[noah closes his eyes, but he stops himself when she lifts her hands up like that. and he swallows thickly before he opens his eyes again to look at her hands. he has always hated his immune system, hated his body. ever since he could remember. when he was a kid, people would look at him a certain way like they thought it might be one of the last times they ever saw him. because the doctors were certain he only had a certain amount of years, and he proved them wrong again and again.]
I don't want to die. [his voice is quiet, strained almost.] Everyone thought I would for so long. You remember when you're that age. They'll get one thing in their head about you and that's that.
[he remembers because people used to look at rachel that way about how she was the-- the girl who lost her father when she young like they'd look at him as the kid who was going to die young. tragic they'd say to themselves, and it was tragic, but. together they weren't only those things, they were more. and he didn't.] I wasn't thinking when I talked about falling. I couldn't think straight at all. But I never wanted to die, and I never would have... wanted to go back into that body and I don't want to destroy this one either.