying to be as normal as was possible considering the situation.
“True, you can have your fill of water.” Dick smiled again, even though Jason wouldn't be able to see him. He wished Jay would just lift his head so he could see his eyes, “did Tim leave a boot print?”
--
The question startled a laugh out of Jason. It wasn’t much of one, but it was something. Jason tightened his arms around his knees, as though bracing himself. Just barely, he lifted his head to look at Dick. His wince at how crappy Dick looked, even awake, was hidden behind the shadow of his hood and his knees, but the bruising around his eye and along the line of his cheek wasn’t. Tim had gotten a good hit in. The last few days had given the injury time to go through a few color changes. Jason had ignored it, though someone had clearly gone to the effort to put some ice on and reduce the swelling at the beginning. Probably Alfred he’d thought, though after Bruce’s video, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Tim’s an idiot,” Jason told Dick. “He’d probably go rock climbing right now if he thought it would help.”
--
“Wow, that's a good one.” Dick leaned closer, taking in the colour and depth of the bruising. It had been iced, which was good. But clearly Jason hadn't bothered with it since. His brother was lucky he hadn't cracked his cheekbone or eye socket. “Anything else hurt? Someone patched you up, right?”
A noise of agreement followed Jason's statement, Tim was a bit of an idiot at times, but weren't they all? “Barbara will have words, I'm sure.”
--
“Alfred, probably. Don’t remember.” Jason had been pretty out of it after the fight. He had foggy memories of the butler and of Bruce coming and going in the day after they’d taken him down. They’d probably had to give him something to keep him from trying to kill Bruce or bolt. “You shouldn’t worry about it. Got what I deserved.” His leg hurt. His throat had been sore for a few days, and the various bruises hidden under his clothes still ached. None of it was going to kill him, though, so he let it be.
“It’s nice to have Babs here,” he remarked. “Need someone to keep an eye on you two.” Someone who wasn’t Jason, because he clearly was not cut out for the job.
--
“Jay… if you think like that then I got what I deserved too. We've both made mistakes, but we're both still here. What I said to you when you were little still stands. You will always be my brother, if you still want me to be yours.” Dick could only hope that his words would be enough to get through to Jason. To stop him punishing himself for everything that had happened. If they didn't then there was something on his tablet he could try. So long as the photos were still there and weren't another hallucination.
“That's exactly what I was thinking,” Dick mused, a little smile on his face. “Someone to keep an eye on my little red birds while I'm off duty.”
--
Jason jumped to his feet as though someone had thrown Joker venom at him. “You didn't deserve that,” he spat, gesturing to where he’d stabbed Dick. “I don't want you dead. I never did! Not really.” As quickly as it had sparked, his outrage flickered and died. The second Robin sank down on the side of the first’s bed and dragged his hand over his face.
“I was mad. I wanted someone else to hurt, and I wanted everything to just stop, but it all got jumbled up. I don't know what was me and what was the rest of it.” He settled his gaze on Dick, looking worn out and resigned.
“It shouldn't be you asking me if you can still be my brother.”
--
He hadn’t expected the outburst, but immediately regretted his words; he should have known they would upset Jason. Just another moment of stupidity to add to his list. The fury dissipated quickly, which was a relief, and as Jason perched on the bed, Dick reached out and took hold of his hand; squeezing it gently. “I know you didn’t. Or didn’t really.”
Letting his brother speak, he listened quietly, noting the tone of his voice as well as taking in the words. Jason was still hurting, and he was tired of feeling that way. “You’re stuck with me, Jaybird.”
Glancing from his brother to the tablet that lay on the bedside cabinet, he chewed his lip, wondering if it would help. “Jay, you should take a look at something.”
--
Dick’s gesture wasn’t returned, but it wasn’t shrugged off, either. When it came to Jason, any acceptance of physical contact meant a lot. He remembered how welcome that hug from his older brother had been after he’d turned back into an eleven-year-old and barricaded himself in an empty apartment, thinking he’d been kidnapped. Better enjoy the memory while it lasts, he’d told himself after he’d returned from his wander down Arkham Memory Lane. You won’t be making any new ones like that.
