What, I ain't got the look of a tour guide? [He pauses, squaring his shoulders in a sort of official-looking way.] Please, ladies and gentlemen, on the left you will witness the sight of a true model of an inspector. Please note the formal suit cut to form, as well as the charming smile that is present not nearly often enough!
[... that's as far as he gets, before he's grinning so much he can't continue.]