Yet here was Dick, the idiot, insisting that Jason stick around. Just like Tim. Just like Alfred and Bruce. What a bunch of suckers. Jason would have to be the one to leave, if he could just find the energy to do it. The more Dick, and everyone really, talked, the harder it became to open up more distance.
“If you want me to watch a video of you making out with Superman, I’m leaving,” Jason joked at Dick’s suggestion, without much enthusiasm. Maybe he could still get away, before they strayed any deeper into “feelings” territory than they had already.
--
“Heck no, that’s for my eyes only. Lois would kill me if it was ever found.” Dick laughed, managing to ignore the twinge in his side at the action, and reached for the tablet with his free hand. Reluctant to let go of his brother, he fiddled with the device one handed, finally getting it unlocked and selecting the album of photographs which had been gifted to him during that crazy week.
The photos were of the small boy Dick had seen visions of, his son. Black haired and blue eyed, there was no doubt he was a Grayson and the scrapbook that had appeared in Dick’s apartment held many photos of the child and his family, along with his name, John. There was even a photo of Bruce with his grandchild. But the picture Dick selected first was of himself and Jason, Jay holding a baby John, while the little one stared up at him transfixed by his flash of white hair, one tiny hand trying to grab it.
“Don’t you dare think about skipping out on us, Jaybird.” He commented, as if reading his brother’s mind, and offered the tablet to him. “You’ll have a nephew some day who’s going to need you when his Dad’s off being an idiot.”
--
“What?” Jason’s tone couldn’t get any flatter. He stared at Dick. Had the morphine gone to his head? Maybe Jason had given him a concussion. Only someone would have noticed that by now and mentioned it. So what in the world had gotten into him?
The tablet felt like a trap. Jason entertained a momentary thought of bolting right then and there. He could avoid whatever it was Dick thought he should see. There’d be one less hook sunk in him by the odd collection Bruce Wayne had built into a family. The Outlaws weren’t here, but he could run somewhere else. Maybe be alone for a while. Forget this nonsense about staying and a nephew whose heart was undoubtedly going to get broken some day by the crazy life the family led.
Instead, he accepted the device, handling it one-handed with all the awkward care of first-time parent holding a newborn. Jason doubted he’d ever be a father, but an uncle …
The kid was cute. Definitely Dick’s. They’d probably lose him in the mob of black-haired, blue-eyed foundlings who populated Wayne Manor. Dick looked happier than Jason could remember ever seeing him, and Jason himself was smiling in a way that looked as foreign as he imagined it would feel. Not entirely at peace, but content, and clearly comfortable with the child in his arms. “What the hell?”
--
The flatness if Jason's tone made his heart sink. He hadn't seen his brother this low for years. Jaybird had been doing so well, especially when guiding Damian through his resurrection. Offering support that none of the other Robins could. He shifted his grip on Jason's hand, tangling their fingers together, as if somehow that extra contact would stop the younger man from leaving.
Watching as his brother hesitated over the tablet, he subconsciously held his breath, willing Jason to take a look. A relieved smile came to his face when Jay finally did and a little shake of his head followed the question.
“I can't explain. I… saw him, here on Knowhere. But it was like I was watching a real life home movie or something.” He frowned, struggling for the right way to explain. “Visions, you could call them. Like I was hit with happy fear toxin. I must have wished to know more because when I woke up the day before Tim's birthday I had a scrapbook full of pictures, notes and random drawings by my bed.”
His free hand rubbed across his face, pushing up into his hair as he tugged at black locks. “His name is John. Barbara is his Mom.”
--
Jason laughed a little, and it was like he was trying to learn how again. “Happy fear toxin? Christ, Dick.” He shook his head at the older man, but allowed Dick to shift his hold, even edged over on the bed so it wouldn’t be so awkward to hold the conversation and look at the tablet. The movement brought him close enough that Dick could easily swipe through the files on the tablet himself if he wanted to.
“You and Babs have a kid.” Jason side-eyed Dick and raised an eyebrow. “This mean you’re on again? Because if you are, I’d like a warning before I start letting myself in through your windows.”
One lousy picture shouldn’t be enough to do this, he thought, even as he spoke. It shouldn’t be enough to flip that elusive switch in his brain that determined whether he was in the hole or crawling out of it.
--
Dick chuckled at Jason's amusement over his word choice. He knew it wasn't the best, but that's the only way he could describe it. The visions had been so vivid. Especially the one when he’d woken up to see Babs laying beside him. Reaching over he swiped across to the picture of a slightly older John being held up in the air by Jay. Again Dick was in the photograph too wearing a rather fetching hat, he thought and his hair had grown out to the length Jason usually threatened with a wing-ding.
“Yeah, we do,” another smile came to his face, though this time there was a wistful quality to it. “We were off again when I'm from. So no need to worry on that score.”
Dick was pleased that the photos were helping, though he would have been willing to try anything to get his brother back from the dark place he’d fallen into. “I just don't know how far into our future this is.”
--
“You look like a hobo.” Jason held the tablet further out as though that would help him get a better look at Dick’s terrible fashion choices. “Someone else must be dressing the kid.” He could see it, now, the small signs that his apparent future nephew was the spawn of Batgirl and Nightwing. Alfred was going to have a heart attack at the sight of a toddler sliding down staircase rails and swinging off of anything he could reach. Jason had no doubt that any child of Babs and Dick’s would be into every source of trouble he could find.
“Does Babs know about this?” It seemed important that she did, and that Jason should find out about it first if she didn’t. Who else had Dick told? Tim? Damian? Maybe Bruce or Alfred?
In a moment of epiphany, Jason shifted to more fully face Dick. “When you came to keep an eye on me when I was a kid, this is what kept distracting you, isn’t it? I remember you looking off into space sometimes. I was worried about it at first, but you seemed like everything was fine, so I thought whatever was going on must be okay.”
--
A snort of laughter followed the typically Jay comment, “ever the charmer.” Dick closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a wave of relief. Not only that Jason was coming back to him, but that he could talk to someone finally about what he had seen. There was no doubt in his mind that the pictures were real and not clever fakes. Purely because outside of the Manor, photographs of their family acting naturally just didn't exist. They were media photographs, where every single one of them was wearing a costume to fit into Gotham’s socialite scene.
“No. I haven't told anyone.” Blue eyes stared up at Jason, caution in their depths. “I didn't know if this was real. But now I think I believe.” He hesitated, lower lip worried by teeth for a moment. “Do you think I should tell her, and Tim?”
I really didn't surprise Dick to find out Jason had noticed his daydreams. He always was incredibly observant. “Never can hide anything from you, can I? Yeah, it is. I just thought I was tired. Sorry if I spooked you.”
--
“I was eleven and woke up in an apartment in space. Pretty sure you getting all daydreamy was the least of my problems then.” Bruce had pulled Jason aside and talked to him, once he and Alfred had been in Knowhere long enough to get the lay of the land. He’d reassured Jason that Dick was fine. Maybe Bruce had been lying for Jason’s sake, but it had worked. Somehow, Jason couldn’t fault the old man for that particular fiction. He’d needed his dad back then more than he’d needed the truth.
“You should tell her. Babs. And Tim. It’s not fair if I know and they don’t,” Jason said, handing Dick the tablet. “It’s her kid, and Tim’s going to be the weird uncle.” What would Damian think, he wondered. Would the Batbrat be more accepting of a new addition if that new addition were Dick’s son?
“Just maybe make it clear to Babs that you don’t expect anything from her. I don’t have a freaking clue how your relationship works. Stopped trying to figure it out when I was twelve.”
-- “True,” Jason had taken the situation pretty well, Dick thought. One he’d caught up with his little brother. Especially when he’d had the addition of two new siblings to deal with a few years too early. Of course Bruce and Alfred showing up had been a great help, and there was a part of Dick that wished the two of them were still around, and Damian.
Taking the tablet back, he set it to standby and tucked it under his pillow out of habit. When he was younger it had been books that were stowed there, as Nightwing it was always a weapon - just in case. “Yeah, I will, when I’m out.” He didn’t plan on staying in Medical much longer, he felt like he was taking up a bed that someone else could need more, and that didn’t sit right with him.
“I don’t entirely know how it works either,” Dick admitted, a look of amusement on his face. He and Barbara never seemed to settle for long, but obviously something changes in the future. Something that brings them together and keeps them that way. No doubt to the relief of Bruce and Jim. “I must figure it out though. But I will make sure she knows I don’t expect anything to happen here. Knowhere isn’t exactly a baby friendly environment.”
He stifled a yawn, fingers twitching tighter around Jason’s momentarily. “Have you been sleeping?”
--
Jason narrowed his eyes a the “when I’m out.” He’d wager everything he owned that Dick was going to bolt sooner than the doctors would like. It was what Bats did. They could all blame Bruce for being a bad role model, but the truth was that none of them were good at sitting still, perhaps Dick least of all. Jason resigned himself then and there to having to babysit his big brother. Might as well save the fight for keeping Dick in one piece at home instead of forcing him to stay in bed in the med center when he sure as well wasn’t going to.
“Things change between you two, figure out a system for telling the rest of us to stay out.” Because locks never stopped any of their family, except Alfred, who Jason suspected only left them alone out of respect for their meaning, not because he couldn’t get through them in an instant if he so chose.
Dick’s yawn set off one of Jason’s own. He attempted to hide it, and failed spectacularly. Ace lifted his head from where he’d been resting it on the floor, and whined inquisitively. About to lie in response to Dick’s question, Jason found himself unable to pull it off with their dog staring expectantly up at him. “Depends on the day,” he admitted. “Doze off a lot, but it never really feels like sleep.”
--
He could feel the look he was being given by Jason at his choice of phrase, but they both knew that it was his nature to want to be up and about long before he was supposed to. It was in all their natures. Much to Alfred’s dismay. No doubt his younger brothers would be ‘checking up’ on him at any given moment once he was back in his own apartment. Not that he could blame them, when the roles were reversed he did exactly the same thing.
“I’ll hang something on the door, or make sure the drapes are actually closed.”
Silently thanking Ace for choosing that moment to lift his head, Dick knew that he’d likely get an honest answer out of Jason while their Bathound was watching. “You can try and catch some sleep now?”
The eldest Robin shifted over on the bed, making enough room for Jason to lay down if he wanted. Dick wasn’t about to push anything, but he knew his brother needed rest, and maybe reassurance that there was somebody else in the world too.
--
Much as Jason wanted to refuse, he found that he didn’t want to leave. That feeling of safety he’d unconsciously sought made the idea of passing up his brother’s offer more than he could stomach. The broken little boy in him wanted a big brother. He wanted someone to hold the world at bay, because without that, he couldn’t properly rest. It was too lonely, too dangerous, without a guard nearby.
Jason toed off his shoes. They fell with a thump on the floor. The hospital bed was nowhere near as large as the beds in the manor, but Jason somehow managed to fit his bulk into the space beside his brother. He lay on his side, facing away from Dick, on top of the covers. “Half an hour,” he warned. “Then I’m gone.” Another yawn overcame him, and he tucked his head into the crook of his elbow for a pillow.
Ace, satisfied that both of his human’s currently present were settled for the time being, shoved his nose into one of Jason’s shoes, drew a deep breath, and sighed in contentment. In the bed, Jason fell asleep at almost the same time as his dog. He was so exhausted he didn’t even notice closing his eyes.